What Cracked You Up Today?

[JustJo]

....goofy pups wrestling and racing

...teasing Snack about ice cream :cheesy:

...Rooster's perennial silly sense of humor

...ridiculous statements

...colleagues on a conference call hamming it up

[SnackTime]

Jo being cute and flipping water on me. Needless to say, she got soaked and then Rooster pushed her in the pool.

"Don't start what you can't finish"

haha

[Kenna]

A Kenmore
an Amana
now a Whirlpool ....at least this one comes with a four month warranty
:seeingstars:

[puddin']

playin' "tell tale" wit' me 9 year old mate lucas

[Kenna]

A line in a movie ...
"Don't yank on it, it's not your pecker!"

[SnackTime]

Watching Spirit on the doggy beach yesterday. She greets everyone she sees. This one particular lady was petting her and Spirit ended up rolling over on her back until a wave came up and got her LOL.

Watching Skye gain her confidence when it came to being on the beach. She did not seem so freaked out about the waves.

[Medusa]

This:

I walked out to the garage to see what Jackhammer was doing this afternoon and she says:

"In my 46 years on this Earth, I've never had a naked woman in my garage."

And then she kept asking me to pick stuff up. :|

[*Anya*]

Watching Shaun of the Dead. So funny! One of my favorite movies:)

[jac]

Posting on my facebook status that I was having a conversation with my surgeon about a third knee surgery and how we both agreed that it would be wise to take time and assess my thoughts, weigh the pros and cons. Then a friend of mine puts on there that I should seek some wisdom from my physical therpaist who is a new friend of mine since I started PT with her the first surgery and continued our friendship now beyond the second surgery. She's also on my facebook.

So anyway, my physical therapist/friend responds that she'd love for me to stop by to discuss what exactly it is the doctor plans to do. I replied that I'd like to stop by for a visit by saying, "Call me crazy but I actually miss that place... lol... and you of course..."

Her response, "Yay...I miss ya too. You always take a nice beating with a smile."

I swear I don't share my kinks on facebook!! Guess I'm just an obvious kinky bastard even outside the bedroom... Ahahahahaaaaaaaa :rofl:

[Miss Scarlett]

"I can't hold my massively long and especially thick beef and text you" ... :rofl:

btw - we're talking about a hamburger here...lol

[Kenna]

this should have taught me NOT to check incoming text messages while I'm driving....especially through several storms...
I had to re-read something twice for it to sink in...
I got reprimanded for using the wrong pronoun to refer to a fish :blink::blink:

apparently, this :fishswim: went through an identity journey over the course of 3 incoming text messages... first "her", then "him" then, after I responded once, the reprimand stated this pishie pishie prefers to be referred to as "hym"... :blush:

[ruffryder]

something a friend of mine posted on facebook about a conversation between her and her son.

Her to her son: I'm pooped.

Her son: you pants?!

Her to her son: no i'm pooped means i'm drained. I'm pooped.

Her son: where?!

:rofl:

[SimpleAlaskanBoy]

Seeing daisy's face pucker after trying a BIG swig of cold KEDEM Grape and Pomegranate and not liking it at all. I laughed so hard I almost had to post in June's "What made you Whiz Today" again!

~SAB

[rustedrims]

this should have taught me NOT to check incoming text messages while I'm driving....especially through several storms...
I had to re-read something twice for it to sink in...
I got reprimanded for using the wrong pronoun to refer to a fish :blink::blink:

apparently, this :fishswim: went through an identity journey over the course of 3 incoming text messages... first "her", then "him" then, after I responded once, the reprimand stated this pishie pishie prefers to be referred to as "hym"... :blush:

That was just to funny.!!.

[LeftWriteFemme]

http://cdn.thegloss.com/files/2011/11/0-cover.jpg

[Blade]

Mom's invitation to have supper with her.

Me....what are you having?
Mom...Casadea's
Me..silently...what the hell is that, Not sure she's ever fixed that before, cuz I don't know what it is.
Me.....still thinking...HOOKED ON PHONICS....ahhhh quesadillas....
I texted her back and told her yeah I'd enjoy that.

[LeftWriteFemme]

http://cdn.ricochet.com/var/ezwebin_site/storage/images/media/images/bikini-cookies/2164846-1-eng-US/Bikini-Cookies_lightbox.jpg

[MissItalianDiva]

Caught an on demand episode on HBO called Girls. Watched the episode called Vagina Panic...it is a grotesque riot.

[rustedrims]

I LOVE COOKIES! MMMM!

[Sachita]

I took Mia, my 19 month old granddaughter to Whole Foods. I picked up a tub of watermelon, gave her a piece while we shopped. An older lady walks over, get up in her face and says "awww what you got there little lady?" BAM Mia smashes the chunk of watermelon in her face! splash-smoosh

[Miss Scarlett]

Yesterday - Watching the cotton candy at Golden Corral as it quickly collapsed and melted from the heat and humidity in the restaurant...

[Kenna]

You just HAD to be there!!
Words on this screen will NOT do tonight's ROFLMAO, BUST-A-GUT, PEE-YOUR-PANTS-LAUGHING-SO-HARD, HOLDING-YOUR-RIBS, CRACKING-UP, FAMILY-BONDING, FUNNY SHIT any justice! But I'll try to give you a vision of what happened in short story...

At a Chinese Buffet Restaurant:
Me sitting at one side of table
Anonymous Brother (that I haven't seen in a few months) sitting beside me
Anonymous Friend (to save them additional embarrassment) sitting on other side of table from Brother...

Discussion ensues about Brother's new teeth and how they don't fit...
I lean over, put my arm around Brother and say "I'm sorry, when I first saw you after surgery, I thought you looked like Mr. Ed! "...
Just as Friend took a drink of their ice water...
Brother says "I KNOW, I look like Mr. Ed and that's what I told the Dentist!!!!"
Friend BUSTED OUT, spewing water out all over the table and up their nose!! Friend grabs napkins to hide their face just in time for me to see water drops on their nose!!
HOLY FREEKIN HANNAH!!! WE LAUGHED SO HARD!!!
Then Brother says "I told Dentist I looked like Mr. Ed...*him stomping foot on floor like a horse*..."then I told her I look like something out of Planet of the Apes!! *him swinging his arms like a Gorilla* !!!
HERE WE GO AGAIN!!! BUST MY RIBS LAUGHING!! Friend nearly tipped the table laughing so hard!!
Everyone in restaurant looking at us like we're NUTTS!!

Neither one of us have laughed that hard in a long time!!
If my Brother was a stand-up comedian... I'd make him share his fortune!!
And it was him mocking a horse and gorilla that really got me!!

[LeftWriteFemme]

nSzZM6ceZS4

[Kenna]

Let me add to the post above that no animals or humans were harmed in the making of all that outrageously funny bust-a-gut time last evening .... but I think we did scare the poor, very young waitress who spoke very limited English ... she was scared to step near us at times ...

[jac]

What cracked me up...

Coming to the realization that I am a prime suspect of the Pavlov's Dogs experiment of classical conditioning...

Every time I hear her ringtone with the little bird chirp sound, I get... ummmm... I smile BIG!!

So I tell her this right?? She says we need "a bird clock that goes off every hour."

Somehow she turned this around to where I would be performing on command every hour on the hour! It's a win-win situation for the both of us I do believe!!

Ahahahahaaaaaaa :superfunny:

[Kobi]

From Colin Powell's book...."It worked for me":

I have always tried to keep my life in perspective with my ego under control. That effort has been helped enormously by a wife and 3 kids who have never taken me too seriously and who have always held above me an imaginary oxygen mask ready to drop down whenever I needed a whiff of reality. The first time I arrived home looking sharp in the new battle dress camouflage fatigues the Army adopted in the 1980's, my daughter, then about 12, merely looked up from watching tv and announced, "Mom, the GI Joe doll is home."

[LeftWriteFemme]

I watched but did not listen to this, please bear that in mind



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[jac]

What cracked me up...??

Getting a text from my daughter telling me of my grandson's latest moment...

"Lol I had Julian help me make pigs in a blanket and he kissed them and wrapped them all gently in their blankets before rocking and singing to them. Then I put some on his plate and he refuses to eat the baby piggies."

Ahahahaaaaaa I love my little Juji :superfunny:

[bkisbutchenuff]

....A funny card I got from a special friend!

[Soon]

Jagg's anti-feline posts!

[Amber2010]

I was woken up Saturday morning to our hound dog barking in the back yard. Yes that does piss a person off being woken up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning when you DON’T have to go to work. Then I hear my kid out there yelling at the dog to come to him. He yells and yells and you can almost hear the laugh of the dog at him. I finally got out of bed and was ready not to yell at the dog but the kid for putting the dog out there instead of putting it on the lead to do its morning business. I walk over to him frantic knowing that my look goes beyond “looks could kill!” I told him to move over stood in my nighty not caring what stupid neighbor saw and proceeded to look at the dog. I guess looks could kill because the dog took one look at my face and before I could even get out “Get in the house!” It was running to me tail wagging and went right inside the house. My son is scratching his head looking at the dog and me and says I don’t get it. “This dog has been through two obedience classes with him.” I looked at my son with the dumb look on his face and said “It is not the dog that needs those dang classes is it now?” He looked at me and shook his head and I just started laughing so hard. Maybe it was being still half asleep who knows but only mom can do what the kids can’t!

[Kobi]

I got a message today that read....."I think he focuses mainly on pig futures."

Scratched my head trying to figure out what that meant.

Hours later, it occurred to me it was related to the news story about "Kermit the frog dropping Chick-fil-A."

Kermit, Miss Piggy.....It was brilliant! And, I am giving new meaning to "slow" today. LOL.

[LeftWriteFemme]

It is the middle of the night and I am on bat-watch..........there is nothing funny about that.....until I realized: I don't know if I want it to start flying around so I can get it out of the house or stay hiding where it is so I don't have to do bat-battle .......okay, it's not that funny

[Kenna]

Jokes about "Adam and Eve...Bass Pro Shop... corsets and hiking boots!"...

[Blade]

Mom's huge black critter...maybe a small bear...it was moving very slowly and it looked about this big......(_________). After I walk all threw the poison oak and around the building, in the brush I find a black cat....not "Baby" mind you but some random black cat.

Oddly enough she and I were just talking earlier about how well she thought she could still see, considering she has cateracts, which are scheduled to be removed Friday....Ummm yeah how big was that critter again? A small bear, here? Really? Ok I'll go check it out.

[jac]

What cracked me up today...

After 40 minutes or so into staff meeting...
director: (looks at case manager) write this all down.
case mng: you mean the part about the responsibility sheets?
lesbian co-worker: (to case mng) what are you doing?
case mng: he said to write it all down!
lesbian co-worker: he said to write "lesbian" responsibilities?
case mng: didn't he?
director: i didn't but if it works yes. let's make the lesbians responsible!
Me: well okay but only if you heterosexual males... (interupted)
director: there you go... you hardly ever talk but when you do you always want to talk sexual! Geez!
Me: that's what us lesbians do best! *smirk*
director: this meeting is ajourned. it's gone to hell in a hand basket.
case mng: am i still writing this?

Ahahahaaaaa I love working there :rofl:

[Kenna]

Shopping with Blade ... we were only supposed to go to foodlion and to get Chinese food...
I promised him I wouldn't post the crack me up funny stuff that happened ...
but dang! We can have some belly laughs sometimes!

[LeftWriteFemme]

Okay, it's time for a bats of the night up date.....Tonight, a bat began flying through the house, I stayed calm. I changed into my dress, found the bat was now attacking my shell wreath, I picked it up in a towel.....it got away screaming......the bat, not me, I'm so proud, I closed doors until I got the bat out in the hall then opened the door to the porch and out went the bat. It took me max twenty minutes to preform this maneuver. I'm feeling good, a real bat wrangler........twenty minutes go by......there is a bat flying through the house......it's like deja vu with bats.......this time it took me five minutes, but I left the bat in the hall (was that bad?)

[dixie]

:rofl:

She and I crack up every day, but there were so many "hold-your-tummy-while-doubled-over-laughing" moments today that her bladder just couldn't take it anymore...LMAO

:happyjump:

[scootebaby]

:rofl:

She and I crack up every day, but there were so many "hold-your-tummy-while-doubled-over-laughing" moments today that her bladder just couldn't take it anymore...LMAO

:happyjump:


:|

thats just not right!!!

[LeftWriteFemme]

Okay..............third bat, I can't find him, he flew into the kitchen.......he didn't come back, I went after him, I don't see him. He is not attacking any of the shell wreaths.....oh wait! he's back!

[LeftWriteFemme]

Crap, now I've lost that freaking bat in my bedroom.....this is beginning to not be that funny. :|

[scootebaby]

she posted this on my FB

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/545384_10151121339663126_1374786821_n.jpg

[dixie]

she posted this on my FB

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/545384_10151121339663126_1374786821_n.jpg

umm....it should be fairly obvious :|

[scootebaby]

umm....it should be fairly obvious :|



then DON'T pull my damn finger!!!

[dixie]

then DON'T pull my damn finger!!!

Do NOT blame my naiveté for your trickster nature!! I thought you were being all sweet and trying to hold my hand! :readrules:

[alexri]

A friend sent this to me this morning before our race tonight. This made me laugh.

http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj569/alexrunsraces/olympics.jpg

[alexri]

This one too. (I still watch reruns- great show!)

http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj569/alexrunsraces/golden.jpg

[JustJo]

Friends....and GREAT visuals! :cheesy:

[Kenna]

Quickly scanning through the cable TV guide channels without my glasses on to really focus, I pass one over because the title implied it was an Adult Pay PerView channel ...
then it dawns on me... the title was XXX SUMMER OLYMPICS ....the info window started with "Water Sports...."... :blink: :blink:

Someone writing the guide didn't think that one through ...

[Okiebug61]

http://www.jest.com/video/3169/golden-retriever-puppies-eat-child-alive

[LeftWriteFemme]

http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/1/5/5/9/1/2/9/webimg/503749841_tp.jpg

[grenade]

my daughter begging me to tweeze her brows for her student id then shrieking from the bathroom that one was thinner than the other...everyone would think she she looked 'suspicious' all year long!!!

[Kenna]

Me tagging along on Blade's shoe hunting trip, he suddenly announces to the lady helping him "she knows I'm a shoe whore!"...

[lusciouskiwi]

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[ruffryder]

my babe and mines tickle fest. :)

[Kenna]

and a mutual friend and I are planning to go see Chuc in action during his next play... I can't wait!!
In person... he rolls off the jokes so fast and so witty that you never have a chance to catch up!!

3sL_AU6LDbo

I can't wait to ask him how his "Welfare Plan" worked out?

[jac]

Having a video/karaoke evening at the shelter... and six teens singing the Banana Song.. in unison... and surprisingly not sounding too bad together. LOL too bad they didn't sing something worth listening to :rofl:

[Corkey]

http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2012/08/minnesotas-cheerios-arsonist-is-fired.html


Not only did he light himself on fire..... Ahahahahahaha!

[Daktari]

Listening to a guy sharing about having a hard exterior but loads of feelers bubbling under that exterior. My mate Shaz looked over and mouthed 'Fluffy bunny' at me...it's a wee shared 'in-joke' between us. Cracked us both up. :cheesy:

[clay]

I am STILL laughing so hard over this....
My girl..is always, always such a lady! and I have never heard her utter one "curse word"...she is so classy like that...
Tonight, we were chatting a bit on phone...and she was getting ready to get in bed....we were idly chatting...and all of a sudden..out of her mouth came: " I think I will take my happy ASS...then the sucking in of her breath...I could just visualize her mouth agape..eyes wide...and the shock of realizing what she just said.....dead silence...THEN....then we both burst out to laughing...and THAT was so precious....she NEVER utters any bad words..at alll....:seeingstars:

[Kenna]

after an awful day at work... I needed to burn off steam... but first I stopped by Blade's because my landlord (I had to pay rent) lives just over the hill...so while there venting about my boss, he has me start looking for his lost keys.... MIND YOU, I wasn't here when he lost them, unlike times past when he misplaced his glasses...

So I look all over house while I grill him about "tell me your exact actions as you came home, dumped groceries and dealt with the plumber..." .....
He took a tone with me that made me repeat "Tell me EXACTLY what you did as you came in the door."...

While half listening to him, I grabbed the flashlight to look under washer, dryer...then made my way out to the porch to check the squirrel cage... on my way back in, I glance over to above the steps... see a glint of light hit silver, make a very crosseyed look, then pound on the door and yell "GET YER BUTT OUT HERE!" ....

He follows me back out, and I step off the porch, turn around and say "look THERE!!" ... pointing to an ammo box used for camp gear... The look on his face was PRICELESS... the keys were sitting in the rain, in a place he would HAVE NEVER LOOKED!! .... while he was checking to see if the auto button was ruined by the rain, he set off the truck alarm!

So I get a finder's fee!! I was about to do a strip search, because I'd looked everywhere else!! Now I've climbed the "Helpful friend ladder" of always finding his glasses ... rescuing his lost keys... only bad thing is, I don't live here anymore to keep track of where he drops things!

He laughed at me and said "now I owe you dinner!"

I made him drive... before we left, I convinced him we were going to the Japanese Hibachi, but pay dutch because it's costly...
On the way there, he argues with me that he "ain't going there if it costs too much"...
My response: I've wanted to go there for a year, we're going! Even if I have to pay...

We get there and get to watch the cutest, most adorable little boy sitting across the hibachi from us...when the chef lit oil on fire, he JUMPED and just about started to cry...then as chef started banging spatulas around, he was awestruck... later, he handled his chop sticks better than most adults...he'd gently dip each piece of chicken in the sauce, until he found a piece he wasn't convinced was chicken... so he picked it up with his chopstick, then used his other hand to pick it up to his nose, smell it, crinkle his nose...then drop it on his older cousin's plate! ... the cousin put it back on his plate.... we were CRACKING up watching this cute little guy, with his strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes... and all his funny reactions to the fancy chef...

Blade tried my shrimp dumplings...and made an ugly face and said it tasted like "chit-lins"!

Dinner and an entertaining show!! ... when I got the bill, I told Blade that was an early birthday gift...

That little boy just made my day!! He sure took away the ugly feelings I had about my work day!

[jac]

What cracked me up today...

(At the convenience store before work)
Me: I grabbed your last 9 fruit slice candies
Clerk: Oh I see we found your weakness
Me: *smiles* Yes you have! *straight face* Now move them...
Clerk: Okay. Around the corner, top shelf
Me: *smiles*
Clerk: Now to actually order more
Me: Ugh

Cracked us both up... Me: :piratelaugh:..... Clerk: :giggle:

[MsTinkerbelly]

Remembering a favorite movie!

Cracks me up every single time!:hangloose:

[Kobi]

The complete list includes:

Toad Suck, Arkansas
Climax, Georgia
Boring, Oregon and Maryland
Hooker, Oklahoma
Assawoman, Maryland
Belchertown, Massachusetts
Roachtown, Illinois
Loveladies, New Jersey
Squabbletown, California
Monkey’s Eyebrow, Kentucky
Chicken, Alaska

http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/08/08/what-american-towns-have-the-most-unfortunate-names/?iid=nf-article-mostpop1

[jac]

What cracked me up... (technicaly it was last night)

Three kids at the shelter playing "would you rather" PG style! Some of the things debated on were hilarious... :rofl:

[Soon]

YCiY1y3uJ3o&feature=player_embedded

[Babyangeleyez]

My co-worker cracked me up yesterday. I was waiting on lab results for twin girls. I knew my co-worker would get them first since she gets all the hospital lab results since to her. After about 30 mins she comes to me as I'm standing at my desk and says "I found your Balls". I busted out laughing and said "Thanks, I wondered where I left them". She in turns bust out laughing realizing what she had just said. The patients last name was Ball. It was one of those "you had to be there moments". LoL

[lilapache]

a 65 year old woman and myself... from 2 hick towns in the south... sounding like old country family.... people thought we were nuts... that was funny as hell...

[Soft*Silver]

a sex toy party with a bunch of big women...lol...

[jac]

a sex toy party with a bunch of big women...lol...

OMG this reminds me of a Women's Studies Women's Sexuality class I had one semester a few years back where at the end we had a closing out party. Two of the students worked for two different sex toy companies. So we had dueling of the sex toys to see who had the better goods and sales pitch... Being the ONLY butch , well the only lesbian at all in the room was hilarious. Hell, it was hilarious all semester long but THAT day was priceless!!

Thanks for the reminder :superfunny:

[Hack]

Two things today--

Playing the duck ringtone on my iPhone and watching my dog (a Lab mix) go over to the big picture window in the livingroom to scan for waterfowl. Cracks me up every time.

Second, the episode in Season 4 of Californication where Hank goes golfing with the two lawyers. Hysterical.

[Alurra]

My friend is a cop. He was on traffic duty this morning. I saw him parked across the street ready to pounce on red-light runners so when my light turned green I held my cell phone up and pretended to be dialing as I crossed thru the intersection right in front of him. He had to pull me over. Lights and everything. I was cracking up. No, I did not get a ticket.

[spiritfemme7]

my two gay guy friends i work with, excited about taking my picture for this site!

[yotlyolqualli]

A friend of mine, who has recently gone "country" decided to buy herself a pig. So, off to the livestock auction we went, down into Amish country. She bought a small pig and a farmer friend of ours, bought 5 small pigs (he agreed to allow her to room her pig with his, on the farm).... and off to the farm we went to help unload the next "porkchop on her plate". My god daughter, god son and I watched, at first in bemusement and then in absolute hysterics as my friend chased those darned things around the trailer, trying to grab them by their hind legs. I've not laughed that hard in a long time. She got peed on, got pig crap on her boots, she was exhausted when all six were finally penned, but she was happy. Me, Danni and TT were exhausted from laughing. lol.

[*Anya*]

my two gay guy friends i work with, excited about taking my picture for this site!

Great picture it is too! You are a cutie:)

[Kenna]

my car repair bill...and estimate for other work that still needs done...
Yep, I felt like a hard boiled egg that someone had just taken a hammer to!
Cracked me up indeed... that life seems to be so full of surprises and twist-n-turns...

[Kenna]

Blade's dad, who's having surgery today, took the Superman PJ's with him that I gave him for his birthday, so he can wear them in recovery.
that ornery old fart always finds ways to crack me up!
Blade made me laugh when he said "if they ever let me leave,.I'll bring you Piggy Park BBQ!!"

[lilapache]

what was funny... was me (45) and norma (65) worked circles around a kid (21).

[cinnamongrrl]

my mother's pit bull is 4 months old now....all gangly legs and big head....she doesnt realize shes as big as she is....she looks like a young great dane! Anyhow....she doesnt like to come inside..she LOVES being in the yard...so I was calling her to come in....and in the meantime let the other dogs in...when i opened the door again to let her in, she BOLTED from the holly bush that is her "den" to the shed about 25 ft away...the way she did it was like she thought she was hiding from me....like shes still small enough to hide...i had to laugh....i closed the door and let her stay out....its still making me smile :)

[Soon]

Hcmz74AaXHs&feature=player_embedded

[jac]

Well it didn't happen today but.....

When my grandson, yeh the one in my gallery pics, sings Old McDonald's Farm...

E, I, E, I, O... nope. It's more like A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y!! :blink:

I think the lil guy has his songs mixed up... :lol2:

[Jaques]

my missus's brother, he drinks tea when everyone else is drinking wine, maybe thats why he has the 6 pack and i dont, lol! here we are hanging out this afternoon......................http://http://i1255.photobucket.com/albums/hh634/gj2go/wedding069.jpg

[TimilDeeps]

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says.
He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says.
‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

[Soon]

lQKdEdzHnfU&feature=player_embedded&noredirect=1

[Toph]

Hcmz74AaXHs&feature=player_embedded

have to agree Zoey is completely underrated. the clip was funny

[scootebaby]

the other night Dixie and I were doing our usual nightly texting when suddenly


Dixie: Sooo i see you're paying the sluts again
Me: :|
Dixie: PLAYING the SLOTS!! OMG!!
me :cracked: :rofl:

[BoDy*ShOt]

last night, this cracked me up..

my 5 yrs old started asking me about when 'he was in my tummy'.. he wanted to know if he made my tummy wiggle and poke out and such... so I'm describing to him how it felt and what it looked like in kiddo terms, and we are totally cracking up about it..

all of the sudden he gets serious and says, "momma... did I drink milk?" and stares at my boobs.

uhhhh. I answered and then lmao'd. oooohh, the questions from the mouths of babes.

[Soon]

Via Jezebel: Celebrate the End of One of the Shittiest Weeks Ever with a Gif Party!
(http://jezebel.com/5937744/celebrate-the-end-of-one-of-the-shittiest-weeks-ever-with-a-gif-party)
This week was, pardon my French, a piece of fucking merde. The news was so bad that we all became bored with bad news. To make matters worse, this week stretched on and on, like that time you spent an hour making out with the young man who your memory would come to know as Halitosis Guy you were 18 and too polite to say anything. There's good news, though — it must have been crap, but it's over now. Let's gif it out.

click on title to crack up :D

[Miss Scarlett]

me, Clay and my shoes...

[jac]

What cracked me up...

the general: why does your drink have two straws in it?
spritz: probably because i ordered a diet drink and you two didn't, so this is the waitress's way of know mine apart from yours.
me: (teasingly toward the general) ohhhhh I thought it was cause mom was supposed to drink from her mouth AND her nose!
the genral: ugh! your gross!

Ahahahahaaaaaa I love messin' with that kid! :superfunny:

[Kenna]

TOO MANY THINGS this weekend cracked me up!!!!

a cute little boy wading in the creek, yelling out "OH IT'S WARM HERE! FISH PEE!!" ... I absolutely fell in love with that little guy this weekend! He's the kind of kid that you NEVER want to grow up! He'd come off with so many one liners, I should have written them down! I nicknamed him "blue boy" because every time he was in the water too long, he'd turn blue!! But you had to DRAG him out!

a camping companion to crack jokes with all weekend and hear them say "you're sooooo bad, girl!" every time I cracked a funny and surprised them!

privately cracking jokes with my companion about how I would crush a certain guy's ego if I got his fire going for him when he couldn't... (you had to see and interact with this guy to know what I mean...) needless to say, if it wasn't for me, they would have been eating cold hot dogs!

the sweet young mother who was with that guy calling us "pioneering women" this morning when they saw our raging, blazing firepit... and me yelling back "WE CHEATED! We used a firestarter block wrapped in paper!" ... (her bf had been using wet wood)

This morning, "blue boy" came wading down river and yelled out, very proud "WE CAUGHT A FISH!!"... I asked how big? He held his tiny hands out BIIIIIGGG but quickly moved them back together about the size of a peanut butter sandwich... too cute

His brother came wading up behind him, and I noticed he had a handful of fishing line and was intently watching something in the water... he yelled out "WE CAUGHT A FISH!!" then he pulled out this tiny little brim at the end of his line, he gently placed it back in the water and gave it extra fishing line... We CRACKED UP!!! He was "Walking" his fish like a dog on a leash!!! allowing it plenty of line to swim down stream... I hollered at him "AWWW HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU HAD A HOOK IN YOUR JAW?" ... he responded "we didn't use a hook, we used a weight and thread it through his gills where he doesn't feel a thing." .... POOR FISHIE!!

I laughed so hard this weekend!

[Kenna]

spending the last 4 hours on the phone, cracking up and sharing stories about the kids in our lives and all the "out of the mouths of babes " things that we fondly recall...
me spending hours on the phone with ANYBODY is rare enough to make me laugh!

[jac]

What cracked me up today...

daughter: so we took ju to his preschool for openhouse to check out his room and meet his teacher.
me: oh yeh how'd that go?
daughter: omg he was sooooo excited, he squealed!
me: that's sooooo awesome!
julian: boobeh i squealed!! *giggle giggle chuckle laugh*

That kid, I swear, he's gonna leave his mark at that preschool! :superfunny:

[Scuba]

Mr. Poodle Pants and Panjo...

[jac]

Two staff in the back office. One had her pre-teen child with her for the evening.
Mind you, I can only hear this conversation. I was at the computer typing logs...

child: Mom what is this thing?
staff: What thing?
child: This weird brown thing?
mom: Oh hmmmm well it's a penis.
child: OMG whaaaaat??? La la la, I can't hear youuuuuuuuu (assuming fingers in ears)
mom: You asked.
child: What are you people doing with this thing here?
mom: We teach the kids on the streets the proper way to put on a condom.
child: OMG I really don't want to know this from you!
mom: Meet my co-worker!

Ahahahaaaaaa oh the highlight of my evenings :rofl:

[Mrs Arcstriker]

I have had my current car for over 6 years and I have taken very good care of her...we are getting to the point where I will be trading her in soon, what with her low miles and pristine body...and today, while at the grocery store parking lot, I just figured out she has a 5-CD changer. Quite honestly I had no idea that this was the case until I had to switch off Spice Radio in the parking lot. In my haste to block my radio porn I pushed a button for my CD changer, and it was only then that I found that I had 4 more CD's I could load. Almost 7 years and 65+ miles I find this out now??? Really? How did I miss that? On the way home from market I immediately loaded the following:

Jimmy Buffett Songs You Know By Heart
Jimmy Buffett A White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean
Jimmy Buffett Barometer Soup
Jimmy Buffett Changes in Attitudes Changes In Lattitudes
Jimmy Buffett Coconut Telegraph...

I already had Jimmy Buffett License to Chill but I kicked it out for the above listed 5...

Oh, and BTW, I am fond of Jimmy Buffett...

[Gentle Tiger]

The show, Miranda.

[Fatale]

Thinking that I could simply waltz into my local Whole Foods late afternoon on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend. That cracked me up.

[Kenna]

trying to find a 12 pack of Bud lite for my mechanic buddy that busted his ass fixing my car today... only thing is, he didn't tell me that the towns on the way to his house (in a neighboring county) were "dry" :|

[Mrs Arcstriker]

trying to find a 12 pack of Bud lite for my mechanic buddy that busted his ass fixing my car today... only thing is, he didn't tell me that the towns on the way to his house (in a neighboring county) were "dry" :|

I feel your pain...Here in CT we only recently are able to sell beer on Sunday, but you have to have a secret decoder ring to figure out where that is legal!

[cinnamongrrl]

Ciaran's post in the NEVER thread :P Thanks for the laugh!

[Kenna]

just as I got on a teleconference with my boss ...
Blade's mom and sister barge into my kitchen DEMANDING my pants....I'm still recovering ... what cracked me up was more about my thoughts to her demands than the invasion itself of an old woman demanding my pants...
I learned today to lock my porch door...

[Blade]

just as I got on a teleconference with my boss ...
Blade's mom and sister barge into my kitchen DEMANDING my pants....I'm still recovering ... what cracked me up was more about my thoughts to her demands than the invasion itself of an old woman demanding my pants...
I learned today to lock my porch door...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! You did not just call my Mom "an old woman" You get by with calling Daddy "old fart"....but she would throw a blood clot if she knew you called her "an old woman" ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!

[Kenna]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! You did not just call my Mom "an old woman" You get by with calling Daddy "old fart"....but she would throw a blood clot if she knew you called her "an old woman" ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!

too flippin funny!!!!
what am I supposed to call her when a 70 something woman invades my "office" demanding my pants??..
The first thing I did was look down at my legs to see I was wearing a skirt, not pants!
and think.."who let her out of the bean garden? "... this is the FIRST time I ever wanted to blurt out W.T.F!! are you doing in my kitchen! ! ..
if she doesn't like "old woman"...and corrected me for saying "fart" one day.. then she would trip on her Depends when I yelled WTF!!

[Blade]

too flippin funny!!!!
what am I supposed to call her when a 70 something woman invades my "office" demanding my pants??..
The first thing I did was look down at my legs to see I was wearing a skirt, not pants!
and think.."who let her out of the bean garden? "... this is the FIRST time I ever wanted to blurt out W.T.F!! are you doing in my kitchen! ! ..
if she doesn't like "old woman"...and corrected me for saying "fart" one day.. then she would trip on her Depends when I yelled WTF!!


Ima look around and see if I can find a shovel for you, it'll make digging that hole a little easier for ya. She is not seventy something, she isn't even 70 anything yet...she's still a crisp 60 something.....ok on the back side of sixty...but still O my goodness @ 70 something.:byebye:

[Little Fish]

I don't even know who they are or where they live...but I TOTALLY wanna hang out with Kenna, Blade and the Old Woman who escaped the bean garden. (I'll bring an extra pair of pants, thank you.)

(you guys cracked me up !! Thanks :-)

[Blade]

I don't even know who they are or where they live...but I TOTALLY wanna hang out with Kenna, Blade and the Old Woman who escaped the bean garden. (I'll bring an extra pair of pants, thank you.)

(you guys cracked me up !! Thanks :-)

We'll save a spot for you over by the maters

[Kenna]

Ima look around and see if I can find a shovel for you, it'll make digging that hole a little easier for ya. She is not seventy something, she isn't even 70 anything yet...she's still a crisp 60 something.....ok on the back side of sixty...but still O my goodness @ 70 something.:byebye:

ohhh holy Hannah! ! she must have stopped counting at the "back side of 60".cause you all been leading me on for the last three years!!.. dig me that hole, but MAKE SURE SHE BURIES ME IN MY PANTS! !

I don't even know who they are or where they live...but I TOTALLY wanna hang out with Kenna, Blade and the Old Woman who escaped the bean garden. (I'll bring an extra pair of pants, thank you.)

(you guys cracked me up !! Thanks :-)

*WAVES TO LITTLE FISH*...welcome to the Bean Patch Silly Farm!!...
bring your pants and a video camera ... cause you might win a prize for catching this all on video! ! YOUTUBE VIRAL... old woman tripping over her Depends while beating Kenna with her own pants!!..

[Kenna]

OMG.
.I NEED A NAP!!!
TOO EXHAUSTED CHASING AFTER OLD WOMAN FROM BEAN GARDEN! !

[Estella]

Watching all of the delegates dancing to Mary J. Blige. But in a nice way ... :clap:

[mariamma]

My wee son Craig. Quote of the Day: "I have 2 pennies. I'm rich! muhahahahahahahahahahahaha..." He wanted to get a candy. I had to loan him 2 more pennies so he could get his blue taffy.

[Blade]

Beautiful sunshiney morning. Meeting a friend for breakfast, we haven't done that in a while. She is very self confident but sometimes I have to lovingly remind her that her roots are dark brown. Her words "blonde moment" she has a lot of them.

I pullin in the parking lot and see her pulling up across the road. I go on inside to get a table. She still isn't in the diner 5 minutes later. The only people I know who take longer to get out of a car are "The Greenbean Lady" and Kenna. I have no idea what takes so long to open the door and get out.

Anyway finally I look up at the door and in she walks. She looks funny to me. She has on these big sunglasses and one side is real dark and the other is clear...like no UV protection at all, like a clear lense. She gets to the table and sits down. I begin laughing hysterically. One of the lens is completely out of her sunglasses. Remember I said beautiful and sun shining, right. She says what the hell is so funny. I said what happen to your glasses. She says nothing why? I said you bought them with one lense dark and the other missing? She goes huh? Takes them off and looks at them and sort of chuckles and said OMG I didn't even notice it. REALLY!? Blinding sun and you didn't even realize it. Oh Lordy I about busted a gut laughing at her.

[Ginger]

I feel your pain...Here in CT we only recently are able to sell beer on Sunday, but you have to have a secret decoder ring to figure out where that is legal!


So annoying to me... when someone else's religious beliefs dictate when and where I can buy a product.

[Martina]

today's star trek google doodle -- click on various things from the beginning.

[Gentle Tiger]

today's star trek google doodle -- click on various things from the beginning.

I played with this multiple times yesterday! I really enjoyed the tribles(sp)! lol

[SugarFemme]

I must be one twisted little shit LOL. When my AC went out today, for some reason, the irony of it cracked me up. Vegas in September and no AC.

[jac]

Two staff talking about coffee...

perv staff: how do you like your coffee?
clueless staff: hot, creamy, sweet
Perv staff: *raging laughter* oh really?
clueless staff: *puzzled expression* yes, why?
me: ignore her she's got a gutter mind
clueless staff: *cont'd puzzled look* i'm not getting it
perv staff: and you probably never will! stick to the coffee :rofl:

[lusciouskiwi]

Dude, you slapped a fish.

FmxSk0wZxss&feature=player_embedded

[LeftWriteFemme]

http://web.mail.comcast.net/service/home/~/?auth=co&id=976470&part=2.10

[girl_dee]

when i answer the phone and someone says

"Can you have Bren call me, i've got a turkey in the yard for 5 days now and i don't know how to get rid of it*

:|

[jac]

When scheduled for a 2 hour meeting and it ends in 30 minutes because the crew of staff is goofin' around too damn much, there's really not a lot to report on, and the director himself comes in with supplies in hand to camp out at the shelter's cell phone provider because they screwed up the bill immensely... and with him trottin' around and working up staff to hysterics one senior staff asked if he had his nitro pills ready (which he did) and the director leans over the other lesbian staff's shoulder and says to her, "Will you please do me a favor and wear lipstick to my funneral?" *roaring laughter* She responds, "I'll even wear a dress." He looks up at me and without getting a chance to ask me anything I was shakin' my head no!! Hell nah I ain't wearin' a dress!!! :cracked:

Here, have some sushi :sushi:

[spritzerJ]

I jokingly say to The General today (6 years old) how is it having Rocky in class? (Boy from her kinder class and day care). Oh good she says. I ask is the wedding still on? (cause she informed me 3 weeks ago that mutual friends decided the 2 of them were getting married) She says... Well actually I was just telling Rocky yesterday that he needed to be thinking about decorations. I said for what? For the wedding mom, if he is going to marry me then he needs to think about decorations. Umm honey, I say, you aren't really marrying him. Well, she says, when I do get married there will BE decorations....

Of course honey!

[Vivacious1]

The look on my sister's face when she walked in on my niece writing on the counter with markers.

[Kenna]

a text from Blade...

"If I were a sticky trap where would I be?" ... :confused:

coming from a guy that's always asking where he laid his glasses down?

[Scuba]

cWUIr71-GDM

I love these commercials!! If you live on the East Coast or have...you'll get these :)

[Scuba]

GaO8WltLmEk

[Kenna]

so I received an email from a friend..one of those mass-forwarded ones that have a dozen people in the send-To box and the message asks you to send it to a dozen more..
I've always hated those and mostly delete them because I get so many that it overloads my inbox.

well, for some reason I open this one .. but found the list of recipients interesting ...some from State offices, some yahoo, etc ... but it was the ones that ended in "@leathermiracles.com" that caught my attention ... ;-)
it cracked me up to find it was nothing like I had imagined!!!
my imagination was running away with me...

I tell ya... working at home with little socialization lately is making me find entertainment in strange places.. like reading the recipient names instead of the actual email!

[Kenna]

I wasn't there, but heard about it afterwards ..

Blade and his mishap with the double layered shower curtain ... then the funny look on his face when he told me about it... never a dull moment around here

[Martina]

I don't know if it cracked me up, but it amused me. I am not from Oakland, but lived there for about a year and a half. My best CA friend lives there, and he's a stalwart supporter of the Alley, a piano bar featured here.

http://blog.sfgate.com/stew/2012/09/25/you-know-youre-from-oakland-if/#7318101-1

[Miss Scarlett]

Getting a copy of AARP Magazine in the mail today of all days...lol

[Scuba]

Iran's news agency portrays satirical Onion story as its own

(CNN) -- Add Iran's news agency to the long list of those hoodwinked by the satire of The Onion. Iran's semi-official Fars News Agency published a story Friday claiming that a Gallup poll found that rural white Americans prefer Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad over President Barack Obama.

Such a poll would indeed be big news in Iran (and the United States) -- if it were true. But the source was The Onion, the publication that presents the outlandish as real news.

Its serious tone fools many who are new to the lampoons. Onion yarns have tricked news outlets in the U.S. and overseas. Ahmadinejad: I'm quite popular. What sets Fars apart from others, however, is that the agency published the Onion story as if it were its own.Fars News Agency used the story verbatim, giving the same headline: "Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama" Fars also took all the credit at the get-go:

"TEHRAN (FNA) -- According to the results of a Gallup poll released Monday, the overwhelming majority of rural white Americans said they would rather vote for Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than US President Barack Obama."

(The Onion story used a Charleston, West Virginia, dateline.)
The article went on to quote a West Virginia resident as saying he would rather grab a ballgame or a drink with the Iranian leader than with Obama.
The phony resident then lauded Ahmadinejad: "He takes national defense seriously, and he'd never let some gay protesters tell him how to run his country like Obama does."

If that weren't enough, Fars continued, "According to the same Gallup poll, 60 percent of rural whites said they at least respected that Ahmadinejad doesn't try to hide the fact that he's Muslim."

A Fars news editor said Friday that the outlet took the item off its English-language website once editors realized that The Onion wasn't a legitimate news organization.

Without breaking from its farce, Onion Editor Will Tracy wrote in an e-mail that Fars is a subsidiary and has been "our Middle Eastern bureau since the mid 1980s, when the Onion's publisher, T. Herman Zweibel, founded Fars with the government approval of the late Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khomeini.

"The Onion freely shares content with Fars and commends the journalists at Iran's Finest News Source on their superb reportage," Tracy wrote in his statement.

There's no word on whether either president is laughing.

[Kenna]

a little brother said in his little voice to his really big sister...
"look, you need this, it's sparkly and it's a zebra!"

[ruffryder]

farting and my babe running away for awhile... :|

whewwweeee.. :passinggas: LOL!

[Scuba]

Ai-xmm558Ng

[-Red-Flag-]

So my mother comes into my office today and says.

'Would you like me to do a commercial for you?'

:| my face

'What for mom?'

She said 'well I've been seeing all those commercials lately, the marriage equality. I'd go on tv so you can get married'

:| my face again

She keeps going 'I would you know. Doesn't matter to Joe ( step dad) and I ...
We could do it'

- blink blink is my next face-

Her final statement .. 'Its ok that you got the gay and you want to marry... No one should give a shit but your family'


My reply 'and there we have it folks ... Maine's yes on 1... It's ok to have the gay and get married because your family is the one that should give a shit!'

Welcome to my world folks.


And for the record ... My mom means no disrespect when she says you got the gay... She learned that expression from me :)

[jac]

Stting at the staff desks talking with my workmate...

me: seems like the pool table has moved some
he: nope, looks the same from where i'm sitting
me: no, look... see the extra space over there (points to more space damnit)
he: nah, but rack 'em, you'll see things differently once we get over there and play

me: (15 minutes or so into the game) doesn't the cue ball look bigger than the others?
he: ummm noooo
me: omg i swear the damn thing is bigger
he: just like the table moved?
me: yes!!
he: not sure what your reaction to gluten really is but it looks like it's having an affect on your visual perception

LOL nothing like a carefree day... for the most part! :sunglass:

[girl_dee]

me and the boi buying candy at the dollar store and sneaking it into the movies.

[jac]

What cracked me up.... :rofl:

So I get on FB and see this picture of a friend of mine digging a hole in her Halloween Graveyard scene in the dark... assuming it was taken last night.

A drag queen friend of the gang puts this "burying all the ex's lol, or dead sex toys lol OMFG can u imagine if they came back from the dead? ATTACK OF THE ZOMBIE USED SEX TOYS" lmfao OMG i am gonna have nightmares now, THANKS lol"

[Daktari]

Tinkerbell who, because it's early enough in the day, was unpissed and unstoned. She helped. We laughed.

[Blade]

While at the cabin last week with my parents. We were ready to go out for the day. Daddy and I are ready to go....Mom says let me go to the bathroom before we leave............................................. ...

WHICH ONE OF YALL SHUT THE LID ON THE TOILET!

[jac]

Grandson is holding his pizza out and then it flips down except for where he's holding it near the crust...

ju: I don't want this anymore *sad face*
my daughter: Why not?
ju: It's bent. *pout*
daughter: (trying not to laugh) Bent?
ju: It broke and fell down. I can't eat it! *angry face*
daughter: We can get another piece that's not broke.
ju: I think I want cake! *huge smile*

He's priceless... and so are his words!! :rofl:

[Tcountry]

A txt with my Iowa bff...no that item is no longer in my "tool kit" ...but I'm pretty sure I won't be needing it...impressive memory tho

[Scuba]

Watching the guy next to me on the ferry play Bad Piggies. I was rolling :)

[jac]

The verbal exchange between two store clerks and an ex clerk. The ex clerk had me laughing so freakin bad I just blurted out "You're awesome! I've been having a rough start to my day and you just helped to change that!" :cracked:

[jac]

Okay so sitting quietly after staff exchange with the other lesbian staff who is coming on shift duty. Both of us are kind of quiet and I was nodding in and out of nappishness (true word)... and didn't realize she was too.

A new kid is on her cell phone and neither of us are totally paying attention to her end of the conversation till we both raise our heads, look at each other and the other staff says,

her: I only got part of that. What did you get?
me: I think I only got part of it too...? :blink:
her: I got the part about she only likes cats. *puzzled look*
me: Well, that explains a lot because the part I got was "Those hetero couples seem to have a thing for dogs."
her: hmmm *closes eyes again*
me: yeh *closes eyes again*

The little lesbian is 18... We later assessed she must like pussy... she likes cats. hee hee :superfunny:

Disclaimer: I know the non-heteros like dogs too. Just laugh with me. It was a ha ha moment damnit!! :rofl:

[Blaze]

Working with my bosses, we were taking down lights they were bulky and heavy and it took 4 of us to take down four Halogen lights. We are all struggling trying to balance the boom lights so one guy says hey pass the Dykes, I looked up at him and said hey! Watch it buster, we all bust out laughing and the light got heavier cause were laughing hard, one of the guys was from corp office and he kind of just looked straight forward trying to act like he didn't hear my comment, which made the 3 of us laugh even harder... After the 4th guy left I said, oppps forgot about the big boss, they laughed and said yeah we gotta watch ourselves, we tease each other all day and sometimes we forget ourselves around others.... The forth guy comes back and says where is the damn dykes and I yelled from the other room ... Im in here and then the laughing began again and the boom light crashed... Oppps my bad.

[Fatale]

What cracked me up to day was wondering what my cat was pondering as she so intensely watched me scoop the littler box.

"Damn, I worked so long to bury that."

"Does she keep it?"

"Where did I leave that feather?"

"I wish to hell she'd hurry up already!"

"This explains why I've been going in the same place for years and it never fills up."

[Kenna]

Socks cracked me up.... and almost made my blood pressure blow!
LMAO!!

Because I moved, I'm "living out of" duffel bags and laundry buckets..
So I start packing my after-work clothes to go hiking this evening...
Start stressing because I couldn't find my socks...
Start searching duffel bags and buckets...
Stressing more running out of time...
Thinking OMG!!! All that planning and packing and I didn't bring SOCKS!!
yanking stuff out of buckets...
turning duffel bags upside down on bed...
"OMG!! Really? ..... Ugggg!!"
then........
I look down....
the black ones I was looking for and apparently the only pair I brought with me where on my feet!!
:sock: :sock: :sock: :sock: :sock: :sock:

My blood pressure busted and I found them on my feet!!
just then, I got a text from a supportive friend.."It's time to lay back down!" ...

HOW TRUE!!

[Nomad]

a quote from a book i'm reading:

“Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth”

:cracked:

[Blaze]

Getting ready for work in the dark...
Getting to work and half way through the day, noticing I had to different color tennis shoes as well as socks on. Everyone knows I like odd, I am odd, so no one bothered to say anything to me. Until... The same upper management guy stopped dead in his tracks turned and his face became beat read when I walking around with a pair of dikes wire cutters in my hand. And he said, please, please, please don't say dykes...

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yTKQN9Q1NBo/0.jpg

[Dance-with-me]

I walking around with a pair of dikes wire cutters in my hand. And he said, please, please, please don't say dykes...
I was raised around my dad doing electrical work, calling wire cutters "dikes". And decades later, he still loves making puns around that (no point in trying to explain to him that I don't consider myself a dyke).

Me? Cracking up watching Keeping the Faith for the kazillionth time. Certain scenes make me laugh every time. Yeah, I'm a dork.

[Trev]

Upcoming presentations at work and a co worker says to me "this ain't your first time at this goat rodeo".

How can I look those 24 people in the face and not crack up?

[Corkey]

Upcoming presentations at work and a co worker says to me "this ain't your first time at this goat rodeo".

How can I look those 24 people in the face and not crack up?

Underwear time!!

[easygoingfemme]

:rofl:

X1VAC5bFN-E

[easygoingfemme]

Tonight, I was meeting some friends at a restaurant for dinner.
I was walking in behind a couple, not in my group. The female stopped at the door and her male counterpart opened the door for her. Then as I was behind them, he held it for me too. Which put me between him and his date. It was a double door walkway. Now, she's been talking away this whole time, has no clue that I have entered the picture. She steps aside for him to open the next door. But I'm the one behind her. I waited a second and saw that she was going to keep talking while she waited for the door to be opened for her. So I reached around and opened it for her. She sees it's not the arm she expected to see and looked at me with the most startled look. I just smiled and held the door for her. Then he reached over and took the door from me and we both went in.

Maybe you had to be there but I thought it was a riot. Especially when recounting the story to my friends, who were seated next to the door and watched it all happen.

[Rook]

3 guys named
WHAT,
WHY,
WHEN
were talkin

WHAT:WHY what r u doing?

WHY:i dont know what iam doing.

WHAT:why?

WHY:why r u caling me? what?

WHAT:now why did u cal me?

WHY:what! When did i cal u?

WHEN:in ur problem why r u callin me?

WHY:what? did i cal u? When?

WHAT & WHEN: what

WHEN:why r u caling urself?

WHY: did i cal myself, when?

WHEN:what?

WHAT:why did u cal me? Dont ask when?

WHY & WHEN: what ?

[cinnamongrrl]

Okay so sitting quietly after staff exchange with the other lesbian staff who is coming on shift duty. Both of us are kind of quiet and I was nodding in and out of nappishness (true word)... and didn't realize she was too.

A new kid is on her cell phone and neither of us are totally paying attention to her end of the conversation till we both raise our heads, look at each other and the other staff says,

her: I only got part of that. What did you get?
me: I think I only got part of it too...? :blink:
her: I got the part about she only likes cats. *puzzled look*
me: Well, that explains a lot because the part I got was "Those hetero couples seem to have a thing for dogs."
her: hmmm *closes eyes again*
me: yeh *closes eyes again*

The little lesbian is 18... We later assessed she must like pussy... she likes cats. hee hee :superfunny:

Disclaimer: I know the non-heteros like dogs too. Just laugh with me. It was a ha ha moment damnit!! :rofl:

you make me miss having co-workers.....lol

[Gemme]

3 guys named
WHAT,
WHY,
WHEN
were talkin

WHAT:WHY what r u doing?

WHY:i dont know what iam doing.

WHAT:why?

WHY:why r u caling me? what?

WHAT:now why did u cal me?

WHY:what! When did i cal u?

WHEN:in ur problem why r u callin me?

WHY:what? did i cal u? When?

WHAT & WHEN: what

WHEN:why r u caling urself?

WHY: did i cal myself, when?

WHEN:what?

WHAT:why did u cal me? Dont ask when?

WHY & WHEN: what ?

k37HOam7E-g

[StillettoDoll]

http://www.blendingbeautiful.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/boobphoto-1024x1024.jpg (http://www.blendingbeautiful.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/boobphoto.jpg)

[Blade]

This actually happenened a few weeks ago, I'm just getting around to writing about it. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

My Dad has one Aunt still living. She is about 85 yrs old. A few days after his heart surgery he told Mom to call Aunt Gladys and tell her he was fine and doing well. Bear in mind that we have always been a close family. Aunt Gladys raised her grandson, he is my age and we did everything together growing up. Here is how the conversation went.

Mom....Hi Aunt Gladys this is Candy
Aunt Gladys....whoooo
Mom.... Candy
Aunt Gladys.........whoooo
Mom...this is Candy....Johnny's wife
Aunt Gladys....OH! Well honey, I don't reckon we ever know'd ya name we just always called you "Johnny's wife"

OMG I thought Mom would die, laughing so hard when she got off the phone she couldn't tell me what was said.

Now what makes this even funnier is, a few weeks before the surgery Dad went to see Aunt Gladys and she told him to tell Mom they needed to move back down there so she would have someone to do stuff with. She and Mom could take trips together and do things together. Dad said Aunt Gladys you have people that you do things with. She said no, no I don't all my friends and sister in laws I did stuff with has done and died out on me. So two weeks earlier she knew who Mom was.

LOL I told Mom it sounds like a trend.........she is not allowed to hang out with Aunt Gladys...I'd like to keep them both around for a bit longer.

[easygoingfemme]

Driving behind a woman tonight who was probably 85 years old.
Her license plate frame read: Honk if you're horny
I didn't honk, but oh did I want to!

[Bèsame*]

I cracked up over

The rooster and little mouse story...lol

[Rook]

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at
work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my
baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them
for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

[Rook]

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

[Rook]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

[Tcountry]

Me: want me to call u when I land in 80 degree weather?
Lab tech: U want me to reach thru the phone & smack ya?
Lab Mgr: I'd like to see that...

:)

[Blade]

After I filled my truck up with gas today I drove behind the store to get out of the parking lot. There is a tree line behind the store. As I rounded the corner of the building, I looked up and a squirrel was jumping to a limb. Well the limb wasn't attached to the tree. When he caught the limb, he and the limb went tumbling to the ground. He jumped up apparently unharmed and ran off.

I've never seen a squirrel make a mislick like that and fall all the way to the ground. He was like WTF I think he was embarrassed

[lusciouskiwi]

Irish Sugar Test

One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.

"Could you taste this for me, please?"

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.

"No, not at all," says the chemist.

"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here to get my urine tested for sugar."

[Rook]

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(A narcoleptic musté sued)


On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(Makes a Shoplifter very Motivated , right?)

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(Must we ask...?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(It's only a suggestion, after all.).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(Fuck !!!! Oops)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(Ow...Fuggin' ThunuvaBith!!!)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(They need to youtube their test dummies)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(Because we see plenty of 5 year olds handling Tractors and School bus, Amish kids don't count !!!)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(Are you fucking kidding me? You mean.....this really works on Insomnia???)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(Umm, What...?)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(-=speechless=-)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly JetBlu next time.)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Somebody must've been very...Very depressed...)

Now that you've smiled at least once,Goodnight.
:moonstars:

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Man married to doll...Friend would like to marry said doll. Cheered me up!

[GraffitiBoi]

I got to work today to find that the manager hooked up a Nintendo system to one of our huge security monitors since it's so dead at the hotel this week! LMAO We're getting paid to play video games!

[Blade]

Mom did....as we were walking into Belks which was the second store in our "will you go to Penney's with me, that is the only place I want to go" adventure

Mom...I sure do feel sorry for you

Me...Huh? Why?

Mom...One day in the not to distant future, you'll be pushing me around in a wheelchair to do this Christmas shopping. You sure will be tired at the end of the day.

Me...chuckling...ummm naa I don't think so...I'll be teaching you to shop online and I'll be pushing your wheelchair up to the table, where you can reach your computer.

[dixie]

Simply because my laugh can sometimes be pretty obnoxious and goofy sounding too...LOL


p32OC97aNqc

[jac]

It happened yesterday but I'm still laughin'

Staff meeting. Discussing the kids and their needs and issues...
staff:well, he's offended by the remark because he's a virgin still
director: a what? isn't he supposed to be bi?
staff: yes he is bi and he is a virgin too
director: then how does he know he's bi?
staff: same way you know you're hetero
director: but.....
staff: when you were a virgin didn't you just know who you were attracted to?
director: well, yeh i guess i did lol
staff: well he knows too and he has no limits
director: well, that's just greedy!
ex director (director's wife): oh dear...
all staff: ahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

I really do love that place

[Blade]

That little Christmas Elf keeps me laughing when I'm around her. Today as she was sifting threw her birthday gifts, occasionally she would come across a card. Her Mom would read the card to her, open it and read the inside of the card, and close the card. When she would close the card the Christmas Elf would say "The End"...OMG that wee little voice the end. Precious.

[WintergreenGem]

Reading one of Tommi's old posts cracked me up today!

[Guy]

We were cracking up watching the Sea World Penguin Cam tonight, and this one penguin kept running back and forth as fast as his short little legs would let him, sooo funnnyy

[Tcountry]

...thinking & talking to others(mom included) about things I could do this year to piss off the sister-in-law at Christmas ..lol :)

[Blade]

As the sermon began this morning and the sanctuary got quiet. There was a person...seemingly a man,(from the sound of the it) snoring. I looked in the direction of the sound and noticed others around me looking that direction too. I think with all the activity here, getting up and down to sing and pray how could anyone fall asleep. Well he did a big ole snore again.

Now my friend that invited me and I use to date several years ago. We always have a large time together. She could make Mona Lisa laugh. I knew if she turned and looked at me when he snored again we would both have to leave church from busting out laughing. Cuz I'm telling you it was loud. So when church was over I thanked her for not turning and looking at me while that man was snoring, cuz I knew we'd crack up. She said what man snoring. I said you didn't hear that man on the other side of you snoring so loud. Thank God we were outside by this time cuz she said, that wasn't a man that was Leonard :sunglass: I said Leonard? She said yeah Leonard our music directors dog. Didn't you see him nudge Leonard to wake him up? See I told you it was an all welcoming church.

[*Anya*]

My youngest daughter turns me onto the funniest things and I just laughed out loud at this (the whole website is a crack-up, AkwardFamilyPhotos):

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/wp-content/uploads/cache/2012/12/image1/1630716941.jpg

[Teddybear]

this happened last nite. when were laying in bed talking when we started talking about when we first started dating and some of the conversations we had and this is what was said

me: I remember u telling me not to be upset if xyz doesnt happen cuz it never has

cinn: I hope I didnt sound all butchy and all

me: trying to sound all girly i tried to repeat what i said a minute before we both just started to roll and are still laughing about it this morning

[jac]

Sitting in staff meeting.... (next to the director no less)

director: So we have a lot to talk about with this new program change. First we should take this time to congratulate... (pause) *looks at me* What's your name again...?
me: Oh come on, you know... the blind one with "people!"
director: Touche! you got me damnit!

Ahahahaaaaaaaa :cracked: This man is going to put me in an early grave from death by laughter!!

____________________
Then talking about a problem kid taking a college entrance exam and doing rather well on it...

director: I didn't know he was considering school
psychologist: Interesting. What does he think he wants to study?
director: He's psychotic, do you really think he's even got an idea?
me: *stood up to walk out of the meeting with a dead-pan look on my face* I heard he planned to study psychology!
director: Oh, you're on a roll today aren't you!?

Hee hee hee... :rofl:

[Guy]

Don't Honk at old people - dave6's posterous (http://dave6.posterous.com/dont-honk-at-old-people)

[Kenna]

an encounter with a friend's roommate that asked us to help someone go hang curtain rods and blinds...
me: where's the drill bits?
them :I don't know.
me: you brought the drill but no drill bits?
them: I don't know what drill bits look like. you mean those things that make holes?
me: *blank stare *
them: I don't know nothing about drill bits."
me: *sifting thru the tool box, looking like Beaker and Fozzy Bear* quietly reminding self that not everyone is mechanically inclined.

[Okiebug61]

http://dadomatic.com/andy-andrews-says-50-things-dads-say-in-60-seconds/

[Rook]

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. ...
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (who is about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... I just lost it! :cracked:

[Blade]

PEEPS...they come in CHRISTMAS PEEPS...I've never seen them at Christmas time....they come in all of the Christmas/winter designs..snowmen, Christmas trees, stars and I don't know what all else.

[Trev]

A picture text of Tractor Supply "meet me here" She knows it's my favorite store.

[dark_crystal]

http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/c105.0.403.403/p403x403/9196_10152329760770165_1668290870_n.jpg

[Duchess]

QPdZhHjfWks

[LeftWriteFemme]

h35TEflQNqc

[Tcountry]

LOL...watching Stella the Bloodhound go skidding across an ice puddle on our after work walk...I can't wait till we have a Big snow :)

[LeftWriteFemme]

6l1GvDWtccI

[Wrang1er]

When I arrived at work and realized I am wearing two different shoes. Both are black but the left one has a higher sole. I look like I need a V-8. :-)

[Tcountry]

During safety training today...about 6 of us with smart phones got the blizzard warning alert at the exact same time...lol

Weather bug...works...even in the middle of nowhere Nebraska

[Blade]

Last night as we were riding threw McAdenville looking at Christmas lights, I said when we get to the other end I'll make the round about and we'll go back threw and get out at the lake.....I passed the round about because I knew there was a Burger King at the light and we could rest there and go back threw.

OMG.......at the light, I turned left and as far as you could see was bumper to bumper traffic. About 3 miles of 2 lane traffic waiting to get into McAdenville, I said you still want to go back? She said no lets not....LOL it would have been fun to go back threw and get out at the lake, but on the news we saw that people had waited in line for hours to go threw and they cut them off at 11 and a lot of cars were turned away. Not good for them, but it cracked me up because my analness to always be early paid off this time, although we were in traffic even getting there early, at least we did get to go threw.

[cinnamongrrl]

They really DO think of everything these days :|

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awful-links/awful-link-4422.php

[Blade]

My little princess...Oh Lordy she is a mess. She doesn't say much on her own but she can say anything you ask her to say. She has learned a cute little phrase that obviously her Mom tells her Daddy when she is upset with him. When the little princess wants you to leave her alone, she in her tiny little two year old voice says....."GO TO WORK"! ROFL She was really showing out tonight and finally her Moma, popped her leg. She didn't cry or squeal or pout. She jerked her head and glared at me, like are you really going to let her get by with that. She knows exactly how to push my buttons.

[*Anya*]

They really DO think of everything these days :|

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/awful-links/awful-link-4422.php

I thought it was a gag but Amazon sold it. Currently out of stock:|

The Pussy Snorkel...

[Greyson]

I thought it was a gag but Amazon sold it. Currently out of stock:|

The Pussy Snorkel...


I thought you were joking. No, apparently some guys out there just can't finesse it.

[Dude]

I thought you were joking. No, apparently some guys out there just can't finesse it.

but there are also head clamper women
I can remember a few times when I was nearly suffocated
by too strong to control legs :|

[always2late]

but there are also head clamper women
I can remember a few times when I was nearly suffocated
by too strong to control legs :|

Curse you Thigh Master!! :cheesy:

[Dude]

Curse you Thigh Master!! :cheesy:

indeed!
legs or buns of steel

could kill a person

[falloutmk]

:praying:I was being attacked by a girlfriend who was trying to be a sea turtle and sounding like a muppet at the same time... I was frightened but also very amused byher antics.

[jac]

Another staff from another program asking several times in the morning for me to do diiferent things for her, like posting specific program notes or asking me to make a folder for a new form that will be used with the kids or the best of all... plopping down in the seat next to me while I'm typing logs at the desk and saying in a leaned-in whisper, "It's like this, and I see you haven't noticed but when I talk I need attention. It's all about me damn it! Pay attention. Focus."

Yeh lol... never letting up on my typing, never taking my eyes off of the screen... I just bust out laughing, lose my straight face and tell her to get over it.

:superfunny: I had to walk away I was laughing so hard...

[*Anya*]

I asked my GF her how she did in HS sports.

Turns out she was voted most athletic and the president of the GAA in HS.

:outfield::golf::basketball:

I said that I was last picked for all team sports and she said, "No, honey, you were voted most likely to sit on the president of the GAA's lap".

Cracked me up.

[cinnamongrrl]

My client was watching a show called Mongrels...very adult humor...but very amusing!

[Kenna]

driving home on a rainy ugly day, on a busy road, a large white goose and gander stopped traffic while they slowly waddled across the road... barely off the edge on the other side, they turned around, stuck their heads up and proudly -in a pissed off tone- squawked, hissed and honked their disapproval at the van in front of me...as if they had road rage!! ..they didn't care the van outweighed them by 3 housand times...they had a story to tell and didn't care if they stopped traffic!

lmao!

[TheMerryFairy]

Mullets- need I say more?

It was a little disturbing that I've seen so many mullets lately. That's one part of lesbian hair history I don't want to come back.

[ButchEire]

Some people call it a mullet. I prefer to call it nasty.

Mullets- need I say more?

It was a little disturbing that I've seen so many mullets lately. That's one part of lesbian hair history I don't want to come back.

[Daktari]

Mullets- need I say more?

It was a little disturbing that I've seen so many mullets lately. That's one part of lesbian hair history I don't want to come back.

You think it went away? I see it still being *coff* enjoyed by dykes of a certain age in some circles. :| *shudder







ps. The Space Cadet and the Strawbale are a pair of those very dykes of a certain wotsit.

[TheMerryFairy]

You think it went away? I see it still being *coff* enjoyed by dykes of a certain age in some circles. :| *shudder







ps. The Space Cadet and the Strawbale are a pair of those very dykes of a certain wotsit.




Not *gone* but I certainly haven't seen anything to indicate it was still popular in the last oh 15 years or so.

[Daktari]

Not *gone* but I certainly haven't seen anything to indicate it was still popular in the last oh 15 years or so.

You obviously don't run in Mullet circles. :cheesy:

It's definitely not 'popular' but some do seem to grimly cling on to their hey-day hair-do. :|

[ButchEire]

And attire!

You obviously don't run in Mullet circles. :cheesy:

It's definitely not 'popular' but some do seem to grimly cling on to their hey-day hair-do. :|

[jac]

What creacked me up today.... so far?

Sending Spritz a text about being on my game again now that I am feeling better but auto-correct choosing to input "hand" instead of game!!

Ahahahaaaaaaa :superfunny: I hate you auto-correct!! :rofl:

[Daktari]

My client was watching a show called Mongrels...very adult humor...but very amusing!

Mongrels is an awesome BBC tv programme. I love it! I think some of the songs are on Youtoob.

Highly recommended.

[bkisbutchenuff]

.......sleepy talk...... :D

[cinnamongrrl]

I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready for bed...I decided to let the dogs out one last time...they just go out in the yard and come right back....

So....me still in my towel, I opened the door and looked out the storm door (we HAVE had coyotes in the area before, so I check first) and saw a long dark shadow against the car right by the stairs...I screamed, reached for the light (NOT the door to slam it shut as I should have...) turned on the light and then promptly dropped my towel. :| The shadow was MY shadow.. and that got me into hysterics about being scared of my own shadow...not to mention the show I MAY have given our (Thankfully only) neighbor....

[Teddybear]

I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready for bed...I decided to let the dogs out one last time...they just go out in the yard and come right back....

So....me still in my towel, I opened the door and looked out the storm door (we HAVE had coyotes in the area before, so I check first) and saw a long dark shadow against the car right by the stairs...I screamed, reached for the light (NOT the door to slam it shut as I should have...) turned on the light and then promptly dropped my towel. :| The shadow was MY shadow.. and that got me into hysterics about being scared of my own shadow...not to mention the show I MAY have given our (Thankfully only) neighbor....

what amazed me was when u finally were able to come upstairs to bed u were laughing at the fact that u thouhgt u would scare the shadw away by dropping ur towel. Im not sure who in their right mind would run from such a beautiful,sexy hot body as urs

so can i be a shadow later today when we get home I promise I WILL b runing just not the other way >:)

[Jesse]

wPOgvzVOQig

[RockOn]

Tonight on the phone my lovely dear friend, LeftWriteFemme, told me a hilarious story about her week ... and it just kept getting better and better ... I was laughing so hard!

Laughter is good for the soul. :)

Thank you, Sherrie! (f)

[jac]

wPOgvzVOQig

Holy flippin hilarious! Reminds me of my girls at that age. My older of the two would have done just that and ironically enough, the younger was also named Lauren!

4am laughter is great in a quiet apt building... :rofl:

[DamonK]

It made me laugh in an ironic way....

A year ago, I would have pitched a fit at even the thought of this....

Instead, today, what do I do? I willingly picked up the phone and called 3 different ENTs. In 3 different states.

Didn't even bat an eye. If you know me, you know why this is huge.

[WingsOnFire]

It made me laugh in an ironic way....

A year ago, I would have pitched a fit at even the thought of this....

Instead, today, what do I do? I willingly picked up the phone and called 3 different ENTs. In 3 different states.

Didn't even bat an eye. If you know me, you know why this is huge.

and I know just what any accomplishment this is for you! I am so very proud of you.

[Scuba]

8X8YUdBHc28

[jac]

Having Chinese food and a table over...

Kid: What's that?
Mom: Duck sauce.
Kid: I'm not eating it. There's just no telling where they got that sauce.
Mom: It's just called that. It's not really from ducks.

LOL it was definitely laughable! :rofl:

[cinnamongrrl]

I went to pick up Teddy and my meds at the pharmacy.I wasn't ENTIRELY sure what I was picking up,..and the pharmacist puts one modest little bag up on the counter.and I'm thinking, oh that's not so bad..then he swings up this massive plastic bag full of other bags....and in a flash I saw our future...meds meds and more meds :|
Fortunately, most of them are temporary...I have to take certain things before and after the surgery..and Teddy's were just on back order...

Ok I do subscribe to dark humor at times...but I found it amusing none the less...

[Teddybear]

I went to pick up Teddy and my meds at the pharmacy.I wasn't ENTIRELY sure what I was picking up,..and the pharmacist puts one modest little bag up on the counter.and I'm thinking, oh that's not so bad..then he swings up this massive plastic bag full of other bags....and in a flash I saw our future...meds meds and more meds :|
Fortunately, most of them are temporary...I have to take certain things before and after the surgery..and Teddy's were just on back order...

Ok I do subscribe to dark humor at times...but I found it amusing none the less...

Baby

I was suppose to get 2 bottles 1 vial and some needles to adminster the stuff in the vial

WTH did u get

[jac]

Holy flippin hilarious! Reminds me of my girls at that age. My older of the two would have done just that and ironically enough, the younger was also named Lauren!

4am laughter is great in a quiet apt building... :rofl:

OMG I showed this video to my daughter and explained what I wrote up there ^^^^... She laughed so damn hard it made me crack up all over again!! She said, "That would have been Helen and I for sure!"

She's super evil in a 5ft package of a woman :rofl:

[cinnamongrrl]

Baby

I was suppose to get 2 bottles 1 vial and some needles to adminster the stuff in the vial

WTH did u get

I got what they gave me! And they had to put it all in a walmart bag cuz there was too much to carry! But I think most of it is my eye stuff....and I'm not sure but I think there's an oral antibiotic...I didnt actually look at anything to see just what it was.. :|

[RockOn]

In Harbor Freight Tools, Sams Club, Lowes and Home Depot - at least one sales associate in each store asked me, "Sir, may I help you?" It was pretty funny. I did get my hair buzzed super short last week and was wearing a ball cap.

[cinnamongrrl]

My client is a funny guy...we have this long running joke; no matter what care I'm giving, before I get started he yells "OWWWWW!" The huge irony of this is that he has NO sensation over most of his body...

SO...tonight, we were in the kitchen getting meds and I hear someone out in the hallway right outside his door...he had already pulled the OWWWW thing earlier...so I said.."Yeah why don't you do it NOW!? There's someone RIGHT out in the hall. Maybe they will hear you!"

Then.....he uses his controller to open his front door....I see the person in the hall kind of glancing up in surprise when the door opens...and he lets out a loud "OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" :| I bout hurt myself hiding behind the fridge while I died laughing...lol Good times... :)

[TheMerryFairy]

A little boy in a lineup tonight at the coffee shop. He was "break dancing" to the radio until he got his chocolate milk. He must have only been 3! He took off his hat while his dad ordered, set it down and did a series of moves that is pretty much indescribable. It looked like a cartoon character on narcotics who decided to throw a temper tantrum on the floor. I busted out laughing and put a dollar in his hat before his father turned around to see what he was doing.

In the end the father just looked up and said "so that's how you've been buying chocolate milk ALL week! You can't take people's money" To which the little boy replied " YOP! I'm a rockstar! They WANT to give me money - they put it in my hat. I could stay here all day and be rich!"

I smiled at the boy and his father, still half laughing. His little face was so precious!

[Arwen]

Playing Sour Apples to Apples with friends.

The word is "Rough".

The winning card is "My First Time"

We all laugh as we try to see who played that card.

The 10 yr old.

Her parent picked her card not knowing it was her.

We were in TEARS as her parent did a double take when the 10 yr old raised her hand.

"My first time at school was rough."

:seeingstars::sunglass::blush:

[sierragirrl]

watching cops and the kid that got busted saying " you got this twisted like a pretzel with no hot cheez to dip it in"
bwwhhaahhaa..
hey i thought it was funny!

[Hollylane]

The last 3 hours of watching The Vicar of Dibley....No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...yeah, that's right.

[LaneyDoll]

This little exchange between Col (my 14 year old and I)...

Col: "These are pretty awesome!"
Me: "I know and I found them at the Dollar Tree."
Col: "Cool! How much were they?"
Me: "Really?"

:sparklyheart:

[TheMerryFairy]

This little exchange between Col (my 14 year old and I)...

Col: "These are pretty awesome!"
Me: "I know and I found them at the Dollar Tree."
Col: "Cool! How much were they?"
Me: "Really?"

:sparklyheart:

LOL! I take it your dollar tree has things for only a dollar? Some of the "dollar" stores here have things from 50 cents up to 3.50 lol

[LaneyDoll]

LOL! I take it your dollar tree has things for only a dollar? Some of the "dollar" stores here have things from 50 cents up to 3.50 lol

Here it is a $1 most of the time; the other times (which are really RARE) are 2 for $1; 3 for $1 and 4 for $1.

We have Dollar General where things have a price range like the one you referenced.

:)

:sparklyheart:

[TheMerryFairy]

Here it is a $1 most of the time; the other times (which are really RARE) are 2 for $1; 3 for $1 and 4 for $1.

We have Dollar General where things have a price range like the one you referenced.

:)

:sparklyheart:


I need to find one of these Dollar trees! Except money doesn't grow on them, they take your money to fill their branches. I will add it to the list of things to do in the US

[StrongButch]

I was lets say asleep going to bathroom in the middle of the night and almost went to the bathroom in the trash can instead of toilet. Think I need to open my eyes when enterting bathroom.

[The JD]

This:

?v=IhugaECs6AA

[dixie]

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/376497_470772872959237_698941839_n.jpg

[spritzerJ]

Reading the product reviews for the: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer


http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk?tag=hydfbook0e-20&ascsubtag=US-SAGE-1356280658591-EWFDK

[The JD]

Reading the product reviews for the: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer


http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk?tag=hydfbook0e-20&ascsubtag=US-SAGE-1356280658591-EWFDK

The link isn't working...which is a bummer, because I was intrigued by who might write product reviews for a banana slicer, let alone buy one.

[spritzerJ]

The link isn't working...which is a bummer, because I was intrigued by who might write product reviews for a banana slicer, let alone buy one.

Darn it... I tried again and to no avail. It is listed on Amazon.com

Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer

[Semantics]

Darn it... I tried again and to no avail. It is listed on Amazon.com

Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-5717-571-Banana-Slicer/product-reviews/B0047E0EII/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1)

Ha!

I couldn't pick a favorite.

[Gemme]

Darn it... I tried again and to no avail. It is listed on Amazon.com

Amazon.com: Customer Reviews: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-5717-571-Banana-Slicer/product-reviews/B0047E0EII/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1)

I couldn't get the link from your posts only but I was able to through Semantics' quote of your post.

Weird.

Funny. Totally worth the extra effort.

Linky loo

[The JD]

Weird.

Funny. Totally worth the extra effort.

Linky loo (http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-5717-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t/176-8543663-1432839)

OMG! Now I know where comedy writers hang out when not at work. Check out the product images too.... the GI X-ray is weird and funny, but the wide-eyed and terrified-looking three year old in the Fancy House of Christmas? WTF!

Fantastic find, spritzerJ, thank you! :)

(Still laughing at "Mine didn't come with instructions, so I'm returning it.")