What Cracked You Up Today?

[gotoseagrl]

At a local feline conservation center today one of the biggest kitties ever, the puma, started wailing with this high-pitched infant baby sounding yell. I was really surprised cause I expected it to sound more like the smaller jaguar who had a big deep scary roar.

[Kobi]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/8b/83/1d/8b831ddc3b0d5423bfb70213f20196ed.jpg

[A. Spectre]

Why eagles are photographed mostly in profile. LOL


http://s1.funon.cc/img/orig/201601/16/569a47070b10b.jpg

[Gemme]

OMG, this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt6UkFtWYl8)!

I laughed so hard, I feel like I want to toss my cookies (I just ate and my tummy is FULL).

[Soft*Silver]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-o1mmFiQWSxg/T2M7iqmSX6I/AAAAAAAAGGI/wu1PjglMmfs/s1600/Scan.jpeg

[Kenna]

My attempt at making chocolate pudding with almond milk...

[Chad]

In my front yard I saw a Mockingbird chasing a fox and she meant business nipping at the fox.

:giggle:

[bright_arrow]

Talking to my coworker across the office over Skype about Vegas, boyfriend, life in general. Door beeps open and someone we do not recognize (but has a badge because he swiped in) walks in and waves at her. He is not in business casual clothing like us, has shoulder length brown wavy hair and sandals on. Our whole office has floor to ceiling windows and we are on the fourth floor so the light is shining in on him making it hard for her to see.

I look down at my blinking Skype window and see:

"is that jesus??"

I laughed SO loud!

:byebye:

[MsTinkerbelly]

My attempt at making chocolate pudding with almond milk...

I tried that too!

No bueno.

[CherryWine]

I’m just going to put this here because I'm not aware of a thread for “what kind of dumb stuff did you do today.”

I was sitting in a board meeting with handouts of the PowerPoint presentation (a few small slides per page) in front of me. Having trouble reading the chart/slide on the screen, I caught myself using my fingers to zoom in on the slide in the handouts like one would for an image on a phone or iPad. On a piece of paper. Twice.

That's almost as bad as the time I tried to open the elevator doors using the key fob for my car. Either work has fried my brain and I need a vacation, or I really just need to take a break from technology. :)

[Chad]

That is hilarious!!!
Thanks for a much needed laugh.

:superfunny:



I’m just going to put this here because I'm not aware of a thread for “what kind of dumb stuff did you do today.”

I was sitting in a board meeting with handouts of the PowerPoint presentation (a few small slides per page) in front of me. Having trouble reading the chart/slide on the screen, I caught myself using my fingers to zoom in on the slide in the handouts like one would for an image on a phone or iPad. On a piece of paper. Twice.

That's almost as bad as the time I tried to open the elevator doors using the key fob for my car. Either work has fried my brain and I need a vacation, or I really just need to take a break from technology. :)

[Soft*Silver]

today, my three year old grand daughter showed me a horrible scrape on her knee...

I asked her what happened and she said she tumbled down the steps.

when I asked her how that happened, she didnt even blink when she said "sissy pushed me"

Sissy, is three MONTHS old....lol..

and so it begins...(chuckling)

[A. Spectre]

Left with no commentary


http://b3ta.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/donaldtrump.gif

[Wrang1er]

My mom. We were talking about the 70ish year old neighbor lady that I mow for. My mom said, "I think she is a retired lesbian."

Apparently, I have retired early.

[Bard]

My whippet Phoebe running full tilt through the house.. being chased by her kitty Piper while the other pup Grace just watched from the couch

[Kenna]

Blade trying his best to teach me to play cards, and how goofy things get. Everybody should have friends like him that make them laugh so much.

[bright_arrow]

Coworker, in response to my "alrighty" reply to her on Skype moments ago: "You and your 'alrighty' - it makes me think of Bruce Almighty!"

Little does she know I LOVE that movie :giggle:

[CherryWine]

Yesterday, it was someone's pronunciation of the acronym QIFM (which was a new one to me). She had a very strong Southern accent, so I'll let you guess what it sounded like. :simplelaugh: My coworker and I immediately looked at one another other as soon as it was said and had to bite our tongues to keep from cracking up in front of our visitor.

My field of work tends to be rather acronym happy, and I'll just say that some of those acronyms would be better left as initialisms.

[Kenna]

Watching a FB Live video with my roommate of his son and granddaughter trying to get a snake out of their kitchen cabinets, my roomie laughing and saying things like "I see you're barefooted...haven't learned anything in 40 years!"

[girl_dee]

Drunk people and karaoke.....

[Bèsame*]

The bird that flew into the house thru the hole in the window.
It fluttered in my hair. ....

See that hole? Yeah, look...

Shenanigans I say!

[A. Spectre]

Clean up on aisle seven!, no use crying about it.


https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/d4/8e/a5/d48ea5fd363797911554800675b47f20.jpg

[Kenna]

My goofball best friend laughing till he had tears about a FB video of "Choco the Macho Chihuahua".

On Sunday during a road trip with Blade and his sister, I should have videoed the whole trip for as many times as we cracked up. I'm glad we didn't get pulled over because the cop would have thought we were on laughing gas! ...and OMG, when Sis took over driving (with Blade giving her hell the whole time about not tearing up his new truck), Blade got a text from Mawmaw "are you all ok", Blade says "what should I say, FUCK NO?"...they had asked me to drive, but I said "no thanks, me and this watermelon back here are getting to be friends...we're on a first name basis now.". I thought Blade and Sis would fall out laughing!

[Degotoga]

0ukn2YT5jeM

[CherryWine]

0ukn2YT5jeM

Hahaha...I will always love a good mondegreen! I still think my favorite is from Starship's "We Built This City" (We built this city on the wrooong daaamn rooooooaad...) :simplelaugh:

[CherryWine]

Was reminded of this. Maybe I'm just easily amused....

nIwrgAnx6Q8

[BullDog]

I was talking to Shy on the phone and for the life of me couldn't understand a certain word she was saying (happens often - she has a thick Bahston accent).

Then she attempted to say it so I could understand. Listening to her trying to carefully pronounce an "r" for the word "car" just had me rolling in laughter, lol.

pahk the cah in hahvahd yahd, ha ha.

[Chained Daisy]

My lad telling me about his friend who has got himself a job in a local farm shop and how much money they were paying him, "What does he have to do?" I ask....."He works with the potatoes" :blink: "Does he know Albert Bartlett?" I ask :giggle: ...queue uncontrollable giggling {I can be so immature at times !}

[BullDog]

"Serenity" wants me to become her Facebook friend so I can go "touch" her at some website.

PASS

p.s. I'm selling the website URL for a small fee, please inquire within. Ha, ha kidding. I'm sure Serenity will find you and you'll get the site for free. LMAO.

[BullDog]

Texting with Shy

Shy: You seem short tonight

BullDog: Well I'm taller than you are

[A. Spectre]

Starting the day with laughter is a great thing!

Hilarious Sign Fails


http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/funny-burned-out-neon-sign-fails-20-57ea5cd501da9__605.jpg

http://blog.eaglemastersigns.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/epic-fails-9.jpg

*She is probably performing CPR ;)
http://www.thedistractionnetwork.com/images/sign-fail-pics-056.jpg

*Sounds delish.....not
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/d6/27/e9/d627e9b7e17f24e88a9c4fd023a795e7--funny-sign-fails-funny-signs.jpg

Hah!
http://www.booked.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/hotel20.jpg

[2qt]

Food porn conversations... They were a doozy & had me cracking all over.... Especially the lungs....!

[CherryWine]

https://pics.me.me/melania-trump-constantly-looks-like-shes-seen-you-somewhere-but-7266693.png

[2qt]

My usually very quiet dog suddenly barking at a small stick that fell from the tree branch into the yard...

Whatever it was she seen in her eyes that stick was pure evil & it didn't belong in our yard... lol

[Chad]

It is that time again when the persimmons start rotting and fermenting. So the birds and other wildlife eat the fruit and get a little tipsy. Haha!



"Texas persimmon, Diospyros texana, is found in northern Mexico and Central and West Texas; it is especially abundant in the Edwards Plateau area. The tree has small, purple fruit and is known for its peeling bark, which reveals shades of white, gray, and even pink on the trunk".

[BullDog]

Texting with Shy:

BullDog: How are you

Shy: Tired but ok. How are you?

Bulldog: Ok

Shy: Well good. One day we are both going to say we are good instead of just okay.

Bulldog: Then perhaps very good - all in good time.

[BullDog]

Nastiness also can be quite hilarious. Especially when it is so off base. Must be rough being so unhappy.

However, did run into some pleasant people at the store today also. Life is good.

[Kenna]

My roommate yelling from the other room "STOP LICKING MY SHEETS, THAT'S NOT A LOLLIPOP!!"

[Blade]

My feeble gentleman neighbor, eating a scoop of ice cream out of a bowl. It was piled so high he was licking it like it was a cone of ice cream. Said he hadn't had any since December. But he was happy with it today

[Canela]

He did...several times...I'd forgotten he could be so funny...and I kinda needed that today...

[A. Spectre]

Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions as Granny is spot on! Cracked up so hard.....


https://i.redd.it/i47h16b386bz.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/847303647377498112/hsBDbE5L.jpg

[CherryWine]

http://cdn.thejournal.ie/embeds/twitter/8286c4c5d6d8e395376934bd7b56885f.png

[Kenna]

On his way to the truck, "come'ere, I need your help"
Me: What for??? I'm out here in my nightgown.
Him: So am I.
Me: :blink: :blink: :blink: Well that's a post for what cracked me up today, you in a nightgown. :blink: :blink: (watching him walk away from me in his shorts and sleeveless top.)

[bright_arrow]

Referring to a HUGE daddy long leg on the ceiling: "See baby, it's okay to have a second daddy in the house when I'm gone!"

[Gayandgray]

The reaction of the door-to-door salesman who came to my front door after he saw my 3 growling Boston Terriers thru the storm door window, and when he noticed the security camera and realized he was being videotaped. It was hilarious!! He grabbed his chest like he was having a heart attack and jumped back and started stuttering all over the place. He put his hands up to cover his face from the camera and tried to yell over my insanely loud, barking dogs about the "frozen food" he was selling. Why he didn't want his face to be seen on camera, I have no idea? But little does he know the security camera had already picked him up as he pulled in our driveway, and as he walked up the long, winding wheelchair ramp. His truck had no identification on it advertising frozen food. I told him politely we weren't interested and he hurried off. :jester::jester::jester::jester:

[homoe]

The reaction of the door-to-door salesman who came to my front door after he saw my 3 growling Boston Terriers thru the storm door window, and when he noticed the security camera and realized he was being videotaped. It was hilarious!! He grabbed his chest like he was having a heart attack and jumped back and started stuttering all over the place. He put his hands up to cover his face from the camera and tried to yell over my insanely loud, barking dogs about the "frozen food" he was selling. Why he didn't want his face to be seen on camera, I have no idea? But little does he know the security camera had already picked him up as he pulled in our driveway, and as he walked up the long, winding wheelchair ramp. His truck had no identification on it advertising frozen food. I told him politely we weren't interested and he hurried off. :jester::jester::jester::jester:

OMG this cracked me up !!

[anotherbutch]

My daughter texting me to tell me she just caught my grandson (he's almost 3) dipping his head in the dogs water bowl so he could push his hair up and make a mohawk!!

[Kenna]

How utterly in love, obsessed, wildly crazy about, and totally head-over-paws Blade's chihuahua is for him. That poor dog's world would end if anything ever happened to Blade. I think the feeling is mutual between the two.

[Orema]

I received a care package today from Detroit with nothing but Cheetos in it.

I'll pay her back (and will have lots of fun) when I send her a birthday package full of silly and stupid things.

[AmazonDC]

When I walk into work and the mountain of work is crazy.. but My manager laughs and says you can do all that in one day right lol....bahahahahaha..

[Blade]

Trying to explain something to someone who is to stupid to have the job they have

[Kenna]

My goofball best friend talking about a water buffalo.

[JDeere]

That some people truly have the audacity to try and square up with me... you won't win, I don't back down, stop trying.

[2qt]

Slipping on my backside whilst holding a cup off coffee & not spilling a single drop..... Now that's dedication.... lol @ me.....

[Blade]

The Tractor Supply manager. I bought a battery operated pole saw. The box did not indicate if there was bar/chain oil in the box. Most items like this come with at least a small bottle.

I ask the cashier did she know if there was any in the box, she held the whole box up in the air, like she was doing a price check on a box of tampons, and yelled does this come with oil. The manager yelled back, it's electric, you don't need oil.

I glanced at the guy behind me and he was chuckling I began chuckling. To whom it may concern, even electric chain saws need bar/chain oil.

[Kenna]

Telling a friend about a mutual friend's fiasco involving two fishing rods, a bunch of tangled fishing line, a car trunk that was too small to fit the big fishing rod, one grandkid that had just about pushed his limit, two fish hooks....
and the end result of "Pap" with three holes in his hand (thanks to the kid yanking on the line as "Pap" was trying to untangle things), me running to get his pocket knife to free things up, then parts of the fishing poles in the trunk and other parts in the front seat, and a grandkid that was told to never bring fishing poles again....Pap was not a very happy Pap.
And telling this story to a friend that knows Pap well, and knows Pap never raises his voice or gets peeved with his grandkids.

[CherryWine]

An impromptu brainstorming session with my coworkers on how to stop the women at the new company on the 1st floor from coming to our 3rd floor restroom to "drop the kids off at the pool" all day every day...even though they have their own huge bathroom downstairs.

There were some pretty funny and creative ideas!

[easygoingfemme]

Shaking out my tent to air out from the last camping trip and seeing glitter start flying out of it. :hangloose::clap:

[CherryWine]

http://i4.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article11028439.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/US-President-Trump-and-family-watch-the-solar-eclipse-from-the-White-House-in-Washington.jpg

Somebody please tell me that if he burns his eyes out, he can't be president anymore.

[A. Spectre]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DEKgBDgUwAUVcLR.jpg

[*Anya*]

http://i4.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article11028439.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/US-President-Trump-and-family-watch-the-solar-eclipse-from-the-White-House-in-Washington.jpg

Somebody please tell me that if he burns his eyes out, he can't be president anymore.

Well, his dementia is percolating and he just added his retinas to the mix.

Idiot.

[Kenna]

An 8 minute long video of my niece on her way home from having her wisdom teeth removed. My ribs hurt from laughing she's sooooo funny!!
She DEMANDED her mom stop at Subway and went thru a detailed list of what she wanted, right down to the mayo...
She kept saying the tooth fairy took her tongue, too.
She made them change the radio station 100 times...
Then asked to go play in the rain puddles...
She commented about another car on the road and then demanded her mom to let her "get behind the wheel", she'd "show them the right way to drive"!
She got upset and asked her mom if she'd bleed out"? Mom said no, she responded "good, cause I wanna live!!"
"I want Subway! Not apple sauce!....(long pause)... (looking into camera, wiping her make up away) "They won't feed me and they let me ugly cry."
...
Omg....too much!!!

[Degotoga]

I was in my backyard finishing up some stuff and had my side gate open when I looked up and saw an unsavory character that had apparently decided that he was free to roam around my backyard, since the gate was open. It appeared as though he was unaware that I was in the backyard so, rather than say anything and alert him to the fact that I was there, and knew he was there, I opened the back door and let my not-so-little, very protective dog, out. That guy about shit himself when she rounded the corner and realized he was there, and promptly proceeded to give chase when he took off running. Needless to say, she was not happy! The guy made it to the front yard where he landed into the loving arms of my across the street neighbor, who just so happens to be a Sergeant for the Sheriff's Department. My neighbor had seen the guy and was coming to find out why he was snooping around my house. He (my neighbor) was armed and had already called for on duty officers to make location. Thankfully, my dog stood down when I told her to, but she growled at the unwelcome visitor until he was taken into custody and placed in a squad car because he had warrants. Surprise! Yeah, not so much. My neighbor wants my dog as a K9 partner, and I'm thinking I need to grill a steak for her, lol

[Kenna]

My short little stubborn dog.

I'm staying at a friend's house (in the downstairs apartment) while dealing with some medical crap...
I was upstairs with them discussing my adventures with "the system" when I took my stubborn dog downstairs, put his cone of shame on (because he can't be trusted not to make himself bloody again)....left him on my bed and went back upstairs...

After we said goodnight, I opened my door only to be totally surprised to find a curled up dog, with his cone, laying at the top of my steps... how he got up all those steps with his cone on and without making a single noise (his collar dog tags make lots of noise) is beyond me. But he figured it out. If he goes to the yard with his cone on, he's always getting it stuck in the dirt or making lots of noise from hitting it on stuff because he can't keep his nose off the ground. How did he climb 15 steps as quiet as a church mouse?

[Bèsame*]

I got a text today...Has anyone checked on George Strait's exes??


Lol

[RockOn]

your short stubborn little dog went into stealth mode
:)

[Talon]

Seeing all the shite I used to talk around here, when I was throwing too many of 'em back.....oy. :seeingstars:

[girl_dee]

that the door was cracked open the whole time...:blush:

[Kenna]

My dog thought he was Chicken Little when we were in the downstairs bedroom while the carpenter was making lots of noise upstairs.

[Gemme]

Pumpkin butt got himself stuck under my printer and wound up smacking himself in the face with an ornament. Best laugh today.

[Kenna]

How cool, calm and relaxed my "country dog" was while the carpenter was firing a nail gun half the day...a dog that acts like a limp noodle while under fire is a cool cookie.
And how funny my friend's big dog responded to it, begging for a dog treat after he went upstairs to camp out without giving me a fuss to get his big self up the steps. He was right proud of himself laying in the middle of the bed, begging for treats. But the poor thing had never heard such noise, so he hid in "momma's room".

[Kenna]

That when I finally broke down this evening and decided to get a mani/pedi (very rare for me to treat myself to that)... I was disappointed in the colors they offer, and chuckled to myself when I thought about finding one that matched or almost matched my new truck.
Why not? Gunmetal metallic is kinda sexy.

[Kenna]

I just got tickled and cracked up every time my nail tech kept calling me "Momma"...or saying "ok? Momma" when she asked me a question...and how she did it with fondness as if she'd always known me.

[girl_dee]

A Myrtle Beach vacation commercial just came on...

[Gemme]

A Myrtle Beach vacation commercial just came on...

Baaaad timing.

[girl_dee]

that the door was cracked open the whole time...:blush:

Still.....

:rofl:

[Blade]

The tooth fairy can't fly in hurricanes, maybe she will come after the storm passes

[Esme nha Maire]

I'm an avid reader of "The Register" website, as I like its tongue-in cheek humour. Every year, they publish the winners of the IgNobel Prize, for reasearch that first makes you laugh and then makes you think.

This year, Antoine Fardin has gone above and beyond with "On the Rheology of Cats", rheology being fluid dynamics, the science of how things flow. Having just downloaded the PDF of "The News and Information Publication of the Society of Rheology, Volume 83, number 2, July 2014" and read the article (starts on page 16, and continues on page 30 of the PDF) published on his investigations into "Can a Cat Be Both a Solid and a Liquid?", well, IMHO it's hilarious, the more so for being written straight-faced, so to speak.

The Register article, with handy PDF download link: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/09/15/2017_ignobel_prizes/

The IgNobel site:
http://www.improbable.com/ig/2017/

NB: No cats were harmed in the production of Antoine's paper

[Kenna]

The Toyota dealer calling to wish me a happy birthday, but it's not my birthday, it's my best friend's.

[CherryWine]

That cosume....:lol2:

fO85c06wxmg

[A. Spectre]

A trick or treaters worst nightmare! Changed my mind about being Smiley today, decided on scary clown wearing a one piece mechanics uniform. The costume would not be complete without my chain saw, a very good fake with realistic sound. It will take about 2 to 3 hours for my blushing bride to do my make-up, so I better get cracking!

Happy Ghouls Day to All Who Celebrate!


https://www.ctvnews.ca/polopoly_fs/1.3652001.1509119560!/httpImage/image.png_gen/derivatives/landscape_620/image.png

[Kenna]

Steve Harvey and his reactions to answers on Family Feud.

My buddy Donna and her smart-ass comebacks. Nothing sneaks past her.

[Kenna]

Going thru really old posts of mine, being reminded of some awesome funny times, adventures, friends, our banter and stupid-silly things we'd get into.

[CherryWine]

“Neil McCoy is a ’90s country singer who doesn’t support the protests that are occurring amongst players in the NFL and other sports. So, he decided to release a new song called Take A Knee, My Ass (I Won’t Take A Knee). The song’s message basically reinstates McCoy’s belief that taking a knee is disrespectful to America and people who fight for our freedoms. He shared the post on Facebook Live.

After several media outlets shared the song on Twitter, users were quick to point out that the title is pretty confusing and grammatically incorrect.”

I laughed so hard reading these twitter responses (https://yesplz.co/racist-country-singer-fire-new-song-terrible-grammar/2/) to the song title. :lol2:

https://yesplz.co/racist-country-singer-fire-new-song-terrible-grammar/?utm_content=inf_11_4078_2&tse_id=INF_06d6f4a0cd5e11e7b926579f881108d6 (https://yesplz.co/racist-country-singer-fire-new-song-terrible-grammar/?utm_content=inf_11_4078_2&tse_id=INF_06d6f4a0cd5e11e7b926579f881108d6)

[Kätzchen]

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/00/1a/12/001a12b43063a8cfe898fa13f4d061ff.jpg

[Bèsame*]

I was writing my weekly business report today, and mentioned that, that major home improvement store was still receiving trucks of dry wall daily. Showing that the area is still under construction from the damage of the hurricane.

I did a quick re- read and saw that I referred to that store as...Homo Depot.

Oh no..had to fix that!

[RockOn]

Heh Heh! :)

[Chad]

Last night when I got ready for bed I realized that I had worn my sweat pants backwards all day yesterday. Haha!

:superfunny:

[CherryWine]

As I’ve mentioned before, we have a problem at our office building with women at the newish business downstairs coming from floor #1 to floor #3 to....do #2. This even though they have a much larger restroom down there.

Our restroom used to stay very clean and tidy, but now it constantly smells like a latrine with paper on the floor, etc.

During our Dirty Santa party last week, one of the gifts was a “public restroom survival kit” with wipes, Little Trees hanging air fresheners, and Poo-Pourri spray. Well, the person who ended up with that gift thought it would be a good idea to leave the Poo-Pouri spray in the restroom and hang the Little Trees on the hook of each stall door.

Not even two days later, and someone stole both the Poo-Pourri and the Little Trees out of each stall. (Really.) Once discovered, my coworker came back from the restroom, walked through the door and yelled, “This is why we can’t have nice things around here!”

[Chad]

Today I was getting a hair cut from a young lady and we were talking about the holidays. I said that I got the grandkids videos then she said what is a video? So realizing my mistake I said "I mean DVDs".

Haha! Old guy humor.

:superfunny:

[CherryWine]

This fella who seems to really enjoy his job.

epOO9Dgg7to

:lol2:

[Blade]

I bought a new alarm clock yesterday. My old one is probably 25 years old. The sad thing is you cannot test drive an alarm clock before you buy it.

What cracked me up today is I just tested my new alarm clock. This alarm isn't loud enough for me to hear when I'm awake let alone when I'm dead asleep

[homoe]

Today I was getting a hair cut from a young lady and we were talking about the holidays. I said that I got the grandkids videos then she said what is a video? So realizing my mistake I said "I mean DVDs".

Haha! Old guy humor.

:superfunny:

OMG to funny Bud! Just image if you'd said you'd gotten them "records"!

[Deborah*]

That I went to the grocery store, bought eggs and a few other items, got home and opened the egg container and noticed it had ten eggs, not twelve that I bought.

Deborah

[Degotoga]

I pulled in to my usual place to fuel my truck and there was a motorcycle at the pump ahead of me, with a rider that seemed a bit befuddled by paying with a credit card. The card reader has been temperamental lately so I watched him for a few seconds to see if he needed some help. Just as I got ready to step out of my truck, he scratched the side of his head...while his helmet was on. I was undoubtedly way too humored, but at that instant I knew he'd figure the pump debacle out without my assistance. I've done that very thing a time or two myself, and I can attest to the friction between glove and helmet magically creating "Aha!" moments.

[Kenna]

I've been helping some friends prepare their house for their grandkids to visit (the house was a construction zone after remodeling their kitchen)...
One day last week, I arrived as "Mr Santa" was hooking up all the inflatable yard ornaments and roof lights... good thing he works for the fire dept...he cracked me up when he was fussing about the flying pig needing a new motor. He loves pigs!!

So today, after cleaning house for several days and being happy with the dent I made, I arrived to the joy of finding the big pink pigs (made of flat metal) that are mounted near the garage roof are wearing Santa hats!! Toooo funny...but once I stepped into the house, my crack-up moment turned to shock...Holy Flippin Flying Pigs!! This place looks like Christmas blew up!! "Mrs Santa" had brought down every box in the attic filled with every Christmas ornament imaginable. It was CRAZY!! I couldn't get through the den, dinning room, hallway, kitchen or bathroom!! Yes, there is a huge live plant in the bath tub and several boxes of Christmas ceramic houses sitting on the floor where you can't even get to the toilet. There's an 8' tree in the den and TWO more in the dinning room... and she's not done!
You can't tell we did any work since last Saturday.
My text to my other friend "I'm gonna be covered in glitter when I leave here!"

A few hours pass and Mr Santa arrives home carrying a handful of glittery, flowery tree topper. My immediate response was "MORE Christmas decorations?" ...his reaction "that woman's killin' me" :jester:

I adore them and I don't envy him for having to put up with her decoration-buying fetish.

P.S. the old flying pig didn't make it a week... he's awaiting his replacement parts.

[Kenna]

My roomie's mom getting me a pink trunk organizer and pink, foldable, insulated cooler and 2 light-up light switches that she was so proud to announce she "figured" I could use when I go camping. She was so happy to describe the light switches had magnets on the back and she "figured" I could "stick them to the inside" of my truck bed so I'd have lights if I ever go camping again where coyotes live.

She cracks me up.
(Shaking my head at her color choices, but I'm thankful she's so thoughtful.)

[Chad]

This happened in New Orleans at Christmas. when I have a suggestion I usually say that I have a proposal. At Christmas dinner I told my companion that I had a proposal for her and she said that I had given her a lot of proposals so far and then I got the look. Haha!

[Chad]

A few minutes ago a femme in the grocery store mistook me for her butch. Haha!

:superfunny:

[Kenna]

After I was done cussin' from cracking my head on the metal bar to the low chain link gate, I had to laugh. I knew the damn thing was there, but I sure did a bad job of clearing it.

[Kobi]

This is funny in an odd sort of way.

Having lost half my body weight, I no longer tolerate the cold well. I really do not tolerate wind blown frigid temperatures well at all.

Being pragmatic, I am more concerned with confort rather than fashion. So with the prolonged cold weather, I bought one of these:

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/55/4d/a3/554da34cb799f4dd1557d81f50a70c2c.jpg

I'm warm. I'm happy. I look like a dork but I am a warm dork!

However, I have to remember to at least remove the face flap before I step into the bank lobby. Had a room full of anxious looking tellers and other customers staring at me when I walked in the door.

Never occurred to me my method of keeping warm could be seen as a threat in certain circumstances. Oopsie.

[Kenna]

At 9:05am the power came back on after being out since 2:30am. The house temp is 42°, everyone is cuddled under several layers of blankets including the dogs.

After going out to the shed, freezing my ass off, at 8am to get the camp toilet, I went back to bed, curled up tight trying to get my feet and ass cheeks to thaw, thinking "it's going to take forever to warm back up" when suddenly the power kicks on and the TV starts itself then up pops a message on the blue screen "This may take a while."

:blink: :blink:

I may start believing in messages from the Other Side. :vigil: :vigil:

[Kenna]

My knucklehead, goofball best friend and his response to tasting soft tofu for the first time. It didn't help me that we were in a very small, semi-fancy restaurant and I had to contain my laughter while his facial expressions were like a three year old who was trying not to barf.

[Kenna]

Watching the Worst Cooks In America where they are trying to fillet a fish.

[ardentfemme]

I saw this elderly man in the gym today and I was like "awwww." Turns out he can bench more than I can.

I need to step up my game...

[BullDog]

02cJ7G_KENo

[Chad]

Today I was pumping fuel at a local independent gas station. They are known for selling fuel cheaper than what is posted on their sign. We call it the yellow store because it is painted yellow.

While pumping fuel I noticed a sign that said "No Kung Fu fighting at the pumps by Manager". Haha!

I have had that song in my head ever since.

:cowboy:

[MsTinkerbelly]

Today I was pumping fuel at a local independent gas station. They are known for selling fuel cheaper than what is posted on their sign. We call it the yellow store because it is painted yellow.

While pumping fuel I noticed a sign that said "No Kung Fu fighting at the pumps by Manager". Haha!

I have had that song in my head ever since.

:cowboy:

Oh that is so mean!

Everybody was Kung foo fighting.......

[The JD]

That moment when you realize that your sexy but sadistic depilatory scene just went live on Instagram... yeah, that just happened :|

[girl_dee]

someone at work who is smart as a whip, says she saw the moon but it didn’t look “blue”.

When i explained that its called a blue moon because there are two mooos in January, she then said

“i only saw one, where was the other one?”

:rofl: :|

[Kenna]

How the massive, spring loaded lid on my neighbor's pig smoker got the best of me when I was trying to stash some goodies in there until they got home.

[Medusa]

I am beyond amused. :jester:

[The JD]

How the massive, spring loaded lid on my neighbor's pig smoker got the best of me when I was trying to stash some goodies in there until they got home.

I just read that as “trying to stash some bodies in there.” That cracked me up, though maybe it shouldn’t have...

[Gemme]

I just read that as “trying to stash some bodies in there.” That cracked me up, though maybe it shouldn’t have...

*files JD under 'friend to help hide the bodies'

:blink:

[Kenna]

If I hadn't cracked up, I woulda cried at my Air Fryer Fail.
Thankful for an old fashioned skillet to the rescue.
I wish I could post pics.

[Medusa]

My very petite and dainty best girlfriend is in the tub and just cut a monstrous fart and then yelled:

"ANGIE!!!! YOUR DOG KEEPS FARTING IN THE BATHTUB AND BLAMING IT ONE ME!"

[girl_dee]

me telling my love that i am watching a musical and enjoying the hell out of it!

:clap:

[tantalizingfemme]

Last night, my 24 year old son showing me that he learned all about rice's dirty little secret. He said that it didn't look like that much when it was in the measuring cup before he cooked it. Now he is bemoaning the fact that he will be eating yellow rice for a long time. I told him many of us learn the same way.

[Femmewench]

From a book I'm reading (Stripping the Sub):

"I don't fart! I'm a lady! I whisper in my panties."

My cheeks hurt, my sides hurt, tears ran down my face, and gawd knows I needed the laugh tonight.

[Medusa]

Overheard:

"You know I'm wrapped around your finger because I lick your butthole anytime you want..."


:|:|:|

:superfunny:

[Kobi]

There is another nor'easter out there today with howling winds, swirling snow, trees falling, and power flickering.

The police department made a post on facebook a few minutes ago that says - main st construction is cancelled for today. :|

Really? LOL.

[bright_arrow]

'Nailed It' on Netflix.

[Kenna]

My pup enjoying her first snow...jumping around with her tongue sticking out trying to catch snow flakes or trying to lick at it like it was a bowl of ice cream.

[Kenna]

How my old boy pup still loves playing in the snow, came in covered and remembered his "shake it off" command and how he cleans the snowballs off his belly by dragging himself over the newly cleaned carpet. He looked so happy.

[Kenna]

I brought my snow boots for this trip but forgot my heavy coat and gloves.

[Degotoga]

My dog. She was outside with me while I was washing my truck and kept running by and biting at the water so I squirted her with the hose. She started running around the front yard like she didn't have any sense and the next thing I know she's dragging the hose around. When I asked her if she intended to bring it back, she threw her front feet out and her butt in the air because she wanted to play, but in the process of getting into her play position she stepped on the nozzle handle with one of her front feet and sprayed herself. She gave me a go to hell look when I started laughing, which made me laugh even harder.

[Kenna]

My best friend reciting to me the mess he made of his dinner. "Wait, I'm not done yet...there's more!"

He never fails to do something that cracks me up.

[Kenna]

Memories....lots of fun memories while reading my old posts (in my archived pages 111-115).
Ohhh the crazy, free-style fun we all had. I love it. It's great cracking up at old memories and awesome friends.

[Blade]

Chunky Monkey cracked me up. He's become more aware of things and cutting teeth and crawling and into everything. Today Daddy picked him up and he cried. We told him to take his sunglasses off. That didn't work. Moma took him and he cried. I took him and as long as the Elf played with him he was quiet. Then he'd cry finally his Mom took him and he hushed. I think he is just spoiled rotten, just like the Elf was.

[Blade]

My bestie cracked me up today

While riding down the road I say I'm going to pull into the store and you get us a drink. She says what do you want I said surprise me just bring me something different not the regular old stuff. She's gone for a while goes back to the truck with a peach tea in a can and hands it to me. I think she could tell I was disgusted and offered to take it back. I said no I'll drink it just get in she said no I'll take it back what do you want I said it doesn't matter.

When she came back she had me a lemonade which is great. We began riding down the road I said you know I thought you knew me better than most anybody else but today you disappointed me. She's said what did I do. I said number one when have you ever seen me drink a flavored tea? You have never seen me drink a flavored tea. Secondly have you ever seen me drink out of a can I don't drink out of cans. She said what's wrong with drinking out of a can? I said I can't see what's inside of it. Then she said oh my God I did not realize you were that OCD that you have to see what is inside the can. Mind you we were both laughing at the end of each one of these sentences. We do crack each other up I swear we do

[Kenna]

My bestie cracked me up today

While riding down the road I say I'm going to pull into the store and you get us a drink. She says what do you want I said surprise me just bring me something different not the regular old stuff. She's gone for a while goes back to the truck with a peach tea in a can and hands it to me. I think she could tell I was disgusted and offered to take it back. I said no I'll drink it just get in she said no I'll take it back what do you want I said it doesn't matter.

When she came back she had me a lemonade which is great. We began riding down the road I said you know I thought you knew me better than most anybody else but today you disappointed me. She's said what did I do. I said number one when have you ever seen me drink a flavored tea? You have never seen me drink a flavored tea. Secondly have you ever seen me drink out of a can I don't drink out of cans. She said what's wrong with drinking out of a can? I said I can't see what's inside of it. Then she said oh my God I did not realize you were that OCD that you have to see what is inside the can. Mind you we were both laughing at the end of each one of these sentences. We do crack each other up I swear we do

Knucklehead, it was Georgia Peach, you said "surprise me, not the regular stuff"...but the look on your face was priceless. I still don't get how I disappointed you by following directions.

[Kenna]

My crazy funny, goofball bestie cracked me up when I heard him yell in pain as he was letting the dogs out... (I was in the kitchen and thought he had hurt his knee again)...and then he yelled "GET OFF ME!" ..."THAT'A BOY! YOU TELL' EM!"... three seconds later, he ran into the kitchen with the wildest look in his eyes I've ever seen...in a very excited, half laughing voice he hollers out "that cat CLIMBED MY ASS like I was a tree! Then he tried picking on Skippy, but that no-tooth lil Skip turned on him (Blade tried to mimic Skippy's funny Chihuahua snap-n-growl). I told Skippy 'get'em!', that fucker left claw marks in my ass!!! See?? (That's when he turned around, dropped his drawers to show his ass cheek and said) "can't you see the marks?"

By then, I'm ROLLING in laughter and told him "no, I don't see anything except your ass".... he blurts out "You can't see that? I sure feel damn claw marks! He tore my ass up!"

Omg! Never a dull day in this house!

[Kenna]

Blade's adult niece thinking pickles came from a pickle plant. :seeingstars: :seeingstars:

And Blade telling me about his coworker's 10 yr old grandson, who was very proud of himself for making dinner, made hamburgers in a waffle iron.

Toooooo damn cute and funny

[Medusa]

I cannot tell you how many nights JD and I have cackled about "titties" spelled "t-i-d-d-i-e-s".

Yes, there's a story and no, I'm not telling. :pirate-steer:

[BullDog]

Shy: I'm an awful person. My bird just said "I hate you." Ugh. I switched it to "I love you baby."

:rofl:

[Kenna]

You had to be there!
Just the look on my sister's face would crack you up...
We were having lunch time conversation when Blade asked a question about what kinda meat are authentic Gyros made from and why did my sister not like coconut?
(Annie loves Gyros but hates coconut) ...
Very quickly, he followed it with "don't you like your Lamb in your coconut?"
Annie got the goofiest look on her face like she was studying about that music quote but couldn't quite get it or remember the rest of the chorus.... She was thinking HARD until we all started cracking up and told her "it's LIME in your coconut!"

She's soooo smart yet sometimes soooo dense...
But she thought so hard about it because Blade's southern accent is so thick, she couldn't tell if he was saying Lamb or Lime... (Annie is a linguist with several degrees and speaks several languages but struggles to "hear" Blade)

[Kenna]

My pretty, longhair Himalayan cat made herself very happy and comfortable in the 10 gallon turtle aquarium that was laying on its side on the porch. She looked so content and proud of herself.

[girl_dee]

using Mel’s toothbrush.... :blush:

[Runner]

I cannot tell you how many nights JD and I have cackled about "titties" spelled "t-i-d-d-i-e-s".

Yes, there's a story and no, I'm not telling. :pirate-steer:

As an FYI "titties" are "diddies" in Ireland.

I would say that this is one of my favourite words and makes me snort but that would be infantile :|

[Bevidotcom]

The realization that I take myself wayyyy more seriously than anyone else ever will!

[Kenna]

Arriving home to find my favorite old cat, Joey, sitting on the porch roof, I could swear he was smiling.

[girl_dee]

“it’s like a studio NY Apartment up in there "

:rofl::giggle::superfunny:

[JDeere]

Seeing my big macho dad jump sky high out of his chair during a horror movie!

[Blade]

Briar accidently learned to jump on the couch today. When she did it the 2nd time and realized what she had done she was soooo proud of herself lol.

[Kenna]

Briar accidently learned to jump on the couch today. When she did it the 2nd time and realized what she had done she was soooo proud of herself lol.

You are teaching her to be bad, and it cracks me up to hear and watch you have so much fun with it.

[CherryWine]

bTJPnjbw-mE

:lol2:

[Kenna]

I have very few neighbors so I took the chance that none of them were awake and within sight of my porch at 3:45am when puppy Briar had to pee. So I'm standing there in just my undies, with Briar on her extenda-leash when short little WooBear sets off the motion sensor spot light aimed at the porch.... Gave new meaning to duck-n-run.

[Kenna]

The store clerk handed Blade an item of clothing that had a small Star Trek symbol on it.. as Blade turned to go into the fitting room, he says in a very cheerful tone "oh great, may the Force be with me!"

that's my,knucklehead best friend. He had 2 store clerks cracking up

[Wrang1er]

This is my life.

ME: Getting the internet will also be good for when the kids are here. It will give them something to do when they can't play outside.

MOM: Where are we going to put it?

ME: Put what?

MOM: The internet. Will we need to get a table or cabinet to put it on? How big is it?

ME: ummmmm the internet is HUGE! :|

[JDeere]

Finding old pictures of myself from when I was a baby. As well as a teenager. OMG the huge hair, I swear I used 2 cans of hairspray for that height!

[Bèsame*]

Just when you think you can talk femme-speak, you find a butch that knows that language.

[Kenna]

Blade getting cracked up so much his face turned red and he had to wipe his eyes.

And it all started on a joke about a Free Puppy Kisses booth.

[Kenna]

Ordering a chicken Alfredo pizza but they forgot the Alfredo. :byebye:

[Blade]

OMG! There was actually a lady at the grocery store today with curlers in her hair yes yellow curlers. You know the plastic kind from the 60s and 70s. I never thought in this day and age that I would be traumatized that way ever again

[Blade]

While I am quietly watching a softball game on TV my roomie is sitting across the room pecking on her phone. Suddenly she yells...nut not but! I said what? She said I don't want BUT I want NUT! I said umm 👌, amd we both cracked up

[Kenna]

While I am quietly watching a softball game on TV my roomie is sitting across the room pecking on her phone. Suddenly she yells...nut not but! I said what? She said I don't want BUT I want NUT! I said umm 👌, amd we both cracked up

Since when do you watch a softball game quietly? If Skippy could talk, he'd back me up.

[Wrang1er]

I was just texting with a classmate about a paper we have to write. I meant to type that it was a bitch but my phone typed...it was a butch. Lol...my phone might have outed me. Not that it isn't obvious just by looking at me.

[Kätzchen]

https://cdn.andertoons.com/img/toons/cartoon6443.png

[Femmadian]

Over this past weekend I had occasion to laugh at myself.

So, for quite some time now, most of the men I interact with in my life on a regular basis are either gay, related to me, and/or 20+ years older than I am and married. Single straight men of my age group don't really exist in my world (and, you know, I'm actually okay with that... :p).

Anywaaaay...

So the other day some guy I met gave me his number (hey, that's not the funny part... :sunglass:). We were just chatting about whatever and he suggested meeting up some time at a local hang out spot and I was all like, "yeah, sure, that'd be fun!", proceeded to exchange numbers, and he seemed pretty happy about the whole thing. It was all very friendly and innocent (or so I thought). And then I said something like "and hey, feel free to bring your lady or gentleman friend along too, if you have one. The more, the merrier." And he just kind of looked at me. And so I looked at him. And he looked at me. And then as I continued looking at him, it slowly began to dawn on me. Oh... shit. Wait, did I just get asked out by a straight guy? Ohhhhh... Whoops.

I was so oblivious to the fact that he 1) actually thought I was straight (or bi, whatever) and 2) was asking me out that I swear I just stared at him blankly for what must have seemed like an eternity, waiting for my brain to finally catch up. It hadn't even occurred to me that straight men my age still existed! It was like a scene from The Office. If you looked close enough, you probably could have seen an Error 404 message pop up in my eyeballs. :blink:

"Oh, you meant---"
"Well, yeah, but---"
"Oh, nononononono, I mean, it's okay bu---"
"Oh, no, I'm sorry. I---"
"No, no, no, I'm sorry. I didn't realize. Actually..."

And, yeah...

It was all very awkward for all parties involved. And I now have a bit more appreciation for when butches talk about being a 2x4 butch because, yeah, apparently I'm a 2x4 femme (when it comes to straight men, anyway).

And it totally made me think of that meme from the BFP Instagram page:

https://media.makeameme.org/created/when-men-flirt.jpg

So, long story short, if any cis male-oriented folks are attracted to the Dudley Do-Right type, I have the number of a very nice (and confused) park ranger for you! :p

[Femmewench]

There are a couple of flies on the frame surrounding the screen on my laptop. I could not understand why my cursor wasn't moving them away from the laptop.

Twice.

smh

[LOQUI]

I called to some company in order to acquire services...
At some point, their automatized system asked about my destination of origin: Puerto Rico, I responded with my natural Puerto Rican accent...
Immediately the system responded: hmmm lets try again...and, we did try...one, two three four times...
When we were about to go to the fifth time into the same question I was: :| Really?!?! Are you telling me that after all these years I don't know how to pronounce my country name?! Then, quickly, like in a a whisper the thought surprised me: You need to speak in English to them!!
Soooo, there I was, using my best English and saying: pwerto reko...
Welllll...allow me to tell you that it did work!

Yes, that made me laugh in disbelief ...while rolling my eyes and shaking my head...

On the other hand, it looks like I'm improving on my Inglés...sighs...

Welcome to my world! lol

:seeingstars:

[JDeere]

https://www.today.com/news/nasa-s-stunning-new-photo-jupiter-looks-work-art-t131797?cid=public-rss_20180625&&utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=mp-metropcs-metroweb-dc&utm_campaign=ACNBCTodayNews&dc_data=753897_mp-metropcs-metroweb-dc


Lol dueling iguanas!

[2qt]

When fur baby 1 passed gas in her sleep & fur baby 2 jumped from fright & barked at fur baby 1's backside & then fur baby 1 wakes up & joins in & barks at her own backside.... Omg my ribs are still hurting...

[Gemme]

https://www.today.com/news/nasa-s-stunning-new-photo-jupiter-looks-work-art-t131797?cid=public-rss_20180625&&utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=mp-metropcs-metroweb-dc&utm_campaign=ACNBCTodayNews&dc_data=753897_mp-metropcs-metroweb-dc


Lol dueling iguanas!

It's been a long day so I might be missing it but what does Jupiter have to do with iguanas? Are you calling Bezos and Musk iguanas because they are going head to head or is this the wrong link?

*confused*

[JDeere]

It's been a long day so I might be missing it but what does Jupiter have to do with iguanas? Are you calling Bezos and Musk iguanas because they are going head to head or is this the wrong link?

*confused*

Hmmm odd wrong link sorry. This is why i hate posting from a cell Lol.

[JDeere]

https://www.yahoo.com/news/pair-iguanas-hold-traffic-duel-170123858.html

There how about now?

[Gemme]

https://www.yahoo.com/news/pair-iguanas-hold-traffic-duel-170123858.html

There how about now?

There they are! lol

[Femmewench]

"I guess if you have the brake on, it's hard to back up."

[Wrang1er]

Mom showing everyone her zebra stripped underwear before I corralled her to tie the back of her hospital gown. Then her proceeding to tell me they matched her bra. :huhlaugh:

[Chad]

Mom showing everyone her zebra stripped underwear before I corralled her to tie the back of her hospital gown. Then her proceeding to tell me they matched her bra. :huhlaugh:

Haha! Your story cracked me up.

:thumbsup:

[Wrang1er]

Haha! Your story cracked me up.

:thumbsup:

Lol...it was alarming and amusing.

[cinnamongrrl]

My eldest. ..

She again reaffirmed my previous opinion that she REALLY needs to marry well...

She called me to ask.if a 13x9 pan was the same as a 9x13 pan....she was making browies and didon't want to ruin them. Took everything in me not to laugh out loud. .......

[Wrang1er]

Sitting at the table after lunch with my 7 yr. old nephew, Jefferson. He starts singing I Love Rock and Roll. It went like this. I love rock and roll put another dime in the JUICE BOX baby!

[Kenna]

We were sitting at dinner at Firehouse Subs when Blade turns his phone to me and says "I've been hacked!! How did they get into my account without my password? See? (Me looking puzzled) They sent a message out to all my contacts saying I been hacked. How do I let everybody know that wasn't me?"

Me: I don't know. Just capture it and send out another message.
Him: What is capture? How do I capture?
Me: copy. You'll figure it out.

Some time passes then he turns his phone to me again, as I'm reading the screen I'm not hearing what he's saying...but I look over to him and say "Look, knucklehead, that's a "Memory"...Facebook showed you a Memory of your own post from a year ago. You weren't hacked." Causing me to laugh hard as I crossed my eyes at him. My best knucklehead friend is never boring.

[Kenna]

I'm house sitting way out in the country for a friend.
A skinny, very young, man with his shinny white legs showing below his shorts knocked on the door, startling me, making my two tiny dogs go all guard-dog-big-bark on him.
In all the years I've been at this house, I've never had visitors. It's very strange to have a stranger stop here.
When I opened the door, he asked "do you still use Satellite TV?"... I look at him puzzled, he pointed to the dish on the roof.
By then, the real big dog in the back yard was going nuts trying to knock down the 8 foot high fence.
The kid repeats "Do you use Satellite TV?" ...to which I smile and say "No, we use WiFi for the Roku box."....He started a sales pitch for Dish and asked if he could go around back to check the old cable connection box? (door to door sales guys all the way out here are very rare. But we do have a problem of people going to houses on false pretenses to "scan" properties for future thefts when no one is home)...he nearly ran off the porch when I said "It's not a good time right now. You see that monster 100 pound dog? He ate the last sales guy then chewed through all the cables and ripped them off the brick wall. (Which was partially true.)

[Medusa]

I am laughing so loud that I probably owe the upstairs neighbor a week's worth of groceries.

Picture this: Marathon sexy time with JD and we finish in a flush of "OMG...that was amazing" and "Is there any foooooooddd?"

I get online and find that Domino's is still delivering and fill up our cart with chicken wings and cheesy bread because sometimes nasty time requires nasty food. :D

And then, JD looks at me and says, "You have a beautiful Puss-Cow."

:jester:

There's a WHOOLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE other story involved with the puss-cow but I'm laughing too hard to tell it.

:jester::jester::jester::jester::jester:

[Chad]

Seems that whenever I wear my shirt with the badge weird things happen. This morning at breakfast a stranger walked up to me and asked me to clean up a spill that she caused. She thought that I worked for the hotel, ha!

When I got to Base people thought that I was security and asked for directions to the conference. Haha!

:cheesy:

[Gemme]

Seems that whenever I wear my shirt with the badge weird things happen. This morning at breakfast a stranger walked up to me and asked me to clean up a spill that she caused. She thought that I worked for the hotel, ha!

When I got to Base people thought that I was security and asked for directions to the conference. Haha!

:cheesy:

This happens to me ALL THE TIME when I go to the grocery store or Walmart in a work shirt. Sometimes more than once in a trip! The color isn't even what the employees' shirts are!!!

I guess we just have especially helpful or knowledgeable looking faces, Chad.

[Blade]

The way Tashi jump and dance around me as I was singing dr. Hook to her. I don't know if she liked it or if she was begging me to shut up

[LeftWriteFemme]

https://www.demilked.com/magazine/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/classical-paintings-zarathustra-fat-cat-art-svetlana-petrova-thumb640.jpg

[Blade]

This little 14 year old Chihuahua. When it is bedtime he will not rest until I put some type of cover over my legs for him to crawl under. If it is warm enough in the house and I don't put cover over my lap he walks and walks and walks turns around and around and around and will try to go down the neck of my shirt like it is cover. Sometimes the neck of my shirt is big enough that he can get down in it and come out the other end. I do not know what his cover fetish is but he has to have that little bit of lap cover

[LeftWriteFemme]

http://www.bestfunnyjokes4u.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/tK0Q447193.jpg

[LeftWriteFemme]

http://thinkingmeme.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Best-29-Funny-Hilarious-Jokes1.jpg

[LeftWriteFemme]

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/63/ce/46/63ce46eb9c60040d6a468222a0199fc4.jpg

[LeftWriteFemme]

http://funnyminionsmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/37-Most-Hilarious-Minions-Quotes-10-Hilarious-Jokes-Hilarious-Minions--500x351.jpg

[cinnamongrrl]

The “What not to say on a date “ thread gave me some giggles....

:)

[Kenna]

My young pup and how she will absolutely not behave for my roomie. She's a wild child for him. But I can get her to sit still and cuddle.

[Kenna]

My roommate's reaction to my off the wall comment...I think he snorted his soda! I laughed till I had tears!

[Bèsame*]

Just so you wont try this...

Dont try to start the car with the phone charger cord you just plugged into USB slot...it just wont get you anywhere.

[LeftWriteFemme]

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/4b/52/a7/4b52a7fae022a0ebd84d8741e9113817.jpg

[Kenna]

My roomie's response when I asked what's for dessert....
"That's not the real stuff, it won't give you the munchies."

[LeftWriteFemme]

hEcjgJSqSRU

[Bèsame*]

My roomie's response when I asked what's for dessert....
"That's not the real stuff, it won't give you the munchies."

That's so funny...I thought I would get the munchies, so I refrained for awhile. Lol!

[Kenna]

That's so funny...I thought I would get the munchies, so I refrained for awhile. Lol!

:tea: :tea: :eyebat:

It was my roomie's fault for bringing home chocolate toffee brownies and lemon bars along with my first bottle of CBD oil.

[Kenna]

My Uncle.
I'm so glad he got to come visit even if it wasn't planned. He is a total comic and takes every chance he gets to make us laugh.
I tried to show him a kitchen gadget that I bought from my favorite seamstress that goes over a cast iron skillet handle... He burst out "What is that??!! A Cock Sock!!!?" with my mother sitting right next to him.

OMG!! I laughed so hard. He had Blade wiping tears as he cracked up.

I made the mistake of making homemade slow cooked beans with smoked ham... My Uncle had 2 bowls of it last night. My roomie told me NEVER NEVER NEVER feed uncle that again because you could hear him ripping farts off through the bedroom wall. It was louder than him snoring!
:passinggas:

[TL1]

It’s all harmless fun but at work we pick on each other a LOT. There are some very feisty and loud women that sit close to me and the guy next to me. One in particular I pick on because she will cuss me out so bad in a heartbeat. Well the guy next to me likes to instigate but It’s hilarious! Yes maybe immature stupid etc etc...but we laugh so hard, our group. I got cussed out maybe 6 times today. Between those times we talk like nothing happened. Nothing better than working with people who can play one minute and work and be serious the next.

[Kenna]

Cracking up with my roomie on the way home because he ramped the curb on the DRIVER'S side of a round-about in my Rav4! How do you ramp a curb on a round-about? It's round!

[Chad]

Okay so I have one underwear for special occasions like the doctor visit or surgery.

Mom standing at my bedroom door made me wish that I was wearing that underwear. Haha!

[~ocean]

Okay so I have one underwear for special occasions like the doctor visit or surgery.

Mom standing at my bedroom door made me wish that I was wearing that underwear. Haha!

lolol that just cracked me up 2 oh my ~

[Blade]

Watching puppies play. Wish I had all that energy

[Blade]

OMG! I wish y'all could have seen Kenna trying to take a chew bone from my 7 pound 14 yr old, 2 toothed Chihuahua! Laughed til I cried. Watched the video twice and cried some more. That boy had her jumpin around!

[homoe]

Thinking I just may need a shoehorn to navigate my arse into those tiny airline seats....

[~ocean]

I fell asleep holding my puppy's paw ~ a noise in the house woke me up ~ I looked at the puppy and her eyes were huge ~ lololol I was holding her nose .

[girl_dee]

That the ham we were about to heat up was found in the freezer

[Chad]

Yesterday, mom was peeling potatoes in her chair and must of dropped one because in the middle of dinner the baby kitty started playing with a potato on the floor. Haha we all laughed. It was pretty funny.

[JDeere]

Waking up and seeing that my legs were shaved!

Come to find out that during one of our drunken escapades that my ex shaved them while I was half passed out in the chair!

And she left the razors out to show me, it looked like she shaved a hamster!

Ahahaha!

[Kenna]

My roomie cracked me up when I tried to describe what tiramisu is.
Goofball.

[Wrang1er]

While attempting to make Easter egg Rice Krispy treats with my great nephew, Waylon, we were discussing Jesus. I was explaining how Jesus died and rose on Easter. He asked, "So Jesus is a zombie?" I thought it was funny. My mom not so much.

This plus my epic Easter fail with the rice Krispy treats cracked me up!

[Glenn]

In Memory-Tim Conway, Harvey Korman, and Dinah Shore. Lol -8wVvGQ0P4Y

[RebelDyke]

I was finishing moving for the day and realized i forgot my phone in the apartment. Pete was already in the van when I closed the door on him, told him i would literally be 60 seconds...ran, retrieved said phone, got on the sidewalk to the van and noticed Pete sitting in the driver seat, glaring out the window like sayin' "Really, dude? Hurry it up" hahahaha dogs can be sooo freekin highlarious!

[Chad]

Yesterday, I was walking out of work headed for the parking lot when I heard "cat calls". I thought what the heck some guy is harassing a lady. I got into my tough guy stance ready for a throw down when I turned around and saw that it was my good friend "cat calling" me! I put my hands on my hips and said are you cat calling ME? Haha! We had a big laugh.

:superfunny:

[Kenna]

My cooking skills or lack thereof.

[Amulette]

https://scontent.faus1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/67575962_1066757776851056_4801099182897102848_n.jp g?_nc_cat=101&_nc_oc=AQnTXKpFy9u0ezA48329ovTJ2OZH5r1P-V9dI6G7opK4-ZTQqnB85BsxY2KDMQq6xxFi-9ZdW41tRz9Sfs5WIuO2&_nc_ht=scontent.faus1-1.fna&oh=855f8211039d7fc35b6e7f085c8e1ca0&oe=5DE54DA3

[easygoingfemme]

My older nephew telling jokes after dinner.

Nephew: Are you a banana?

Me: Um, no, why do you ask?

Nephew: Because I find you quite appealing.

Me. On the floor laughing.

[Kenna]

My best friend and I were getting ready to go to town...
After getting dressed into something decent (my Torrid yoga pants with pretty roses all over and a nice long shirt), I'm walking around the house getting the dogs into their crates and I could tell something just wasn't right...adjusting my belly band didn't work...so I try to readjust the front of my pants, look down to see I had my yoga pants on backwards.
I busted out laughing...told Blade why I was laughing, then we both got tears from laughing so hard.

[Bèsame*]

recalling my dreams..

I keep dreaming about taking clothes off of hangers!

I know that's what I'm doing all day, but, come on. Get out of my sleep! Lol

[Wrang1er]

Today after school the boys and I were sitting on the back porch. One of them brought up cannibals. I was telling them that there were two clowns that were cannibals and they liked eating young boys because they were tender. Jefferson says, "Wait a minute, they were on Tinder?".

He's eight! How does he know about Tinder?

[Kenna]

My 87 year old neighbor and her stubbornness.
I popped in for a visit today. She said she had pulled muscles in her back by "lifting a heavy rock to put on top of some tin before the storm hit"....I immediately scolded her for not calling me for help. She responded "I thought about calling you but didn't need help. I've lifted that rock before and it never hurt me."
Stubborn

[JDeere]

These Houston Texans fans!

Thinking their team could beat the Saints

AHAHAHAHAHA

[Chad]

I was thinking about my friend in NYC today and just cracked up. He is usually measured but I could see him clearly in my mind. He sits at the table and looks down like he is looking at the menu and out of no where comes a zinger. I look at him with his head still down but a sweet smile on his face. He knew that he got us.

:cowboy:

[Kenna]

When I got to the grocery store check out, the clerk laughed when she saw pickles and 2 tubs of ice cream and asked if I was pregnant. I cracked up and responded "I hope not at my age!"
I had to crack up again because it was Blade who asked me to get sweet pickles and chocolate ice cream.

[Bèsame*]

It was yesterday actually. I had put lace trim on the bottom of two pairs of shorts. Put them away. Took out a pair to wear yesterday. Hmmmm, sat down, ouch!

I apparently forgot to take off the pins around one leg.

I had brought those shorts with me on vacation, but I never wore them! Lol

[Chad]

At Physical Therapy this morning at 7:00 am I had everyone cracking up. I like to incorporate dance moves into my exercises to make it fun. The team got into it and we had a great time laughing and having fun. What a great way to start the day.

:dance2: :happyjump:

[Bèsame*]

Eat salad they said.
It's healthy they said.
You know what never gets recalled?

Cake!
#teamcake

[homoe]

Eat salad they said.
It's healthy they said.
You know what never gets recalled?

Cake!
#teamcake


........:goodpost:...

[homoe]

Eat salad they said.
It's healthy they said.
You know what never gets recalled?

Cake!
#teamcake

Correct me if I'm wrong but another item I never recollect them re-calling ...:eatinghersheybar: ya chocolate!!

[RebelDyke]

Ever since this covid thing cancelling schools and pushing classes all online, my desk and the area around my desk now has so much technology set up around it and near it that it looks like a cockpit to a very intense machine... lol the learning machine :hamactor:

that is what cracks me up...

AND ...i do not know how many times i have said to people how i could NOT handle a job i where i go to the same office day in and day out.. THANKS COVID! for making my dream job a job i now find painful...:blink::blink:

[A. Spectre]

Damn Funny Craigslist Ads


*1979 Dodge Star Wars van, REALLY

*Prick on the Wild Wings patio

*Toilet paper seeds

*Free snowman

*Snow cat limo

*Spot in lineup

*1999 Toyota Corolla Fine AF

[Kätzchen]

Damn Funny Craigslist Ads


*1979 Dodge Star Wars van, REALLY

*Prick on the Wild Wings patio

*Toilet paper seeds

*Free snowman

*Snow cat limo

*Spot in lineup

*1999 Toyota Corolla Fine AF

That has got to be one of the best past-times, lol. I love to browse Craigslist ads just for that reason. You never know what you'll find over there!

How about this ad? Simply hilarious, if you ask me! *LOL* :jester:

https://canyouactually.com/wp-content/uploads/84324568.png

[Blade]

While riding around yesterday I took a Prevacid out of my pocket and then couldn't open my bottle of water while holding my pill. I told my buddy here hold my 💊. She said is that like hold my beer? We both cracked up and I said "how do you know you're getting older? When you say here hold my 💊 instead of here hold my beer.😂😂😂😂😂😂

[chanel]

In my parking lot this morning there was a bunny just sitting there in the middle of the road. He looked at my car, but didn't seem troubled at all. Then pulling up to my complex's gate, as the gate was sliding to the right, there was a squirrel running frantically the other way. He then took a confused leap to the tree on the other side.

I think I drove through a Disney movie?

[homoe]

In my parking lot this morning there was a bunny just sitting there in the middle of the road. He looked at my car, but didn't seem troubled at all. Then pulling up to my complex's gate, as the gate was sliding to the right, there was a squirrel running frantically the other way. He then took a confused leap to the tree on the other side.

I think I drove through a Disney movie?

Who knows, next you might run across a meerkat and warthog singing Hakuna Matata

[C0LLETTE]

There's a guy walking around my neighbourhood dressed up as a Canada Goose trying to rouse some enthusiasm for Canada Day which was 3 days ago. I don't want to be the one to break it to him.

[Kenna]

LMAO! This memory cracked me up.
I wonder what fun I will have when I house sit again for the same friends in a couple weeks?


I'm house sitting way out in the country for a friend.
A skinny, very young, man with his shinny white legs showing below his shorts knocked on the door, startling me, making my two tiny dogs go all guard-dog-big-bark on him.
In all the years I've been at this house, I've never had visitors. It's very strange to have a stranger stop here.
When I opened the door, he asked "do you still use Satellite TV?"... I look at him puzzled, he pointed to the dish on the roof.
By then, the real big dog in the back yard was going nuts trying to knock down the 8 foot high fence.
The kid repeats "Do you use Satellite TV?" ...to which I smile and say "No, we use WiFi for the Roku box."....He started a sales pitch for Dish and asked if he could go around back to check the old cable connection box? (door to door sales guys all the way out here are very rare. But we do have a problem of people going to houses on false pretenses to "scan" properties for future thefts when no one is home)...he nearly ran off the porch when I said "It's not a good time right now. You see that monster 100 pound dog? He ate the last sales guy then chewed through all the cables and ripped them off the brick wall. (Which was partially true.)

[FireSignFemme]

Very distracted and trying to do too many things at once, I accidentally popped Monte's cat treat in my mouth instead of my Xanax. That was was not funny but the both crestfallen and confused look on his face made me crack the hell up. I told him told him don't worry dude I still gotcha. I felt guilty about laughing at his panic though so I made restitution by giving him three instead of his usual one.

[Bèsame*]

This caught my eye and I had to laugh..

'Everybody that has a baby gets a million dollars,' Kanye West says at 1st campaign rally
West also said "marijuana should be free" at the South Carolina event.

[Blade]

This old man that thinks my lap is his home. He and I like to share the string twizzlers. He has no teeth so I take a big bite and give him a little bite. Today I started to open a pack. He was dead asleep on my lap. All the paper crackling he never moved a muscle. I got the candy out of the wrapper and his head started moving. Then that nose went up in the air turning his head side to side. Finally in my lap he spun around to catch me filling my mouth with his twizzlers. 😂😂😂 Didn't take him long to crawl up on my chest and request his bite

[FireSignFemme]

This caught my eye and I had to laugh..

'Everybody that has a baby gets a million dollars,' Kanye West says at 1st campaign rally
West also said "marijuana should be free" at the South Carolina event.

Well Trump said he was going to make Mexico pay for the wall so even though they're running against each other - birds of a feather... To me all this bullshit is sobering.

[Bèsame*]

Getting into the car today, releasing my mask, starting the car, hitting the call bestie button...I find myself pulling my seatbelt over and across..trying to hook it into the end of the phone charger I had in my other hand. I rolled my eyes and then laughed at myself!

[Kenna]

My best friend's response when I offered to deliver coffee to work on this freezing morning.
"I'd love a big ole decaf with that stuff you put in it."

Good thing I know exactly what he was talking about. But I had to improvise when the gas station didn't have "that stuff" and instead had to settle with chocolate and sweet cream.

[FireSignFemme]

I can't stop laughing. A woman pranked her man, said she spent their stimulus money on lingere, so he'd find her sexy after the birth of their twins - Oh no you didn't. Well you're returning them and getting me my money back. Oh yes you are! Let's go! She told him she could'nt it was on sale non-refundable but they might still be able to stop payment on the things she put on credit. He went - What the... you mean you're telling me there's more? She said yes and told him since the clothes cost more than the amount of stimulus money they got she signed an agreement to pay the balance off in monthly installments, but at a good interest rate. He went off. I have to hand it to him he did a really, really good job of restraining himself. It was so funny especially when he realized he'd been pranked. I have to give him a lot of credit, he was a really good sport about it, but I bet he's already plotting his revenge. I hope when he does he makes a video of it. I can empathize, really relate because in my teens my partner did something similar only in our case it was not a prank. I forgave her but talk about a stretch, it wasn't with ease I cleared that hurdle.

[Orema]

Watching Tracey Ullman videos on YouTube.

-rMo87P-nDc

[Kenna]

My birthday card from my sister yesterday. She is a HOOT! made me laugh so hard!

[Blade]

GPS....don't listen to it!

[Stone-Butch]

I fell asleep on the couch watching tv waiting for a friend to call. I awoke with the sound of the phone and picked it up and said hello, hello, hello. I sat up and to my surprise I was talking into the tv remote. The phone on the tv woke me up. I laughed so hard at ME for sleeping so soundly.

[Blade]

While riding my golf cart threw the campground I passed a man walking a German Shepherd on an extenda leash. He barked and carried on. As I passed him I heard a BIG dog bark coming from the camper I was passing. I looked that way and saw a Boston Terrier in the window. The people were sitting at the picnic table. I said that is a big dog bark not a Boston Terrier bark. She said there is a Great Dane inside.

[homoe]

The calandar saying it's spring but then seeing snow flurries in the air.....

[Cin]

My wife's post on a site for giving away free stuff. It is hilarious. But it is exactly what happened and I still remember the looks we got the 2 times we actually wore them. I usually don't give a fat rat's ass what people think about me,( most butches wouldn't last a minute if we did), but those looks were priceless. In the meantime there are already 15 people who want them. Who knew there were so many tall people with questionable taste in our neighborhood.

Here's the post. I hope you find it as amusing as I have.


Have you ever had to change into or out of your bathing suit in your car or behind some bushes because there was no place to change at the beach? Me too! So when I saw these adult ponchos online, I thought they were brilliant. Portable changing rooms! They double as towels! They have pockets and hoods! I immediately ordered 2.

My first mistake was not checking the sizes properly. I ordered large because I wanted to make sure there would be plenty of room for changing clothes. There is. But I didn’t check the length, and they are waaaay too long. I am 5’2’’ , wife is 5’5’’, and we look RIDICULOUS in them.

See how cute these people look wearing them? See how much fun they’re having? We don’t look like that. We wore them a couple of times and it was clear from the looks we got that we shouldn’t ever wear them again.

Maybe they could be saved if either of us had the skills to shorten them, but we don’t. Would you like to be the recipient of strange looks at the beach or pool in your matching pink and blue hooded adult ponchos? They’re super soft and cozy. Maybe you will have as much fun wearing them as the models in the photos do!

Please take both. I don’t want either of their feelings to be hurt.


https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/71dXRy1lTVL._AC_UX679_.jpg

https://d3fa68hw0m2vcc.cloudfront.net/32b/238054391.jpeg

[Orema]

ULDGfjyVOW0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULDGfjyVOW0

[Blade]

Watching a video of my great nephew. He is so animated and gets so excited.each year or so he changes up on what excites him. This year it is trains. They took a video of him standing beside the train tracks with the train barreling by lol and he was soooo excited about it.

First it was farm equipment and he could name them all and tellyou what they do. Then trash trucks then emergency vehicles then he got to where he could tell you everything about cars and car parts. Now it is trains. Says he wants to be a teacher or a pastor. So however it turns out he will be well rounded