Stone Butches

[SweetJane]

I agree Heavenleahangel and LaneyDoll! It is just a part of who we are.

Discovering that I'm a stone femme answered a lot of questions in my life and explained much. I was finally at peace when I realized that was who I was. But as a stone femme (and I'm sure stone butches know this instinctively) I find myself set slightly apart from the community. I'm not eager to rush into romantic connections with others because I know that only a small majority of the community is stone or fully understands it. I'm reluctant to let my heart lead as I mingle among people because there is such a mix of identities where I live. I really don't want to become fond of someone, knowing I could never deliver all that they would require in an intimate relationship. So I have concentrated on finding friends and keep those boundaries.

The B-F community is a fraction of the wider community and we stones are a small portion of that. We should be kind to each other and give each other respect.

[Converse]

Attraction is an interesting thing, particularly instant attraction. It’s that time when hidden (often even to ourselves) yearnings surface and our being goes into alert mode without any involvement from our brain.

What I always find curious is that occasionally when time passes is that intellect and social pressures can often drive us to want to change the object of our initial attraction. Like the partner for example who begins to critique their other as being too masculine or too feminine – and for the sake of the relationship the other attempts to modify and stifle.

When there is an attraction and we enjoy all that the person is and at the same time feel confident in our assumption that the “stone part” is something that will change over time, we do so because we have reduced the essence of being Stone to simply being about sexual acts. Like a Deliahs request to have Samson visit the barber, much more can be lost in that request than simply the mane of hair.

I understand the analogy raised about sexual bottoms and it may or may not be relevant in the context of sexual encounters with Stone tops, but in my mind topping/bottoming is a whole other conversation that can easily be had without the word stone being used. I’m sure I’m not the only Stone Butch who has enjoyed “encounters” with femmes who have not identified as stone, and yes D/s and Top/bottom dynamics may all be part of the equation but they can easily exist outside of a Stone paradigm.

When talking about a Stone paradigm I’m referring to: A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them – this is what one Stone can offer another, it doesn’t require an explanation- it simply is, and the practices in the bedroom are merely a part of that continuum.

[SweetJane]

Converse. Well said as always, but especially:
"When talking about a Stone paradigm I’m referring to: A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them – this is what one Stone can offer another, it doesn’t require an explanation- it simply is, and the practices in the bedroom are merely a part of that continuum."

This is something I'm beginning to understand. It is a way of being that just is.... as is being butch or femme is.

But stone isn't a manner of dress, for example, that alerts us to others or, most especially, those we want to attract. And there lies the other part that may be as invisible as femmeness is in the hetero world. For stone femmes, it may be us who have to give some indication we are attracted to who we perceive our our counterparts. How else will they know?

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Converse

I’m sure I’m not the only Stone Butch who has enjoyed “encounters” with femmes who have not identified as stone,

'

Not just encounters, but actual relationships, long term ones, mutually satisfying "nothing is missing" relationships.

So many people who talk about the stone dynamic seem to want to minimize the fact that these partnerships can be successful.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Martina

'

Not just encounters, but actual relationships, long term ones, mutually satisfying "nothing is missing" relationships.

So many people who talk about the stone dynamic seem to want to minimize the fact that these partnerships can be successful.

My very first female in-love that was for just over three years ... we were shopping for a house, she was moving to canada... was stone.

it's wasn't and identity or a community for her. It was a fact of her sexuality. Just part of who she was, sexually. I did not ID as a stone femme, and still don't. I was mad in love with her. everything about her. it was *not* a dom/sub or top/bottom relationship. Just like all other relationships, we communicated our needs, laughed, shared things, went travelling, and had tons of hot sex.

I don't see my relationships with stones, daddies, switches, glitter butches, etc as different from each other. They all require respect, understanding, compassion, love, communication, desire and friendship. No one dynamic is more special or different than another. I don't even think butch-femme is different than most other kinds of dyke or het relationships. There are still the same ingredients. I just don't like to think I'm all that special or different from the next person who does something a bit differently from me.

I'm presently enjoy company with a stone. There is nothing about her which makes her more human, more special, more unique, more real, more deserving than anyone else. Aside from her just being her. It has nothing to do with with her ID and her sexuality - although it's hot and frankly is making my days a lot easier, that for sure... But it is not because she's stone... it's because she is who she is. it's *nice* she has the sexuality that she dose cause it's just what I want (and I'm talking about the whole sexual picture) but I certainly wouldn't want to reduce her to an ID dynamic - she'd hate that. she's hot. it's pretty much that simple.

[cuddlyfemme]

I hope the beginning to E/everyone's New Year is starting out well

[chai~]

Originally Posted by SweetJane

I agree Heavenleahangel and LaneyDoll! It is just a part of who we are.

Discovering that I'm a stone femme answered a lot of questions in my life and explained much. I was finally at peace when I realized that was who I was. But as a stone femme (and I'm sure stone butches know this instinctively) I find myself set slightly apart from the community. I'm not eager to rush into romantic connections with others because I know that only a small majority of the community is stone or fully understands it. I'm reluctant to let my heart lead as I mingle among people because there is such a mix of identities where I live. I really don't want to become fond of someone, knowing I could never deliver all that they would require in an intimate relationship. So I have concentrated on finding friends and keep those boundaries.

The B-F community is a fraction of the wider community and we stones are a small portion of that. We should be kind to each other and give each other respect.

Hi SweetJane, what is your interpretation of "stone femme"?
Stone butch seems to have a clearer definition, but not stone femme!
I'm confused!!! Thank you!

[SweetJane]

Chai,there's a stone femme thread.

[chai~]

Originally Posted by SweetJane

Chai,there's a stone femme thread.

I know there is a thread, but it seems foggy to me. I've read it, and I was just wondering what your personal interpretation was.

It seems like the butch's definition is pretty black and white, don't touch/feminize x, y, z. More often then not, this is it.

The femme definition seems a lot messier. Femme will touch, or won't touch.
Femme, will BE touched, or WON"T be touched.

I don't know how to navigate this, so I am just looking for clearer takes on it.

Thanks any way tho!

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by chai~

I know there is a thread, but it seems foggy to me. I've read it, and I was just wondering what your personal interpretation was.

It seems like the butch's definition is pretty black and white, don't touch/feminize x, y, z. More often then not, this is it.

The femme definition seems a lot messier. Femme will touch, or won't touch.
Femme, will BE touched, or WON"T be touched.

I don't know how to navigate this, so I am just looking for clearer takes on it.

Thanks any way tho!

I agree that 'stonefemme' can be confusing because it can mean two different things, but SweetJane was making the point that this thread is about stone butches. Your questions about femmes who are stone would be more appropriate in another thread.

[chai~]

you're right, sorry. I was just understanding from the posts, that stone femmes were also voicing their points of view on these relationships. so it would be acceptable to ask here.

[SweetJane]

Chai hun, no harm done. And you're very right the definitions among stone femmes are broad spectrum. But for me, I'm the complement of a stone butch. My surrender and response is a gift. I touch but not in intimate areas. But that's my definition.