Long Distance Relationships

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

On the subject of relocation (and I will preface this by saying this is Just My Two Cents), I personally would not move in with someone while relocating to a new city. There are a few reasons for this.

1. You're going to have to get used to seeing each other a lot more often. Add living together to the mix, and it sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. There's a difference getting to know each other when you're travelling to see someone and getting to know each other when you're both doing the daily grind of work and house chores, and all that jazz.
2. In a new community, you will need to make your own friends. It will be hard not to just make your partner's friends into your friends. Having your own space and some independence in a new city allows you to explore the city and the people without only seeing the city through your partner's eyes. In my eyes, this makes you less dependent on the person who already lives there, and I think some measure of independence is extremely important. If you move somewhere, and your whole world, in that new place, is your partner, that's a lot of pressure on them, and it only sets you up for disappointment when they can't be everything to you.
3. There is no such thing as "not moving in quick enough". LOL Many people (IMHO) move too quickly. I know I have before, and the results were disastrous. I'm working off the hypothesis that slower moving relationships may achieve more stable, long-term results. I will let you know how my research progresses

Diva,

It is funny that you mention that relocating, but maintaining separate space at first is a good idea. We will be doing this due to several factors, but I think it is the healthiest choice for anyone to transition to a new location.

I think people, and especially lesbians (not sure why this is - you know, the old U-Haul joke), move in too fast. And that is fine for some, but it's definitely not me and I'm okay with taking things slow, not too slow, but slow enough that it's done right and well. Any relationship I moved fast in also fizzled fast. So, I've learned my lesson there.

I really appreciate your depth and insight on this thread. You have brought several things to my attention that I need to think about.