Ask a trans person!

[Sun]

Hey Everyone

I recently reconnected with my Mom again after 16 years of her
cutting me off. Mom is very conservative Jehovahs Witness.

My life choices were just unceptable to her. While my siblings, childhood friends, friends ofbthe family and High School friends all had no trouble with my gender evolution, my Mom is in denial and does not want to discuss this.

I am very out and visible as a volunteer with 2 Narional groups. One is religious the other political. It would be impossible to avoid my male identity if she wanted to. When my sister refers to me in male pronouns or my nephews call me Uncle, Mom gets upset.

Everyone who saw me grow up gets me and can see a natural evolution.

I find myself wondering how to engage with my Mother in an authentic way.

Has anyone been through anything similar?

Thank you.

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by Sun

Hey Everyone

I recently reconnected with my Mom again after 16 years of her
cutting me off. Mom is very conservative Jehovahs Witness.

My life choices were just unceptable to her. While my siblings, childhood friends, friends ofbthe family and High School friends all had no trouble with my gender evolution, my Mom is in denial and does not want to discuss this.

I am very out and visible as a volunteer with 2 Narional groups. One is religious the other political. It would be impossible to avoid my male identity if she wanted to. When my sister refers to me in male pronouns or my nephews call me Uncle, Mom gets upset.

Everyone who saw me grow up gets me and can see a natural evolution.

I find myself wondering how to engage with my Mother in an authentic way.

Has anyone been through anything similar?

Thank you.

I'm sorry Sun, no mine were accepting. I have no pearls of wisdom but patience.

[Jaques]

Originally Posted by Sun

Hey Everyone

I recently reconnected with my Mom again after 16 years of her
cutting me off. Mom is very conservative Jehovahs Witness.

My life choices were just unceptable to her. While my siblings, childhood friends, friends ofbthe family and High School friends all had no trouble with my gender evolution, my Mom is in denial and does not want to discuss this.

I am very out and visible as a volunteer with 2 Narional groups. One is religious the other political. It would be impossible to avoid my male identity if she wanted to. When my sister refers to me in male pronouns or my nephews call me Uncle, Mom gets upset.

Everyone who saw me grow up gets me and can see a natural evolution.

I find myself wondering how to engage with my Mother in an authentic way.

Has anyone been through anything similar?

Thank you.

...........my parents had been "promote to Glory" as they say in the salvation army when they die, so i never had this problem, however i did have grown children, 2 sons and it wasnt easy and took a lot of time/patience. as you rightly quote on the bottom of your posts "choose love" - your mum loves you and wants the best for her child - however old you are, a parent still sees their offspring as their child and is protective of him/her. I feel the best way through this type of situation is to understand that whilst you are undoubtedly eager for acceptance, your mum has beliefs and feelings which dont allow her, at this moment in time, to see it from your view. I have found that patience, time and love helps enormously. Its not easy I know and your mum may never be able to accept who you are, which doesnt mean she doesnt love you - your own acceptance of her feelings would help. Unfortunately, we cant always have it the way we would wish but understanding that can help you deal with your own feelings.............

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Sun

Hey Everyone

I recently reconnected with my Mom again after 16 years of her
cutting me off. Mom is very conservative Jehovahs Witness.

I find myself wondering how to engage with my Mother in an authentic way.

Has anyone been through anything similar?

Thank you.

Sun, I feel for you. The family stuff, gender and sexual orientation status may put many dynamics into play. My family (parents and siblings) are a mixed bag of liberals to ordained clergy conservatives.

To be authenic or to strive to be authenic does not rquire buy in from others. It is not easy to bare rejection, and disrespect from our family, it can hurt. However, you can continue to be authenic and live your life according to your values and choices.

It is not easy. Please do not think I am suggesting that to you. I myself do not have much contact with my brothers because of their response to my transistion. I believe they have always personalized my queerness expressed primarily in the masculine form, as some sort of personal threat to their own sense of masculinity or what it means to be a man. (I digress.)

If you would like to talk about your situation with me, one to one, pm me.

[The Oopster]

I don't know if this relates to you Sun or would help, but with my family I addressed the issue on how it effects them. I've made no claim that they need to accept me this way or that way but if they are going to be around me there are things they need to be aware of. That others do see me as a man and them calling me she will get them weird looks, them showing pictures of me and saying may daughter will get them weird looks ... etc. I suggested they at least start with gender neutral things. Like calling me lynd, calling me their child.

My brother has never given me a chance. He will only be around me if I'm the way he expects me to be. I've never said he had to do anything, call me he, koop or anything but he has chosen to not have me in his life the way I am.

With My parents I have taken baby steps. Until this winter I hadn't been home for about 4 or 5 years. They travel a lot and we would meet up places. I let them get to see me in areas where they didn't have to be concerned about others reactions. They've grown to accept me the way I am. Mom still isn't great with the pronouns but has gotten really good and calling me by a shortened version of my given name. Dad has called me son.

For me by not demanding anything from them I feel I've gotten more then I could imagine.

[Linus]

So a question I figured I'd ask but I know would be a small, limited audience. I'm currently attempting to get a green card via work. Unfortunately, because of my degrees and the strict requirements for that I ended up in what's known as the EB-3 category, which is general skilled professionals. Because of this, I'm looking at somewhere between 5-7 years before I might (and it's a huge might given some recent legislation going on in Congress/Senate right now) get a green card.

K and I have been talking about marriage for a few years now and I have even proposed to her. I still have to get her ring redone (in silver since the one I got her turned her finger green ?!). That said, I've contemplated getting my sex identifier changed on my ID and marrying her to see about getting the green card via marriage.

The questions I have is:

1. Has anyone done this?

2. For the medical interview portion, do you have to go to a doctor that is selected by USCIS or can you go to your general practitioner?

3. Does USCIS consider GID to be a "Physical or mental disorders with
harmful behavior" that would deny entry (I'm assuming no since I've been here for 5 years but this seems a different group from those that issue work visas).

Any input from those who have dealt with this kind of process (or similar if it was to another country) would be greatly appreciated.

[Tony]

Originally Posted by Linus

So a question I figured I'd ask but I know would be a small, limited audience. I'm currently attempting to get a green card via work. Unfortunately, because of my degrees and the strict requirements for that I ended up in what's known as the EB-3 category, which is general skilled professionals. Because of this, I'm looking at somewhere between 5-7 years before I might (and it's a huge might given some recent legislation going on in Congress/Senate right now) get a green card.

K and I have been talking about marriage for a few years now and I have even proposed to her. I still have to get her ring redone (in silver since the one I got her turned her finger green ?!). That said, I've contemplated getting my sex identifier changed on my ID and marrying her to see about getting the green card via marriage.

The questions I have is:

1. Has anyone done this?

2. For the medical interview portion, do you have to go to a doctor that is selected by USCIS or can you go to your general practitioner?

3. Does USCIS consider GID to be a "Physical or mental disorders with
harmful behavior" that would deny entry (I'm assuming no since I've been here for 5 years but this seems a different group from those that issue work visas).

Any input from those who have dealt with this kind of process (or similar if it was to another country) would be greatly appreciated.

I don't know if any of this will help or not. Just my experience.
Anyway, I've been legally married twice. The only ID I needed was drivers license, which got changed under very lucky (for me) circumstances. I went to the DMV, said I lost (misplaced)y drivers license, which I had. After giving them my social security number they filled in the blanks. Male it was. Granted, this was an awful lot of years ago.
There are also some states that will change your sex w/o surgery if you have documentation that shows you've lived as your "chosen" gender for x amount of years.

[Corkey]

Hey Linus, being that your a transplanted Canadian, I have no I idea what the hoops your going to have to jump through. The only thing I can suggest is to call or write to ICE to know what they are accepting now.

[ahk]

I have been on T for about 4 months now--

My question is -- when did you start to shave?

[Linus]

Originally Posted by ahk

I have been on T for about 4 months now--

My question is -- when did you start to shave?

I grew a beard but could have easily started shaving within a month. I'm hairy like that. A lot of the determination as to when you'll start is a mixture of genes, how high of a dosage and how often the dosage. There's no specific set date (e.g., you start T on Nov 1 doesn't mean that by Nov 15 you'll have a beard). It's powerful but there are still other factors at play.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Linus

I grew a beard but could have easily started shaving within a month. I'm hairy like that. A lot of the determination as to when you'll start is a mixture of genes, how high of a dosage and how often the dosage. There's no specific set date (e.g., you start T on Nov 1 doesn't mean that by Nov 15 you'll have a beard). It's powerful but there are still other factors at play.

I have been on T for four years and three months now. Not until late Spring did I start to need to shave daily. Most of the growth is on my neck directly under my chin and side burn area. I still could not grow a mustache even if I wanted one.

Personally for me, initially I was more focused with the physical changes and now, much more with the layers of my "transition."

Best wishes for you on your journey.

[theoddz]

Originally Posted by ahk

I have been on T for about 4 months now--

My question is -- when did you start to shave?

Okay, I have an endocrine disorder that I was diagnosed with in my late teens (19) while on active duty in the Marine Corps. Because of that, and probably genetics from hairy blood ancestry, I was able to grow facial hair long, long looooooooong before I even thought about transitioning. That being said:

I've been on T for almost 6 years now, but I didn't start with injectable T at first, and there was a big difference in the speed and amount of change that I experienced when I first started with the T gel (Testim) and sub dermal pellets (Testopel). For the first 6 or 8 months, I was on the pellets and gel, but didn't see any appreciable change. I got to the point where I was not trusting the doctor who was implanting these pellets and it got really, really expensive having to travel over to Los Angeles every 3-4 months from where I live, here in Las Vegas, to get more pellets re-implanted.

After I started injectable T, the changes started coming about pretty quickly, like within the first year. The first thing I noticed was how my hairline receded. The second thing that I saw happening was how the rest of my body, like my chest, back, arms, shoulders, legs and crotch started sprouting hair. I was adopted when I was 3 months old and I know very little about my birth parents, other than the non-identifiable information that the state adoption agency shared with me when I was 18 years old. I have no idea if there's baldness in the male segment of either of my birth parents or not, so I've had to just proceed with this part of transition with a "wait and see" attitude. So, it's been a bit of a surprise for me to watch the hair line just slowly creep back and the back hairs to start sprouting. I guess it's "like a box of chocolates, because I don't know what I'm going to get".

So here I am, nearly 6 years on T this coming January. I have been wearing a full beard for the past year or so and only shaving my neck below my beard line. It gets prickly and uncomfy if I don't and I have to shave that every day. A couple of weeks ago, my boss sent out an email saying that our entire staff had to get fit tested for the N-95 respirator protective mask. This is a filtered mask that health care personnel must wear to protect ourselves from airborne pathogens such as Tuberculosis bacteria and other bad stuff. The email said that "All men must be clean shaven" because facial hair impaired the functionality of the mask. So, I had to shave my beard off. I did leave my long sideburns and my mustache, however, because I'm a "rebel" like that!! Anyway, after getting fit tested, I immediately went back to growing my beard back. Here it is, about 3 weeks from my last shave and my beard is now totally and completely regrown. Yay me!!!!

Good luck on growing your facial hair, if you so desire to. I've met quite a few ladies, my gf included, who really find a man with a full beard to be most attractive!!

~Theo~

[The Oopster]

Originally Posted by ahk

I have been on T for about 4 months now--

My question is -- when did you start to shave?

I started on the creme back in 2005 ... I had no heavy duty facial hair while on it however my peach fuzz did grow and I know I had to periodically shave to keep it under control

I started injectible T I think 4 years ago. Just this past year have gotten where I almost need to shave on a daily basis. Sometimes I can skip a day depending on when I shave. However the more I shave the more I have to shave.

I still don't think I could grow a full anything, but I'm finally getting where my sideburns have grown out. YAY that's the main thing i wanted. The rest I have been able to tolerate that much. Like Greyson I mainly get this hairy scarf and I can't stand the feel or look of it so off it goes. Occasionally i start to try other things but just don't have the tolerance.

My next step is to increase the length of my sideburns!

I come from a fairly nonhairy body hair family. We all have a full head of hair but not much going on else where! I don't have a single chest hair which I am happy with but that's how hairless my family is!

[ahk]

Originally Posted by Linus

I grew a beard but could have easily started shaving within a month. I'm hairy like that. A lot of the determination as to when you'll start is a mixture of genes, how high of a dosage and how often the dosage. There's no specific set date (e.g., you start T on Nov 1 doesn't mean that by Nov 15 you'll have a beard). It's powerful but there are still other factors at play.

Linus: Hey thanks for answering so quickly-- I come from a non hairy family so I doubt I will be in your same boat. I started off with a lower dosage and just recently up'd the dosage.

Maybe I should of asked: Did you shave Pre-T? Peach fuzz? If you start to shave peach fuzz, is it true that more hair will grow? and more zits will accumulate? Oy.

Originally Posted by Greyson

I have been on T for four years and three months now. Not until late Spring did I start to need to shave daily. Most of the growth is on my neck directly under my chin and side burn area. I still could not grow a mustache even if I wanted one.

Personally for me, initially I was more focused with the physical changes and now, much more with the layers of my "transition."

Best wishes for you on your journey.

Thanks Greyson, so far this journey has been awesome, not saying there hasn't been any downs, but so far, I have been enjoying.

Originally Posted by theoddz

Okay, I have an endocrine disorder that I was diagnosed with in my late teens (19) while on active duty in the Marine Corps. Because of that, and probably genetics from hairy blood ancestry, I was able to grow facial hair long, long looooooooong before I even thought about transitioning. That being said:

I've been on T for almost 6 years now, but I didn't start with injectable T at first, and there was a big difference in the speed and amount of change that I experienced when I first started with the T gel (Testim) and sub dermal pellets (Testopel). For the first 6 or 8 months, I was on the pellets and gel, but didn't see any appreciable change. I got to the point where I was not trusting the doctor who was implanting these pellets and it got really, really expensive having to travel over to Los Angeles every 3-4 months from where I live, here in Las Vegas, to get more pellets re-implanted.

After I started injectable T, the changes started coming about pretty quickly, like within the first year. The first thing I noticed was how my hairline receded. The second thing that I saw happening was how the rest of my body, like my chest, back, arms, shoulders, legs and crotch started sprouting hair. I was adopted when I was 3 months old and I know very little about my birth parents, other than the non-identifiable information that the state adoption agency shared with me when I was 18 years old. I have no idea if there's baldness in the male segment of either of my birth parents or not, so I've had to just proceed with this part of transition with a "wait and see" attitude. So, it's been a bit of a surprise for me to watch the hair line just slowly creep back and the back hairs to start sprouting. I guess it's "like a box of chocolates, because I don't know what I'm going to get".

So here I am, nearly 6 years on T this coming January. I have been wearing a full beard for the past year or so and only shaving my neck below my beard line. It gets prickly and uncomfy if I don't and I have to shave that every day. A couple of weeks ago, my boss sent out an email saying that our entire staff had to get fit tested for the N-95 respirator protective mask. This is a filtered mask that health care personnel must wear to protect ourselves from airborne pathogens such as Tuberculosis bacteria and other bad stuff. The email said that "All men must be clean shaven" because facial hair impaired the functionality of the mask. So, I had to shave my beard off. I did leave my long sideburns and my mustache, however, because I'm a "rebel" like that!! Anyway, after getting fit tested, I immediately went back to growing my beard back. Here it is, about 3 weeks from my last shave and my beard is now totally and completely regrown. Yay me!!!!

Good luck on growing your facial hair, if you so desire to. I've met quite a few ladies, my gf included, who really find a man with a full beard to be most attractive!!

~Theo~

Theo-- What kind of work do you do? I was recently fitted for the N-95 mask too. lol.

I enjoyed your story, thank you.

Originally Posted by The Oopster

I started on the creme back in 2005 ... I had no heavy duty facial hair while on it however my peach fuzz did grow and I know I had to periodically shave to keep it under control

I started injectible T I think 4 years ago. Just this past year have gotten where I almost need to shave on a daily basis. Sometimes I can skip a day depending on when I shave. However the more I shave the more I have to shave.

I still don't think I could grow a full anything, but I'm finally getting where my sideburns have grown out. YAY that's the main thing i wanted. The rest I have been able to tolerate that much. Like Greyson I mainly get this hairy scarf and I can't stand the feel or look of it so off it goes. Occasionally i start to try other things but just don't have the tolerance.

My next step is to increase the length of my sideburns!

I come from a fairly nonhairy body hair family. We all have a full head of hair but not much going on else where! I don't have a single chest hair which I am happy with but that's how hairless my family is!

I, too, have started off with compounding gel, first started off with a lower dosage (200mg) and now am at (420mg) monthly, and have seen more changes with that as of lately. My peach fuzz is getting thicker/fuzzier. I also don't come from a back ground of fuzzy people, but I hear from so many other T guys in my community that I should start shaving, but just have this issue about getting acne or starting to soon.


To everyone-- thank you again for replying and sharing your stories. I really appreciate it.

a.

[Logicaly]

I've been on T for something like two years now I think perhaps and I am just now starting to shave. I get some dark hairs here and there under my chin, but the rest is still kinda fuzzy, and there is some very light sideburns growing in slowly. Its funny, the one thing I want the most from this is more facial hair, because I also feel the lack of it makes people second guess my gender in public because I have such a baby face unfortunately.

I have noticed, and it could just be the timing of it all, is that the more I shave, the more darker hairs start coming in on my chin, so who knows.

I have heard of some guys taking DHT I believe it was to directly increase the ability to grow facial hair, and overall hair in general. But I haven't had a chance to look more into that yet.

[Nadeest]

Just remember that the effects of HRT differ with each person, so don't expect miracles. I know of a transwoman that started HRT 2 years after i did, and she has much bigger breasts then I do. Of course, she started HRT when she was a lot younger then I did, too. Sometimes, it is just the way that the dice falls, I guess.

[DanieClarke]

I stopped HRT about 9 yrs ago..

[GraffitiBoi]

Hi all,

I started my transition in 2000 and started on T in 2003. It only took a few months for me to need to shave - surprising since I am Irish and not very hairy at all. I went off of T in 2010 due to some medical issues, but will be going back on again soon. I still have to shave every day, although I let it go until work complains. We aren't allowed to have facial hair other than a small, neatly trimmed, mustache. The one place I can't seem to grow much hair! Go figure.

I had top surgery in 2008 and a hysto in 2010. I have no plans for any other surgeries at this time. I was able to get my insurance to cover ALL costs associated with my transistion.

For the record - I am very open abotut anything and everything so feel free to ask me anything. Pvt message me if you have a question you aren't comfortable asking on here.

Also - I'm in the Twin Cities, MN and am looking to make some local friends if anyone else is around here and open to it.

[ahk]

How do you know if your T is turning into Estrogen -- What would some indications be ?

[GraffitiBoi]

Originally Posted by ahk

How do you know if your T is turning into Estrogen -- What would some indications be ?

I'd say discuss it with your endo... but mood swings can happen... your period can come back (if you haven't had a hysto)... your voice may go back up a little... I had a link to one of my FTM support sites a while back that listed what you are looking for. I'll see if I can find it.