The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

ScandalAndy · 07-14-2011, 08:46 AM

Last night as I walked out to the parking lot there were two gorgeous butches chatting next to the security gate. As I walked by I smiled and made eye contact, and they quickly looked away. What the heck do I have to do, wear a rainbow t-shirt every day to get my point across? One of them I've seen a few times around the site but never get to talk to. *sigh* I'm sick to death of being categorized as one of the straight women who work here.

Sweet Bliss · 07-21-2011, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

Last night as I walked out to the parking lot there were two gorgeous butches chatting next to the security gate. As I walked by I smiled and made eye contact, and they quickly looked away. What the heck do I have to do, wear a rainbow t-shirt every day to get my point across? One of them I've seen a few times around the site but never get to talk to. *sigh* I'm sick to death of being categorized as one of the straight women who work here.

As I've gotten more "mature" (read as past 50) I have amazed myself at how much I've changed and stayed the same... Most folks see me as straight, and do a double take when they find out different. Which I find delightful,

because it means at times I am completely invisible, (read ignored), which at times is extremely maddening. A friend commented to me once, "wow, men (bio) and women are both attracted to you? That must be wonderful!" And I'm thinking, not really, cause the Butch I want looks at me and treats me like his sister. So now when I see a Butch I'm interested in or other woman I'm attracted to for "whatever" (yes, i love all kinds of folks) if I were in your place approaching a "hottie" (whatever that means to you) I'd find a way to make sure that person "understands" that I'm liking what I'm seeing. So I get "ballsy" (so to speak) and make a comment, like for instance...

in the case of someone in uniform.... I might ask them to escort me to my car

or in the grocery store...... "excuse me, do you know anything about _____?"

or in other situations, a simple comment about their appearance usually breaks the ice.

Just a look from me does not do much, however if I wink, or do my "mmm, you look delicious" look + slow wicked smile, or after I pass by them, turn around for a second long look, I find it works more effectively then just eye contact. Trust me, honey, if you turn around for a better look, or stop and say something like, "Sugar, you MAKE that uniform...."... be sure and sashaye your hips, so when he/she watches you walk away, it's with interest....

Of course my favorite move is to cook something sweet for someone I have my eye on...... Like that hottie at Home Depot.... Lordie, I'm gonna faint if she ever ...... well, that's another thread....

Remember this mantra, "I am a sexy, delightful woman, (or what works for ya) and desirable, ....(you get the picture?)...." If you KNOW you are attracted to xyz, put that vibe out there, like "ya, I'm delicious!!"

Just my nickel today, do what you are comfortable with, put your personal spin on being your special self.

ArkansasPiscesGrrl · 08-18-2011, 12:34 PM

What a wonderful thread! You know, this is one of the reasons I signed on to this website!
I came out at a late age, at 49. Before that I was married twice. I always KNEW there was something about me, but for whatever reason, had to come out when I did.
I am tall, and I used to be a BBW. When I came across online boards for B/F topics, I knew I didn't FEEL like a butch, nor did I look anything like one. But then, with society's conditioning, I also didn't fir the mold or internal "picture" in my mind as to looking like a Femme. To *ME*, a femme was short, tiny, beautiful long nails and long hair, etc. At 5'11", I felt more like a bull in a china shop! I asked this friend once, she was this cute little boi, if I could be considered a femme. She just laughed and asked what ELSE I could think I was! DUH!
When I did come out, at 49 (looking totally white-bread Grandma look), I was desparate to "look the part". I cut my hair short, spiked it up, ANYTHING to "look" gay, or to be acknowledged as a lesbian.
I still get frustrated because I blend in and look "too straight", IE: I don't get acknowledged as gay. I say I don't set ANYONE'S gaydar off. Grrrr!

The_Lady_Snow · 08-18-2011, 12:38 PM

You know how straight girls different from us (Femmes)?

Soon as you have a conversation with us, our feminism, politics, acceptance of the diversity that surrounds us is spilled like paint on canvas through our words.

Straight gals not so much most of the time

MsTinkerbelly · 08-18-2011, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

You know how straight girls different from us (Femmes)?

Soon as you have a conversation with us, our feminism, politics, acceptance of the diversity that surrounds us is spilled like paint on canvas through our words.

Straight gals not so much most of the time

I could not have said it better myself Lady Snow! I am visable as a Femme only on two occasions...when I am with Kasey, and when I tell them like it is! LOL I have gotten much bolder in my old age, having been too shy for most of my life.

Toughy · 02-15-2013, 05:22 PM

I found this on Huff Po Lesbian section today. This seemed to be the best thread to put it in. It is about a year old.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-...hp_ref=lesbian

Femme Invisibility
Posted: 01/28/2012 12:17 pm

If asked to think of a lesbian, most people's thoughts drift to the stereotypical image of a butch lesbian. It may come as a surprise to some that this is not the only type of lesbian that exists, oh no -- there are some who are "femmes." <snip>

stepfordfemme · 02-15-2013, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toughy

I found this on Huff Po Lesbian section today. This seemed to be the best thread to put it in. It is about a year old.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-...hp_ref=lesbian

Femme Invisibility
Posted: 01/28/2012 12:17 pm

If asked to think of a lesbian, most people's thoughts drift to the stereotypical image of a butch lesbian. It may come as a surprise to some that this is not the only type of lesbian that exists, oh no -- there are some who are "femmes." <snip>

Thanks for posting.

I enjoyed this article, except for one line.

The author used femme "AKA" sometimes known as lipstick lesbians. I struggle with this term too often being equivocated with femme. I understand why she wrote it and what she meant, it just was unnecessary IMHO.

Femmes preferences for mates should not be connected at all to the femme label/identification.

Anyone else have thoughts on it?

07-14-2011, 08:46 AM	#1
ScandalAndy Member How Do You Identify?: human femme spitfire Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: it's official! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: east coast USA Posts: 1,167 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,758 Thanked 3,217 Times in 753 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Last night as I walked out to the parking lot there were two gorgeous butches chatting next to the security gate. As I walked by I smiled and made eye contact, and they quickly looked away. What the heck do I have to do, wear a rainbow t-shirt every day to get my point across? One of them I've seen a few times around the site but never get to talk to. sigh I'm sick to death of being categorized as one of the straight women who work here. __________________ The joy of discovery is certainly the liveliest that the mind of man can ever feel. - Claude Bernard (1813-78)

08-18-2011, 12:38 PM	#4
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,081 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	My POV You know how straight girls different from us (Femmes)? Soon as you have a conversation with us, our feminism, politics, acceptance of the diversity that surrounds us is spilled like paint on canvas through our words. Straight gals not so much most of the time __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

02-15-2013, 05:22 PM	#6
Toughy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: pervert butch feminist woman Preferred Pronoun?: see above Relationship Status: independent entity Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Oakland Posts: 1,826 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,068 Thanked 7,653 Times in 1,522 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I found this on Huff Po Lesbian section today. This seemed to be the best thread to put it in. It is about a year old. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-...hp_ref=lesbian Femme Invisibility Posted: 01/28/2012 12:17 pm If asked to think of a lesbian, most people's thoughts drift to the stereotypical image of a butch lesbian. It may come as a surprise to some that this is not the only type of lesbian that exists, oh no -- there are some who are "femmes." <snip> __________________ We are everywhere We are different I do not care if resistance is futile I will not assimilate www.butchfemmesocials.com/

08-18-2011, 12:34 PM	#3
ArkansasPiscesGrrl Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Relationship Status: feeling pretty darned blissful right now! Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: central AR Posts: 856 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,594 Thanked 3,079 Times in 741 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	What a wonderful thread! You know, this is one of the reasons I signed on to this website! I came out at a late age, at 49. Before that I was married twice. I always KNEW there was something about me, but for whatever reason, had to come out when I did. I am tall, and I used to be a BBW. When I came across online boards for B/F topics, I knew I didn't FEEL like a butch, nor did I look anything like one. But then, with society's conditioning, I also didn't fir the mold or internal "picture" in my mind as to looking like a Femme. To ME, a femme was short, tiny, beautiful long nails and long hair, etc. At 5'11", I felt more like a bull in a china shop! I asked this friend once, she was this cute little boi, if I could be considered a femme. She just laughed and asked what ELSE I could think I was! DUH! When I did come out, at 49 (looking totally white-bread Grandma look), I was desparate to "look the part". I cut my hair short, spiked it up, ANYTHING to "look" gay, or to be acknowledged as a lesbian. I still get frustrated because I blend in and look "too straight", IE: I don't get acknowledged as gay. I say I don't set ANYONE'S gaydar off. Grrrr!