Ask a trans person!

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Why is it that we must continually dance around our sexuality either because of discrimination or by way of labeling? This past summer I had plans to go on an outing 4th of July. The person who invited me came over and said that the host of the party didn't want me there because I'm transgendered. His mother and sister were going to be there and he didn't want me to do "anything embarrassing." As if I would? But is was okay for an transitioned FTM to be there with his wife? Where does it stop? You can bet I'll damn well be me and I don't care who I offend. Because it's not me who's offensive. It's the other person's unwillingness to be respect something I was born with. I would have been gracious at the outing, but I wasn't given that chance. I'm dismayed at the prejudices within the GLBT community.

Jet, I am sorry you were treated poorly by people who are clueless and choose to live in fear of people that may not be the cookie cutter most have come to see as "normal."

All of the labels I use to be a discriptor of who I am, mean something to me. Some of the labels for me are a noun; others more of an adjective. I am not trying to dance around my sexuality nor my gender. I have lived a very much "out" life since the age of 18.

I think there is room for all of us under the umbrella of Queer, Trans, Butch, Gender Outlaw, Bent, whatever. I hope you know I am not trying to dish you. I got your back and the back of the guys in here.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Linus

As my namesake says: I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.

There are times when I question whether the T really belongs with the rest of the alphabet (so to speak). I suspect that many people put assumptions about people who transition (not all but some). It's ironic that the same conversation was being had by the LGBTQ community a few decades ago (K and I watched an episode of the Golden Girls where Blanche is introduced to her baby brother's new friend -- and soon-to-be-husband; she behaves exactly as the host).

To be honest, I've found that if people stopped worrying about impressions and images life would be a lot easier. In fact, most people (that I've run into, at least) either are oblivious, don't give a shit or too self-centered to really notice. Offense isn't the issue; the issue usually is "Where's the beer?", "Where's the food?" and "Can I have another beer?".

In a positive spin of life, my aunt got married this summer. I wasn't sure how her friends and how our family would take my obvious physical change (I've met many of her friends -- film and music people -- over the years). I was well received and, had I arrived earlier, I would have been the best man for my aunt and new-uncle's wedding. I was floored at this level of acceptance (granted my name is the nickname she choose and she's only 8 years older than me so it's more of a sibling-like relationship).

It sucks, Jet, that you're going through this but I suspect this will lessen over time (at least it has for me). Now either its because people don't care or because I don't give a shit about other's opinions (issues) about me. I hope that these become farther and farther apart for you.

Originally Posted by Greyson

Jet, I am sorry you were treated poorly by people who are clueless and choose to live in fear of people that may not be the cookie cutter most have come to see as "normal."

All of the labels I use to be a discriptor of who I am, mean something to me. Some of the labels for me are a noun; others more of an adjective. I am not trying to dance around my sexuality nor my gender. I have lived a very much "out" life since the age of 18.

I think there is room for all of us under the umbrella of Queer, Trans, Butch, Gender Outlaw, Bent, whatever. I hope you know I am not trying to dish you. I got your back and the back of the guys in here.

Great posts both of you. You know it's funny, the people that have not hurt me are straight. For some reason, they get it better than folks in our community. I came out to my aunt as a transgender a few weeks ago, and she didn't bat an eye. Changes are beginning to happen with me and T will be part of that so I'll see how this will unfold. Thanks for your responses, both of you.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have enjoyed this thread a great deal. I am a quiet guy. I rarely get pissed off, but I cannot stand it when I get ma'amed. Remember Linus in the smoke shop? I introduced myself as Andrew. I live as a man. And still I get ma'amed. It grated on my nerves like fingernails being drug across a chalk board.

Oh well. I say live and let live. However, like Linus, I love mankind, but have issues with people (mainly the ones who are disrespectful and intentionally evil). But that is just me, and how I am. I'm a private person as well. Too many times I have tried to be open, and was hurt deeply. So, I won't be that way ever again. I have learned my lesson.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I have enjoyed this thread a great deal. I am a quiet guy. I rarely get pissed off, but I cannot stand it when I get ma'amed. Remember Linus in the smoke shop? I introduced myself as Andrew. I live as a man. And still I get ma'amed. It grated on my nerves like fingernails being drug across a chalk board.

Oh well. I say live and let live. However, like Linus, I love mankind, but have issues with people (mainly the ones who are disrespectful and intentionally evil). But that is just me, and how I am. I'm a private person as well. Too many times I have tried to be open, and was hurt deeply. So, I won't be that way ever again. I have learned my lesson.

It's hard to get people to understand a trans individuals mind. I certainly can understand why it's difficult. It's just like me not understanding what it's like to be completely comfortable with one's body from day one. While we should always try to understand what it might be like in someone else's shoes it's hard to comprehend sometimes.

And in the times when I used to get "ma'am'd" (I recently --yesterday and keep in my photo, which is how I look -- got called "Baby" by the manager of a local grocery store -- it was more of a term of friendliness than anything, I think) I smile and remember Llama Surya Das' teaching of compassion for those who mean a lot to us and those we hardly know. Those who do those infractions may have had a hard life, especially those who throw hate at us. I've got to figure that those who are so mired into hate must have lived painful lives to get where they are and I cannot do anything other than feel compassion for the pain they must have endured to get where they are.

So, Andrew, if I can offer: when you get "Ma'am'd", smile and politely correctly them and continue. It will make them re-think a bit and probably blush. In your prayers to God, ask Him/Her to direct them and alleviate their pain. (I hope it's ok that I mention this and if it's not, I'll remove it)


In another tangent: I'm curious as to everyone's thoughts on the term "cis" (I've seen it used in the following examples: cis-gendered, cis-man, cis-woman, etc.) This past summer a huge debate started about cis and how it was offensive to a "cis-gendered individual" (I'll use the term in this sense since I don't have the words on how else to describe it and "non-trans individual" doesn't quite seem right either..).

Opinions? Thoughts?

[Jet]

Addressing us as "Miss"

To which I have replied,
"I ain't no miss, I'm right on target, you got that?


Addressing us as "Ma'am"

To which I have replied,
"Do I look like Miss Daisy to you?
Get the hell out of the car and let me drive."


Remember, I'm in the South, the female pronoun capitol of the universe.



What is cis? Something else to deal with now? Gawd! Does it ever stop?

[Linus]

From this site: http://cydathria.com/ms_donna/tg_def.html

Cisgender

The term Cisgender was coined in 1995 by Carl Buijs, a female-to-male transsexual from the Netherlands.

• Main Entry:cis- Function:prefix Etymology:Latin, from cis Meaning: 1: on this side <cislunar> 2:usually ital : cis <cis-dichloroethylene> -- compare TRANS- 2b

As we are not talking about chemistry, it is definition 1 that we want.
As we defined gender above to mean "the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex", Cisgendered literally means: on this side of the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex.
Stated simply, it means that one's identity and presentation matches their physical morphology.

[Bit]

I have a question. Lately when Nick and Gryph and I have been out in public, it has seemed to me that people have been going out of their way to call us "ladies."

Now if you've known me for a while, you already know that it makes me uncomfortable to be called "lady" because, after all, that's my dog's name... well, okay, really it's because of the stereotypical crap I was force-fed growing up about a lady is always quiet and demure and never laughs out loud (I cannot stop laughing when something is funny), a lady never shows the least hint of temper (I cuss like a sailor! sheesh), a lady never sweats (omgawd, in PHOENIX? seriously?! Are you insane?!)---but when I am out with a transman who is wearing a dress shirt and tie, someone who does not even LOOK female, and people go out of their way to call us ladies.... well it just makes me cringe!

I suppose one of the big cringe factors is their attitude; they are quite obviously going out of their way to be extra nice and to reassure us all that "they can tell [the transman] is actually really female, no worries, we accept you as a girl, we aren't going to embarrass you by not noticing your femaleness" omg it just makes me CRINGE....

So anyhow, here's my question. Does this happen to you in your area, or is it just the Midwest US; and if it does happen where you are, does it happen to you more when you are with a Femme than if you are alone?

I would ask Nick directly, but yanno he and Gryph are off shooting paper people dead and I don't want to forget the question---so hey, Nick, would you mind answering too? Do you get this treatment more when I'm with you?

Thanks in advance for your answers, everyone. I appreciate your time.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Bit

So anyhow, here's my question. Does this happen to you in your area, or is it just the Midwest US; and if it does happen where you are, does it happen to you more when you are with a Femme than if you are alone?

Hrmm.. I don't think I've ever noticed but then again, I have the advantage of a beard and facial hair seems to cement things for most people's view of gender (voice drop didn't hurt either).

When I was out in Kansas City last year, I got read both ways (I was there for work so by myself).

Did the person in question know both of you before Nick began transition?

[Bit]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

That being said, I worry about how I will be perceived after transition. Will I be shunned but the queer community as no longer being part of the tribe? Will femmes no longer be interested? Will my queerness be invisible? I don't consider myself straight- no because I am attracted to masculine people. I am not. But because I am attracted to femmes. Femmes aren't straight women. I have little interest in straight women. Does that make me a jerk? I hope not. But will I trade being seen as a female for no longer being seen as queer when I go on T?? What is your experiences guys? Do any of you feel the same?

I can answer some of your questions, Drew, if you don't mind a Femme perspective.

I have seen Transmen be shunned by the Queer community after transition, and I have seen them be welcomed, both--so I think the answer to that one depends on your own community.

I know at least two Transmen who have said they do feel invisible to the queer community now that they are living as men--but other than what those two have said, I cannot answer that particular question.

Not being attracted to straight women does NOT make you a jerk AT ALL--it makes you one very fine special guy, MUCH appreciated by the Transensual and Queer Femmes among us... and yes, not only will you still be attractive to us, you will be MORE attractive to us because you will be settled in your own identity and you will be happy.

I think people in general highly underestimate the attractiveness of a person who is settled in his own skin, who knows who he is and who is damned happy to be himself.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Bit

I have a question. Lately when Nick and Gryph and I have been out in public, it has seemed to me that people have been going out of their way to call us "ladies."


I suppose one of the big cringe factors is their attitude; they are quite obviously going out of their way to be extra nice and to reassure us all that "they can tell [the transman] is actually really female, no worries, we accept you as a girl, we aren't going to embarrass you by not noticing your femaleness" omg it just makes me CRINGE....

So anyhow, here's my question. Does this happen to you in your area, or is it just the Midwest US; and if it does happen where you are, does it happen to you more when you are with a Femme than if you are alone?
Thanks in advance for your answers, everyone. I appreciate your time.

Evening Bit. I am going to give your questions a shot. This has happened to me where I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. And, as a matter of fact it did seem to happen more often when I was in the company of femmes and other ladies. I have been taking T for the past 18 months and the ma'am thing rarely happens now. I am not a hairy guy so not much facial hair to speak of on me.

There have been a few times in my past that I have just directly dealt with the ma'am and lady thing. First I tell them, Look no need to apologize. I know you are trying to be polite. I know how I look, present. Then I ask, "Seriously, do I look like a lady?" Usually they are not sure what to say and looking at me with a look of dumb foundedness. Then I again try to reasure them with something like "I know you have probably never been face to face with a person like me. I am Trans. This means for me, I purposely present as masculine. So please try this; If you cannot wrap your head around using a masculine pronoun on me, use prounouns that are genderless or use my name, Grey."

By this point they really are trying to make sense of what I have just said. Usually people are so unprepared to hear in a very matter of fact style such openess. They just say okay and the conversation ends or we move on.

I am very serious, I have done this a few times and so far, so good.

[Paphigleo]

Originally Posted by Bit

I have a question. Lately when Nick and Gryph and I have been out in public, it has seemed to me that people have been going out of their way to call us "ladies."

Now if you've known me for a while, you already know that it makes me uncomfortable to be called "lady" because, after all, that's my dog's name... well, okay, really it's because of the stereotypical crap I was force-fed growing up about a lady is always quiet and demure and never laughs out loud (I cannot stop laughing when something is funny), a lady never shows the least hint of temper (I cuss like a sailor! sheesh), a lady never sweats (omgawd, in PHOENIX? seriously?! Are you insane?!)---but when I am out with a transman who is wearing a dress shirt and tie, someone who does not even LOOK female, and people go out of their way to call us ladies.... well it just makes me cringe!

I suppose one of the big cringe factors is their attitude; they are quite obviously going out of their way to be extra nice and to reassure us all that "they can tell [the transman] is actually really female, no worries, we accept you as a girl, we aren't going to embarrass you by not noticing your femaleness" omg it just makes me CRINGE....

So anyhow, here's my question. Does this happen to you in your area, or is it just the Midwest US; and if it does happen where you are, does it happen to you more when you are with a Femme than if you are alone?

I would ask Nick directly, but yanno he and Gryph are off shooting paper people dead and I don't want to forget the question---so hey, Nick, would you mind answering too? Do you get this treatment more when I'm with you?

Thanks in advance for your answers, everyone. I appreciate your time.

cath...

as I answered you while there (but am posting for posterity)

It does happen more when I am around females, whether Femmes or even my lil sister. I do not feel as though they are trying to be disrespectful it is quite the contrary. Perhaps it has something to do with them wanting to recognize what they perceive as queer and want *me* to know that they *see* me for my *queer* self and are totally ok with it, *ladies* (wink and smile). While this motis operandi causes me no end of internal turmoil, I do not see any disrespect or venom in it. It does not happen as often when I am alone, but I believe I carry myself differently when alone, there is much more 'matter of fact' and 'stay back' than when I am with friends.

The vocal issue is also ever present as is the lack of facial hair. My baby face never helps matters. :S

I am convinced that with reconstruction I will have a much better pass rate and I utterly refuse to blame the issue on such a sweet girl as you.

[Bit]

Originally Posted by Paphigleo

I am convinced that with reconstruction I will have a much better pass rate and I utterly refuse to blame the issue on such a sweet girl as you.

Bless your heart, love! You are ever the gentleman.

I believe T will probably masculinize your face and voice enough so that people will see you as a man with or without surgery--yes, I know, surgery is vitally important! But I think it's the T which will make the most changes.

For me, there seems to be a link between Femme Invisibility and Transman Invisibility... but that might be that I am too close to the situation to see it clearly, I don't know.

What I do know is how startling it is when people go out of their way to be accepting of a Transman as a Queer Butch... cuz yanno, it just has NOT been that long ago that people were practically spitting on the ground whenever Queer Butches walked by. If ever there were a flag flying to point out the shift in the cultural wind of this society, I think this one might be it!

I still cringe inside, though. *sheepish smile*

[greeneyedgrrl]

Originally Posted by Bit

I have a question. Lately when Nick and Gryph and I have been out in public, it has seemed to me that people have been going out of their way to call us "ladies."

Now if you've known me for a while, you already know that it makes me uncomfortable to be called "lady" because, after all, that's my dog's name... well, okay, really it's because of the stereotypical crap I was force-fed growing up about a lady is always quiet and demure and never laughs out loud (I cannot stop laughing when something is funny), a lady never shows the least hint of temper (I cuss like a sailor! sheesh), a lady never sweats (omgawd, in PHOENIX? seriously?! Are you insane?!)---but when I am out with a transman who is wearing a dress shirt and tie, someone who does not even LOOK female, and people go out of their way to call us ladies.... well it just makes me cringe!

I suppose one of the big cringe factors is their attitude; they are quite obviously going out of their way to be extra nice and to reassure us all that "they can tell [the transman] is actually really female, no worries, we accept you as a girl, we aren't going to embarrass you by not noticing your femaleness" omg it just makes me CRINGE....

So anyhow, here's my question. Does this happen to you in your area, or is it just the Midwest US; and if it does happen where you are, does it happen to you more when you are with a Femme than if you are alone?

I would ask Nick directly, but yanno he and Gryph are off shooting paper people dead and I don't want to forget the question---so hey, Nick, would you mind answering too? Do you get this treatment more when I'm with you?

Thanks in advance for your answers, everyone. I appreciate your time.

this is interesting to me... i have had the exact opposite experience. often when i am out in public here with very masculine butch women/females, (who btw prefer feminine pronouns), people go out of their way to call them sir. one of the women has very large breasts (i dunno how anyone could miss them)! in these cases do you think it's intentional use of the wrong pronoun? or do you think that they're trying to be sensitive and just aren't able to see the difference? blind? ig'nant? thoughts?

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by greeneyedgrrl

this is interesting to me... i have had the exact opposite experience. often when i am out in public here with very masculine butch women/females, (who btw prefer feminine pronouns), people go out of their way to call them sir. one of the women has very large breasts (i dunno how anyone could miss them)! in these cases do you think it's intentional use of the wrong pronoun? or do you think that they're trying to be sensitive and just aren't able to see the difference? blind? ig'nant? thoughts?

I believe there is an honest-to-goodness mix of people who do those things.

I believe there are some who feel your ID must be that of the masculine....maybe even male.....and they are wanting to "have your back" and let you know they see you and they get it.

I believe there are some who are being a-holes and trying to cut at you.

And I believe there are some who are real "surface-y" with that stuff. His/her mind registered "male" so they went with "sir" and now they're on to the next thing.

There's no way of knowing for sure what one individual means by it at any given time, IMO.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by greeneyedgrrl

this is interesting to me... i have had the exact opposite experience. often when i am out in public here with very masculine butch women/females, (who btw prefer feminine pronouns), people go out of their way to call them sir. one of the women has very large breasts (i dunno how anyone could miss them)! in these cases do you think it's intentional use of the wrong pronoun? or do you think that they're trying to be sensitive and just aren't able to see the difference? blind? ig'nant? thoughts?

That's not our experience here in central Texas. We are often called 'ladies' or 'girls' and it really grates my nerves.

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by Linus

In another tangent: I'm curious as to everyone's thoughts on the term "cis" (I've seen it used in the following examples: cis-gendered, cis-man, cis-woman, etc.) This past summer a huge debate started about cis and how it was offensive to a "cis-gendered individual" (I'll use the term in this sense since I don't have the words on how else to describe it and "non-trans individual" doesn't quite seem right either..).

Opinions? Thoughts?

I've never been fond of "cis-", but using "bio-" always worked just fine for me.

I know there are transmen who do not like to hear the term "bio-male" to refer to someone......oh, someone like my brother.......but it's always been a natural default for me, and it makes clinical sense......*to me*.

I certainly never mean to offend anyone. I also recognize that it's virtually impossible not to offend *someone* when navigating these waters. I think if people are genuine, thoughtful, and honest we should cut 'em a little slack and *respectfully* explain why something may be offensive or hurtful.

Respect is the key. A little compassion, patience, and understanding come in handy too.

[Bit]

Linus and Greyson, thank you both very much!

Originally Posted by Linus

Did the person in question know both of you before Nick began transition?

Linus, it always seems to be strangers... maybe Nick knows them but, I doubt it. It's really bad in restaurants and grocery stores.

Originally Posted by Greyson

Evening Bit. I am going to give your questions a shot. This has happened to me where I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. And, as a matter of fact it did seem to happen more often when I was in the company of femmes and other ladies.

Greyson, this is what I was wondering. Now I'm wondering if, in the company of men, Transmen might not have this strange situation... in other words, this thing which has always happened around me, this thing which somehow makes strangers think that any Butch I am with is my sister rather than my lover, is this "the-thing-which-makes-me-invisible-as-a-Femme" at work in yet one more way to make people "un-see" a Transman?

If it is, then I can finally understand the knee-jerk reaction some Transmen have had to the idea of staying in the community, and the insistence some Transmen have had on being with straight women rather than Femmes. It never made sense to me and I felt really hurt by the overwhelming way some guys rejected not just the community but also Transensual Femmes.

I never understood why the person who most wanted to support a guy would be the person he rejected... but if a Femme's very presence is enough to make strangers everywhere "un-see" a Transman's truth, it becomes clear why so many guys shy away.

Am I on the right track here? Or am I way out in left field?

I'm telling you, I have been SO TEMPTED to turn to these people in shock and say--as politely as I can, to educate not to blast--"why are you calling him a lady? We would prefer it if you said 'you guys' or 'you folks' please."

I refrain because it isn't my battle to fight, and I wouldn't do that to a guy without permission.

...........but omg I cringe, I cringe, I cringe.....

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by Bit

I have a question. Lately when Nick and Gryph and I have been out in public, it has seemed to me that people have been going out of their way to call us "ladies."

*snip*

So anyhow, here's my question. Does this happen to you in your area, or is it just the Midwest US; and if it does happen where you are, does it happen to you more when you are with a Femme than if you are alone?

Originally Posted by Bit

Greyson, this is what I was wondering. Now I'm wondering if, in the company of men, Transmen might not have this strange situation... in other words, this thing which has always happened around me, this thing which somehow makes strangers think that any Butch I am with is my sister rather than my lover, is this "the-thing-which-makes-me-invisible-as-a-Femme" at work in yet one more way to make people "un-see" a Transman?

*snip*

If it is, then I can finally understand the knee-jerk reaction some Transmen have had to the idea of staying in the community, and the insistence some Transmen have had on being with straight women rather than Femmes.

*snip*

Am I on the right track here? Or am I way out in left field?

Hi Bit...

I don't think it's a regional thing at all. From *my* experiences, I was not perceived as male when I was out-n-about because I was read as female. It didn't matter if it was out west, on the east coast, down in Texas, or up in Minnesota.

I had top surgery 16 months prior to starting T. During that time, I very often was sir'd upon initial contact........and then I spoke.

Prior to that, I bound my chest. If someone picked up on that fact, then they didn't even need my voice to "clue them in".

It didn't matter how I dressed, carried myself, or wore my hair. They read me as female, so I was "ma'am" and "lady". And what really sucked is that I don't recall thinking that anyone was *ever* being disrespectful. Quite the opposite, actually.

For me, these were my experiences whether or not I was alone, with family, with guys, or with femmes. It just didn't matter.

So I don't know that *that* would be the reason a transman would opt out of the company of other queers and/or femmes. Just my opinion, of course...

Respectfully,
Thinker

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by Bit

Linus and Greyson, thank you both very much!

Greyson, this is what I was wondering. Now I'm wondering if, in the company of men, Transmen might not have this strange situation... in other words, this thing which has always happened around me, this thing which somehow makes strangers think that any Butch I am with is my sister rather than my lover, is this "the-thing-which-makes-me-invisible-as-a-Femme" at work in yet one more way to make people "un-see" a Transman?

If it is, then I can finally understand the knee-jerk reaction some Transmen have had to the idea of staying in the community, and the insistence some Transmen have had on being with straight women rather than Femmes. It never made sense to me and I felt really hurt by the overwhelming way some guys rejected not just the community but also Transensual Femmes.

I never understood why the person who most wanted to support a guy would be the person he rejected... but if a Femme's very presence is enough to make strangers everywhere "un-see" a Transman's truth, it becomes clear why so many guys shy away.

Am I on the right track here? Or am I way out in left field?

I'm telling you, I have been SO TEMPTED to turn to these people in shock and say--as politely as I can, to educate not to blast--"why are you calling him a lady? We would prefer it if you said 'you guys' or 'you folks' please."

I refrain because it isn't my battle to fight, and I wouldn't do that to a guy without permission.

...........but omg I cringe, I cringe, I cringe.....

Hi Bit, I thought I would take a stab at addressing your thoughts/questions with regard to transmen "rejecting" femmes. Of course, I think it would be impossible to apply definitive answers, but I suspect there are a couple of issues at play.

I do think some transmen choose not to partner with femmes because of how they'll be "read" by the public, but the reasons are varied and often go deeper than simply being "un-seen," afterall it would be difficult to "un-see" many transmen (as opposed to someone like me, who is often sir'ed, frequently not, and can be un-seen without much difficulty).

So I offer up a few of my observations, none of which I think suggest intentional rejection (or rejection from a place of cruelty) of those who would offer the most support.

• Some have never felt gay/queer and don't feel a fit with the community.

• Some want to fully assimilate into "straight" life, for whatever reason(s), such as fear of exposure (and the possibility of rejection), or greater feelings of association and belonging.

• Some don't want any attention drawn to them at all, they simply want to blend in with the crowd. Sometimes, some femmes can be a bit, uh, flamboyant (like drag queens) and that alone draws attention (no judgment, just sayin!)

• Sometimes it IS a form of homophobia. I'm going to leave that one for further discussion.

• Sometimes it's simply that they feel they don't belong, don't have a right to date/partner from the queer pool anymore. Maybe they've too often heard, "if you think you're a man, why are you trying to date lesbians?!" (That makes me cringe.)

Again, I'm just throwing out somethings I've encountered, nothing definitive here. I would like very much to hear what other transfolk (I've been elsewhere roasted for using that term, but whatevs, I'm using it) have experienced or feel with regard to Bit's questions (which I feel ARE on track).

[Ursy]

Originally Posted by Thinker

I know there are transmen who do not like to hear the term "bio-male" to refer to someone......oh, someone like my brother.......but it's always been a natural default for me, and it makes clinical sense......*to me*.

I like the term "standard issue"... and my guy's a custom job
Kris sometimes uses the term "natal male". That kinda makes sense to me too. I think "bio-male" is useful in the sense that its meaning is more intuitively interpretable, when you're speaking in the context of "transness".