The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by femmeInterrupted

Just came across this image on Pinterest. Thought of this thread.

ok...so I know this is an older post, and we're all commenting on it now and talking about it, which is really super awesome.

I, however, have LOTS OF FEELINGS about it.

First: confusion. I do not understand why an afro-latina femme dyke is freaking out about privilege for queer white femmes in relation to invisibility. Is there not privilege in passing for a straight afro-latina woman also? I understand race politics are messy and I am loathe to open that can of worms here, it just looks like the person who made the photo was trying to make a comment about those racial politics but missed her mark. Is she implying that femmes of color are recognizable as dykes?

Second: Calling people out on privilege. This is something that has becoming REALLY popular lately. Instead of having teachable moments where we can learn and be educated and educate others, we have somehow gotten to this place where everything is instantly viewed as a personal insult, and every vestige of privilege needs to be called out, scorned, and turned into a competition of "I have less privilege than you". I can't stand it. I had a friend who would spend all of their time berating people for what they believed was privilege and cultural appropriation. Most of the time, they were just searching for reasons to blame everyone else for things that were beyond their control. They are no longer my friend because they cannot tell the difference between malicious insult and being uninformed.

Third: I believe invisibility is a problem for folks looking to find people to date. How can a person find a partner if they don't know who to look for/consider as a possible match? I would love to go out on dates, but the only people who approach me are cis-gendered men. I indicate interest to masculine-presenting folks, but that is often considered "too forward". For me, there is no appearance-based characteristic to indicate my sexual/relationship preferences and that causes a problem because it immediately discounts the prospect of being seen as a member of the community at first glance. For me, I will have to invest the time to talk to someone and choose to disclose the information that I am queer to make my identity known. I will have to trust that people interested in potentially making a match with me for whatever reason will be able to put in the time to find out that information. Sometimes people just want to be able to look and know.


Sorry for the novel. Thank you for letting me speak my mind. I hope some of you lovely folks might be able to help me understand what's going on with that photo and the subsequent discussion. I promise I am not trying to be insulting, just curious (and slightly ranty about invisibility).