Bed Side Preference and Dominance

[Corkey]

Left side, closest to the door, closest to the bathroom, closest to the 2nd set of windows, closest to the heater, closest to the fan, closest to the scratching board for the cat and last but not least closest the the back door, in case of emergency. I don't think personally given all of the above it is a dominant thing as much as my wife lets me thing.... and I'm the Dom.

[EnchantedNightDweller]

My guy can have whichever side of the bed he wants.

[Femmadian]

Dominant and a right side sleeper here.

I would say that the right side-dominant and left side-submissive thing has borne out for about 70% of my experiences if I look back. Then again, maybe I'm just a stubborn ass when it comes to the bed side. Who knows?

So, I sleep on the right side of the bed (along the edge), on my right side, and usually with my right arm up and under the pillow in a sort of modified Superman pose. I'm also right handed. I wonder if hand dominance factors in as well...?

For me, sleeping on the right side of my body is most important overall, especially when sharing the bed with someone. If I'm spooning someone while falling asleep, I prefer to be on my right. If I'm being spooned, I still prefer to be on my right. If I'm cuddling up to their chest while they're on their back or we're intertwined while facing each other, still the right side preference remains. Anything else just feels awkward and uncomfortable.

I don't care if I'm by the door or not. If you want to sleep on the side closest to the door because you feel protective about it or something, that's fine... as long as it's on the left side.

I also can't sleep by the wall if the bed is pushed up against it. I will, without fail, end up kicking it throughout the night, usually followed by a somewhat delayed "ow" muttered under my breath as my sleepy brain takes a moment to register the shooting pain in my foot. I usually like to dangle one foot slightly over the edge which is impossible to do when it's pushed up against the wall (though it doesn't stop me from trying, apparently!).

I really do have a hard time sleeping on the left and especially when in a new environment with a partner. It's to the point that I'm often not even able to fall asleep if I'm "left on the left." Resting on my right side when on the left side of the mattress feels like I'm getting a face full of bed when I sleep... slightly suffocating and I feel trapped. I wish that wasn't the case (because it's really annoying!) but my body just won't relax enough in those scenarios to fall asleep.

Now, once I'm asleep, that's a different story. I've always been a notoriously deep sleeper. Growing up, it was a daily ordeal for my family to wake me up for school in the morning. They either had to resort to jumping up and down on the bed and over my comatose body (which would usually take a minute or two to take effect) or they would employ a "release the hounds!" approach and let the dog(s) in to get them excited and have them jumping all over me instead. Seemed to do the trick. I am totally that person who has to set at least five alarms on her phone because I will usually sleep/snooze through the first four (at least!). So, once I'm out, I'm out. I once joked to a partner who also liked to sleep on the right (who was slightly dominant, or at least tried to be... ) that I needed to be on the right side to fall asleep but that once I was there you could probably move me in my sleep and I wouldn't notice. Well, that morning I woke up and I was mysteriously laying on the left side of the bed and they were sleeping soundly on the right! They had moved me in the night and I didn't even notice.

So, I guess if my partner has a really strong preference for the right as well, they could always just stay awake and try something like that...? That said, I'm also the owliest of night owls so I will probably just end up outlasting you anyway.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by nycfem

Once I was dating a butch and after we slept together, and I did my "Do you mind if I..." Hy said seriously and calmly but directly, "That's really selfish of you." Ugh, an argument AFTER sex, processing, having to take stock of whether I'm a bitch --while eye opening, I just somehow knew that the "side of the bed" question becoming an issue meant we would not end up in a relationship, and we didn't, so it got me thinking as I read this thread- that our needs for what side of the bed we sleep on and approaches to it, probably are some deep shit.

Yes, I absolutely think that is true a lot of the time. For me--the fact that I'm a Domme and have mostly but not exclusively slept on the right side of the bed is an interesting coincidence as far as the side of the bed theory. When I initially said it depends on all of my sleeping paranoias, I sincerely meant that my choice of side of the bed is motivated by some deep shit. Which includes PTSD/trauma stuff and chronic insomnia and nightmares.

I prefer to be farthest away from the door, with my partner between me and the door. I like that protective thing even though I'm a Domme. For me it feels more like a service thing and also somebody accommodating my needs rather than someone being dominant over me because they take the protective position. However, I ALSO need to be free to get out of bed repeatedly through the night because I usually sleep very little and sometimes not at all. I have a lot of anxiety and panic around sleep and if I am boxed into the bed with no way to freely get out I feel like I am suffocating. Sometimes these two needs conflict depending on how a room is set up.

Right now I don't share a bed with anyone so my room and bed are set up purely based on the fact that I sleep alone. My bed is in the corner farthest from the door, which means the right hand side of the bed is boxed into a corner. I have a huge dresser at the foot of bed, between the bed and the door, sort of creating a little sleeping box/nook that is protected, yet completely open on the left hand side so I can get out of bed very easily, and the left hand side also has a bedside table with all the things I might need or want in the middle of the night. All of this is very deliberate.

Sharing this bed set up would be problematic with another person because it means I'd have to choose between my need to be as far away from the door as possible and my need to be able to freely get up during the night. In this case--I would choose being able to get up freely during the middle of the night and not feel boxed in. The bed feels reasonably well protected because of the dresser, my bedroom door has a lock on it, and being boxed in is by far and away the greater of the two evils. And for the record--it would put me on the left side of the bed.

NONE of this has to do with dominance at all. I expect who I sleep with to accommodate me. Ok maybe it's partially out of dominance or having a dominant personality LOL, but mainly I expect someone to comply with my wishes out of respect for the fact that I literally will not sleep even a minute if someone else puts my sleeping issues too out of whack. Usually it doesn't matter as much to the other person so I don't feel bad about it for even a second. I also could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have a more casual attitude towards side of the bed issues than myself.

Anywho. Not sure now why I shared all that except for that I am finding this thread interesting as well and to illustrate that side of the bed choice can be a complicated thing that is unrelated to dominance at all. I absolutely see how it comes into play. But it can also be "deep shit" as nycfem puts it, thing that have to do with convenience, or maybe something else no one has even mentioned yet.

[ksrainbow]

Being that this a new *thread*...I prefer a high quality *thread-count* for comfort and warmth

[Liam]

As I have grown older, my observation is that the person with the smallest bladder gets to sleep on the outside of the bed, when the other side of the bed is against the wall.

[C0LLETTE]

Even when sleeping alone, I sleep on the left side of the bed, even when it means walking around the bed to get there. I think it's cause I'm right handed.

[grenade]

Either side for me. I've slept on both sides. I flop around all night, am up and down, talk in my sleep, do karate moves... I know I am hard to sleep with so I try to be considerate of my bedmate. I do prefer to be close to the door to get to my kids if needed.

Once my spot has been established, it is mine. I have issues with change.

[Ginger]

If my lover is right-handed, I sleep on her left. If she's left-handed, I sleep on her right.

[MasterfulButch]

Firstly, thanks to everyone who has posted in this thread. It’s really thought-provoking to read your answers and see the different things that are important to people.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Do you know a lot of Dom/Dommes/Tops/Dominants/Masters who prefer a the right side of the bed? I display myself via flagging when out and about sometimes to let people know the dynamic, and left is Dominant, how did the right side get picked as the dominant side? How was it assigned? I am asking because I have never deconstructed my bed before as far as how I identify or am.. So I have been thinking and thinking about it and had the questions above, I may have more because things like this make me think…

No, there’s nothing formal behind my initial theory. It’s purely based on my experiences and the responses of friends I’ve spoken about it with in the past. I had considered the possibility that a right-handed dominant may prefer the right side of the bed so their lead hand was unencumbered for activity to their left. When posting, I was particularly curious as to whether any left-handed dominants may step forward with a preference for the left side of the bed. I didn’t want to skew the results by postulating too much at the start but it’s interesting that more than one contributor has referenced this factor.

What these responses have shown me is that there are many more elements at play and whilst dominance may affect an outcome, there are other considerations which are likely to be of more conscious concern.

Personally, I’m hyper conscious of the space I take up, both in waking life and in bed. I currently sleep alone but have a super king size bed so there is plenty of space for when I do have company. When I’ve been with companions who have small beds I’ve found I tend to keep myself awake so I can consciously minimise my footprint. Once I’ve reached a point of drowsiness where I can’t be sure that I am, then I switch to the floor. At this point my partner will end up with her choice of side of the bed regardless of any dominance on my part.

I suppose it makes sense that the potential vulnerability inherent in sleep means that our environment has particular importance to us. I appreciate this opportunity to hear about what matters to others for future reference.

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by Femmadian

...
So, I sleep on the right side of the bed (along the edge), on my right side, and usually with my right arm up and under the pillow in a sort of modified Superman pose. I'm also right handed. ...

Me too, exactly as you described... about 90% of the time. About 10% of the time I find myself in some other random position, but not often.

However, if I'm in someone else's bed, I defer to them on whichever side they want to sleep on. I'm well aware that many people have sleep issues, and I want everyone to be comfortable in their own bed. I sleep better when I'm alone, in my own bed. When I travel, I rarely sleep well; when I'm in someone else's bed, I wake up every couple of hours.

[Cin]

Originally Posted by MasterfulButch

In my experience to date, I've noticed a correlation between dominance and bed side preference. That is, where there is a dominant character in a pairing (not necessarily dominant as a sexual identity) that they prefer to sleep on the right hand side of the bed.

Has anyone else noticed anything similar? Does the theory fit you?

I'm trying to figure out what dominant would entail when not talking about sex or sexual identity and the OP mentioned that it is not necessarily about dominant in a sexual identity. So what does dominant look like in a non sexual context. I guess I would consider myself the sexually dominant one in my marriage but in every other way possible I defer to my wife. Does that make me submissive? Or dominant? But is it dominance when she isn't dominating me? I just like her to have her way whenever possible? I think I sleep on the right. That is if the right is the side that's on the right when you are in the bed. But if you are standing in front of the bed to make the call then my wife sleeps on the right and she is not sexually dominant but she most always gets her way if I have anything to say about it.

I seem to be unclear on the definition of dominant if you remove sex from the equation.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

I'm trying to figure out what dominant would entail when not talking about sex or sexual identity and the OP mentioned that it is not necessarily about dominant in a sexual identity. So what does dominant look like in a non sexual context. I guess I would consider myself the sexually dominant one in my marriage but in every other way possible I defer to my wife. Does that make me submissive? Or dominant? But is it dominance when she isn't dominating me? I just like her to have her way whenever possible? I think I sleep on the right. That is if the right is the side that's on the right when you are in the bed. But if you are standing in front of the bed to make the call then my wife sleeps on the right and she is not sexually dominant but she most always gets her way if I have anything to say about it.

I seem to be unclear on the definition of dominant if you remove sex from the equation.

Miss Tick! Missed you around here! Your lovely wife, too.

Happy Holidays, wherever and whenever you are dominant!

I have a couple of different reasons that I always need to lay (lie? I never get them correctly) on my right side;

1. My right eyelid twitches a little when I am falling asleep. I have no idea why, it just does. If my face is on the pillow on my right side, I do not notice it and I can fall asleep.

2. I had back surgery a long, long time ago and it is better for my back if I have pillows under my knees and along my right side.

As we fall asleep, she is the big spoon and I am the little spoon so we both face on our right sides to spoon (hope that makes sense).

For sex, she likes me on her left side so she can use her (dominant) right hand.

Oh dear, this all sounds so complicated. It does work very simply in practice, however.

She likes to think she is the dominant one in our relationship and I guess that she really is-sexually and otherwise.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I only feel uncomfortable with someone in my bed if it's new - I wake up a lot. I think that's rather normal. However, the last person I dated a bit more seriously, because there was such a good click, I felt comfortable off the bat. She was dominant and chose the inside of the bed. She had horrible nightmares so I'd cuddle her to sleep and tell stories. I have a nice, soft, deep, feminine voice, with a soft west canadian accent that's been influenced with a very mild southern english accent. which is great for relaxing people. If she fitted I'd wake up, press up against her and tell her a story, leaving her asleep but stopping the anxiety.

In sleep we are very vulnerable, and I get the urge to be protective, I get it too. But I'm hardly going to be protecting someone from some marauding night burglar. LOL. That thought seems incredibly absurd and beyond unlikely. But that's probably to do with where I live. Protective stances are appreciated just so long as they don't think they have to be aggressive to others. I have had partners like that. My exwife I called "my dutch Doberman" and although I appreciated the protective stance, she would, on occasion get a bit over the top with it. Annoying.

She did finally learn to let me deal with things on my own, first and be backup instead.

But, I can be pretty fiercely protective too, having said that.

/off topic.

[MasterfulButch]

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

I'm trying to figure out what dominant would entail when not talking about sex or sexual identity and the OP mentioned that it is not necessarily about dominant in a sexual identity. So what does dominant look like in a non sexual context. I guess I would consider myself the sexually dominant one in my marriage but in every other way possible I defer to my wife. Does that make me submissive? Or dominant? But is it dominance when she isn't dominating me? I just like her to have her way whenever possible? I think I sleep on the right. That is if the right is the side that's on the right when you are in the bed. But if you are standing in front of the bed to make the call then my wife sleeps on the right and she is not sexually dominant but she most always gets her way if I have anything to say about it.

I seem to be unclear on the definition of dominant if you remove sex from the equation.

To be fair, I think everyone’s take on what constitutes dominance probably differs.

My intention when separating dominance from sexual energy was a focus on inclusion. I’m sure there are those who eschew the label of being a sexual dominant yet still consider themselves to be the dominant one in their relationship dynamic. I didn’t want people reading the thread to think it was only aimed at those where there was a clearly defined sexual dominance at play.

As for dominance outside of the sexual arena, in the interests of providing one perspective on your question, I would say it boils down to decision making. If one party defers to another, say about which movie to watch, it could mean they are submissive, yes. Alternatively, it could mean that they are dominant because they make the choice which is to defer. It could also be that there is no formal power dynamic in play but on this day, at this moment, one has a hankering for a certain film and the other has no strong inclination either way.

Ultimately, I think the only person who can answer whether something makes them dominant or submissive or anywhere in between is the person who is experiencing it.

[Corkey]

Ok, I'm a Dom, always. It doesn't matter what situation, upright and walking or prone. Can't speak for others but that's just me. Deffering to my wife is called communication in our home. We're married and she gets a say in our relationship....

[Logicaly]

I used to always sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door. It was just something I did, I always figured if someone comes in that door that isn't supposed to, they have to hit me first. If I sleep alone, I take up the whole damn bed! However now that I am sharing my bed again, I find myself sleeping on the side furthest from the door (right side). Only because I want to cuddle her at night, and its less painful for me to sleep on my left shoulder than my right.

[bright_arrow]

I sleep on my right side, so bed preference isn't really that big of a deal as long as I can sleep on my right side and still get cuddled! Occasionally I will sleep on my left side but it's rare and most often when I am not feeling well.

[The_Lady_Snow]

When I get home tonight I'm going to sleep on the other side, kind of like an experiment of sorts, I want to see if my Dominant self is affected, or if I sleep better, or dream more.

I'll let y'all know how that goes later on..

[girlin2une]

I am most definitely NOT the dominant partner in a relationship, but I AM left handed. I choose to sleep facing the wall...actually with my head touching the wall (typically on my left side but right side of bed)...on a side note, I am the only one in my bed, and I find it rather comforting to sleep diagonally (top right corner to bottom left corner, although I really don't take up much room)
*hope I've not confused the planet*