Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

[JDeere]

Not having the communication I deserve.

[JDeere]

Mixed signals... Idk how to take them or decipher them.

[homoe]

~~
I don't believe I have any actual fears of another relationship, HOWEVER I'll never forget the feel of abandonment!

[JDeere]

Trust... I don't trust anyone as far as I can throw them.

People switch up fast.

[Vincent]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Trust... I don't trust anyone as far as I can throw them.

People switch up fast.

Can't argue with that one

[homoe]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Trust... I don't trust anyone as far as I can throw them.

People switch up fast.

You got that right..........

[C0LLETTE]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Trust... I don't trust anyone as far as I can throw them.

People switch up fast.

General response:

maybe mistrust is the original problem...who wants to put themselves out there for someone who has a wall of mistrust around them...you better be an incredible, desirable human being for anyone to make that major effort to get through/over that wall...and what the hell makes you think you are.

[charley]

Many many years ago, a mentor told me that trust is earned. What do you think?

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by charley

Many many years ago, a mentor told me that trust is earned. What do you think?

hi charley..i agree but also disagree...earned, means waiting for that person to score positive points, but, how can they score if they don't know what you value or your unspoken needs (besides the obvious)? Besides that nobody can
be good enough long enough to maintain your high standard..because if you've gone to the trouble of having a standard it's probably set fairly high..And, if you are so worried about someone earning trust..this means you are more worried about your needs being met..to be so focused doesn't leave much room to consider what the other person may need or want...why not enjoy each other's company and give them the benefit of the doubt?..don't go too deep too soon..find things you enjoy together and discover if you share the same concerns..etc..if you like her, build something together...just some of my thoughts

[RebelDyke]

Originally Posted by charley

Many many years ago, a mentor told me that trust is earned. What do you think?

I have known many people who adhere to this "rule of thumb". It is not for everyone though. I like to lead with trust in the beginning, because I accept a person unconditionally. However, I also follow this "rule of thumb".... actions speak louder than words...as well as, the whole golden rule: do unto others as you would have done to you. People will you show what they value...and who they value.. mainly by their actions. The golden rule also does not subscribe to one religion/faith/or belief, but followed by all. I am the kind of person who matches energy.. No two people will ever see the same side of me. Again, because i will treat them the way they treat me.

Now, if the break that trust... (where their words do not match their actions, or their stories are hard to follow... ) then it is good luck earning that trust back. Only a few people have been able to do that, and those people have been in my life for many years. For me, it weeds out those who want to be put on a pedestal and be worshiped versus those who want to talk next to me and have a mutual respect of being equals.

Please know.. this is merely my opinion and I am not saying my way is the right/only way.

I want to caveat that unconditionally part. Some people think that means unconditionally means they get an unconditional amount of times of repeating the same mistakes. That isn't true.. this is where the protection of me comes into play.. boundaries and limits.. it does not mean unconditional forgiveness.

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by charley

Many many years ago, a mentor told me that trust is earned. What do you think?

In my life before moving to where I am now, in the town that I grew up, people trusted one another until/unless that person gave a reason to withdraw trust. A little fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. It's a bit like that saying, but I come from a place where people tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt.

Quick to help a neighbor, would stay up all night if that's what it took to prime a neighbor's water pump or help get someone's furnace heating their home. We bring laundry in when it begins to rain, turn off car lights left on.

We don't allow ourselves or those we care about to be tricked or fooled, and not too many mess with our communities as they know the neighbors try to keep an eye one another knowing what's up.

Charley, if this doesn't demonstrate trust, I'm not sure what would.

[homoe]

Originally Posted by charley

Many many years ago, a mentor told me that trust is earned. What do you think?

I'm not sure Charley but the one thing I DO know, once it has been broken, it's a hell of a job giving it back!