What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Medusa

3 Musts for me:

1. MUST be a stable adult: For me, this means they have a checking account, a stable place to live, and a job of some sort. This doesn't have to mean they have tons of money but it does mean that they would pay their car insurance over buying a new xbox if it came down to it.

2. They must be hella smart with a wicked sense of humor. Smart enough to call me on my shit and funny enough to poke at the irony of it in the first place.

3. They must be honest in every way.

I posted the above almost exactly 5 years ago and it's pretty amazing that my top 3 musts haven't changed.

I'll expand a little as well.

1. On being a stable adult - I want to include emotional stability there as well. I want kindness, an ability to be introspective, the ability to take personal responsibility, an aversion to blaming everyone and everything around you for your behavior, and the ability to wake up with general gratitude every day. Basically, I don't expect my partner to be all kittens and rainbows but I expect them to know themselves, to know their own triggers, and to be able to cope in healthy ways.

2. On being hella smart - They must also be evolved in ways that allow them to dismantle any privilege they have, to be able to meet other people exactly where they are (or leave them where they are), and to be able to "big picture" when they need to. I want analytical thinking when needed punctuated by those moments where we are guffawing with hysterical laughter at the stupidest shit in the world. Oh, and must laugh at farts.

3. Honesty. Non-negotiable. Emotional honest as well as verbal honesty. Knowing that omitting a crucial fact is dishonest.