I'd Like to Claim I was Drunk: Pick Up Lines Destined to Fail

Bob · 07-02-2010, 12:03 PM

Over at the driving range, there's a bunch of old coots who hang out and gossip and drink.

One day I happened to be nearby, idly chitchatting, and this well-preserved-by-scotch octogenarian looked me over, smiled, and said, "You look like you'd make a good farmer's wife!"

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Because you look like you know how to operate heavy machinery AND birth some healthy babies!"

And he grinned at me with a twinkle in his cataract-clouded eye, like he'd just paid me the biggest compliment he knew how to give. Which it probably was.

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:31 PM

Referring to a Sleep Number .....

Whats your number? Mines 69 should we see what yours is?

PinkieLee · 07-02-2010, 12:31 PM

A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years....

My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over.

I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

Scorp · 07-02-2010, 12:33 PM

Lord, what a loser...Those are the fools that probably have a dick the size of a gherkin....

And, what did you say back to him after he said that???

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years....

My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over.

I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:37 PM

An all time classic for me... lol

When you hug someone.. If they say.. "You smell good, What are you wearing?" You reply back and say.. "You later" lol

PinkieLee · 07-02-2010, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorp

Lord, what a loser...Those are the fools that probably have a dick the size of a gherkin....

And, what did you say back to him after he said that???

I hate to admit it, but he stumped me on that one...I walked away. I know, where was my sacastic wit then?!

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

I hate to admit it, but he stumped me on that one...I walked away. I know, where was my sacastic wit then?!

Jesus... say it's not so!!

Isadora · 08-24-2010, 04:35 PM

I just want to bury my face in your cleavage and run my hands through your curls.

Then hys wife showed up. hahahahahaha TAG!

tiggs · 08-24-2010, 10:52 PM

One of my most memorable, the butch comes sauntering over to the table where I was sitting with a group. No introduction at all, hy simply says to me,

butch: " your a** must be made of onions"

me with a very confused look "why is that?"

butch: "because it's so fine it makes my eyes water"

Had to give hym credit for bravery lol

Scorp · 07-02-2010, 12:43 PM

Nooo not You? Loss for words?? omg (clenches heart) Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

I hate to admit it, but he stumped me on that one...I walked away. I know, where was my sacastic wit then?!

JustJo · 07-02-2010, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorp

... a dick the size of a gherkin....

Oh where was this line when I was bartending???

I used to just tell them that measuring from the asshole forward was cheating...

Scorp · 07-02-2010, 02:37 PM

ROFLMMFAO!!! Love your response Jo

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJo

Oh where was this line when I was bartending???

I used to just tell them that measuring from the asshole forward was cheating...

Chancie · 07-02-2010, 03:24 PM

A line I used once, Would you care to lead me around the dance floor?

hehehe

MissItalianDiva · 07-02-2010, 03:33 PM

My personal all time favorites

"Stand still so I can pick you up."

Can I take your picture?
Why?
Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas

Well here I am! What were your other two wishes?

I was wondering something about you
Oh yeah what might that be
Do your lips taste as good as they look?

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years....

My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over.

I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

If that was me saying that to you.. I would have at least said... "if that was my stick that hit you, You would have been begging for more!" lol

Scorp · 07-02-2010, 12:51 PM

Like I said...Those are the fools that probably have a dick the size of a gherkin...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Strappie

If that was me saying that to you.. I would have at least said... "if that was my stick that hit you, You would have been begging for more!" lol

PinkieLee · 07-02-2010, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorp

Nooo not You? Loss for words?? omg (clenches heart) Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww...

I know, right?! I think some people just pull that stuff right outta their asses!! I'm sorry that I let you down ~ I'll start getting together my list of bad pick up line responses ASAP!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Strappie

If that was me saying that to you.. I would have at least said... "if that was my stick that hit you, You would have been begging for more!" lol

PERV... but at least you are cute

Now, don't be using Billy Joe Jim Bob's pick up line on the ladies this weekend!!

08-24-2010, 04:35 PM	#8
Isadora Member How Do You Identify?: Momma, Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: I am in love. Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: California Posts: 997 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 502 Thanked 2,127 Times in 559 Posts Rep Power: 2369288	I just want to bury my face in your cleavage and run my hands through your curls. Then hys wife showed up. hahahahahaha TAG! __________________ "I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like." Margaret Mead Read me! www.leatherati.com

08-24-2010, 10:52 PM	#9
tiggs Member How Do You Identify?: femme submissive Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: married and collared to Converse Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: canada Posts: 359 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,456 Thanked 726 Times in 248 Posts Rep Power: 2288328	One of my most memorable, the butch comes sauntering over to the table where I was sitting with a group. No introduction at all, hy simply says to me, butch: " your a must be made of onions" me with a very confused look "why is that?" butch: "because it's so fine it makes my eyes water" Had to give hym credit for bravery lol __________________ “The world is not a dangerous place because of those who do evil, but because of those that look on and do nothing" - Albert Einstein**

07-02-2010, 12:03 PM	#1
Bob Member How Do You Identify?: Jackass. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In your mom. Posts: 144 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15 Thanked 288 Times in 92 Posts Rep Power: 29242	Over at the driving range, there's a bunch of old coots who hang out and gossip and drink. One day I happened to be nearby, idly chitchatting, and this well-preserved-by-scotch octogenarian looked me over, smiled, and said, "You look like you'd make a good farmer's wife!" "Why's that?" I asked. "Because you look like you know how to operate heavy machinery AND birth some healthy babies!" And he grinned at me with a twinkle in his cataract-clouded eye, like he'd just paid me the biggest compliment he knew how to give. Which it probably was.

07-02-2010, 12:31 PM	#2
Strappie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I know who I am... Doesn't matter Relationship Status: It's a new day.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mpls, MN Posts: 3,283 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,813 Thanked 4,945 Times in 1,350 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Referring to a Sleep Number ..... Whats your number? Mines 69 should we see what yours is?

07-02-2010, 12:31 PM	#3
PinkieLee Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Big Money Texas Posts: 4,708 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,309 Thanked 13,075 Times in 3,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years.... My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over. I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

07-02-2010, 12:37 PM	#5
Strappie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I know who I am... Doesn't matter Relationship Status: It's a new day.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mpls, MN Posts: 3,283 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,813 Thanked 4,945 Times in 1,350 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	An all time classic for me... lol When you hug someone.. If they say.. "You smell good, What are you wearing?" You reply back and say.. "You later" lol

07-02-2010, 03:24 PM	#13
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	A line I used once, Would you care to lead me around the dance floor? hehehe

07-02-2010, 03:33 PM	#14
MissItalianDiva Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Miss Twiggy Preferred Pronoun?: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and that shit doesn't sound atrocious! Relationship Status: divorce happens..all that glitters ain't gold Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SLC Utah Posts: 2,284 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,768 Thanked 7,159 Times in 1,793 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	My personal all time favorites "Stand still so I can pick you up." Can I take your picture? Why? Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas Well here I am! What were your other two wishes? I was wondering something about you Oh yeah what might that be Do your lips taste as good as they look?