Things you should never say on a date.

[WheatToast]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

One of my last dates was tomboy-ish and I have found a few very lovely closeted what *I* would consider "butch" in that category so I'm usually ok with a date or two but hesitant because it can go horrifically wrong very quickly.

She was an instructor up at UBC, very smart, witty, fun... but not quite grasping the femme thing though I could see it rocked her boat. Her ability to dress herself had obviously stalled in the 80s. Which is hard for me because I like well dressed people, but because I live in a crunchy west coast city these days, I am willing to over look certain things and focus on more important things.

Though the fanny pack, birkenstocks with socks, and mullet-y hair was a hard swallow for the first couple of minutes till her actually charming personality and fun sense of humour shone through.

We hung out a few times and then she got drunk-ish at her neighbour's house ("a girly straight house wife that loves to flirt with the boyish lesbians!" - that she got very overly excited about - radar hint #1 there's quasi-butch in there...) and started sending me pics of this wine party her neighbour was having. "Look at what they are showing me! hey hey!"
and of course straight girls getting their cleavage out for the lezzo to take phone pics of, because that's what drunk straight girls do.

I responded to none of them. But the next day when she was sober, sent a text saying "I appreciate that you may have had partners that were also into girls tits and would have liked the above. As I have said before, tit shots interest me about as much as elbow shots. Possibly less as elbow shots likely have sexy biceps attached to them. If you want to send me sexy pics to interest me, go take some photos a butches in tight-ass sailor costumes with them looking backwards over their shoulders. Maybe send to boob shots to your mates next time, OK? Please don't make me repeat myself again about this."

I got a text asking to take me to my graduation from college dinner. A big deal (2.5 ish years ago, I went back to full time school). Nice! OK. when it rolled around I told her 2 weeks in advance, and the response was "Oh. well... I am dating someone else a bit more seriously. But I can ask her if she minds if I take you."
"no, that's fine. Best of luck."

*eye ROOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL*

Don't text pics of people's cleavage between dates, either unless she *SPECIFICALLY* asks you to.

According the dyke manual, "tomboy" is from babyhood to age 16. From age 17-21 the term is Baby Butch. From 22-100 the term is Butch

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by WheatToast

According the dyke manual, "tomboy" is from babyhood to age 16. From age 17-21 the term is Baby Butch. From 22-100 the term is Butch

Not always. There are many flavors and expressions of butch, thank goodness.

[WheatToast]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Not always. There are many flavors and expressions of butch, thank goodness.

It could be from a different dyke manual. I used the 2014 edition, bound in red leatherette. You?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by WheatToast

It could be from a different dyke manual. I used the 2014 edition, bound in red leatherette. You?

lol

That must be it. I'm more of a pamphlet given with a flower in an airport kind of girl.

[WheatToast]

Originally Posted by Gemme

lol

That must be it. I'm more of a pamphlet given with a flower in an airport kind of girl.

Oh, that must be it. You got the Hari Krishna guide to butch designations. They are indeed more fluid than the official guide.

[Mel C.]

Originally Posted by WheatToast

According the dyke manual, "tomboy" is from babyhood to age 16. From age 17-21 the term is Baby Butch. From 22-100 the term is Butch

There's a dyke manual? I detest the word dyke so maybe that's why I'm not in the know. I was never a baby butch. I can accept that I was a tomboy, but not the baby butch.

[WheatToast]

Originally Posted by Mel C.

There's a dyke manual? I detest the word dyke so maybe that's why I'm not in the know. I was never a baby butch. I can accept that I was a tomboy, but not the baby butch.

I understand.
I don't use the word dyke around straight people, but I've read several lesbian articles and spoken to many more, and they agree that we queers should take the word 'dyke' and make it our own--like Dykes on Bikes in the San Francisco Pride parade, or Alison Bechdel's iconic comic strip, "Dykes to Watch Out For (started in 1983!).
If you want a similar case of a disenfranchised group reappropriating an offensive word, look at the African American community, when they turned the N word into "n*gga" which is used in music, as a term of endearment, etc.
A black friend of mine once asked me if I was her n*gga.
I said sure, but can I ask you if you're my n*gga?
She said, "Yes, but not around anyone else. And don't use that word around black people, you'll get your ass kicked."
I hope that helps you, buddy.

[MaddieRobbie]

Let's see...

There was the "Let's meet for a drink" where the conversation at the bar in this very nice restaurant was going really well, the flirting was lively, and just after my date made a break for the bathroom the bartender leaned over the bar to tell me my charming date was here just last weekend and celebrating her 10th Anniversary...with her very pregnant wife.

(Phone rings) "I have to take this. It's my ex and she has the kids". I think to myself "OK, that seems reasonable". I soon find myself sitting there in front of my date who's saying threatening things to her ex about lawyers, custody, and restraining orders. The phone call ends abruptly. "So, what looks good...besides you?"

"I'm packing. Can you feel it under the table?" I said, yeah...that's kind of sexy...and guide my hand under the table to my date's pants and she says "No. I unzipped already and something happened. It fell out under the table. I think it's near you." (that was actually kind of funny...and my date was adorably horrified.).

[Lyte]

For the most part and for at least the first few dates... I avoid all the topics that one should avoid in the workplace: religion, politics, sex or past relationships, money, and family or health issues.

Conversely ... I don't usually date someone until I've known them for a little while (ala friendish first) so by the time we get around to dating one or more of the above topics has already come up in conversation.