What TO DO in a relationship..... - Page 8

bigbutchmistie · 08-30-2011, 06:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

This last part is especially true, but sometimes we don't divulge the bad in us not realizing we could potentially hurt someone in the long run.

I don't agree with the going to bed angry part, sometimes I need an overnight to regroup and think. I am always better the next day where I can talk clearly... or especially if what has made me angry/upset happened late at night.

Each person is different I guess.

For me, I have learned after losing so many impotant people in my life to work it out no matter if it took all night so to speak. You might never get that chance... And I dont want my last memory to be of fighting or disagreeing. thats just me....

girl_dee · 08-30-2011, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

Each person is different I guess.

For me, I have learned after losing so many impotant people in my life to work it out no matter if it took all night so to speak. You might never get that chance... And I dont want my last memory to be of fighting or disagreeing. thats just me....

Good point, yes we are all different, but strangling someone because of their stupid behavior at midnite because I didn't want to be angry at them would not help my situation.

Oh you meant talking, yes yes..that too....

*Anya* · 08-30-2011, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debby

I am guilty of doing too much. So much so, I end up being mommie.
I come across as not needing others. but its not true.
I need to have higher expectations of others, but less of me.

I joke I am a recovering perfectionist but it is kind of true.

My parents would always say to not start something if you are not going to finish it and something worth doing is worth doing right.

Yes they were full of old sayings but I do believe that they are correct and I do always try to live up to ones like these.

I know to rein myself back though when I have done a good job and to stop focusing on perfection-yes, I do know it does not exist

I also know that not everyone lives by these standards and I have been guilty of jumping in and finishing a half-done project (after waiting a couple of months for it to be finished).

deb_U_taunt · 08-30-2011, 04:08 PM

I have been working so hard lately to not finish or clean up after others or to not take responsibility for things not mine to take on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

I joke I am a recovering perfectionist but it is kind of true.

My parents would always say to not start something if you are not going to finish it and something worth doing is worth doing right.

Yes they were full of old sayings but I do believe that they are correct and I do always try to live up to ones like these.

I know to rein myself back though when I have done a good job and to stop focusing on perfection-yes, I do know it does not exist

I also know that not everyone lives by these standards and I have been guilty of jumping in and finishing a half-done project (after waiting a couple of months for it to be finished).

Dominique · 08-30-2011, 04:21 PM

UNDERSTAND not everyone's circadian rhythm is the same as yours

girl_dee · 08-30-2011, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debby

I have been working so hard lately to not finish or clean up after others or to not take responsibility for things not mine to take on.

Exactly, it's my personality, I start doing some small task and before you know it I own all of it.("PLEASE let me do ALL of that")..then it's mine, then i feel overwhelmed with the chore, then I complain no one will help me, then I implode.

Learning to do things differently now..

Janny · 08-30-2011, 05:35 PM

Close your eyes, hold on tight, and wait 'til it passes.

sara-bera · 08-30-2011, 06:06 PM

Listen.

Think before you speak.

Pay attention to the good stuff and live in the moment.

girl_dee · 08-30-2011, 06:10 PM

Trying not to use the word *don't* since this is the WHAT TO DO thread but dang it's hard...

DO spend time together, quality time that is.
DO really listen to each other when you are having talks...

Reader · 08-30-2011, 06:48 PM

Hi. This wasn't said about a partner-type relationship, but it seems like good advice which came from my sister, but could be applied to an LTR.

When someone says stuff to her that is negative or false or rotten, she simply says, "I'm not taking that in, I'm not taking that on, it's back to you". And she waves her hand sort of back toward the person as if to push the bad vibes back to the speaker.

I kind of admire her for that. Seems kind of healthy to me.

girl_dee · 08-30-2011, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hunter Green

Hi. This wasn't said about a partner-type relationship, but it seems like good advice which came from my sister, but could be applied to an LTR.

When someone says stuff to her that is negative or false or rotten, she simply says, "I'm not taking that in, I'm not taking that on, it's back to you". And she waves her hand sort of back toward the person as if to push the bad vibes back to the speaker.

I kind of admire her for that. Seems kind of healthy to me.

Yup, I have an invisible negative vibe cloak that I wear! It works!

girl_dee · 09-01-2011, 06:09 PM

Take a vacation together! Even an overnighter !

Dominique · 09-01-2011, 08:13 PM

Make healthy fun foods for the football game...
.....and at least sit on the sofa with your butch while the game is on (even if you don't care for football) it's just three hours!

Bonus points....wear a piece of Steeler clothing....it's hers, I don't own any.

Corkey · 09-01-2011, 09:45 PM

Never forget your anniversary... really bad faux pas.

LaneyDoll · 09-01-2011, 09:55 PM

Do remember that each is their own person - those little things that drive you crazy now were the cute little quirks that won your heart then.

Do make time for me-time is the best gift you can give.

Do remember that a soft word, a gentle touch or a sweet smile sometimes can "make it all better."

Do touch me lovingly. I would rather be caressed than "handled" - until we get to the bedroom anyway

Soft*Silver · 09-01-2011, 09:56 PM

often put a smile on your face when you are talking to your Other...if you have to think about it to do so, work harder at loving her or him. Its your responsibility to make magic happen in the relationship (well its both but I am only talking to one of you)

bring in the groceries and help put them away

put a new roll of TP out before the old one runs out

clean your own hair out of the sink and tub

make dinner like she or he is the most important person in the world

eat dinner at home instead of out, demonstrating you think the cooking there is better than anywhere else

change the sheets on the bed together

bring home a packet of seeds you think will look good in the garden

be the first one to say you are sorry

mean it

Sassy · 09-01-2011, 10:05 PM

Talk. About your day. About friends, family, birds, furniture, decor, dinner, politics, religion, love, lust, likes and dislikes. Talk. About the bad things. Past things. Gone things. Never to have them again things. Wishes, dreams and nightmares. Hopes still held and hopes dashed never to return. Talk. About what makes you happy. More importantly, what makes you angry or sad. Talk. Because we are not all mind readers.

princessbelle · 09-01-2011, 11:46 PM

Appreciate everything that is done for you. Never take a single thing for granted.

amiyesiam · 09-02-2011, 12:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corkey

Never forget your anniversary... really bad faux pas.

really, considering that yours is the day before your birthday and therefore you will never forget
and that I am dyslexic and therefore will never get it right
I find this comment to be a bit...........
well I already said it to your face
smart ass

Corkey · 09-02-2011, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amiyesiam

really, considering that yours is the day before your birthday and therefore you will never forget
and that I am dyslexic and therefore will never get it right
I find this comment to be a bit...........
well I already said it to your face
smart ass

Which is why you rely on me to always get it right. God help us I lose my memory, oh wait too late.

08-30-2011, 05:35 PM	#147
Janny Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: The glass slipper shattered and I can't stop staring at the shards. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 930 Thanked 223 Times in 92 Posts Rep Power: 6576866	Close your eyes, hold on tight, and wait 'til it passes. __________________ All the diamonds in this world that mean anything to me are conjured up by wind and sunlight sparkling on the sea. -Bruce Cockburn-

09-01-2011, 09:45 PM	#154
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,270 Times in 6,637 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Never forget your anniversary... really bad faux pas. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

09-01-2011, 09:55 PM	#155
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,683 Times in 1,607 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Do remember that each is their own person - those little things that drive you crazy now were the cute little quirks that won your heart then. Do make time for me-time is the best gift you can give. Do remember that a soft word, a gentle touch or a sweet smile sometimes can "make it all better." Do touch me lovingly. I would rather be caressed than "handled" - until we get to the bedroom anyway __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible.

09-01-2011, 09:56 PM	#156
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,908 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	often put a smile on your face when you are talking to your Other...if you have to think about it to do so, work harder at loving her or him. Its your responsibility to make magic happen in the relationship (well its both but I am only talking to one of you) bring in the groceries and help put them away put a new roll of TP out before the old one runs out clean your own hair out of the sink and tub make dinner like she or he is the most important person in the world eat dinner at home instead of out, demonstrating you think the cooking there is better than anywhere else change the sheets on the bed together bring home a packet of seeds you think will look good in the garden be the first one to say you are sorry mean it __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

09-01-2011, 11:46 PM	#158
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Appreciate everything that is done for you. Never take a single thing for granted. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

08-30-2011, 04:21 PM	#145
Dominique Member How Do You Identify?: Female/Lesbian/half the athlete I used to be Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: Dates Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: So proud to be a Pittsburgher Posts: 1,484 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,645 Thanked 3,730 Times in 1,166 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	UNDERSTAND not everyone's circadian rhythm is the same as yours

08-30-2011, 06:06 PM	#148
sara-bera Member How Do You Identify?: female Join Date: May 2011 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 1,161 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,687 Thanked 2,858 Times in 739 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Listen. Think before you speak. Pay attention to the good stuff and live in the moment.

08-30-2011, 06:10 PM	#149
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Trying not to use the word don't since this is the WHAT TO DO thread but dang it's hard... DO spend time together, quality time that is. DO really listen to each other when you are having talks...

08-30-2011, 06:48 PM	#150
Reader Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Butch, Dyke, Feminist, Contrarian Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2011 Location: New Jersey, The Garden State Posts: 732 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,308 Thanked 2,229 Times in 586 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hi. This wasn't said about a partner-type relationship, but it seems like good advice which came from my sister, but could be applied to an LTR. When someone says stuff to her that is negative or false or rotten, she simply says, "I'm not taking that in, I'm not taking that on, it's back to you". And she waves her hand sort of back toward the person as if to push the bad vibes back to the speaker. I kind of admire her for that. Seems kind of healthy to me.

09-01-2011, 06:09 PM	#152
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Take a vacation together! Even an overnighter !

09-01-2011, 08:13 PM	#153
Dominique Member How Do You Identify?: Female/Lesbian/half the athlete I used to be Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: Dates Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: So proud to be a Pittsburgher Posts: 1,484 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,645 Thanked 3,730 Times in 1,166 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Make healthy fun foods for the football game... .....and at least sit on the sofa with your butch while the game is on (even if you don't care for football) it's just three hours! Bonus points....wear a piece of Steeler clothing....it's hers, I don't own any.

09-01-2011, 10:05 PM	#157
Sassy Member How Do You Identify?: Female Relationship Status: Together Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: In the sunshine Posts: 598 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 815 Thanked 1,929 Times in 460 Posts Rep Power: 19641164	Talk. About your day. About friends, family, birds, furniture, decor, dinner, politics, religion, love, lust, likes and dislikes. Talk. About the bad things. Past things. Gone things. Never to have them again things. Wishes, dreams and nightmares. Hopes still held and hopes dashed never to return. Talk. About what makes you happy. More importantly, what makes you angry or sad. Talk. Because we are not all mind readers.