Open Letter: Dear Femme

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by blush

But isn't that part of the perception of high femme? As the "ultimate" of girly?

Honestly? Not for me. High femme, to me, is ultra-sophisticated. She is the NYC kind of woman who is always put together. Girly is different. Girly, again for me, is a bit...a bit Donna Reed, maybe?

Poor Donna Reed...all she ever did was play a part.

Originally Posted by blush

I hear where you're coming from on the comparing your femme self to other femmes. It feels patronizing to me to tell you "Oh, but YOU are an amazing femme!" You already know this about yourself.

Heck honey, I know I'm amazing on my good days. But there are many days still when I fight that battle. And I think, smile, I think it's okay to patronize me in that way. Hee.

But seriously, I think sometimes I DO have a victim/poor-me that whines and wants to know that I'm liked. I've been doing some work on that voice of myself. It's not an authentic voice for me. I don't want to be rescued and when I put that energy out there, that's what happens.

So thank you.

[blush]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Honestly? Not for me. High femme, to me, is ultra-sophisticated. She is the NYC kind of woman who is always put together. Girly is different. Girly, again for me, is a bit...a bit Donna Reed, maybe?

Poor Donna Reed...all she ever did was play a part.

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Heck honey, I know I'm amazing on my good days. But there are many days still when I fight that battle. And I think, smile, I think it's okay to patronize me in that way. Hee.

But seriously, I think sometimes I DO have a victim/poor-me that whines and wants to know that I'm liked. I've been doing some work on that voice of myself. It's not an authentic voice for me. I don't want to be rescued and when I put that energy out there, that's what happens.

So thank you.
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I hear you on the Donna Reed. I think what I meant was is "high" femme an aspiration we all secretly have? Do we perceive it to be the pinnacle of femme?

On the flip side of the high femme, I've also heard a lot of shit from femmes and trans/butches about high femmes. That they are stupid, "too much work," ALWAYS submissive, ALWAYS stone, and on and on...

[Deborah]

Originally Posted by blush

On the flip side of the high femme, I've also heard a lot of shit from femmes and trans/butches about high femmes. That they are stupid, "too much work," ALWAYS submissive, ALWAYS stone, and on and on...

Oh my I know this is old but I just have to say what a crock.....stupid, submissive, ALWAYS anything....too much work for someone not use to a femme with a mind of their own....thats what I have to say to those people...pfft

[cara]

I've been told my entire life to "act like a lady." When I was younger and playing rugby, an older male told me getting hurt was what I got for trying to play a man's sport. I was too shocked to retort by saying that I didn't get hurt playing rugby but that it was actually an injury from playing volleyball at the company picnic. *eyeroll* I've heard this mysoginistic stuff from my dad, from men trying to pick me up, from butches and even people in the leather community. I've heard it so much that, like Arwen, I have to fight that internal processing so hard ever day. It has been a struggle to figure out who I am and find my own voice. What I want is to be seen, heard, understood and accepted as a person not a gender or gender stereotype. I agree with Bit that our community has evolved a lot over the past several years. I am curious to see what it will look like in another 7 years.

~cara