What Cracked You Up Today? [Archive] - Page 4

maryam

02-14-2013, 06:56 PM

So I'm outside this morning taking pictures of the flowers in the yard, and the neighbors are walking their weird little puffball with the Napoleon complex. He's like a poodle/peke/pug cross. So he's kinda fluffy and funny-lookin'. He comes over to bark at me (in my own yard!) and knocks a brick off the edge of the flower bed. He gets mightily offended and proceeds to ATTACK the brick, snarling and barking and biting and scratching at it. I cracked up laughing. He was just so pointlessly RAGEY. His owner was mightily offended at me laughing at him. Sorry dood, but if you're gonna let your puffball come into my yard to bark at me and my flowers, I reserve the right to point and laugh at your doggie...

bkisbutchenuff

02-14-2013, 07:09 PM

Getting a sweet call from an old friend who's home visiting! :D

bkisbutchenuff

02-15-2013, 09:21 AM

Getting a sweet call from an old friend who's home visiting! :D

It's the giggles and snorts that cracks me up....safe travels!

PaPa

02-15-2013, 09:33 AM

http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/filestorage/meat-loaf-love-flirt-marriage-valentines-day-ecards-someecards.png

cinnamongrrl

02-16-2013, 11:29 AM

This did! And Teddy wonders why I want a baby elephant so badly...

http://screen.yahoo.com/baby-elephant-plays-ocean-231138164.html

bkisbutchenuff

02-16-2013, 02:20 PM

..... The drive - thru.... :D

jac

02-16-2013, 08:26 PM

So it appears my grandson has a problem :seconddoh:

A phone chat between my daughter and I this evening....
her: mom, we took the baby gates down four nights ago but have to put them back up for a bit longer.
me: why is this?
her: it appears julian has an addiction and he acts on it at around 4am every morning... unless the gates are up.
me: ummmm okay, so what is his addiction?
her: he goes downstairs and gets into the snack (raisins, crackers, chocolate, and milk) and veggies out on the couch with his movies.
me: ahahahahaaaaaaaaaa :cracked:
her: no mom it's not funny!!
me: I was worried it was something worse. do you have proof? ;)
her: yes!! he's passed out on the couch with all the packaging, chocolate on his face, crumbs all over the place and the remote in his hand.
me: lmaoooooo :superfunny: sorry but I'll need proof to believe this story. :pointing:
her: *sigh* :sigh:

jcisbutch

02-16-2013, 08:57 PM

revisiting a funny conversation from last night....still was hilarious this morning and still funny almost 24 hours later....:phonegab:

Miss Scarlett

02-16-2013, 09:59 PM

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_lWk1yZifG0k/S-u2AdG8-zI/AAAAAAAAAEM/rePqc4kpXls/s1600/drive+thru+sign.png
:winky:

..... The drive - thru.... :D

TheMerryFairy

02-16-2013, 10:57 PM

I was out for an evening of live music and during the meal I had several people offer to accompany me , since I was by myself. Later on I joined my boss and his family. All night one person was trying to pick me up, offer me his coat, insisted on escorting me to the taxi, etc.

I found it so funny because the woman sitting at the table across from me had eyes on him all night and he didn't seem to get the hint. I guess that was a common theme for him tonight.

I had a great time by myself and I had to laugh when I saw the look on his face after I declined to share dessert with him moments earlier and then I was found sharing dessert with my boss (not on the same plate). Maybe the wine made it appear more funny?

Blade

02-17-2013, 04:38 PM

A friend of mine plays Farm Story on his phone and he has made friends with some of his neighbors on the game. One neighbor he was having a conversation with ask him about his weekend. He said he had been at the beach and was going to stop by Krispy Kreme, but the Hot & Now sign wasn't on.

Chuckles....when he checked his messages again, he had been moderated and told that what he said was inappropriate. He of course was perplexed by this and didn't understand why he was moderated. I on the other hand about died laughing Krispy Kreme is in 39 states, I guess where ever this moderator was from didn't have Krispy Kreme, or they'd never heard of it.

Just so you know the best time to stop at Krispy Kreme is when the
HOT & NOW sign is on.

StrongButch

02-17-2013, 04:43 PM

A guy trying to hit on me at flea market. I am so butch guess he likes tough women. (lol)

~ocean

02-17-2013, 05:25 PM

A guy trying to hit on me at flea market. I am so butch guess he likes tough women. (lol)

tooo funny strongbutch lol. ~ maybe he was gay ? soo many times that happens to butchs .

maryam

02-17-2013, 08:04 PM

I was doing a training shift at a Big Box store today. I had to go through Mobile, Apple store and Computers and train peeps on some new devices my company is offering. So we're all hanging out for a bit mid afternoon (me, a manager, and three employees: two male college kids and one mom.) and we're talking about dinner.

Mgr: I'm going to stop at Chipotle and get a box.
Mom: whatever my husband fixed, probably spaghetti.
Kids: pizza, and/or fruit loops, and red bull. :| (They have a long night of dragon slaying planned tonight.)
Me: pot roast with steamed asparagus.
Mgr: You gonna eat at midnight? that takes forever!
Me: Nope! I put the roast and veggies in the crock pot before I left. I'll get home about an hour before the Spousal Unit so I'll have time to steam the asparagus. Then I just have to make the gravy.
Mom: you can put the asparagus in the top of the crockpot for a bit and steam it.
Me: but then it'll taste like pot roast instead of asparagus.
Kid blurts out: But that's a good thing! I'd eat asparagus if it were meat flavored!

Smiling

02-17-2013, 11:33 PM

This guy cracks me up. As I understand it, he spends most of his days riding around trying to make a citizen's arrest on cops who violate traffic laws.

nPtSpAVG7xI

lol

StrongButch

02-18-2013, 08:28 AM

Listening to 20 messages on my machine left in an 10 hr period. Time to change number again.

bkisbutchenuff

02-24-2013, 09:50 AM

:chef: bgp's Macaroni and Cheese :| ....LMBO.... :cracked:

Blade

02-24-2013, 12:10 PM

There is never a dull moment at my church Preacher Randy can tell the best stories. Thing is he was a cop for 25 yrs and the stories are real.

TheMerryFairy

02-24-2013, 12:15 PM

Kids and the way they think :) It's really cute sometimes - until you have to do the cleanup.

StrongButch

02-24-2013, 04:20 PM

Talking to a sexy woman on phone and she was talking about sex with me at 80. I put on Can You Handle It-Usher (rofl)

Hollylane

02-24-2013, 10:27 PM

Gaige and I were just chatting during her break, about our high school days. She said she would have dated a flag captain (yes, I was the marching band flag captain :|), and the conversation went something like this...

Me:
"Baby, you were a jock, you wouldn't have dated the captain of the flag team. You've seen that picture, and I was a dork! You would have been dating a cheerleader."

Proof, as a blonde, and with a mullet :|:

http://i48.tinypic.com/rjfec8.jpg

Gaige:
"Yes I would have dated you, and you would have been cool with me, wearing my letterman jacket. Hey! I thought that you said you were a rebel in high school."

Me:
"I was, after my freshman year as captain of the flag team. We would have never dated in high school. Baby, I was like Ally Sheedy after my freshman year, and you were like Emilio Estevez. That would have never happened."

TheMerryFairy

02-24-2013, 10:40 PM

maryam

02-24-2013, 10:48 PM

I had to do store calls again today, so I was in a BigBox, demonstrating a brand of computers. So a family comes in, two dads and a kid about 5. They're shopping for a new computer. So I start with the "qualifying questions". What do you use it for? Will this be for business or home use? What happened to your last computer? I find out that it's a home computer, mostly used for surfing the Internet, and their old one died from a virus. When we're at this retailer, we're supposed to suggest add ons, like Tech Support and stuff. (I know it's a pain, guys, but we have to do it. Especially when the store manager is lurking around the Vendor Reps like me, watching us work!) So I was all "Oh, that's too bad. You know, sometimes we can save those systems. Did you bring it in and have Tech Support look at it?" Dad number one says "No, no, that's okay, it was old anyway so it's time for an upgrade." I was like "okay, cool, well, let me show you what I have. And then if you want to bring the old one in anyway, they can refurbish it for the kids to use as a home work computer or something." The kid says "That's okay, Miss, I don't want to use it. It has all these pictures of naked people kissing and stuff like that on it.":blush:

Dad and Dad turned BRIGHT RED. One of the other Vendors choked and had to "go get a drink". The Manager found himself elsewhere FAST. I didn't laugh, I demonstrated what we had and sold them a computer. With Kaspersky Anti-Virus! Then I was all, "I'm taking a break" and rushed off to the break room. Whereupon me, the manager and a bunch of the Computer peeps rolled laughing.

Jesse

02-24-2013, 11:36 PM

This is an awesome horse and trainer team!

pTfZ8J-0gAk

Degotoga

02-25-2013, 07:50 PM

fEV0N6OnbTE

TheMerryFairy

02-25-2013, 07:53 PM

fEV0N6OnbTE

*Laughs* I don't think they could have done this any better.

PaPa

02-25-2013, 08:27 PM

A wife goes out for a night on the town with the girls, telling her husband she’ll be home around midnight.

Midnight passes by, drinks are flowing, the girls are laughing and having a great time. At around 2:45 in the morning, drunk as hell, she finally gets a cab and makes her way back home.

She gets to the front door and ever-so-gently nudges it open, not making a sound. She takes her shoes off, again not making a sound. Knowing her husband will give her hell for coming home so late and drunk, she’s quite proud of herself for being so stealthy.

Just then, the cuckoo clock in the hallway goes off, cuckooing 3 times signalling the late hour. Realizing he might wake up, she decides to cuckoo another 9 times. She smiles to herself, proud that she’d come up with such a clever solution on the spot. He’d never know the difference!

That next morning during breakfast the husband looked at his wife, who was obviously hungover, and asked, “So… what time did you get in last night?”

“Oh, right around midnight, just like I said,” she replied. The husband didn’t seem disturbed at all. Her plan had worked!

“Well,” he said, “I think we need a new cuckoo clock.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked.

“Because last night the one we have cuckooed 3 times, then said ‘oh shit,’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”

Degotoga

02-26-2013, 01:26 PM

w0ffwDYo00Q

Gemme

02-26-2013, 02:19 PM

Hq-URl9F17Y

Blade

02-26-2013, 03:21 PM

My brother text me at like 7 this morning...it went something like this

Him...Bro is that the back of your head in the paper this morning?

Me....HUH?

Him.....Did you go to a benefit for so and so Saturday night?

Me....Yes, and what the hell are you doing up at this hour( he's famous for sleeping til noon)

Him...woke up at 3 and couldn't go back to sleep so I got up and started working

Me...HUH? ( he usually goes to sleep around 3)

Him...yeah I thought that was the back of your head

I don't ever remember my Brother ever seeing the back of my head when it didn't have a hat on it so I have no idea how he knew it was my head and I am starting to get a complex wondering if it is warped a special way or something. Anyway I guess there are a lot worse ways to make the paper. At least it wasn't in the jail dockets, or the obituary

alexri

02-26-2013, 08:26 PM

http://i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj569/alexrunsraces/Burning800Calriesin30Minutes_zpsc5b6577a.jpeg

jac

02-28-2013, 06:20 AM

Staff meeting yesterday....

A topic of masturbation came up and was forever returned throughout the remainder of the meeting. I tried to save it for last but what I thought was the tail end of the meeting wound up being about another 20 minutes of lingering discussions of various topics. Masturbation was one topic that just kept returning.

director: so we need to have a way to talk with the kids about the proper way of being discreet about their actions
staff 1: *pops in the doorwway to ask a question*
staff 2: how would you approach the topic of masturbation?
staff 1: randomly or while it is happening?
director: right smack in the middle of it
staff 1: seriously? this is what you have for meetings?
everyone: YES!
staff 1: I'm coming to these meetings more often then!
me and staff 1: no pun intended!! :rofl:
director: they say it can make you blind if you do it enough *leans in toward me* How's that vision going for ya? :pointing:
me: omg you seriously went there? you dawg! :blush:
everyone: *roaring laughter* :superfunny:

TheMerryFairy

02-28-2013, 07:26 PM

THIS line "whoever thinks diamonds are a girls best friend clearly doesn't know about baby wipes"

While I agree that baby wipes are awesome, especially for makeup removal, I couldn't help but laugh out loud hard.

jac

02-28-2013, 07:57 PM

Set the scene:
I'm in the kitchen fixing lunch for the kids. I ask another staff to get something from another program in the building. She returns with item requested and a rolling office chair.

me: in the kitchen? really??
staff: *looking down the ramp from the kitchen to the hallway to the common area* do you think it would be inappropriate if a went rolling down the ramp in there where everyone is?
me: well, yeh but let's do it anyway.
staff: *hops on the office chair* Let's!!
me: *gives a good solid shove*
DOWN THE RAMP/HALLWAY SHE GOESSSSSSSSSS.............

*laughter roars from down the hall* :happyjump:

35 or so minutes later....
director: I don't want you going along with anymore of her shenanigans anymore.... * wink* ;) *wink* ;)
:rofl:

JustBeingMe

02-28-2013, 08:16 PM

Someone using this for an avatar in chat today LMAO

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRjoA7pJgysa0PHNPrdyzcLWyHIaZ5fw jdb9C_Yjw_LBYO5S49k

JustBeingMe

02-28-2013, 08:17 PM

Someone using this for an avatar in chat today LMAO

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRjoA7pJgysa0PHNPrdyzcLWyHIaZ5fw jdb9C_Yjw_LBYO5S49k

WingsOnFire

02-28-2013, 08:53 PM

My coworker.. who would send me the funniest emails at just the right moment today. I so needed those laughs.

WingsOnFire

02-28-2013, 08:59 PM

Hq-URl9F17Y

Oh my Gemme.... I am not so sure but I think I want those 2 minutes back.. lol.. I did crack up though

DMW

03-03-2013, 12:30 AM

My new name for the store that I refuse to go to.

Fall apart = wall mart or wall mart is fall apart

jac

03-03-2013, 08:35 AM

I have a sign I made for a "coming out" event years ago.It's animated with a guy hiding behind clothes in a clest and another at the door telling him it's okay to come out. It's propped at the top of the spiral leading into my eagle's nest (bedroom). The General is learning to read and so we heard her reading what was written... "come out. We care."

Then she whispers her own words after... "come out it's okay." :giggle:

Blade

03-06-2013, 05:22 PM

Being told I was naive and I needed a bodyguard with a cattle prod

:blush:

maryam

03-06-2013, 07:53 PM

So the Spousal Unit is sitting at the computer today doing his schedule for work. I'm sitting over here, doing my QC reports for work. One of the cats is jumping on the back of SU's chair, climbing over hys shoulder, across the lap, over the desk to the window sill, down to the floor and back to the back of the chair again. And she pauses to rub against the ankles and do the head butts thing on the way, purring and meowing the whole time. Every time she crosses the lap, SU tries to scoop and cuddle her, but she's not having it. She ended up sitting on the desk, between SU and the monitor, flirting but moving away every time a scoop is imminent. Finally SU looks her right in the big green eyes, channels Yoda and says "Cat. Cuddle, or cuddle not. There is no try."

She flounces over to me, climbs into my lap and flops her fuzzy butt down and starts to purr like a madkitten, giving SU a "so there!" look the whole time. I laughed so hard she got mad and went over to sleep on the couch.

Cats, HOW DO THEY WORK?

Degotoga

03-06-2013, 08:50 PM

I1qHVVbYG8Y

cinnamongrrl

03-08-2013, 09:22 PM

My miniature poodle, Jacques...I'm giggling recounting this.. went out to do his poodle doodle....went to walk "on" the snow...as he has been accustomed to...since it WAS packed and very shallow in the yard..

..he didn't realize we had just gotten a FOOT of fresh powdery snow....and when he jumped up onto the snow...he just fell in like it was water...and it was instantly up over his head...he jumped out of the snow immediately and shook himself off and looked SO confused...the funniest thing is he just disappeared in the snow..figuratively and literally...since he is white...

LOL...he is originally for NC...this is wayyy more than he's accustomed to....poor Jacquesy....he is cuddling nicely on the couch now :)

ruffryder

03-09-2013, 11:43 AM

I farted and the dog was sniffing around afterwards. hahahahaha!

jac

03-09-2013, 04:12 PM

Yesterday while in the kitchen at work :badcook:

staff: so I hear you're some kind of super hero
director: oh shit here we go again
me: yes, why yes I am
staff: and what super hero are you and where is your phone booth?
director: let me guess, your booth is the pantry?
me: yes, why yes it is and I am a super hero pirate if you must know
staff: pirates can't be super heros
director: *backs out of kitchen* hmmmm... not sure I'm ready for this
me: I have my cape to prove it
staff: is that all you wear super hero pirate?
me: of course not. I will wear a pirate hat and even an eye patch
director: will your people be approving this?
me: remember, you are my people now, so will you?
staff: and you have all this already?
me: well, except for the hat. it has to be the right one
staff: please say you will wear tights!!
director: if I have to approve this I'm waiting for your response to the tights thing
me: pirates don't wear tights, they wear buccaneers
director: whew: your approved!!
me: both of be gone now *waving my spatuala*

Yes we are this odd there. I will be the super hero pirate for Halloween this year :rofl:
They just don't know it yet!! :cheesy:

Blade

03-09-2013, 06:21 PM

A lady at the shooting range had a brand new gun. She shot her first five shots and the brass wouldn't come out of the gun when she opened it up. She was like omg omg, is my gun defective. We got the biggest laugh our of her reaction. She had never shot a pistol before and her husband went out and purchased this pistol for her. She had never even had it out of the box.

PaPa

03-09-2013, 07:06 PM

So today I wake up cursing the morning since I didn't sleep well last night. I rise, shower, get ready for my day and drive 2 hours away for the BIG exam. I know I can only take in my drivers license so self-consciously take current and previous because the current doesn't look like me with my goatee and short hair. I go in and am greeted by a woman handing me a list of rules and regulations. She directs me to the foyer I just came through to sit down and read both sides. After reading both sides, I take it back in and she tells me to go over to the other desk and sign in. A picture is taken of me and the girl hands me both licenses and tells me that she technically should keep my old one but since I cannot get any information off of it and she is returning my current one she sees no need to keep it because that would be senseless. *chuckles. She then tells me that I need to empty all pockets and turn them inside out. Oh good Lord...*insert eye roll here. Why Oh Why on this day did I decide to wear carpenter jeans with a shirt with a gazillion pockets?? Hell! She found pockets I didn't even know I had and that had NEVER even been used! Wth!?! After this she told me to lift my pants so she could see my socks and ankles. *smh. THEN she used a metal detector wand over my entire body and informed me that if I had to go on a break this entire process would happen again. OMG! *Gulp. Ok. A four hour exam with no breaks or bathroom times. I hope the body will hold up now considering I am nervous. Bottom line? I completed the four hour exam in 2 and a half and got the hell out of there before they had me do a strip search! LOL! That is what cracked me up today!

LeftWriteFemme

03-09-2013, 07:51 PM

http://static.themetapicture.com/media/funny-bunnies-kung-fu-fighting.jpg

Blade

03-12-2013, 07:09 PM

Great day for crack ups today!

Mom text me to tell me my niece was replacing a strip off of the edge of her counter, in her kitchen at 11pm last night and super glued her finger to the counter, while waiting on the glue on the tile to dry. She pulled the strip back off, went and got her phone and called my sister to come help her.

My sister looked it up on the internet, to see how to get the super glue to let go of the finger without tearing flesh. LOL Finally they used fingernail polish remover with acetone to remove the super glue and separate her finger from the strip of countertop.

Funny thing was that she was in a panick to begin with because she thought she was going to have to let it wear off. She told my sister, she couldn't go to work like that, a judge would think she had a weapon. LOL OMG she is so silly.

Blade

03-12-2013, 07:21 PM

Crack up number 2 today

I enjoyed a nice homemade supper this evening with Mom, my sister and her boyfriend. After supper I had a little baby belch and said excuse me. My sister "V" said be glad it wasn't "J" her boyfriend...."J" said ME! You are the worst and you go at both ends all the time. Me and Mom got tickled at this point because my sister has always been gassy even as a little kid.

"V" said I pooted in bed one night and "J" was sound asleep and he sat straight up in bed. It woke him up out of a dead sleep. "J" said yeah it sounded like a jake break on a big truck. Mom and I get more tickled.

At this point "J" says I don't have it on this phone but my other phone I recorded her farting and set it as her ring tone. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought Mom and I would die at this point. I had to get up, I thought I would wet my pants before I could get to the bathroom.

When I came back to the livingroom, I told Mom....You might be a redneck if you have your girlfriends fart as a ringtone

jac

03-12-2013, 08:49 PM

It was something she said just before drifting into slumberland... The twilight moment between awake and sleep!! :blink:

It was fucking hilarious!! :cracked:
If only I could camp out in her dreams.......... :superfunny:

StrongButch

03-13-2013, 03:17 PM

I laugh at myself all the time. Im such a pervy nerd.

maryam

03-14-2013, 02:35 PM

I'm still cracking up about my Pre-Munch conversation with my hair the other day. We weren't sure if I was going to be done working before it was time to go, so we didn't think we'd make it in. But I did, so we were able to go.

Spousal Unit: wanna go to the thing tonight?
Me: sure! Let me put on real clothes. gets dressed, combs hair, starts to pin it back
SU: cool, I'll PM and let them know we're gonna make it.
My Hair: DOOOOD! Know what would be fun? if we had a Stoooopid Hair Day! We haven't had a Stooopid Hair day in oh, days!
Me: NO. We are going to have a Polite, Well Behaved Hair Day. Stooopid Hair day was yesterday. And Saturday. And Friday...
Hair: WHHHHEEEE! SPROING! okay, you curls go that way, we'll go this way. Anyone wanna stand straight up now?
Me: Nononononono! Every one obeys the Law of Gravity, ALL the curls go the same Direction, and we look like proper grown-up hair tonight! attacks with comb, spray bottle of water, more pins
Hair: LALALALALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Me: dammit Hair! I swear to Dog, one of these days I'm gonna shave you ALL OFF.
Hair: Yeah right! You'll take one look at the clippers and cave! begins doing the Time Warp
Skin: why's the Hair getting all the attention?!? What do I have to do to get some love here? I know, HIVES!
Me: Stop it, all of you! We are not 12, you are not allowed to act 12, now behave!
Spousal Unit: are you ready yet?
Me: NO!
Spousal Unit: what's taking so long? You were just gonna get dressed and head out.
Me: Apparently, we're having a Stooopid Hair Day today.
Spousal Unit: sighs You look great! I"m sure it's not Stooopid Hair Day today. Um sweetie, we do need to go...
Me: Just a minute... takes 2 benadryl, applies allergy cream to hives, combs hair, mercilessly pins it back, stumbles out of the bathroom
Spousal Unit: by the way, the presenter wants you to say a few words about negotiation from the Sub side. I told her you'd set it up when we get there.
Me: AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

thedivahrrrself

03-14-2013, 02:57 PM

This cracked me up:

Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant after Seeing BA in Communications on Resume (http://www.theonion.com/articles/company-immediately-calls-job-applicant-upon-seein,31669/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post%3Aheadline%3Adefault)

The Onion makes my life better.

CA_BabyCakes

03-14-2013, 03:09 PM

My son: Mom, why are you always so soft and warm? (snuggles me)

Me: Because moms are supposed to be soft and warm...

Youngest daughters walks by and hears the questions and responds:

Yes, Moms are supposed to be soft and warm, they have to sit on the eggs and keep them warm until they hatch.

:|

*Anya*

03-14-2013, 03:27 PM

My 8-year GD always makes me crack-up.

Recently my GF and I went to watch her roller derby practice in LA.

We made plans to take her out to lunch after practice (which I loved, btw! You haven't seen anything until you have seen a bunch of 7-year-olds, on up, roller skating around the big girls rink. Beautiful sight!).

Anyway, she says to my GF, "Are you L. (My long-term ex) or are you D"?

My sweetie says, "I'm D".

GD: "Well, both of your names have 3 letters and both of you look alike"!

We cracked up because they don't look alike at all but they do have the commonality of both being very butch and I guess that was what threw my GD off!

Cailin

03-14-2013, 03:33 PM

Me.. forgetting my bag at home, complete with wallet- and running out of gas on the way to the gas station. I love me some days, and today, I was in love with me. I crack myself up.

Miss Scarlett

03-15-2013, 06:44 AM

Yesterday - woke up highly "distracted" and when making my coffee I put the usual amount of coffee in my percolator but only half the water...WOW! Talk about rocket fuel...NASA should try that...LOL

Cid

03-15-2013, 09:20 AM

The thoughts in my head cracked me up. I know that makes me sound crazy but I'm really not. :|

jac

03-19-2013, 05:47 PM

Two boys chatting....

boy 1: nah, what's bad is going down a spiral staircase and farting.
boy 2: huh?
boy 1: think about it. your face will be where your ass once was.
boy 2: ohhhhh yeh I get it!

:superfunny:
Only fart going up a spiral :blink:

TheMerryFairy

03-19-2013, 05:50 PM

Me.. forgetting my bag at home, complete with wallet- and running out of gas on the way to the gas station. I love me some days, and today, I was in love with me. I crack myself up.

OMG! LOL I have done this a few times. What's the point if we can't laugh at ourselves right? :)

jcisbutch

03-19-2013, 06:38 PM

coffee quest...

jac

03-20-2013, 05:55 PM

I got another for you....
Not sure the jest of the conversation but I have an idea where this stemmed from....

a response from one kid to another - "it's kinda like a mo-ped, it's a fun ride till your friends find out!"

:blink: Oy!!

Miss Scarlett

03-21-2013, 04:37 AM

A whispered answer...

Cid

03-21-2013, 09:31 AM

Steve Harvey was on Ellen this morning and he was talking about a family they had on Family Feud. The question....name a word that begins with pork...answer...cupine. That cracked me up.
His sister said (what Steve thought was..) lawn. He says lawn? As in your front lawn? She says...no, lawn (loin) then spelled it L I O N!
Funny shit.

ruffryder

03-22-2013, 03:44 PM

this week at work. . co-workers.

watching pranks on youtube and discussing how we should do security pranks after messing with some associates.

scoring a bunch of snacks and monster drinks after an event closing, everyone raiding it!

haha! fun times at work, have to stay full of laughter when it's not time to be serious. :p

this >>> H2Diy0RNe_c

LOL!

Kobi

03-22-2013, 04:22 PM

http://www.capecodonline.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=CC&Date=20130322&Category=NEWS11&ArtNo=130329898&Ref=AR&maxH=230&maxW=370&border=0&Q=80&cb=20130322131000

CINCINNATI - Authorities in still-frigid Ohio have issued an "indictment" of the furry rodent, who predicted an early spring when he didn't see his shadow after emerging from his western Pennsylvania lair on Feb. 2.

"Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that spring would come early," Mike Gmoser, the prosecutor in southwestern Ohio's Butler County, wrote in an official-looking indictment.

Gmoser wrote that Punxsutawney Phil is charged with misrepresentation of spring, which constitutes a felony "against the peace and dignity of the state of Ohio."

The penalty Phil faces? Gmoser says — tongue firmly in cheek — is death.

Punxsutawney Phil does not have a listed phone number.

Bill Deeley, president of the Punxsutawney club that organizes Groundhog Day, said Phil has a lawyer and would fight any extradition attempt by Ohio authorities.

Deeley defended his fur-bearing associate and said the death penalty was "very harsh" given the nature of the allegations.

"We'll have to plead our case one way or the other, but I think we can beat the rap," Deeley said.

The vitriolic backlash on social media to Phil's dead-wrong prognostication has not gone unnoticed in and around Gobbler's Knob, Deeley said, and special security precautions were in place.

"Right next to where Phil stays is the police station," he said. "They've been notified and they said they will keep watching their monitors."

Winter has been dragging on in the Buckeye State and surrounding areas, with daily high temperatures this week hovering in the mid-30s and no end in sight for about 10 days, said Don Hughes, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Wilmington, Ohio.

A storm moving into the region Sunday could bring between 4 and 8 inches of snow, he said.

"It's taking too long," Hughes said, adding that he's hearing plenty of complaints from colleagues and neighbors about the late spring. "Most people I've talked to say they've had enough. They want spring. They're looking for colors and sunshine and Easter lilies."

The frigid temperatures and snow might be particularly hard to swallow after last spring, when the U.S. saw the warmest March in recorded history. Highs in the Cincinnati area, for instance, were well into the 80s.

Hughes said this spring isn't nearly the coldest on record but that the area is about 5 degrees below normal.

Gmoser's indictment made no mention of a possible co-conspirator in the false prediction of early spring, Ohio's own forecasting groundhog, Buckeye Chuck.

Chuck also failed to see his shadow when he emerged from his burrow on Feb. 2 in Marion in north-central Ohio.

--------------
:blink: I'm thinking the insanity defense might work in this one. Just not sure which side should use it.

BowtiePrincess

03-22-2013, 04:48 PM

Being told Im not a country girl ! LOL

deb_U_taunt

03-22-2013, 08:56 PM

My 4 yr old nephew twice this week.

Yesterday, my mom gave him a jar for bugs yesterday. He had a couple worms and a potato bug last time I saw it. We found the EMPTY jar this morning in the clothes hamper. No idea where the bugs are. :blink:

Today, he came out of the bathroom saying he was taking a crap and had cut his penis off. My niece (his mom) asked him if she could see it. He told her 'no, I just need to walk it off' and started walking laps around the island in the kitchen.

I LOVE THIS KID

StrongButch

03-25-2013, 06:52 AM

My friend stopped by on her way to work said: Your on layaway! WTF (lol)

jac

03-26-2013, 06:49 PM

Here we go again..... :pointing:

kid: what's for dinner?
staff: ummmm I think..... well, not sure.
me:chicken burger. or maybe it was turkey burger.
kid: wtf?
me:it's some kind of fowl (foul) burger!! Now go eat...

I love a good play on words!! :superfunny:

jac

03-27-2013, 05:33 AM

My girl and I texting this morning....................... :rofl:

She was telling me something about work...
I responded with: "Then stay on that ass and make her accountable for her position!"
She replied with: "Ooh that sounds dirty."

:cracked: Rereading that, it does sound dirty!! Lmao!! :superfunny:

lusciouskiwi

03-27-2013, 07:54 AM

7-HyBXWTiG8

jac

03-30-2013, 09:18 AM

It's a Juji story................

me: so where are you from?
juji: my mommy right?
me: well yeh but where were you born?
juji: i wasn't born.
me: what? were you hatched from an egg?
juji: noooooo i just am.
me: let's try this again. i was born in florida. mommy was born in mississippi. so where were you born?
juji: in maine bub (short for boobeh but also how mainers speak)
me: does this mean you're a mainer?
juji: yessah, i'm a mainah bub!

I know my daughter has issues with not hearing the "r". :superfunny: I, on the other hand love how he sounds!! :rofl:

Gemme

03-30-2013, 09:21 PM

juji: noooooo i just am.

The kid's got something there.

bkisbutchenuff

03-30-2013, 10:21 PM

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...followed by....I know you can, I know you can, I know you can....LMBO!

Blade

03-31-2013, 10:32 AM

While at the auction Friday night I had to use the restroom. I went in did my thing and turned around to flush the toilet and said damn that looks like my bluetooth in the toilet. Without thinking WOOOSH my hand went straight down in the toilet to retrieve my "priceless" electronic. As I brought it up, I was thinking well at least it wasn't poop, in the water...EWWWWW it was pee. And how stupid is that you know it won't work now that it has been in water.

I washed my hands, dried off the bluetooth, stuck it in my ear and turned it on. OMG it still worked and has worked just fine since then. Then I cracked up laughing. A $20 bluetooth was worth so much to me that without even thinking I stuck my hand in toilet water, hopefully with only my pee in it to get my bluetooth out.

I don't know where the bluetooth fell from. I had left my phone in the truck, and don't remember if I put the device in my coat pocket or if it was still in my ear. At any rate, you can rest assured I don't carry it around in my mouth by the hook on the earpiece anymore.

On a side note, it is hard to find a bluetooth that fits my ear and that I can hear well. World of Wally doesn't carry this model anymore.

Kenna

03-31-2013, 11:00 AM

While at the auction Friday night I had to use the restroom. I went in did my thing and turned around to flush the toilet and said damn that looks like my bluetooth in the toilet. Without thinking WOOOSH my hand went straight down in the toilet to retrieve my "priceless" electronic. As I brought it up, I was thinking well at least it wasn't poop, in the water...EWWWWW it was pee. And how stupid is that you know it won't work now that it has been in water.

I washed my hands, dried off the bluetooth, stuck it in my ear and turned it on
.....

good thing your auction buddy keeps a little bottle of hand sanitizer...what cracked me up is you found me and proceeded to tell your story in an excited voice right in the midst of a huge crowd..I think when they heard you say you had put your hand in the toilet ...the crowd parted like Moses parted the sea!

deb_U_taunt

04-02-2013, 05:04 PM

My nephews bought my mom an octopus splash and spray for her 71st birthday LOL

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/168562_625312984149914_954984000_n.jpg

jac

04-02-2013, 05:12 PM

I've been referring to the kids as Ma'am and Sir for the past couple of week... or Miss and Mr. Today I was talking to one guy and said something ending it with Sir... and three other guys responded!! :cracked:

A little respect goes a long way... they're learning! :D

StrongButch

04-03-2013, 05:28 AM

My cat and as I call it her cat-attitde! Im hoping im not the only one with a strange pet! (lol)

Teddybear

04-03-2013, 06:46 AM

It wasn't today but yesterday

I was in NH and passed a self storage place and the sign out front read " hoarders welcomed here" that was funny in itself then I read the name of the place its call "why self storage". I Damm near lost my drink

Kenna

04-03-2013, 05:30 PM

baby brother = 4 yr old
big brother = 7 yr old
setting : restaurant

4 yr old running in behind Dad : Daddy I get to sit with you!! Daddy I GET TO SIT WITH YOU!! hey! I get to sit with Daddy! !
(all 3 go to buffet ...the kids return first)
4 yr old to brother : I get to sit with Daddy.
7 yr old: that's ok. You're not cool. When you get older you'll be cool and cool kids don't sit with their dad.
4 yr old ( in sad whimper) Daddy says I'm a big boy and I'm cool..Daddy says I'm a big boy!
7 yr old: you're not cool
4 yr old: I'm a big boy! I'm 4 and a big boy!
7 yr old: I'm 7 ... I'm 3 and a half times older than you and I'm cooler than you!
4 yr old whimper: I'm cool .

poor baby brother ... he has a few years before he can tar-n-feather his bully big brother

TheMerryFairy

04-03-2013, 06:58 PM

A friend sharing a funny story - still laughing.

ruffryder

04-04-2013, 11:21 AM

at work yesterday.. rollin' along in the security golf cart going down a hill with my mentor and thought we were gonna bif it. LOL!

cinnamongrrl

04-04-2013, 02:20 PM

I am LOVING the new Geico commercials! The happier than a witch in a broom factory type ones...there was a new one on the other day....I just sooo look forward to them
That and the Discover card commercials. We treat you the way you would treat you...lol omg....I totally did it!
Yes, I'm easily amused...I'm ok with that

Kenna

04-04-2013, 02:27 PM

I think my car is possessed ...
just arrived home. turned off engine ...listening to rain while playing on BFP...doors still closed...keys laying next to me, suddenly the interior lights come on with no prompting or buttons hit...

*raises eyebrow* crazy Beast!

StrongButch

04-04-2013, 02:31 PM

This song Online-Brad Pasley (the stuff people believe) LOL!

jac

04-05-2013, 06:27 PM

I'm back in here again... Another grandbaby story but not my grandson. Instead it's my oldest granddaughter (2 months shy of being 2yo) that lives in SC.

I had a conversation with my daughter this evening that was fun and holy crap I miss her so.... Anyway................

Mckenna: mommy?
daughter: what?
McKenna: I don't know. *giggle*

Mckenna: mommy?
daughter: what?
McKenna: I don't know. *giggle*

Mckenna: mommy?
daughter: what?
McKenna: I don't know. *giggle*
daught: of course you don't. you didn't know any other time either. :sigh:

:rofl: Maybe not what was being said but how my daughter said... I loved that moment of laughter with her. She is such a momma!! :D

Blade

04-06-2013, 07:38 AM

While watching the wild critters feed this morning I saw a squirrel come down the tree, cross over the edges of a resin doghouse, two steps to cross a 5 gallon bucket, then to the ground.

As he got to the ground he jumped straight up about a foot high, arching his back in the air as if in pain. I watched him do this probably 8 times very quickly. There are a few briars over there so I thought maybe each time he landed he was landing on a briar. I kept watching and realized he was playing with a bird. A tiny little bird.

I kept watching for a bit, jumping squirrel, flittering bird, back and forth back and forth. Finally 2 more squirrels came racing down the tree and game over. They were twitterpated, one chasing the other then about face and the chaser became the chased.

Ginger

04-06-2013, 09:09 AM

I woke up at 2 a.m. and brought the laptop to bed with me, so I could watch Modern Family reruns. Yes, they cracked me up!

Kenna

04-06-2013, 06:55 PM

a damn jumping spider! !! I'm surprised Blade hasn't posted about it!

Blade

04-06-2013, 07:20 PM

a damn jumping spider! !! I'm surprised Blade hasn't posted about it!

:rofl: Actually I was going to let you slide on that one. The first time I thought you were going to jump out of the closed window the second time you squealed like a child and I thought you were going to jump threw the seatbelt and into the drivers seat. Chuckles....few things make you scream, well the only thing I've ever known to make you scream is a spider, so when you scream I get tickled or I wonder what has you jacked up :spider:

Kenna

04-06-2013, 07:35 PM

:rofl: Actually I was going to let you slide on that one. The first time I thought you were going to jump out of the closed window the second time you squealed like a child and I thought you were going to jump threw the seatbelt and into the drivers seat. Chuckles....few things make you scream, well the only thing I've ever known to make you scream is a spider, so when you scream I get tickled or I wonder what has you jacked up :spider:

nice narrative! I couldn't have done it so much justice.
the first time you laughed and said "there's no spiders in my truck "...
the second time you laughed, I SHOULD have jumped in the driver's seat!
*sassy femme stance *
you're still a jerk for laughing

ps.. you're right ...few things make me scream...not even the snake in your kitchen.
but spiders in your truck ....*shivers *

tonaderspeisung

04-07-2013, 09:12 PM

hiding in a wet cardboard box

Hollylane

04-07-2013, 09:15 PM

Gaige doing a back flip on the bed, landing on the other side on her feet, and then mooning me. All in 3.7 seconds. It "cracked" me up...

jac

04-07-2013, 09:21 PM

Hearing her reaction when I said that we might be fighting over closet space... :rofl:

She won the most closet space argument.. Ha ha no arguement to be had. I didn't stand a chance. :blink:

She really got to laughing over that - I didn't know I was comedian!! :superfunny:

RNguy

04-07-2013, 10:17 PM

Today while shaving my scruffy face , I had my music blasting and my wife comes in and sits down watching me .
This was one of those you had to be there moments to get the funny factor.
Shes 27 and Im 37 so a lil Generation gap :

My woman : baby, what in the heck are you Listening to ?

Me: psychedelic furs

My woman : who ?

Me : baby this music is the best , They were a great band

New Song

My woman : Geez , what is this Song now , its horrible

Me : dollbabe , this is the smiths now and what are you talking about , this Song is awesome

Now im in the shower and I say ...

Baby i know you m know this Song ( it was by aha )

My woman : baby , Youre such an old man ( as She is laughing )

My woman : OH LORD JESUS , BABY IS THAT A SYNTHASIZOR AND KEYBOARDS IN THE BACKGROUND !!!!!!!!!

Haha it was funny really if you heard the convo in person

jac

04-08-2013, 05:17 AM

Convo with my son. He's always been the techie in our family, since he was 12...

me: So, I goofed and deleted all my images from a host site that I use.
son: And what happened?
me: Well, let me explain that my OCD kicked in and I just had to clean and organize damnit.
son: Do you normally use the images anywhere else on the internet?
me: *lowers my head in shame* Yes.
son: Lemme guess, all the places you left your images now have a 404 error?
me: *lowering my head again* Yes.
son: Aw mom, you're one of those people! I thought I trained you better than that. *walks away laughing and pointing his finger* :pointing:

I love that kid!! :D

StrongButch

04-08-2013, 06:00 AM

Looking in the mirror. My hair is a mess. Then asking myself is a butch supposed to be so concerned with hys hair. (lol)

girl_dee

04-08-2013, 08:50 PM

"Cops" ............. :|

jac

04-09-2013, 05:20 PM

Convo with one of the girls at the shelter...

her: we need to get you out and find you a man! (with emphasis on man)
me: ummmm not sure my girlfriend would appreciate that too much.
her: I have nothing *walked away*

Whaaaaaaaat?? :blink:
Do I not look butch enough?? Really??
And the rainbow charm on my necklace isn't a dead giveaway?? Lmao!!
:superfunny:

jac

04-16-2013, 07:05 AM

Yes it was conversation with myself inside my head..... :blink:

me: damn this new shampoo smells great *sniffs open bottle*
me: *squirts shampoo in my hand* It's such a dark green
me: whaaaaaat the hell? *scrubs in hair and feels granules of something"
me: oh fuck I bet a bought facial scrub!!
me: oh well my hair feels great after this rinse
me: *reads the bottle* ahahahaaaaaaaaaa it's shampoo with granules in it for a deep cleansing
us: score!!!
:superfunny:

cinnamongrrl

04-17-2013, 07:20 AM

Our gigantic cat, Bud, trying to fit his big ol' self (17lbs!!) into the tiny opening left when I didn't close the dresser drawer all the way....lol

wahya

04-17-2013, 08:29 AM

Well A friend told me this..Had to share.

Him: I am so glad that I have the day off from work because of the Holiday
Out of state friend : Oh yeah ? I didn't know there was a Holiday today, What holiday is it?
Him: It's Patriots Day! it's a state holiday.
Out of state friend : Wow! Cool! That's awesome you all have a holiday for your football team!

The funny thing about this to me was the out of state friend was from my home state. lol

Bèsame*

04-17-2013, 08:47 AM

It cracked us both up. A conversation with a customer yesterday..

Her..last time I came in you all gave me good luck when I went to Vegas. I came home with money. So I'm hoping I get luck today.
Me..good! I hope you do! Your going again?
Her...yes, to a * mythology* convention.
Me..oh that sounds interesting. Do some people dress up ? ( me, thinking of Star Wars, Star Trek conventions)
Her...( strange look on her face)...dress up like a kidney?
Me...oh...I thought you said mythology .
Her...no...nephrology, kidney specialization .
Us...laughing
Her...but mythology would be more fun!

StrongButch

04-17-2013, 05:35 PM

I crack myself up! But dont worry folks I dont talk to myself and answer. (lol)

jac

04-17-2013, 06:33 PM

I crack myself up! But dont worry folks I dont talk to myself and answer. (lol)

I do!! :cheesy: See post above ^^^^ :rofl:

StrongButch

04-25-2013, 08:45 AM

Climbing trees like im still a kid! I quess its true what they say the older you get the more risks your willing to take. (lol)

StrongButch

04-27-2013, 07:53 AM

My buddy called me said listen to this song Mr Know it all-Kelly Clarkson. I sent this song to my ex because she thought she knew it all!(lol) Hy sang the song too but said Ms. Kyle is a nut !

maryam

04-30-2013, 06:58 PM

So I have some asparagus soaking in ice water, 'cause I'm going to steam some with dinner. One of my super rotten kitties, just ZOOOMED across the table, snagged a spear of asparagus on the way past and shot up to the top of the kitty tower, where she proceeded to beat the poor thing into submission. :seeingstars:

jac

04-30-2013, 07:01 PM

More Kid Wisdom....

"If I was a girl I swear I would stand in front of the mirror and stare at my boobs all day long!"

:superfunny: OMG I 'bout fell out of my chair laughing so hard...
He on the otherhand had a dead pan look on his face! :|

Reason #5893453 as to why I freakin' love my job!! :D

Mopsie

04-30-2013, 07:19 PM

maryam

05-01-2013, 11:10 AM

That sucked for your dinner but really made me laugh! :D

She worked so hard for it that I let her keep it. I did rewash the rest of it though.

MissItalianDiva

05-01-2013, 11:23 AM

Reminding myself that actions speak louder then words....lol got a good reminder and chuckle from this.

Miss Scarlett

05-03-2013, 04:16 PM

BDP's description of work today - "I was running around like a head with its chicken cut off!"

Blade

05-03-2013, 04:45 PM

It has been cool and damp here in NC for the past 2 weeks. We have had a few days in the low 70's, but for the most part in the low 60's. It was in the low 60's today and breezy and it was gusty between the buildings as my boss and I took a Cushman ride to the nurses office. We were joking back and forth about the nurses need to see me. Out of the blue he says, damn it's chilly, I'm not sure if we suddenly sprung into October or if we fell back into March.

For some reason that struck my funny bone, I got a good laugh out of it and as the day went on I several of my coworkers thought it was funny as well.

I'm not sure if we suddenly sprung into October or if we fell back into March

jac

05-03-2013, 07:39 PM

What cracked me up today, you ask? :superfunny:

The staff huddled around my computer monitor and the topic of discussion being - passive agressive and how come it cannot be aggressive passive.
:eatinghersheybar:

When you have five women standing around at the end of the day mocking possible "agressive passive" mannerisms all you can do is smirk, sip your coolatta and keep typing.... because really and truly deep down inside you just wanna laugh and point :pointing: and join in the fun... but you're the only one left actually working!! :mohawk:

:rofl: It was a super fun way to end the day!!

Ascot

05-03-2013, 09:18 PM

A femme friend who is ordinarily quite proper is currently quite medicated, having had surgery a few days ago. Today, she used the word "snatch". That cracked me up.

Blade

05-06-2013, 08:47 PM

A text conversation

Me...How is the Christmas Elf? Don't you want a few more?

LBH...She's better, when she quit having fever, the rash went away and she hasn't had anymore seizures.

Me...Praise the Lord! That's great!

LBH...Yeah, but I tell ya, she took 5 yrs off my life

Me...chuckling...honey she is only 2. She will take 5 yrs off your life many more times before she is grown, so you better figure out a way to make those increments narrower. Like maybe 1 or 2 yrs off your life at the time.

LBH...HUH?

Chuckles...she has a genius level IQ and no common sense...it went right over her head.

puddin'

05-10-2013, 02:50 PM

a resident who neva jokes "pullin' my leg". it was hysterical once i got what he was doin'...

jac

05-14-2013, 06:08 PM

The look on folks' faces :| around town this morning because I had a mug in one hand a cup in the other and a bottle of water in my back pocket. :rofl:

What???? Okay okay I may possibly have a drinking problem these days. :superfunny:

Medusa

05-14-2013, 10:05 PM

Imagine both laptops open with our wallpaper-choice pages still open and at least 15 color swatches all over the bed.

Me with my arm in the air like I'm holding Shakespeare and shit reciting some verse that I just wrote.

Jackhammer: "That's Beautiful!", amused smile, "I mean......beautiful", snort....cracksnort........guffaw.

Me (sniffing away a fake tear): "Ya think?"

Jackhammer: "Either that or I'm high!"

Me: "Honey, let's get high, write some poetry, and redecorate the library!"

We look at each other, pause, and both exclaim in unison, "WE'RE FUCKING GAY!"

LeftWriteFemme

05-15-2013, 04:36 AM

10i17NNujDE

Gemme

05-15-2013, 04:43 AM

10i17NNujDE

I absolutely want the pole in the middle of their living room.

:blink:

cinnamongrrl

05-15-2013, 01:26 PM

my mother's pit bull trying to initiate play with her little dog sister...she is just such a big goof! My daughter has actually nick named her Dippy...lol

maryam

05-28-2013, 08:36 PM

This here video... I kinda feel bad laughing at the poor spazzed out kitten, but then I watch it again and giggle hysterically.

Video Linkage cause the other way isn't working... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu5MYS7804k)

chris1life

05-28-2013, 09:01 PM

My date after only 3 hours asking when we were going back to my house "for some fun" I just busted out laughing. Girl Please I'm hard to get

Wrang1er

05-30-2013, 12:07 PM

Listening to David Sedaris at work. He makes me laugh out loud.

Blade

06-13-2013, 08:10 PM

During the terrible thunderstorms we had this evening

Christmas Elf to her Mommy.....Mommy it's raining peas

cinnamongrrl

06-16-2013, 10:21 PM

My mom....

My brother and sister have apparently told her she is taking on too much by caring for her elderly neighbor/friend and told her as much...and they are tired of hearing about her activities with said neighbor....

SO...my mom being my mom.....

She tells me, "From now on, when they ask me what I did all day, I will say, 'I went to the bar, got drunk, brought home a strange guy and did the nasty all night!'"

:|

My mom is a spit fire lil firecracker... :)

LeftWriteFemme

06-26-2013, 05:44 AM

JlCBm_pEGEM

cinnamongrrl

06-26-2013, 11:24 AM

The little old lady club at the assisted living facility where my client lives....

They were discussing the time...and saying that their watches said 10 minutes til 12....but yet the clock on the wall said 10 :| I had to let my hair cover my face so they wouldn't see me quietly laughing....it was just too adorable.

also...

same ladies, seem to not realize that my hearing is actually half way decent...for now...and start talking about me before I'm out of earshot...lol They say such nice things :) And I know they mean it since they don't think I can hear them!

Blade

06-26-2013, 04:37 PM

My kid brother is a NUT. Well he isn't really a kid he's late 30's, but he's still a NUT!

lilapache

06-26-2013, 04:54 PM

watching the lil thing of a girl working across from me on the line... totally freak out over a spider that crawled in front of her on the table.. then went under the table where no one could find it... i was doing both our work but laughing my ass off in the process... this was just to funny... then.. after said spider was taken care of.... watching our floor manager get the air hose... and give a quick blast on the back of her neck... and watching her freak out again... *laughs* needless to say... she threw a stack of parts at him... its times like that... that makes it all worth it... priceless...

MsBluem

06-26-2013, 07:54 PM

Finally watched the new episode of the Venture Brothers. There was a Clash of the Titans riff that had me almost in tears from laughing so hard.

cinnamongrrl

06-26-2013, 08:13 PM

A message telling me to rest up.....since the Patriots were gonna need me to be their tight end this season....it made me guffaw fosho....lol

Zimmeh

06-26-2013, 08:44 PM

This Duck Dynasty show!

Zimmeh

jac

06-26-2013, 11:45 PM

Daughter comes home late from the ER visit and sits to talk. My grandson is cuddled on the couch with me. She notices a smear of something on the front of her couch....

daughter: juji what is this you got on the couch?
juji: let's call it cheese! :D

LOL He's so random. Even at 1am. :superfunny:

LeftWriteFemme

06-27-2013, 08:37 AM

http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/3013/dailyshowgaymarriagekq5.jpg

MissItalianDiva

06-27-2013, 09:13 AM

My curiosity it's really going to kill the *** one day...lol someone save me from my own head!

Kenna

06-27-2013, 08:19 PM

Someone goofed ...
there's an "adult toy" add on Craigslist under Farm+Garden posts.
I guess a garden tiller or lawn mower can be considered adult toys ...but the thumbnail pic beside the title certainly isn't a tractor ...

Lady Pamela

06-27-2013, 08:31 PM

I made some yummy lunch for my 3 year old grandson...And he runs over...hugs me and says,"I yuv you gamma! You a genius!

Miss Scarlett

06-28-2013, 10:56 PM

Something completely inappropriate...but I simply could not help myself...really...:giggle:

cinnamongrrl

07-10-2013, 10:53 AM

At breakfast this morning with three lovely ladies of the elderly persuasion.....

A lady new to our table is asked what she would like to drink. She looks up at the CNA and says "gin and tonic".

I about bit my lip to keep from cracking up at the table... I do love my job :)

MissItalianDiva

07-10-2013, 02:51 PM

I came across a whole different version of the song Blurred Lines music video and lol it's pretty freakin fabulous...the best part is near the end when the wall has "Robin Thicke has a big dick" written on it...lol here is the link Blurred Lines (Unrated Version) - YouTube

cinnamongrrl

07-12-2013, 11:53 AM

It was a few days ago...but I just thought of it....

I was watching TV with my Tues/Wed client....and the 877 CASH NOW commercial comes on....and I started singing it because I always do...and she started singing it with me!

Seriously, commercials today are too catchy. This is a lady who doesn't even know her own kids/grandkids most days....but she remembers that...lol

cinnamongrrl

07-16-2013, 10:55 AM

my little lady....

I was bringing her much detested walker to her..so she would remember to use it (visual cues seem to work better than verbal with her) and she looks at me all excited and says, "Oh! So YOU'RE using it now?!?" :blink:

Mmmhmmmm nice try.....she's adorable but tricky that one.....

Kenna

07-16-2013, 06:58 PM

a one line statement on the "health " news app reads "the average penis size is 5.6 inches when erect"...

my first thought was "not in MY world".. *naughty chuckle*...

Blade

07-20-2013, 06:08 AM

a text message with a picture attached............

the text read just pulled over on the side of a residential exit so she could poop on the potty in the back of my car (SUV)

the attachment was a picture of my 2 1/2 yr old Christmas Elf sitting on the potty in the back of the SUV with the back door open. She is grinning and has sleepy eyes, and dangling blonde curls as she poses on the big girl potty halfway to the beach.

Me..OMG she is gonna hate yall in 14 yrs

Tina....Oh we're gonna save this one for the yearbook!

cinnamongrrl

07-20-2013, 07:51 PM

We were watching this ridiculous commercial for a hair curling product....

and I mockingly told Ted, if they are buy one get one free....I'm totally getting one!

No sooner were the words out of my mouth...then the big

BUT WAIT!!

came over the screen...and low and behold...yep....buy 1 get 1 free.... :|

You have to see it to believe it...seriously....

https://www.aircurler.com/

Kenna

07-20-2013, 10:37 PM

a day filled with laughter, goofy friends, meeting two of Blade's friends that I've waited 3 years to meet (and two of us simultaneously saying "AND you're not a figment of his imagination! ), silly faces made by the 'other That Woman' (said with respect) when she sipped my adult beverage ...and INSIDE jokes reflecting on memories of searching for cock rings ...

a great day and how buzzed I got from one lil drink ;-) ;-)

jac

07-26-2013, 05:22 PM

So it's late afternoon and we're going through shift change. New shift comes on and the kids are loud and rambunctious. An older staff gets up and is heading to the kitchen to begin dinner... and in her attempt to be a smartass to the rest of us that are still amongst the rowdy teens says, "I'm going to the kitchen for my private time!" :blink:

What she really meant to say was quiet time!! Now we're throwing out the retorts of - Do you need us to leave? Will you be needing the whisk or other handy utensils? Ahahahahaaaa she won't be living that down for awhile... if I can help it!!
:superfunny:

Blade

07-31-2013, 03:21 PM

I was reading a post by Uniqueswtfemme and she mentioned Kris Kringle. It reminded me of a time years ago a group of friends were playing Trivial Pursuit. The question went to Patty, Who is Kris Kringle? She thought and thought and finally she came up with her answer. Remember this was back in my early 20's, we were at the lake and were all drinking....She wrinkles up her nose twist up her mouth and says.....is he the guy on the French fry commercial or the bag or something like that. OMG!!! A room full of drunks erupted into hysterical laughter. We laughed so hard at her seriousness and incorrect answer, that none of us could tell her who Kris Kringle was.

If any of you ole timers remember, there really was a commercial with an animated French fry person, I don't know that he had a name but it certainly wasn't Kris Kringle. He was sort of like the Planters Peanut animation.

Thanks for the memory and the laugh Uniqueswtfemme!

RockOn

07-31-2013, 03:30 PM

Had to attend a mandatory Server Directives teleconference meeting at 3:00 today. I am here at the annex and we were hooked up with the main building. A fav Assistant Bureau Manager facilitated our meeting. She is an AfroAmerican woman with quick wit. I love her dearly! Our Bureau Chief facilitated over at the main building. At one point, we could not hear him ... he finally realized it and started in with the "Can you hear me now?" When we could hear him again, this way too cool, cocky woman said, "Unfortunately." She always gets great digs at this jackass. She is retiring after 36 years next month. I miss her already.

cinnamongrrl

08-01-2013, 11:24 AM

Yesterday...

I was with my evening client. Her hubby of nearly 60 years was up and down...she asked me where he was going this time...I told her he was going to the kitchen and did she want me to put a rope around him to keep track of him? She says, "No. He always comes back!"

Today...

My client and I were leaving the dining room after breakfast...I was telling one of my fave ladies that we would be going to rosary at 10 and would she be there? She says..."well....I think I have a hair appointment....and you KNOW hair comes first!" I bout died laughing and told her I wouldnt tell god she said that. As we left she called out, "pray for me!!" Mmhmmm yes Fran. I think I best....

This is why I love what I do! <3

jac

08-02-2013, 06:43 PM

Staff: Yes I can speak several languages.
Kid: *speaks a few words in Russian*
Staff: Was that Russian?
Kid: Well yeh.
Staff: How do you know Russian?
Kid: I have a little Russian in me.
Me: *holds fingers up to show an inch measurement* How big is the little guy?

:superfunny: I crack myself up!! And everyone else!!

LeftWriteFemme

08-02-2013, 10:25 PM

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdk1ndfUz91rk4lnlo1_500.jpg

DMW

08-14-2013, 01:02 PM

http://i.ebayimg.com/t/11-Original-Risque-Watercolor-Cartoon-Drawings-1950s-/15/!B+oHI4QBmk~$(KGrHqEOKpQEy+jC0(BFBN!QsLn+y!~~_3.JP G

http://i.ebayimg.com/t/11-Risque-Cartoon-Drawings-Circa-1950s-/24/!B+oPQ)!!2k~$(KGrHqIOKogEy+jC)otJBN!Q9NtC5!~~_3.JP G

LeftWriteFemme

08-14-2013, 01:10 PM

http://global3.memecdn.com/follow-the-rules_o_289986.jpg

Blade

08-15-2013, 02:37 PM

After we ate supper I walked outside with my parents. I told them good bye and started to go back inside. Dad turned and said where are you going I said to the bathroom. Mom said be careful. HUH? Really? be careful in the bathroom? What am I gonna do fall in? Ummm not hardly.

Blade

08-21-2013, 02:27 PM

As I road past the plastic recycle bin at work I tossed my empty bottle toward the 4 foot square bin, and missed it. I thought huh WTF? Then a memory hit me, years ago when I was young and stupid. I was a pro at hitting signs and mailboxes with empty beer bottles and now I can't hit a 4x4 box. LOL I could hit a target from the drivers side throwing over the top of the car. Damn I'm getting rusty in my old age. HUH? Old age, damn!

TruTexan

08-21-2013, 03:12 PM

Walked out my front door to see that my neighbor had a huge painted metal rooster in her flower bed..........lmao it's cute.

LeftWriteFemme

08-21-2013, 10:57 PM

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5910996992/hFADE7F34/

Bèsame*

08-27-2013, 10:40 PM

Oh my goodness..I was so busted. I just had to go with the flow..

Hadn't had a customer in the store for a few hours, so I started trying on clothes. I had slipped a dress on over what I was wearing and then it happened. Customer came in. I kinda hid behind some mannequins, but she came right to me. I helped this customer, with a teal short dress on over my long pink dress. Oh, I'm sure she questioned my fashion sense. But it didn't help, when my co Mgr came out and tried not to laugh.

Yes , I admit it. Sometimes I'm a dork!

PoeticSilence

08-29-2013, 02:45 PM

Cyanide & Happiness - The Rope - YouTube

cinnamongrrl

08-31-2013, 08:40 PM

sooo

I was walking down the hall at the assisted living facility where my client lives...

I passed by these two older gentlemen that I am friendly with (we share a love of the Patriots). They were engaged in a conversation with someone else so I didn't stop...I just barely got buy and S***** says, "Now THAT one..." and pauses as I walk further away down the hallway, then continues "she is va va voom..." and made a remark about my ummmm lady assets... :blink:

Funny how as we age we again forget how sound travels!
....but ummm... thank you boys :blush:

Blade

09-01-2013, 06:57 PM

The Christmas Elf of course.....she will be 3 in December.

LTB sent me a picture of her today....she was sitting in her big girl bed, covered up to her waist, reading a book(of course she can't read yet), wearing her University of North Carolina football helmet....OMG I cracked up.

How could that happen that I would have a Christmas Elf that loved football as much as me and her Daddy. I hate UNC, but I don't care who she yells for as long as she loves football. Looks like it is happening.

LadyApples

09-01-2013, 07:40 PM

LeftWriteFemme

09-02-2013, 08:30 AM

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/silly+dog.+what_fefa97_4059387.jpg

Gemme

09-02-2013, 09:49 AM

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/silly+dog.+what_fefa97_4059387.jpg

The expression is priceless!

*Anya*

09-02-2013, 11:29 AM

My family from NJ came up to visit for the weekend, and my nephews came along. Today, we went to a nice, big park in New Haven, CT, and at one point we spent some time on the swings. The older one, Nate, kept going higher and higher and wanted to do a peak jump off.

As he was getting ready to jump, this little boy, couldn't have been older than 6 years, casually walked in front of where he was and smiled big with a blue plastic bag in hand and did this twirly thing with it, then proceeded to dip it low and then he started TWERKING for a good minute or two. In front of my nephew. My nephew got twerk blocked, and for that I was dying.

If there was ever a time where I regretted not having video ready, that was it.

Ok, I admit it.

I had no idea whatsoever what twerking meant.

I had to look it up on Wiki.

In case someone else lives in a cave like I clearly do; I will help you out:

"Twerking is a dance move that involves a person, usually a woman, shaking her hips in an up-and-down bouncing motion, causing the dancer to shake, "wobble" and "jiggle." According to the Oxford Dictionary Online, to twerk is "to dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance".

:|

LeftWriteFemme

09-02-2013, 01:43 PM

don't know why this is funny...........but to me it is

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ9O60FkUcSk50IMNk0QGSBJ6_5YkshX ykd8_fNYoYbv3i_qfCj

Miss Scarlett

09-02-2013, 08:53 PM

Being fed waffles in bed. We were both laughing so hard at the silly noises he was making with each bite. I hope the hotel laundry will be able to get the syrup out of the sheets. LOL

Gráinne

09-02-2013, 10:18 PM

It shouldn't have been funny, and some of you might be horrified at me. But here goes: My three-legged cat trying to dig in the litter box with his stump, which accomplished absolutely nothing.

Gemme

09-03-2013, 03:37 AM

My own fully not appropriate but caused by extreme tiredness at the (supposed) end to a long day head shaking and laughing at myself moment came late last night, when the painters told me we had a problem; that the paint was lighter than the tinted primer. Of course, none of us noticed this until several rooms were coated with the too dark primer.

The guy at the paint store mixed the cans and paint percentages up and now the walls are the perfect color but it's primer and flat and not satiny and light goodness like it's supposed to be. And it's not just one can. It's several. Oy vey.

Nothing like having to stop a project that we thought was almost done at a reasonable hour, regroup and attack a whole different part of the project that wasn't even supposed to be touched yesterday (and thusly was not properly prepared, costing even more time and energy). I'm still shaking my head. Only in my world...

jac

09-07-2013, 04:46 PM

What cracked me up...??

Neighbor boy after a long day of emotional highs and lows at play... referencing the General:

"I've only known her for a little bit, but whew..." :blink:

Ahahahahaaaaaaa :rofl:

Linus

09-08-2013, 06:10 PM

Watching the Best of Whose Line is it Anyways? and we saw this one XIscLaYnECs.

I'm so glad that show is back. It's absolutely awesome and funny.

Blade

09-08-2013, 06:31 PM

Saturday morning a tiny boy maybe four yrs old, was standing outside his tent in his Superman underwear and Tshirt watching three deer walk beside his camp. He was so quiet watching the deer.

After they moved on, I looked back over toward Superman's camp and he came running out of his driveway with a red cape flying behind him. Me and my camping buddy called him Superman the rest of the weekend.

I had to laugh at this. It reminded me of my cousin and I Forty five years ago, running threw Gigi's house playing Batman and Robin....Nana nana nana nana Batmannnnn LOL

o'queery

09-08-2013, 10:55 PM

Oh Em Gee..

my Syr singing "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"

Now..

You KNOW that;s fucking hilarious.

o'queery

09-09-2013, 01:43 PM

Oh Em Gee..

my Syr singing "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"

Now..

You KNOW that;s fucking hilarious.

i am still laughing about this..

This is gonna be one of those gifts that keeps on giving.

:rofl:

cinnamongrrl

09-17-2013, 07:51 PM

two things on my way to my second client...

First, I saw an elderly lady pausing on her walk....wondering if she was ok, I slowed down to see what was wrong....she was answering her cell phone...it just tickles me when old people use them....my mom included :|

Secondly, I stopped at Mcd's to get a coffee (I'm soooo addicted to their pumpkin spice!) and the lady handed me the coffee and a....straw....and I told her the straws have gotten WICKED tiny! She agreed. And then we both realized simultaneously that it was a stir stick and not the intended straw....it wasn't even first thing in the morning so there's no excuse....

o'queery

09-17-2013, 08:34 PM

Syr in the living room says to me with a smile~

"So, if I grab your cock does that make Me a <edited>?"

me to Syr, wicked evil smile says in return

~ "Well of course it does, Syr.... (whispers) <edited>"

<3

Hell Yes

:daddy:

SirLucian

09-18-2013, 12:36 AM

Gemme

09-18-2013, 05:02 AM

honeybarbara's post.

"...but it's the farm animals that really bother me"

My first outloud laugh of the day.

LeftWriteFemme

09-21-2013, 03:06 PM

https://scontent-b-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/q71/270300_10200295247376218_1579890150_n.jpg

Blade

09-21-2013, 04:05 PM

I actually had to laugh at the Florida/Tennessee football game. The first half was like watching 22 clowns play offense. Both teams were ridiculous. The defenses should sleep good tonight.

cinnamongrrl

09-25-2013, 07:39 PM

I went shopping at Whole Foods today...I was going through the bakery and they had samples of pecan pie....with a big sign underneath it that read, "contains nuts". :blink: No way....really??? I had a good giggle over that with the tres gay bakery dude...and walking through the store...cuz I couldn't stop laughing....it just struck me the right way... :)

cinnamongrrl

09-27-2013, 07:06 PM

In the month or so since I've seen my client that has the African Grey Parrot....

He has always imitated the dogs and cats in the house....but now...he barks, then admonishes himself, "NOOOO Barking!!" or barks and then says, "Stop it!" It cracked me up and got me through a hellish day.

*see what pissed you off today for the yang of the story......

Miss Scarlett

09-27-2013, 08:36 PM

h_vii-ak8lw

Gemme

10-02-2013, 06:18 PM

h_vii-ak8lw

My faves are at :49 (I like to call him Nomnomnomnom), 1:49 (Justin Bieber's biggest fan) and at 1:51 (oh...nonononono).

DMW

10-04-2013, 05:55 PM

My brother and I were standing in the checkout line at the grocers about a week ago. Upon glancing at the cover on one of the tabloids (which had some crazy headline) with raised, disconcerted eyebrow, I asked, "who is that?!"
Now my eyebrows are furrowed...
He laughs hard, shakes his head at me with the others that hear and says,
"ha! that is a kardashian"! some woman, I think he said Kim kardashian.

cinnamongrrl

10-04-2013, 08:28 PM

Girls Don't Poop - PooPourri.com - YouTube

I HAD to google to make sure this wasn't a gag....it isn't :|

Kenna

10-26-2013, 08:24 PM

Because the pet store was having a HUGE sale ...Blade couldn't pass up buying a Nemo outfit for his 6 pound chihuahua ....OMG MY RIBS STILL HURT FROM LAUGHING

that poor dog! Dressed up like Nemo the orange clown fish ! I so wish we could have got this on YouTube !
When we were done posing Nemo for pictures ...OMG! You shoulda seen Skippy running thru the yard in Nemo outfit with his eyes covered by the little hood that's embroidered with fish eyes and a huge fish fin sticking out above his ears...he was running completely blind but OUT RUNNING Blade! As soon as Blade reached for him, Nemo changed directions!!! I WAS LITERALLY ROLLING ON THE GROUND LAUGHING!

This blinded doggy in a BRIGHT ORANGE FISH SUIT made it all the way up the hill before being scooped up....Blade needs a fishing net to catch a chihuahua !!!

cinnamongrrl

10-30-2013, 09:32 AM

I had a tootsie pop...cuz I raided the Halloween candy....:eatinghersheybar:

I gave the lollipop stick to my pit bull sister, Mae Mobley...just to see what she would do....

She worked that little lollipop stick like it was a bone...laid in the grass with that tiny thing between her massive paws...and didn't let any of the other dogs near her while she had it. She walked around with the stick just barely visible sticking out of her massive jaws...she reminded me of Telly Savalas lol She got every tiny little speck of candy off that stick...You'd think I had given her a marrow bone.... it was just beyond adorable

It's just such an irony that a dog known for it's power and teeth worked something so delicate in such a nimble manner....she didn't rip it or anything. It was only slightly bent when I finally took it away from her.... :)

cinnamongrrl

10-30-2013, 09:45 AM

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2799/4119488777_30c43016c2_o.jpg

For those too young to know what I mean....lol

TheLoneStranger

10-30-2013, 03:19 PM

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2799/4119488777_30c43016c2_o.jpg

For those too young to know what I mean....lol

He was a pit bull. LOL

CA_BabyCakes

10-30-2013, 03:38 PM

Today was crazy hair day at the kids school. Did my daughters hair in a Crazy Eyes (OITNB) hairdo, complete with little rainbow colored ribbons to hold her hair in place, she looked adorable!!! My son had a multicolored Jersey Shore hairdo, they looked hysterical!

cinnamongrrl

11-06-2013, 10:04 PM

My mother....

I was trying to introduce her to online dating...it's about time! She been single for many moons now...anywho...

I was walking her through the process...and it got to where she needed a handle...and I explained...this is the name that people will see you by...and she says..."I want to be 'naughty girl'". :|

The apple and the tree y'all....lol

Miss Scarlett

11-08-2013, 06:09 AM

This totally cracked me up...Star Trek will never be the same...LOL

https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1382172_514476165304393_108354183_n.jpg

cinnamongrrl

11-08-2013, 06:56 AM

MsTinkerbelly

11-08-2013, 01:07 PM

My mother.... :blush:

She was singing a Christmas song....to the dogs...using creative license to change the words....

"he sees you when you're sleeping....he knows when you're in the cat box..."

My family tree is actually of the nut variety apparently...lol

My mom used to do that, and since i picked up the habit i passed it to my daughter.

Oh what fun it is to ride in a beat-up chevrolet eh, jingle bells, jingle bells.....

Lol

God i miss her!

Jar

11-08-2013, 08:36 PM

That the trolls are watching. The old, tired, bitter, blah, blah, blah .... youngsters that can't handle it ...yawn

TruTexan

11-08-2013, 09:37 PM

I was flipping through tv channels today and happened to see Jerry Springer asking if Pole dancing should be in the Olympics? LOL

Gemme

11-08-2013, 11:29 PM

I was flipping through tv channels today and happened to see Jerry Springer asking if Pole dancing should be in the Olympics? LOL

Yes, actually.

VrUsrKq4AZI
_eBNXvC6oVE
uHRK9Ipci1w
4iIT5WUxFvA

Deirdre

11-09-2013, 02:42 AM

It was a pretty terrible joke, but it was unexpected and it made me snort:

I was trying on dresses at Goodwill, when from outside the dressing room, I heard someone ask the attendant, "Are all of the rooms taken?"

"No," he replied, paused a moment, and then, "they're all still there."

Daktari

11-09-2013, 04:56 AM

My favourite pole routine evah!
XTMjzv22FuQ
3.22 blows me away

Watch Ellen's boner face
yHVuypiaBto

zJgvFA_6xZ0

cinnamongrrl

11-09-2013, 06:53 AM

Yes, actually.

VrUsrKq4AZI
_eBNXvC6oVE
uHRK9Ipci1w
4iIT5WUxFvA

I think Cleo was my favorite...I watched her entire video...
I don't know how she bends that way.....
How do they do the bend and snap without hitting their heads on the pole?? I certainly would..
All that in 5 inch heels...wow....
They are certainly athletic...
Pole dancing in Japan surprised me...but of course they made it into some classy kind of cirque du soleil chit....
This is the way to start one's day y'all :)

ONLY

11-09-2013, 10:39 AM

This didn't crack me up but had to say I never knew they had pole dancing competitition. Interesting, I like it :) And I like how some are sloooow and others are faster and the music can be from slow to rockin' music. Very cool :thumbsup:

candy_coated_bitch

11-09-2013, 12:42 PM

My favourite pole routine evah!
XTMjzv22FuQ
3.22 blows me away

Watch Ellen's boner face
yHVuypiaBto

zJgvFA_6xZ0

CIJS that is INSANE!!! That's some shit that shouldn't even be humanly possible right there.

CIAJS That's it hard enough to walk in shoes like she had on in the second video, never mind perform death-defying stunts.

But yes, Ellen's boner face was priceless.

cinnamongrrl

11-10-2013, 11:23 AM

My little Bit...(youngest daughter)

She was telling me how her boyfriend (a mechanic) had convinced her that there was such a thing as blinker fluid :| She was going back and forth with him and finally googled it and...low and behold....

How to Check Your Blinker Fluid - YouTube

SOooo she wants to go somewhere in a lil bit and I told her she better get out and check my blinker fluid before we leave..cuz it's really important..to which she replies... "Well, I have a sawzall too....so maybe I should check your bumper fluid while I'm at it!" That's a lil crab apple straight off the tree!

*color me super proud that my baby knows what a sawzall IS!*

Miss Scarlett

11-14-2013, 05:11 AM

I swear my cat wrote this! LOL

PKffm2uI4dk

"Sing the song of my people"...definitely my little kitty!

cinnamongrrl

11-18-2013, 11:50 PM

I stayed up wayyy past my bedtime so I could text my mother a Happy Birthday wish (and be the first!) for her 60th birthday....

She texts me back "Thank you"

Then I get, " I wasn't born until 1:26pm. I'm still 59!"

I told her to hold onto to it as long as possible... "I'm holding!!" she says...

Happy Birthday to my Mum.... :) (even if I am early..)

Girl_On_Fire

12-16-2013, 06:51 PM

Apparently, there's going to be a heat wave in Connecticut on Thursday. lol!

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f397/contactethereal/pretty_hot_zps6dcd4694.jpg

LaDivina

12-16-2013, 10:01 PM

"Dittooooooo."

pajama

12-17-2013, 06:47 AM

"Dittooooooo."

bwahaha

Ditt0000000000

TruTexan

12-18-2013, 07:56 PM

Watching South Beach Tow and listening to Bernice tell her partner "You gotta drop your Balls Baby Huey".

Bernice cracks me up .

TheLoneStranger

12-22-2013, 08:26 AM

Kitty jumped on something slippery and landed almost seated. His hind area kept coming forward but he stopped moving in time to not land on the floor. His expression was like... no problem. LOL

RNguy

12-22-2013, 10:32 AM

RNguy

12-22-2013, 10:33 AM

Apparently, there's going to be a heat wave in Connecticut on Thursday. lol!

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f397/contactethereal/pretty_hot_zps6dcd4694.jpg

Lmao at this geezus

Kenna

01-08-2014, 08:25 PM

Kenna: ohhhh I wish I had some of those key lime cookies!
"Mawmaw": me too! I will give you the money for the ingredients if you make them
Kenna: (quietly chuckling because she thought I had previously made them from scratch) No problem . It's just a pouch like the Orangecicle ones at Walmart. next time I'm in town I'll get them.
(Later) Kenna: I wonder what they would be like in the Reddy Set Go muffin maker??
"Mawmaw": ME WANT COOKIES NOT MUFFINS

Omg I cracked up at this sweet "Mawmaw" saying ME WANT COOKIES !!

Kenna

01-08-2014, 08:36 PM

"Mawmaw": I will have (Blade's niece) thru & fri. I will be up VERY early

(Since she retired, she normally doesn't get up till 9-10)

Kenna: awwwww Mawmaw time

"Mawmaw": I will be a blithering idiot b4 day is over. She's a chatterbox and in the WHY WHY WHY stage!

Kenna: I'm sorry I can't help but chuckle at that! I will rescue you and keep her occupied making peanut butter and Cherrio bird feeders ....(thinking to myself how much fun it will be to make a HUGE mess with peanut butter and cereal with a 3 year old!!!)

BrutalDaddy

01-08-2014, 08:49 PM

First one...Years ago mom and step dad took a road trip. Part of trip took them across Nevada. That night I get call from step dad saying mom wants to tell me something. She gets on phone all excited, "Did you know what they raise out here in the middle of the desert?!" I said, "Uh, no. What?" Getting even more excited she says, "Bunnies. They raise bunnies!" Not understanding what the hell she's talking about I said, "What do you mean bunnies? Where did you hear that?" By now I can hear step dad in background trying so hard not to just bust out laughing as my mom continues, "Well, we were just driving across the desert, nothing for miles and miles, then we came up on this billboard that said, "BUNNY FARM, TURN LEFT AT NEXT EXIT".

Of course this was the cue for step dad to lose it while I proceed to tell my sweet, naïve mom, "Mom!!! They aren't raising bunnies in the middle of the freaking desert. It's a whore house!"

Leave it to my step dad to hold that in all day so my mother's only child would have the pleasure of telling her what it really was. All of this came rushing back as I traveled across I 80 into Nevada.

Second thing involves my wife. She is getting really into cooking and not just any cooking but gourmet cooking. (Yay me!) Today she went to store and bought purple potatoes. The kind that are purple all the way through. So she calls to tell me and all I could say was, "Awwww, you got queer tators!"

Love My Family,
Brute.

Kenna

01-30-2014, 03:24 PM

Sitting in Wendy's parking lot....my roommate exclaims (in a happy voice) "Look how stiff it is!"

I look over at him :| :| slap him on the shoulder ...then he gets this embarrassed look and we both crack up.... my roommate is a goofball!!

EmJay

01-30-2014, 04:51 PM

Funny commentary for a honey badger video :)

Kenna

01-31-2014, 03:16 PM

Crazy furbabies!!

I had went outside to open the chicken pen to allow them to free range...
Blade's large german sheppard immediately starts to have a panic attack, whining and barking...

When I get back inside, all 3 little furbabies hear the sheppard barking and think Blade is home ...so they start whining and crying to get out. Only Skippy has this really HIGH PITCH screaming noise that hurts your ears...I've never heard a dog make noises like that!!
I tried to hush them...but they insisted that Blade was home...so I let them out to see...

Skippy (who I call Dippy) went scooting out real fast, JUMPED off porch...kicked up dirt as he hit the drive lane, his ears completely perked up...dancing like only a chihuahua can...gets to middle of drive way and looks around for Blade's truck, with a huge STUNNED "where's my Daddy" look on his little face!!..,

This crazy dog, who for the last several cold days refused to step foot in the yard, then turned around, literally kicking up dirt as he scooted around "the play pen" and like a lightening bolt headed down to the tool shed looking for Blade...From the look on his face and how he pranced as he ran, you could tell he was DETERMINED his daddy was home!

Skippy Dippy is what I call a velcro dog...GLUED to his daddy

Degotoga

02-04-2014, 08:26 PM

G5FUH3eoizc

Kenna

02-11-2014, 10:07 PM

My stooooopid crazy chickens ...instead of getting in their warm cozy nesting hutch, they stood in the snow all day... but 7 of them gave me pretty eggs...they'd get snowed on, fluff their feathers, stand there while they get snowed on again ...

Kenna

02-18-2014, 11:50 PM

I'm still laughing!!! I talked to my roommate tonight to hear how my dog decided to jump in the shower with him....the pups face peeking thru the shower curtain...then he invited himself in....

This is our only dog that will willingly jump over the tub's edge on command when he needs a bath....tonight I think he was just lonely and wanted Blade's undevided attention.

Hollylane

02-20-2014, 05:22 PM

What wasn't posted in 5 letters today in response to:

F R M U B

The first sentence that popped into her head:

Frantically removing my unclean boxers...

Jeez...That was funny (& gross)! As the cleanest butch in the known world, this sentence was especially funny coming from her.

MsTinkerbelly

02-20-2014, 09:41 PM

Doggy antics!

Barb42

02-22-2014, 01:41 PM

While cleaning the garage I found $20. & my 5yr. Niece loks @ me (with hand out) & says "HOT DAMN AUNT BARBIE..YOU GONNA SPLIT THAt MONEY WITH ME...BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.." Im in trouble as she gets older..

Kenna

02-23-2014, 12:37 AM

Them: Fantastic...get in that tub so you can call me after!! Get ya going before I spank your cute behind!! And don't think I can't spank ya, I got your address and many options to get there.

Me: OMG! spanking? Don't go there honey...you're playing with Fire :cheesy:

Kenna

02-24-2014, 12:02 AM

(Scene: they are pulling an all nighter at work...I woke up from short nap now can't sleep)....

Texts:
Them: I'm trying to read your emails but I'm on a ladder 18 feet up...not a good idea!

Me: I'm gonna kick yer azz when you get down!!!

Them:woooo hoo I like feisty turns me on

Me: Then hope you can take feisty!!

Them: Hey now you just made me drop my nail gun

Me: I DID? *chuckles*

Them: You just eat this up...making me stuble and stuff...dang you're sexy

Me: grinz...possibly....sexy is empowering... :) sexy is confidence...

Them: ohh yeah and you're all in one package, what a treat, what a heartthrob...ohh my boner, grinz

Them: let me hear your voice before you go to bed, like 5 minutes, you need sleep

Me: (responding before I read the boner statement) Now stop letting me distract you so you'll be safe...call when you get a break...

Me: (look on face :| :| after seeing *boner* :| :| and reading their request to call) CALL ME

Them: I'm climbing down ladder, you gonna call me?

They dial me...I pick up and calmly ask if they are ok? *Yes, why?*
Me: You DID NOT JUST SAY BONER!!!!!

They start laughing so hard I couldn't understand what they said....I start laughing with them, they stop long enough to do a sexy growl...I start laughing harder to where it makes me have a coughing fit!!!
They're still laughing as they say OH MY GOD, I just drew a glass of water to offer you!! I can't believe I just did that!!!
This made me laugh even harder...I sit up, coughing and laughing, scare my poor dog and he FALLS OFF THE BED, wedged between the wall and bed...rescued poor Willy ...I say " kinda like the first day you called me, and you popped a breath mint before I picked up??"

I get wrapped up in their deep, gorgeous, fun belly laugh...I'm still coughing...I say "oh my god I need some tea"....their response "I'm sorry to choke you up baby!" (I could hear the naughty grin).... I retort back "if THAT'S not an innuendo!!!"

All this laughing because of a boner!!! This was sooooo much fun in person!!! Wish I could have voice recorded it!!

THIS TIME...I had no intention of *bleeping stuff out* to "protect the innocent"....not a chance!

Barb42

02-24-2014, 11:36 PM

While helping a friend move my phone rings I answer only to hear this soft voice saying aunt Barbie you gotta come get me right now.. Mommy isnt being nice & im over it..

While trying not to laugh I ask why is mommy not being nice..

I get a responce of "I want ice cream"..& mommy said no.. So u come get me & get me ice cream & ill stay the night @ ur house.. So hurry up I dont like waiting.

I lost it & yes I did go get her & the ice cream also got her sister but took them home when ice cream kicked in good..

deathbypoem

02-25-2014, 11:35 AM

h14wr4pXZFk

Gemme

02-25-2014, 04:35 PM

The owner of my salon with a customer. They were discussing where the customer's eyebrows should be drawn.

Customer: They are under my glasses.

Owner: They are supposed to be there.

Customer: What's the point of having them if they are hidden?

Owner: It's where they go. It's natural.

Customer: I want them here. *draws lines well above the top of her glasses*

Owner: Now, come on. You don't want that! You'd look like a hookah.

:blink:

They continue bickering with one another until the owner catches my eye and says, "Grandmuthaahs!"

Then the grandmother said, "Now do them like this!" and drew two very curved lines on her forehead.

Owner: I'm not turning you into a Bozo hookah! Now, stop it and go away. I love you and will see you later.

Grandmother: I should pay you for this, right?

Owner: Nah. You can't afford me. Just buy me a drink at the wedding.

The two of them went on and on, back and forth, for a good ten minutes. North Eastern families. Gotta love 'em.

WingsOnFire

02-25-2014, 04:37 PM

Listening to book 2 of 39 clues... there are moments that I just bust out laughing... It really helps make my day go by fast at work

Bèsame*

02-25-2014, 11:26 PM

Watching Jimmy Fallon try on Shaquille O'Neal's suit jacket. He is one big guy! I laughed so loud, I scared the fur babies.

Blade

03-11-2014, 07:22 PM

text conversation..............

Mom.....JBH just called me, she says the Christmas Elf has stuck a rubber band up her nose.

You can imagine my laughter at this point

Me...Oh Lordy

Mom....She says she has used tweezers and can't get it out

Me...Tell her to make her blow her nose

Mom...Well yeah...only she sniffed instead. Now she can't see it. I have now suggested she use a suction bulb like when she was a baby.

Me....Google it...how to remove a rubber band from a child's nose

Blade

03-16-2014, 12:40 AM

Mom...your favorite TV show would have been 50 this month....guess

me...Mom did they make TVs when I was 1?

Mom...yes

Me..Did we have a TV when I was 1

Mom..yes a tiny one

Me...I'm guessing Rawhide or something cowboyish

Mom...NOPE "FLIPPER"

Mom...Oh and in 64 you were 2

Me...Not until September I wasn't

Blaze

03-16-2014, 09:50 AM

Walking outside to retrieve something out of my truck.. And my neighbor waving up a storm and yelling good morning. I wave back and lean into my truck to search for my paper work.
Neighbor yells to me, Hey Blaze? I wanna know where you got those cool looking shorts from? I think my husband will like those, they look comfortable!
I look down and turn beat red... Umm ahhh well Ma'am, as I slowly cover the front of as much of my BOXERS as possible, I umm got them from American Eagle and they may still have some... Thank you Ma"am have a wonderful day!
I really need to be more vigilant and aware about my shorts lmao