The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by sweet_goldie_grrl

WOAH!! I never heard that one before! That's appalling that someone would actually think that.

I've been on the receiving end of that particular bit of poison more than once. I have to admit I haven't heard it as much now that I"m in my thirties, but it was common between 18 and 23 for me. I grew up in a very small town and was the only openly gay person up until about 4 years ago. Most people didn't understand and figured that the only way I would prefer women (especially butch women) over the local football hero was if there was something wrong with me. You'd be surprised what people can come up with to explain what is wrong with you.

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

You'd be surprised what people can come up with to explain what is wrong with you.

Not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but I was told I was ""man hurt".

[TickledPink]

Not sure if this is the proper place for this, but.....The term "high femme" or "very high femme" irk me.

Not sure why.

[Chancie]

Originally Posted by TickledPink

Not sure if this is the proper place for this, but.....The term "high femme" or "very high femme" irk me.

Not sure why.

Yes! And, 'pure femme' or '100% femme'.

[PumaJ]

I think I may be simplifying here when I say that we live in a very heterosexist culture. We have media/cultural driven gender roles & behaviors in which masculine women & effeminate men are seen as being lesbian or gay, & feminine women & masculine men are seen as being straight. I think that all of us grow up internalizing that message, to one degree or another. Thus, we see it expressed in our Queer communities when we are not recognized as Queer, ourselves.

As Queer Femmes, we are very diverse in our expression of Femme. I don't believe that there is a right way, or wrong way to go about being Femme. There is only the owning and expressing the vastness of our feminine energy in all of its fabulously powerful and gorgeous forms, as we define it, not as dominant or even Queer culture defines it.

Doesn't matter if we are tops, bottoms, or in between, or whether we sexually engage with other Femmes, masculine of center women, those who are FTM, or any other Queer gender. Femme as gender transcends one's biological sex. That is, regardless of being born into a female or a male body, one can be Femme.

Until the past few months, I've been out of the lesbian/queer public community loop for some time, so if there is some silliness going on regarding a Femme hierarchy, I am blissfully unaware of it. I am High Femme & feminist. I don't see being High Femme as superior to any other type of Femme, it is just one of many forms of Femme expression, IMO. Plus, if the queer haters come knocking, they aren't going to give one rip about the different types of Femme. In their small minds, they just see Queer, period. We need to be each others' allies.

I really enjoyed the article, Trouble in a Tutu, today.

[kannon]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

I've been on the receiving end of that particular bit of poison more than once. I have to admit I haven't heard it as much now that I"m in my thirties, but it was common between 18 and 23 for me. I grew up in a very small town and was the only openly gay person up until about 4 years ago. Most people didn't understand and figured that the only way I would prefer women (especially butch women) over the local football hero was if there was something wrong with me. You'd be surprised what people can come up with to explain what is wrong with you.

I went to therapy for gender dysphoria. The therapist's first suggestion for me was, "why don't I try to dress more feminine?" Then this woman who stated she was originally from the North and that made her more liberal and open-minded said ALL lesbians were sexually molested and that's why they are lesbians. I asked so that's your theory? She said no, it's a fact. The sad part is she a helping professional.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by kannon

I went to therapy for gender dysphoria. The therapist's first suggestion for me was, "why don't I try to dress more feminine?" Then this woman who stated she was originally from the North and that made her more liberal and open-minded said ALL lesbians were sexually molested and that's why they are lesbians. I asked so that's your theory? She said no, it's a fact. The sad part is she a helping professional.

Whoa! Just, whoa. Have you thought of reporting this person to the Medical Board?

whoa.

Every time I read something like this it just gets my blood boiling. I'm glad you managed to sort it out without her, uhhh, help.

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

Whoa! Just, whoa. Have you thought of reporting this person to the Medical Board?

whoa.

Every time I read something like this it just gets my blood boiling. I'm glad you managed to sort it out without her, uhhh, help.

AGREED!!!!!!! This person should be reported! That's horrible!!!

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by kannon

I went to therapy for gender dysphoria. The therapist's first suggestion for me was, "why don't I try to dress more feminine?" Then this woman who stated she was originally from the North and that made her more liberal and open-minded said ALL lesbians were sexually molested and that's why they are lesbians. I asked so that's your theory? She said no, it's a fact. The sad part is she a helping professional.

Reading this just makes me seethe! This so called "professional" probably has the same kinds of degrees and state approved licenses that I and many others that are in the field have.

I hate this! And I have to say that it isn't the first time I have read about or personally come across therapists like this. If this person really does hold a valid state license- REPORT (this is mal-practice/incompetence)!!! Sometimes therapists (depending on the state requirements and laws) can practice in a state without a professional license. Consequently, there is really no legal remedy for the harm that someone with this lack of knowledge and down right incompetence can do.

It is so important to check on the credentials of a therapist before seeing them. Also, go to your state's licensing board's website and see if non-licensed therapists are allowed to practice in your state in any form. In most states, even those with "in-active" status of their license cannot practice.

This is a very real problem and look at what can happen to people in our community when these idiots are out there practicing! You can also (in most states in the US), look up any prior infractions or mal-practice claims against a clinician. Plus, there is some good information on how to select a therapist written- and how to conduct pre-selection interview with a prospective therapist.

A fully licensed clinician has to have their state licensing registration number on all ads and business cards- you can look this number up on a state licensing board's website.

[kannon]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Reading this just makes me seethe! This so called "professional" probably has the same kinds of degrees and state approved licenses that I and many others that are in the field have.

I hate this! And I have to say that it isn't the first time I have read about or personally come across therapists like this. If this person really does hold a valid state license- REPORT (this is mal-practice/incompetence)!!! Sometimes therapists (depending on the state requirements and laws) can practice in a state without a professional license. Consequently, there is really no legal remedy for the harm that someone with this lack of knowledge and down right incompetence can do.

It is so important to check on the credentials of a therapist before seeing them. Also, go to your state's licensing board's website and see if non-licensed therapists are allowed to practice in your state in any form. In most states, even those with "in-active" status of their license cannot practice.

This is a very real problem and look at what can happen to people in our community when these idiots are out there practicing! You can also (in most states in the US), look up any prior infractions or mal-practice claims against a clinician. Plus, there is some good information on how to select a therapist written- and how to conduct pre-selection interview with a prospective therapist.

A fully licensed clinician has to have their state licensing registration number on all ads and business cards- you can look this number up on a state licensing board's website.

Unfortunately, I didn't report her. She claimed to be licensed and in good current standing with state licensing board.

Many of the LPCs are not required to take courses that address LGBT issues. However, they are supposed to be trained in ethics and diversity. So, I would hope to see a certain measure of understanding or recognition that people have their own unique personal experiences which shape who they are and how they perceive their world. She had none of that.

It is really scary thinking about some young, suicidal, easily influenced girl receiving counseling for her "homosexual" thoughts. This counselor may have her convinced that she was molested and only needs to resolve symptoms of PTSD to recover. It's a shame.

[ScandalAndy]

So how do you deal with the invisibility? Specifically, how do you combat it? it really brings me down when i'm assumed to be straight.

[blush]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

So how do you deal with the invisibility? Specifically, how do you combat it? it really brings me down when i'm assumed to be straight.

It depends on the situation and my level of investment in the person. It gets to me too, but I do enjoy the deer- in- the -headlights look when they figure it out. I wouldn't say that I combat it, just change their perception.

[Star Anise]

I am not particularly visible in day to day situations, I don't mind it too much most of the time, because my sexuality doesn't define me 24.7.

However one thing that I do find exciting is when I am talking to a sexy butch and she recognises the subtle prolonged eye contact and begins to notice that I am flirting with her.