Being Friends with an Ex - How Long

[bigbutchmistie]

I am friends with two of my exes. One is my very first gf from years ago. She and I are passing friends. My last ex and I are friends. I'm even friends with her now fiancee. We had dogs together and I got one and she got one. I have to say its all about what each party feels. For me I am friends with these two because we didn't break up for crazy reasons. Like cheating etc. We just realized we would be better off friends. It. Was a mutual break up. Not syaing there wasn't hurt. There was. But both experiences have taught me a lot about who I am and what I want and need in a partner.

[Legendryder]

The only advice I can give, is back WAAAYYYYY off. Find a dog park, socialize with people there. Get some contacts from the dog park for doggie play dates, and get on with your life. Maybe, just maybe, in the future you may become friends. But right now, there seems to be too much "stuff" there.

[Legendryder]

Ummmm, I think I need to edit my signature. roflmfao

[Locutus]

I am friends with/or am on good terms with all of my exes except one. Life's too short.

[Ms. Tabitha]

This is a very interesting topic. "Ex", in my opinion, is someone that you hava a long and meaningful relationship and some folks think "dating and being the F" buddy makes someone an "Ex".

I had a 4 year relationship with someone that to this day is still very dear to my heart. I am not just friends with him but also his wife. He will message me and update me about their children or events in their lives and I will update him on events in our lives or with our children/grandchildren.


I can't answer for Theo or put his opinions on here. What I can add is that we are very open and honest with each other and have spoken in great detail about our "Ex's" J & M and the fact that these two people are and will always be very important to us.

[Daryn]

Thanks for all of the comments. There was to my knowledge no cheating, even though the physical part of the relationship was over before I asked her to move out. And maybe the thing is that time will heal it.

I was pretty pissed after she moved out because she took stuff that was mine, broke stuff, and left a mess. But I got over it. And as a couple of people have pointed out, life is too short.

We are exes for a reason but we also were together for other reasons (lots of shared interests) and that's what I'd like to focus on.

[theoddz]

I think Tabs hit it pretty much right on about my feelings on this.

I'm on friendly terms with all of my ex's, though I don't correspond or talk to my most recent ex, J. I think the pain of loving each other, but having the situation bigger than the both of us (international/immigration challenges, because she is Canadian and I American, primarily), was what drove us apart and not whether or not we loved each other. If it ever got easier for us to talk, I'm sure we'd be the best of friends. The reality of it is that it's not, but there are not, nor have there ever been any feelings of animosity, on either of our parts. I still like her and respect her tremendously, no matter what. That will never change. Because I understand these kinds of feelings, I don't resent or have any negative feelings concerning Tabs' friendship with her ex, M.

My other ex's are all wonderful women, each and every one. I still talk with A in Louisiana, and she's a dear and trusted friend. The women I have chosen during my life have all been great Ladies and remain good friends to this very second. I couldn't ask for more. I've never ever fallen "in love" overnight. That has never been my nature, so everything for me has started with becoming friends first, then evolved into more later. I think that is the best way. A strong foundation of friendship builds the most lasting of relationships. I have always tried to treat the ladies in my heart with respect and politeness. It is the way I have always wanted to be treated and I don't give them less that what I would expect to get in return.

I'm a difficult man to get to know. I own that, but the woman who would take time to build a friendship with me first, then slowly evolve into more, is the one who wins my heart every time. I expect to win her heart in the very same way. If the relationship doesn't work out, for whatever reason, then we have that strong foundation of friendship that has always come through and been there when everything else has gone. That's why my ex's have always remained my friends.

~Theo~

[Amber2010]

When I have tried to become friends with my ex's I find out after establishing a friendship "or so I thought" again that they really never got over things. Either they wanted to get back together or rehash stuff that has been dead and buried and should never be revisited.
I missed the friendship that we all start with.
I do try from a distance such as e-mail to stay in touch but not to let it go more then an acqaintance.

[LaneyDoll]

With me, it depends. I have a few exes that I am no longer in touch with. And I have a few that I am good friends with. And, I have one that I am polite to because we frequent the same place.

The ones that I am still friends with were because we tried dating & realized that we were not suited for anything beyond friendship so we reverted back to it.

[girl_dee]

I feel it depends on how you define *friend*. I have a real issue with the way it is used nowadays.

I feel the word friend carries very little meaning in todays world. People we don't even know on Facebook are *Friends*..People we have never met online are *Friends*... it never has resonated with me.

There are very few people in the world I would consider a friend. To me a friend is someone that we could call each other in the middle of the night and we'd be there. Someone that I communicate with ongoing in daily life. Someone who actually cares about how I am doing, and me them. I have many, many acquaintances, but friends, no. I am also very selective about those I bring close to me, my choice. Someone who not only calls me when they are down and out, but when they want to share their joy too. Friendships take work and not many are willing to do the work.

Do I care about my exes? Sure, I do! When I do hear from them and things are good I am happy for them. That doesn't mean I want them in my everyday life. They are on their journey and I am on mine. I don't have a need to have people from my past in my everyday life. I move on. Like Selly said, to some it's 'vicious', to me it's being emotionally healthy and moving on, We are exes for a reason and I like to cut all ties. I also feel having exes too present and upfront in one's life can cause problems for a new relationship. If you have not moved on from the last one, chances are you are not ready for the new one.

Now if you have kids together that's different, you have to maintain a relationship, but if not, cut the emotional tie and move on, IMO.

Also like someone mentioned, it depends on how it ended.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

I feel it depends on how you define *friend*. I have a real issue with the way it is used nowadays.

I feel the word friend carries very little meaning in todays world. People we don't even know on Facebook are *Friends*..People we have never met online are *Friends*... it never has resonated with me.
IMO.

Funny because I've been thinking about this a lot. I agree that friend means something far deeper to me. I admit that I do know people, I consider friends, that I never met. We have a special connection, share and communicate. It's possible, for sure. Then I have people that I've known for many years that I call friend but the truth is they don't really fit my definition. I'm not sure what to call them.

In my book a friend is someone that always has your back and will be drop everything to to be by your side (If they can). A friend protects you and holds your secrets sacred. A friend is someone you can not see for months and month yet when you see each other again its as if nothing has changed.

I don't know you Dee but I have a connection with you I can't explain. I know that we would be wonderful close friends. I feel that way about your whole family. Friends on another plane of existence.

[Quintease]

I initially cut all contact when my relationships end. I need the time to recover and move on. The longer it takes for my ex to accept that, the longer it'll be before we're friends again. To be honest though, none of my friendships have ever lasted after a breakup. We stay friends for a while but eventually drift apart. It probably doesn't help that I (or they) keep moving. There are two exes that I will never ever be friends with, one because she stole from me after we broke up, the other because she stole from me and lied to me while we were still together. They are both dead to me.

My longest ever relationship to end, 5 years, we really struggled to breakup and consequently it took us 3 years to be friends again. We're really only Facebook friends now.

My husbands much the same as me, so we have a relatively blissful ex-free relationship.