Ask a trans person!

[The Oopster]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

First of all...Thanks guys...Seriously...Thank you.
So right now I'm quietly and discreetly packing...umm...My boxerbriefs.
Besides this and one other post I haven't spoken about this with anyone but my girlfriend.
I have to say it feels...idk...right?

I remember the first time I packed feeling this same way and wondering how a piece of silicone could help fill in some of the missing pieces of me, but it did. As time has progressed, what, how, and if I pack ebbs and flows. It was hard for some other people to get that, even femmes. I think I needed to do it so badly all the time at first because it was an identity of me that had been missing for years. Now 5 years later there are times I just dont' need to. Most of the time I still do but I'm okay if I don't.

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

I'm just learning what this in me is exactly...definitions and such...But more importantly how alot of this applies to me.How I relate to it.
I've just recently admitted for the first time my first fantisies.Which were of girls.And as myself in the male role.
What I thought of as a child. Could I maybe wake one morn and be a boy? Would I finally be "right" then?
When I first realized I was a girl I was made to use a public womens restroom for the first time by myself. I was horrified and thought there was a very serious mistake on the adult's part in making me go in there. I kept thinking just why the HELL they would force me go in THERE with the GIRLS?
Before I was old enough to understand the difference between the boys and girls, I ran with my bio male cousins on the farm...I ran about shirtless with them, hunted and went fishing with them, climbed trees and explored the woods and farmlands.I was one of them.
I remember trying to explain to my ma just why I shouldn't go to the girls bathroom or wear dresses and even the time I told her I was goin to marry a girl one day....the words she used to describe MY thoughts and MY f****** feelings (when I was once told my thoughts and feelings were just THAT...MINE!)...I was told I was unnatural...god would call me an abonmination...I better NEVER tell anyone else lest I embarressed the family at church...Guys, I was sent to a M*****F****** christian therapy camp to help "cure" me of these evil thoughts for surely the devil was tempting me to go against god's will.

A couple of years ago when I was going through the whole which bathroom to use dilema and not feeling like I had a bathroom to go in ... I flashed back to the first grade. I had to go to the dr. because almost every day during reading class I had to go to the bathroom. They wondered if something was wrong physically with me. The whole bathroom dilema made me remember it and what was really happening. I could see myself standing outside the bathroom doors wanting to go into the boys and knowing I had to go in the girls but feeling it wasn't right to go in there either. I may have even used the boys once or twice i can't remember that but I do remember finally just making myself go into the girls when no one was looking. After I went to the drs and nothing was wrong ... I was forced to go in with the girls at bathroom time. I also remember going passed the boys lockeroom thinking that was the room I should be going in.

All my friends prior to going to school were boys. Girls seem to be the pretty little things that looked like they would break if they played with me.

I also remember the first time I was told I had to keep my shirt on because I was a girl .. i tore it off and ran around the yard yelling no I'm a boy, I'm a boy.

Family is hard, I'm sorry yours has been so condemning.

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

When I was older and with my ex-wife I saw a news report back in '99 about a successfull operation to make a female into a male. My first thought was "OMG MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
Stupid me tried to open up about it to my ex and once again the words that were lashed at me shut me up all over.(What if she told my parents?!They had me committed once for this.)
So untill these past 4 months my thoughts on this subject were as limited as my knowledge and understanding.
I feel like I'm rambling again so I'm goin to end this with a final thought and thanks.
My thanks is to my wonderful ya'fa girlfriend who brought me not only to this site but took the time and patience to help me understand what myself and others had sought to destroy and hide.(And of course she ever so discretely guided me to FTM threads and friends of hers...lol)
My final thought is for you guys.The bravery it must have took to forge this path!! I will never be able to express my gratitude too be able to finally speak freely and ask the questions I was never given the chance too.

I think a lot of us have been fortunate to have someone placed in our lives that could see us when we couldn't see ourselves.

I was fortnuate also to find a site like this one within the first year of realizing my attraction to women. That is why I will always remain a part of this community. If other transgendered men had not been on that site I may still not have gotten to the truth of who I really am. Yes there are ftm sites but if I hadn't had interaction with them I would never have been able to realize that when I'm looking at them I'm seeing me. I wouldn't have know to even look that way. An arena like this allowed me to have the bridge to move towards the destination of me.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Rufusboi

The word INVADE means to intrude upon or encroach upon.

If you enter the womens bathroom and you are identifying as male then you are invading.

Rufus

Originally Posted by Jet

who says i would invade

Originally Posted by Billy

That's what I'm saying ....Why after everything we go through to be seen as MALE , want to go into the womans room .....You can't have it both ways ..

Originally Posted by Rufusboi

Beard or not you should respect women enough not to invade their private space.

Rufus

Hey I just want to set this straight for the record...
I would never invade women's space. I don't get where that comes off. Secondly, I won't wear a beard...it was just my comment on my preference regarding facial hair. I never said i would "invade" anyone's space let alone the women's rest room. My comments had nothing to restrooms. jus' sayin'

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by Jet

I think id have to have more than peach fuzz to use the men;s room.

We might have gotten the idea you were talking about restrooms and using the women's restroom from this post where you state you'd have to have more than peach fuzz to use the men's room


Dylan

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

When I was older and with my ex-wife I saw a news report back in '99 about a successfull operation to make a female into a male. My first thought was "OMG MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
Stupid me tried to open up about it to my ex and once again the words that were lashed at me shut me up all over.(What if she told my parents?!They had me committed once for this.)

Yeah that is fubar. Luckily I didn't come out as trans until after my marriage ended. But my ex-wife calls me by my birth name (not my legal name) and uses female pronouns when talking about me just to be a fucking bitch. She knows I changed my name, that I go by male pronouns, that I am trans. She actually said to my face a few months ago, when I asked her to please use my legal name, that I don't have the right equipment to be Drew. *shakes head*

Anyhow, it's awesome that you have a girlfriend who understands and supports you! Hang in there buddy!

[theoddz]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Yeah that is fubar. Luckily I didn't come out as trans until after my marriage ended. But my ex-wife calls me by my birth name (not my legal name) and uses female pronouns when talking about me just to be a fucking bitch. She knows I changed my name, that I go by male pronouns, that I am trans. She actually said to my face a few months ago, when I asked her to please use my legal name, that I don't have the right equipment to be Drew. *shakes head*

Anyhow, it's awesome that you have a girlfriend who understands and supports you! Hang in there buddy!

I think some people do that when they get angry, just to be vicious and try to strip you of your identity. It's like any other kind of weapon....they reach for what's "handy" and most likely to hurt you the most. It really says more about her than it does about you.

That's a low blow, and I think the most effective way to answer something like that is just to have nothing more to do with them. Complete, utter silence and a total refusal to acknowledge them in any way is the ultimate and most effective weapon you have against that sort of thing. You don't need someone like that in your life, do you??

~Theo~

[CamBAMF]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

First of all...Thanks guys...Seriously...Thank you.
So right now I'm quietly and discreetly packing...umm...My boxerbriefs.
Besides this and one other post I haven't spoken about this with anyone but my girlfriend.
I have to say it feels...idk...right?
I'm just learning what this in me is exactly...definitions and such...But more importantly how alot of this applies to me.How I relate to it.
I've just recently admitted for the first time my first fantisies.Which were of girls.And as myself in the male role.
What I thought of as a child. Could I maybe wake one morn and be a boy? Would I finally be "right" then?
When I first realized I was a girl I was made to use a public womens restroom for the first time by myself. I was horrified and thought there was a very serious mistake on the adult's part in making me go in there. I kept thinking just why the HELL they would force me go in THERE with the GIRLS?
Before I was old enough to understand the difference between the boys and girls, I ran with my bio male cousins on the farm...I ran about shirtless with them, hunted and went fishing with them, climbed trees and explored the woods and farmlands.I was one of them.
I remember trying to explain to my ma just why I shouldn't go to the girls bathroom or wear dresses and even the time I told her I was goin to marry a girl one day....the words she used to describe MY thoughts and MY f****** feelings (when I was once told my thoughts and feelings were just THAT...MINE!)...I was told I was unnatural...god would call me an abonmination...I better NEVER tell anyone else lest I embarressed the family at church...Guys, I was sent to a M*****F****** christian therapy camp to help "cure" me of these evil thoughts for surely the devil was tempting me to go against god's will.
When I was older and with my ex-wife I saw a news report back in '99 about a successfull operation to make a female into a male. My first thought was "OMG MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
Stupid me tried to open up about it to my ex and once again the words that were lashed at me shut me up all over.(What if she told my parents?!They had me committed once for this.)
So untill these past 4 months my thoughts on this subject were as limited as my knowledge and understanding.
I feel like I'm rambling again so I'm goin to end this with a final thought and thanks.
My thanks is to my wonderful ya'fa girlfriend who brought me not only to this site but took the time and patience to help me understand what myself and others had sought to destroy and hide.(And of course she ever so discretely guided me to FTM threads and friends of hers...lol)
My final thought is for you guys.The bravery it must have took to forge this path!! I will never be able to express my gratitude too be able to finally speak freely and ask the questions I was never given the chance too.

I remember being three and telling my mom that god had made a mistake, that I was suppose to be a boy. I remember pray that god would fix it, that I would wake up as a boy. I think to this day it's really what held be back from believeing in "god" (my spirituality/ beliefs are always changing, but I just can't believe in one god kinda deal.) Luckily my family (particularly my mom's side) isn't really religious, so it went unnoticed and through my various coming out stories they never brought it up. (and on a side note: whole I'm sure my dad would have loved to say something along the line about me going to hell, my mom would have castrated him- so even he didn't say anything. He's only now kinda coming around. Its a slow process with him)

I remember starting to pack, like just trying it out. I was still kinda new to the whole thing. I tried socks and another time a strap on (which just turned out to be extremely funny walking around with a boner all day. lol) But besides uncomfortable (neither really felt correct in my pants. lol.) but I wore one or the other anyway till I could afford a packy. I felt like something belonged there, I just wasn't sure what or where to get it till a while later. lol. Just as previously mentioned in another post, it seemed to fill up some kind of missing piece within me at the time. Now I don't normally go out without my pack-n-pee on, but if I'm not wearing it its no big deal.

I didn't 'know' what I was. I knew I wasn't right though. I didn't have a word for how I felt till college when I met a MTF. At the time I was dating a girl who basically bluntly told me if that was the way I was I wasn't worth her time. The next two girlfriend's knew before hand and still tried to 'fix' me. It was only my most recent ex who really saw who I was. She walked me through each part (the doctors/therapist, the T, tellling friends and family, changing bathrooms, etc.) standing next to me the whole time. I gotta tell you, I was scared sh**less! She literally walked me by the hand through each of my steps so far. Hell, she even bragged about me (which I thought was amazing!) on a local radio station (w/o saying my name of course). It's pretty amazing when you meet someone who really loves you for you. While we are not together anymore for other reasons- I still thank her to this day for the support she gave me.

It can be a complicated path, but you know when it's the right one. Some ways it gets easier, other aspects can be... more difficult... but at the end of the day you have to be who you are, no matter who or what that is. Stay true to yourself bro. We're all here for you.

-Cameron

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by theoddz

I think some people do that when they get angry, just to be vicious and try to strip you of your identity. It's like any other kind of weapon....they reach for what's "handy" and most likely to hurt you the most. It really says more about her than it does about you.

That's a low blow, and I think the most effective way to answer something like that is just to have nothing more to do with them. Complete, utter silence and a total refusal to acknowledge them in any way is the ultimate and most effective weapon you have against that sort of thing. You don't need someone like that in your life, do you??

~Theo~

Heh. Wish it were that easy. We have a daughter together so I occasionally have to bump into this woman, like I did tonight. Jess (my daughter) sang at a recital and my folks and I went, and of course my nasty ex-wife was there. She was all super sweet with my folks which really made me mad cause she barely acknowledged my presence (not that I really want to have anything to do with her.) She just did that to dig her heel into me more. I really don't give a shit what she thinks of me but damn to have someone be so vile to me, it's not something with which I am comfortable.

[Linus]

So a question for trans folks, particularly those who do not have their gender letters changed.

I lost a filling the other day. It's an annoying filling on a back molar that I regularly get a temp filling (my temp fillings for this last about 3-4 years). Anyways, as I was frantically looking for a dentist, I tried to get one at the LGBTQ Community Health Center (Callen-Lorde) because, well, they are LGBTQ. But it's near impossible to get an appointment there because of the number of existing patients.

I eventually found one nearby but I couldn't help worrying whether I'd end up having to face an issue with the dentist because I'm an FTM. In the end, she was wonderful and quick. What was nice was that on her forms she had listed "What name would you like to be called by", which I found interesting.

So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones).

[CamBAMF]

Originally Posted by Linus

So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones).

No. I don't think I ever really did.

I told my regular doctor before starting T, and while she was totally shocked she seemed fine with it. But I felt it was medically necessary for her to know for my health, in the event the some drug she was perscribing may not interact well for whatever reason or whatever. I never told my dentist or optomitrist as I feel that it doesn't really matter to them what I do in my spare time and my transistion doesn't effect my teeth or eyes (to my knowledge) so thier jobs aren't affected by it.

My only issue stems from temporary doctors. While I'm at college it's extremely hard to see my regualr doctor so I visit a walking in place near my school. I have never seen the same doctor there twice. However there has been akward issue with explaining my legal name/ and my perferred name (as they also ask for a person perferred name) and my list of medications. I just tell them. Get it out of the way. If they seem uncomfortable (which hasn't yet happened) I have no real fear since the chances of seeing them again are slim to none.

But maybe I've never really feared doctors because I haven't heard the stories. Im born in 88 so the stories I hear are from the late 90s to today. The worse story that I've ever heard was rudeness from a nurse or staff member. Maybe that's why I have no fear of doctors. So perhaps I am not a good example.

[The Oopster]

Originally Posted by Linus

So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones).

I personally believe a lot of how we are received is the energy we put out ..

I've known people in the community really hesitant that have had bad experiences even with LGBTQ doctors.

I have had no problems within the medical community. I still have my birth name on all my id including health insurance ... sometimes I address the preferred name other times I don't. A lot of times the office it self catches on if they call me on the phone enough.

My regular dr knows and my chart still has my birth name but the head nurse I think is a gay guy and caught on and started calling me "he" and koop and then the other people in the office have picked it up.

At the hematology unit i've thought about addressing it mainly cause there are a lot of people that work there and i'm always getting new people and they are confused when I walk up and I just smile and say yes it's me.

Some people despite the name still assume i'm male and go boy your parents were cruel.

At the same place one of the nurses came up to draw my blood ... looked at me ... looked at the chart .... puts on this face like i'm not going to call you that and asks do you have a preferred name.

so far i have never had a bad experience ... most of my doctors are intriqued and ask some questions which i don't mind ... my biggest frustration is the moment something is wrong ... every medical professional and even people in my life that don't know much about T will go ... do you think it's the T?

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by Linus

So a question for trans folks, particularly those who do not have their gender letters changed.

So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones).

i have a fabulous accepting story.

i have been very fortunate. I don't worry about discrimination when i go places. i walk in like i own the place. smile nod speak to people. i think my attitude has a lot to do with whether or not i face any discrimination or fend off any unwanted comment.

i could pass before the T mostly, but people so rarely even look at you closely. i am an avid people watcher, and i don't notice things sometimes.

i guess if i wanted to look for discrimination, or take everything said out of context, or act like i am hiding something, it would be different. but i spent the better part of 40 years living someone else's life. I be Damned if someone is gonna piss in my wheaties now.....

i am andy
i am a man
maybe i am not like some other guys,
but what is normal? something i don't care to be....
@

[tuffboi29]

Hello again gentlemen...


Just a quick update on how things are goin for me.
I have come out to 5 different people in my life and was absolutely amazed att the responses I got...even the answers "Tuff...I could have told you that along time ago but I figured it was best for you to find out for yourself."

Once again...am i ALWAYS the last to know everything?GAH!!

Other than that, I had a long talk with me therapist and she has been wonderful as can be.She is in the process of setting me up with all the information I need and another therapist to begin my transitioning.

I feel more free and myself than I even have in my entire life and am looking forward to not only beginning this process, but just enjoying meself for a change.

For those of you that know me from the PTSD thread I would like to tell you that coming out with this has made the process of dealing with it so much easier as it was deffinitally intertwined with it.

Once again thank you all so much for the encouraging words.I will never be able to express just how much they mean to me.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

Hello again gentlemen...


Just a quick update on how things are goin for me.
I have come out to 5 different people in my life and was absolutely amazed att the responses I got...even the answers "Tuff...I could have told you that along time ago but I figured it was best for you to find out for yourself."

Once again...am i ALWAYS the last to know everything?GAH!!

Other than that, I had a long talk with me therapist and she has been wonderful as can be.She is in the process of setting me up with all the information I need and another therapist to begin my transitioning.

I feel more free and myself than I even have in my entire life and am looking forward to not only beginning this process, but just enjoying meself for a change.

For those of you that know me from the PTSD thread I would like to tell you that coming out with this has made the process of dealing with it so much easier as it was deffinitally intertwined with it.

Once again thank you all so much for the encouraging words.I will never be able to express just how much they mean to me.

Right on Tuff. Glad to hear your coming out has been such a positive experience.

[tuffboi29]

I'm finding it amazing how I have barely come out to myself about who I am and find myself getting called out on it by people I hardly know.
Tonight I got a ride home from a guy I've only met a few times and he was asking some very direct questions.By chance he figure me out rather quickly.Alot more quickly than I was comfortable with.
Is it that I am more comfortable with myself now that others are figuring this out?Was he just that good?Or was it always obvious to those around me and I was just so hidden in myself I refused to see it?
I don't know guys...I think I'm just a wee bit lost in my thoughts tonight.
Any comments on these thought would be greatly appreciated.Have any of you been lost in similar thoughts?

[Linus]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

I'm finding it amazing how I have barely come out to myself about who I am and find myself getting called out on it by people I hardly know.
Tonight I got a ride home from a guy I've only met a few times and he was asking some very direct questions.By chance he figure me out rather quickly.Alot more quickly than I was comfortable with.
Is it that I am more comfortable with myself now that others are figuring this out?Was he just that good?Or was it always obvious to those around me and I was just so hidden in myself I refused to see it?
I don't know guys...I think I'm just a wee bit lost in my thoughts tonight.
Any comments on these thought would be greatly appreciated.Have any of you been lost in similar thoughts?

What do you mean by "getting called out"? Do you mean that he figured out that you were trans? Or that you were a guy?

Sometimes we are oblivous to the obvious. For example, my aunt knew I was more attracted to women than guys well before I did. So it can happen.

[theoddz]

Originally Posted by Dylan

We might have gotten the idea you were talking about restrooms and using the women's restroom from this post where you state you'd have to have more than peach fuzz to use the men's room


Dylan

I know I'm responding kind of late to this, but I know exactly where Jet's coming from with his remark.

There was a time before I started T and pre chest surgery where I didn't feel very comfy using either gendered restroom. I'd try to either find a unisex bathroom or hold it until I could or I'd hold it until I got to a private restroom. It's a horrible position to be in, but I think all of us have been there at one time.

I think Parker wasn't meaning that he'd "invade a women's restroom" at all. He just doesn't feel comfy using the men's room until he's a little further down the road of physical transitioning. For my part, I completely understand this. It's that "in between" spot that's so difficult.

Oh, and I'm not trying to put words in Parker's mouth. I'm just saying I understand what he meant and this is why.

Theo...on the cell phone.

[tuffboi29]

Originally Posted by Linus

What do you mean by "getting called out"? Do you mean that he figured out that you were trans? Or that you were a guy?

Sometimes we are oblivous to the obvious. For example, my aunt knew I was more attracted to women than guys well before I did. So it can happen.

Aye, he very much so figured out I am trans. And what amazed me more, was able to do it in just a few short questions, too.
He meant no harm or rudeness. In fact he was quite tactfull in his approach in asking.
I think I was just a wee bit unnervered he was able to pinpoint it so quickly.

[Linus]

Not a question but more of a rant.

I found out what's holding up the Birth Cert. Apparently when my dad re-adopted me, Wife #2 (he's on Wife #3 I believe) was added as my "mother". I didn't remember doing this but it's possible that at the time it made sense. (I think I did it because it'd make my dad happy). The problem is I know nothing about her. They said if I could find out her maiden name, that's all they'd need. If I can't get it, she's going to ask if the info I provided is enough (she said there are unique situations like this). I have asked her if there is a way I could get Wife #2 removed as my mother and get my mom put back in. I did email my dad, his sister and his brother in hopes that one of them can reply with the info. But we'll see.

This explains the brick wall I've been hitting.

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by Linus

Not a question but more of a rant.

I found out what's holding up the Birth Cert. Apparently when my dad re-adopted me, Wife #2 (he's on Wife #3 I believe) was added as my "mother". I didn't remember doing this but it's possible that at the time it made sense. (I think I did it because it'd make my dad happy). The problem is I know nothing about her. They said if I could find out her maiden name, that's all they'd need. If I can't get it, she's going to ask if the info I provided is enough (she said there are unique situations like this). I have asked her if there is a way I could get Wife #2 removed as my mother and get my mom put back in. I did email my dad, his sister and his brother in hopes that one of them can reply with the info. But we'll see.

This explains the brick wall I've been hitting.

Have you thought of looking it up at the registrar's office? Their marriage certificate has to be on file.

[Linus]

The got married out of Province and they are now divorced. It'll take another 4-8 weeks (it's already getting annoying that I've had to wait this long -- nearly a year now). Additionally, its annoying that she's even on the BC.