The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Braedon, your posts in this thread are nothing short of amazing. How special of you to share your ah-ha moment.

It is SO hard to put such personal things out there on the web for all to see, and when I chose to do so in regards to my different abilities it was in the hope that I could build bridges to others like me. So the fact that you just got brave and shared these pieces of yourself makes it all worth it.

I love what you said about being more than your disability. You're right, the sum of all your parts is so much deeper than that one piece of your puzzle.

I admire you back, times 100.

SF,

I have always admired you, because you've always just been yourself which is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY more than just what makes you "differently-abled". I know you've always just been you, but in many ways I look upto you because you personify what it means to be more than your disability; your a wonderful example overcoming adversity to break down the barriers around you and still live life as best as you can. I think your an amazing woman, a wonderful human being and I'm proud to be counted among those who you admire

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

YES... YES...YES... a zillion YESSES!!!

I"ll add another zillion YESSES to that My friend

[JustBeingMe]

I truly have enjoyed reading this thread and all the posts made here. SF I totally get what your saying about being a DA and being treated differently and how that can also be done online as well. I don't give passes to anyone for the reasons you have talked about. I am someone that will call BS on anyone that gives Excuses for their behavior. Each individual IS responsible for their own behavior and how they treat one another online. I do understand that each person with a DA does need compassion and understanding but when they act out badly towards others, yeah, they should be called on it for sure.
I know at times I have read posts and the infighting starts over things, that I just don't get why so much hostility has to be done with one another. I find it hard to understand in my world why sometimes people get so upset over things that seem so little importance to me, but I guess it's either their compassion about a subject, or some kind of personal experience that makes them take jabs at others online. Then you have the S**t starters stirring the pot.
On one site I belonged to, I notice that some femmes were not called on their posts near as much as butches were... on how things were said online in posts. That I didn't get either. {Maybe it was just certain femmes )or maybe certain mods or whatever that didn't say nothing, but the minute I posted something that was taken out of context I got jabbed in the thread for it right off the bat, with no warning that something I said was taken the wrong way or whatever.
So, I am grateful for the mods and admins here for the job they do and for going out of their way to PM members about their posts when things may be taken the wrong way, or said or whatever.
I"m rambling so I'll stop now. My mind is full of anxiety as I type.

[AtLast]

Just read this on another thread.... and it brought some perspective to me.... reminded of how life can turn on a dime and how I need to keep humility in mind.

Dear Butch Femme Community,
I haven't been here very much lately due to life in the fast line. Just want to say how important it is to take care of and be kind to one another at every step of the way.

I am rethinking life on life's terms. I am evaluating why needless sarcasm echo's, winding it's way into my sleep, waking me with that feeling of flight. I am seeing hidden agenda's flash before my eyes, maybe a day, a week or a month late.

I got a wake up call Weds. about how precious our relationships with each other are when a dear friend was having a simple laparoscopy as I read Esquire in the surgical waiting room. I kept calling recovery on her status. She didn't make it to the recovery room. She ended up on a respirator, and was taken directly to ICU. She now is in a coma.

Her out of the area homophobic bio-family does not understand how deeply we miss her and want her to know, to visit her bedside, even if she is in a drug induced coma. Her sister reminds me every time I call her that 'W/we" are not permitted to visit or get any information.

I am not wasting another day on other's hyperbole or tying up the abatross.. I am going to clean out my closet and my life of chaff that weighs heavily on my body and mind. How many sweatshirts and ballcaps can one have from world travels. What nostalgia? The homeless can use the headcover!

[SuperFemme]

Yes, life CAN turn on a dime, can't it?
I wish my life would stay away from dimes.

[waxnrope]

Although difficult for me to post right now (my laptop did not leave the plane with me, and this note sent via phone ... a laborious task, indeed), I wish to come out about my own disability/ies. I have 3 bulging discs in the lore spine. I suspect there exists one or two in my thoracic, or upper spine as well ... I would have to throw a hissy fit to get a mri for confirmation. Anyway, there is the back, and there are major problems with my knees. The latter a developmental problem, which is due to my patellas (kneecaps) being off to the side. Over time, in part because of excessive use ( basketball and dancing ) my disability is now becoming less hidden.

I do not care if I cannot play basketball any longer. I stopped needing to be a jock long ago. But dancing is everything to me. It is a means of multiple expressions ... my physically, spirituality, and sexuality. To dance provides me with opportunities to become part of the music ... to be in the rhythm section or too develop contractually. I do/can not dance as often, but when I cannot stand the absence any longer, I wrap my knees, take some drugs, and boogie ... or, salsa, or waltz, or two step. Or, whatever the genre. Hip-hop, swing. Just go.

And, yeah, Ive passed for decades. But now, with age,it isn't so easy. When I finally have to hang up my two toned shoes, somebody be nice and just shoot my ass.

[Leigh]

Life can turn so easily from good to bad to worse, as AtLast's example shows (and I read that very post earlier too). We never know when our time on earth will end, it could be tomorrow or years from now but we always must make every moment count ~ this thread has shown Me that, and I'm thankful that I have the Planet and the friends on it to show Me these things (especially when I take things for granted which I have for a long time now).

I'm truly blessed

[christie]

I'm back from TN and have tried to catch up on the thread. Eight hours in the car gives me quite a bit of time to think!

SF - I saw your note that you felt my posts to Snow were dismissive. I'm sorry you perceived them to be and I thought I included, several times, my intent in an effort to have them NOT be mis-perceived. Additionally, I don't know that I agree that Snow felt they were dismissive, because, in my history, she is very vocal at making it crystal clear if she feels this way and since she had addressed me in a rep note, I would think that she would have included such. I don't want to derail this thread but I did want to address it in the thread since your response to me was not PM'd. If you feel we need to discuss it further, please PM me.

One of the things that came up in my marathon drive/think fest is how I think neuro DA persons might (probably do) find online communities/communication problematic and I think that this is what we are referring to when we talk about the mythical pass.

For me, I have always viewed Bratboy's online interactions as "practice" for his social skills. Its much easier for him to have the anonymity of the keyboard. I daresay that its one of the reasons he has been able to develop such good real-time social skills.

He does, however, have issue with reading tone and intent. He is very literal in his interpretation and always has been. In the same way that one of his issues used to be reading pragmatics of conversation (tone, facial expression, body language), he still has the same issue with tone. I believe that is a good deal of the issues that most of our neuro DA community members experience. I have had several self-identified neuro DA's tell me such. I've yet to come up with a way to assist in navigating this issue, but I keep trying.

In regard to the DA Ambassador role and the hierarchy of Moderators/Administrators, I think its fantastic that Jack and Medusa saw this need and took measures to address it. I like that SF has made public announcements showing her availability.

I do think, however, Belle brings up an issue that I, too, think is problematic in two ways: (1) What if the DA person having an issue doesn't feel a rapport with SF? In following that train of thought, to me, having the hierarchy or next step in the process, what if the DA person doesn't feel comfortable in speaking with a moderator or administrator? These persons, while active, participating community members also have a position of authority and I think something to think about is how that might not feel safe.

(2) Its also been my observation and interpretation that most of the neuro DA's might not see that they even need to ask for assistance. Most of the times when Bratboy has gotten into sticky communication issues, he doesn't see that his behavior is the problem or how what he said/did is offensive/crossing a boundary. How can we, as a community, expect a neuro DA, especially those with communication differences, to have the capacity to know that they need to ask for help? I have issue with expecting a neuro DA person be accountable when they might not have the cognitive ability to look outside of self to see where their part of the issue is the problem.

To both of these points, I would like to see perhaps more public outreach. I feel confident that we can find a way or the words to step into a situation without humiliating (I'm not saying this has happened, but that a neuro DA person might feel as such) or changing the expectation that everyone abide by the TOS.

The reason I include "publicly" is that I think when the issue/offense happens in public and then is dealt with behind the scenes, it reinforces/gives the perception that there is that mythical pass.

Its also why I thought that a peer system of folks who aren't dual-roled as both moderators/position of authority and community members might be a viable supplement to the current process. For instance, Belle might be more comfortable in reaching out to me to ask for clarification of a post rather than having to ask a Moderator, whose role as Moderator is one of "task master". I'm just an equal. I think sometimes, even the NT folks have trouble seeing a Moderator as also a peer - I know I do in spite of the additional efforts the Moderators go to in clarifying from which position they are speaking.

Again, I hope that everyone understands that I am not saying there is anything wrong with, nor am I being unsupportive of the DA Ambassador role/process. I just see how we might be able to supplement it so that we can further dispel the mythical pass perceptions.