The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[violaine]

http://www.connecticutspecialeducati...ggshell-skull/

[Andrew, Jr.]

Damselfly,

I thing it is hard for "normal" people to really understand or grasp those of us who are different. They may see one thing, but behind the front door of the house is something different. Make sense?

You rock, by the way.

[violaine]

i still don't know what normal is- and the word really gets tossed around- normal this, and normal that since childhood. sure, some people will miss 'seeing' things all together, or else only 'see' what they want either because they cannot conceive of another way of thinking [maybe it is their wiring?] or for whatever other reasons.



in the name of 'normality' an abundance of unspoken 'standards' get set and designed for the majority --> of 'normals,' andrew, with understanding that they are automatically understood. sometimes, they [people/rules] change without warning. worse, when changes are meant as a joke on people yet appear to be serious - or the other way round. where does this leave atypically wired people - who want to partake in their environment like everyone else?

[christie]

Originally Posted by violaine

i still don't know what normal is- and the word really gets tossed around- normal this, and normal that since childhood. sure, some people will miss 'seeing' things all together, or else only 'see' what they want either because they cannot conceive of another way of thinking [maybe it is their wiring?] or for whatever other reasons.



in the name of 'normality' an abundance of unspoken 'standards' get set and designed for the majority --> of 'normals,' andrew, with understanding that they are automatically understood. sometimes, they [people/rules] change without warning. worse, when changes are meant as a joke on people yet appear to be serious - or the other way round. where does this leave atypically wired people - who want to partake in their environment like everyone else?

Belle - I think both you and Andrew bring up really good points about "normal" and the unspoken expectations/standards/rules. Its always been these things that were Bratboy's biggest obstacles. I may have mentioned this before, but he had to learn to read body language, facial expressions and to listen for tone when interacting. He was often a very literal child and I know he has had the same difficulty in online forums.

I think that sarcasm in an online forum is difficult for anyone to "read" unless they know the person making the post and can "hear" how they might say the same thing if in real-time. For me, if I am uncertain as to the intent of the typed words, unless its something that directly impacts me, I tend to move past it.

I had a conversation with a very good friend of mine not too long ago about how difficult its been to formulate an after-graduation plan for Bratboy. I had been told of a small college not too far from our town that has an outreach program for spectrum folks. I was really excited about the possibility of him being able to attend a four-year college with additional support on campus.

I was in no way prepared for the ensuing diatribe of how she didnt think it was fair that he could obtain a four year degree with what amounts to an IEP the same as another student who "doesn't have the privilege of the additional support" and that he would, in essence, when in the job market after college, be "taking away someone's chance at a job who didn't have the "pass" he did while in college."

I really didnt know how to respond to her - I see her point. I also know how important it is to ensure that everyone, regardless of ability, has the same access to education and what a difference it will make in his future. I am still torn with how I feel about it.

I am happy to say that we have been able to formulate a plan for him - he has part time employment over the summer with a company who works with "not quite ready for the workforce folks" as a landscaping helper. It pays minimum wage and they will provide transportation to and from job sites. We think that it will give him an introduction to working without some of the pressures if he took a job with a company who didnt understand that he will have challenges.

In October, he will attend a nine week life skills class on the campus of a rehabilitation center about 5 hours from us. After he completes that program, he will begin the culinary arts program they offer and it gives him the same certificate that attending the local community college would offer. Both programs are federally and state funded and while we don't qualify for the subsidy program, even the monthly amount to include room, board and materials is really, really affordable.

At this point, I think I am really ok with the "passes", however mythical or not. I mean, really, we are talking about showing additional compassion, understanding and patience for those who need it and, well, I just can't imagine not.

[violaine]

[QUOTE=christie0918;332624]Belle - I think both you and Andrew bring up really good points about "normal" and the unspoken expectations/standards/rules. Its always been these things that were Bratboy's biggest obstacles. I may have mentioned this before, but he had to learn to read body language, facial expressions and to listen for tone when interacting. He was often a very literal child and I know he has had the same difficulty in online forums.

I think that sarcasm in an online forum is difficult for anyone to "read" unless they know the person making the post and can "hear" how they might say the same thing if in real-time. For me, if I am uncertain as to the intent of the typed words, unless its something that directly impacts me, I tend to move past it.

I had a conversation with a very good friend of mine not too long ago about how difficult its been to formulate an after-graduation plan for Bratboy. I had been told of a small college not too far from our town that has an outreach program for spectrum folks. I was really excited about the possibility of him being able to attend a four-year college with additional support on campus.

I was in no way prepared for the ensuing diatribe of how she didnt think it was fair that he could obtain a four year degree with what amounts to an IEP the same as another student who "doesn't have the privilege of the additional support" and that he would, in essence, when in the job market after college, be "taking away someone's chance at a job who didn't have the "pass" he did while in college."

I really didnt know how to respond to her - I see her point. I also know how important it is to ensure that everyone, regardless of ability, has the same access to education and what a difference it will make in his future. I am still torn with how I feel about it.

I am happy to say that we have been able to formulate a plan for him - he has part time employment over the summer with a company who works with "not quite ready for the workforce folks" as a landscaping helper. It pays minimum wage and they will provide transportation to and from job sites. We think that it will give him an introduction to working without some of the pressures if he took a job with a company who didnt understand that he will have challenges.

In October, he will attend a nine week life skills class on the campus of a rehabilitation center about 5 hours from us. After he completes that program, he will begin the culinary arts program they offer and it gives him the same certificate that attending the local community college would offer. Both programs are federally and state funded and while we don't qualify for the subsidy program, even the monthly amount to include room, board and materials is really, really affordable.

At this point, I think I am really ok with the "passes", however mythical or not. I mean, really, we are talking about showing additional compassion, understanding and patience for those who need it and, well, I just can't imagine not.

christie, culinary arts, right on! a tremendous amout of work goes into planning a future for your son, especially at the distance from home. he will have so many transitions ahead of him, and that's no cake walk!

your post makes sense to me in that i wonder if people who are not on the spectrum realise how insulting it can be to hear certain things- i.e., accusations of being sarcastic, or being well-aware of something done to incite others - getting passes for the sake of using DX as a crutch, having more opportunities than NTs - when the opposite is more likely to be true. this can be so annoying! as a kid, several of those phrases were not unfamiliar to me from distant relatives, btw. online, matter-of-fact, and very infrequent personalisation is my posting style- but how it gets read/translated who knows; and really, i would love to be asked if someone was unsure of how i meant something i composed. isn't it inconceivable for there to be an expectation of any person [nt or NoT] to read minds and know just exactly what/when/how anyone else is going to be 'triggered' by their own stuff when you're trying to not engage negatively- because it isn't on the mind to do so! going on to the next step without additonal stress of it being about the other person - is that asking for a pass/ too much ?

i wish you all the best, christine. he seems like a remarkable young man with beautifully supportive parents!

belle

[LadyRain]

gonna spend some time reading posts here........looks like a good place, i could use a good place

[aishah]

for me, having access does not mean getting a "pass."

i resent being forced/expected to overcompensate and act as normal as possible. i don't think that's a healthy way to be in the world. it's caused me a lot of pain and suffering and trauma, and usually it's futile. but i do respect that it is my responsibility to communicate my access needs and that as the person with the disability, educating others about disability, accessibility, and inclusion usually falls to me.

i also understand that having a disability doesn't give me a pass to be a jerk. but often i have access needs that other people take as something offensive (for example, needing to sit on the floor because chairs are agonizing, or using a computer during a meeting so that i can stay on track when i'm dealing with ridiculous amounts of pain and fatigue - in the "normal" world these things are viewed as annoyances, disruptions, impolite). so i do my best to make people understand that just because what i'm doing doesn't look "normal" for whatever setting does not mean i am being rude.