It Hurts Me.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

I realize the South has a lot of issues... everywhere does. And I realize that some Southern Manners are actually quite rude (eg, "Well, bless your heart"). I know that if you study history they are probably somehow rooted in oppression. If you're honest, most social graces are.

But, I DO find it endearing. And I'm also a bit tired of the bashing of manners. (If you can't find enough examples here, see the Old Fashioned thread.) I'm not saying everyone has to use them, but they get you some definite brownie points with me!

I use my manners for everyone. I will hold a door open for any person behind me. I forget sometimes to let the butches that like to open doors do it. And I appreciate a butch who does the same. If your manners are only for me, they're not worth much.

Let me amend this a bit: I hate it when someone calls me some pet name if I don't know them. So perhaps that's where the disconnect is in this conversation. Jess refers to calling women he knows Miss, not strangers on the street. Unless I'm mistaken.

IMO, it is logical to realize the way we are brought up in our own culture/area in many ways "shapes" how we communicate with others. Or actually, it is our base line. A base line to grow from, a base line to evolve from and hopefully always in the right directions. The South, just like all other parts of the world, have traditions of language. Manners were not born here and they are no better down here than anywhere else IMO.

My family have always used the...baby, honey, sweethearts. I did too, for awhile. Years ago, when i entered into the professional world, i realized this is not always a good way to address someone and have learned to stop using those cultural "terms of endearment". Or i should say i try. Because i do slip and if i know you and know you well, i will be more relaxed in letting those slip even more often. But, i do also realize they should not be used for all people we meet, so at least i can say, progress has been made.

Yesterday we had an electrician come over to fix some things. While on the phone with him, he said to me...."Is it Mrs. or Ms. or should i just say Missy" and he laughed. That felt really bad to me. It even felt icky. I replied back "None of the above, my name is Niki". Thankfully, he did escape me handing his balls to him on a platter by respecting the way i wanted to be addressed.

A lot of things in life we do out of habit and again it is crossed and combined with how we were raised. Hopefully, we do evolve however and it is wise, IMO, to try and grow to more of generic or universal way of language. It is a process. But, like i've said many times, change is usually a good thing.