Ask a trans person!

[tuffboi29]

So I've been in here a few times...and not just out of curiosity. I had passed of living as a guy for about 6 monthes one time and had never been happier.
Although I never exposed that side of me to my family and now that I'm living near them I can't pass it off at all as they are well known in the community.
I was asked today when I look in the mirror what do I see? I answered..."I see what should have been a guy".
Because of the predjudices I've grown up with and in this community I havent had much exposure to the life I want to live. To be blunt I'm a bit scared and confused.
Luckily I have a wonderful woman by my side helping me explore deeper into myself than I was ever willing to go on my own. As a matter of fact...she was the one who got me to admit not only to her but myself the true nature of my feelings and thoughts.
I know I'm rambling a bit guys...I'm sorry.
Maybe this is a reach-out to those who may understand my angst, confusion, and need to simply be me? Idk...
Any feedback would be appreciated as I am dieing to know if I'm the only one feeling this way?

[Liam]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

So I've been in here a few times...and not just out of curiosity. I had passed of living as a guy for about 6 monthes one time and had never been happier.
Although I never exposed that side of me to my family and now that I'm living near them I can't pass it off at all as they are well known in the community.
I was asked today when I look in the mirror what do I see? I answered..."I see what should have been a guy".
Because of the predjudices I've grown up with and in this community I havent had much exposure to the life I want to live. To be blunt I'm a bit scared and confused.
Luckily I have a wonderful woman by my side helping me explore deeper into myself than I was ever willing to go on my own. As a matter of fact...she was the one who got me to admit not only to her but myself the true nature of my feelings and thoughts.
I know I'm rambling a bit guys...I'm sorry.
Maybe this is a reach-out to those who may understand my angst, confusion, and need to simply be me? Idk...
Any feedback would be appreciated as I am dieing to know if I'm the only one feeling this way?

I will never forget the first time a woman looked at me, and saw me—really saw me. I had spent so many years thinking that it was all in my head. It was one of the most delightful moments of my life.

Best of luck tuff!

[tuffboi29]

First of all...Thanks guys...Seriously...Thank you.
So right now I'm quietly and discreetly packing...umm...My boxerbriefs.
Besides this and one other post I haven't spoken about this with anyone but my girlfriend.
I have to say it feels...idk...right?
I'm just learning what this in me is exactly...definitions and such...But more importantly how alot of this applies to me.How I relate to it.
I've just recently admitted for the first time my first fantisies.Which were of girls.And as myself in the male role.
What I thought of as a child. Could I maybe wake one morn and be a boy? Would I finally be "right" then?
When I first realized I was a girl I was made to use a public womens restroom for the first time by myself. I was horrified and thought there was a very serious mistake on the adult's part in making me go in there. I kept thinking just why the HELL they would force me go in THERE with the GIRLS?
Before I was old enough to understand the difference between the boys and girls, I ran with my bio male cousins on the farm...I ran about shirtless with them, hunted and went fishing with them, climbed trees and explored the woods and farmlands.I was one of them.
I remember trying to explain to my ma just why I shouldn't go to the girls bathroom or wear dresses and even the time I told her I was goin to marry a girl one day....the words she used to describe MY thoughts and MY f****** feelings (when I was once told my thoughts and feelings were just THAT...MINE!)...I was told I was unnatural...god would call me an abonmination...I better NEVER tell anyone else lest I embarressed the family at church...Guys, I was sent to a M*****F****** christian therapy camp to help "cure" me of these evil thoughts for surely the devil was tempting me to go against god's will.
When I was older and with my ex-wife I saw a news report back in '99 about a successfull operation to make a female into a male. My first thought was "OMG MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
Stupid me tried to open up about it to my ex and once again the words that were lashed at me shut me up all over.(What if she told my parents?!They had me committed once for this.)
So untill these past 4 months my thoughts on this subject were as limited as my knowledge and understanding.
I feel like I'm rambling again so I'm goin to end this with a final thought and thanks.
My thanks is to my wonderful ya'fa girlfriend who brought me not only to this site but took the time and patience to help me understand what myself and others had sought to destroy and hide.(And of course she ever so discretely guided me to FTM threads and friends of hers...lol)
My final thought is for you guys.The bravery it must have took to forge this path!! I will never be able to express my gratitude too be able to finally speak freely and ask the questions I was never given the chance too.

[JustLovelyJenn]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

First of all...Thanks guys...Seriously...Thank you.
So right now I'm quietly and discreetly packing...umm...My boxerbriefs.
Besides this and one other post I haven't spoken about this with anyone but my girlfriend.
I have to say it feels...idk...right?
I'm just learning what this in me is exactly...definitions and such...But more importantly how alot of this applies to me.How I relate to it.
I've just recently admitted for the first time my first fantisies.Which were of girls.And as myself in the male role.
What I thought of as a child. Could I maybe wake one morn and be a boy? Would I finally be "right" then?
When I first realized I was a girl I was made to use a public womens restroom for the first time by myself. I was horrified and thought there was a very serious mistake on the adult's part in making me go in there. I kept thinking just why the HELL they would force me go in THERE with the GIRLS?
Before I was old enough to understand the difference between the boys and girls, I ran with my bio male cousins on the farm...I ran about shirtless with them, hunted and went fishing with them, climbed trees and explored the woods and farmlands.I was one of them.
I remember trying to explain to my ma just why I shouldn't go to the girls bathroom or wear dresses and even the time I told her I was goin to marry a girl one day....the words she used to describe MY thoughts and MY f****** feelings (when I was once told my thoughts and feelings were just THAT...MINE!)...I was told I was unnatural...god would call me an abonmination...I better NEVER tell anyone else lest I embarressed the family at church...Guys, I was sent to a M*****F****** christian therapy camp to help "cure" me of these evil thoughts for surely the devil was tempting me to go against god's will.
When I was older and with my ex-wife I saw a news report back in '99 about a successfull operation to make a female into a male. My first thought was "OMG MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
Stupid me tried to open up about it to my ex and once again the words that were lashed at me shut me up all over.(What if she told my parents?!They had me committed once for this.)
So untill these past 4 months my thoughts on this subject were as limited as my knowledge and understanding.
I feel like I'm rambling again so I'm goin to end this with a final thought and thanks.
My thanks is to my wonderful ya'fa girlfriend who brought me not only to this site but took the time and patience to help me understand what myself and others had sought to destroy and hide.(And of course she ever so discretely guided me to FTM threads and friends of hers...lol)
My final thought is for you guys.The bravery it must have took to forge this path!! I will never be able to express my gratitude too be able to finally speak freely and ask the questions I was never given the chance too.

Baby,

I wanted to stop and tell you how proud I am of you today. How hard I know it must have been to come here and say these things, what a big step this is for you. You have a wonderful, beautiful soul and it fits perfectly with who you are and should be.

What I saw in you as we first started talking was someone who was so much more then they were allowing themselves to be. THIS, is part of that person you have hidden from the world. I am so happy and excited to see you embracing that in you which makes you who you are and bring you happiness and completion.

As you explore yourself and this new and wonderful world you never new was around you, I will be right there by your side. I will quietly hold your hands and answer what questions I can, or send you to those who can if I cant. I will wait patiently as you ponder what is in you and come to decisions about how you want to be seen by the world. YOU are who I fell in love with. ALL OF YOU! I am excited for you to see that person the way I do.

I love you so much and I will always support you to the best of my ability.

With all the love I posses,

Your Heart, as You are Mine.

[The Oopster]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

First of all...Thanks guys...Seriously...Thank you.
So right now I'm quietly and discreetly packing...umm...My boxerbriefs.
Besides this and one other post I haven't spoken about this with anyone but my girlfriend.
I have to say it feels...idk...right?

I remember the first time I packed feeling this same way and wondering how a piece of silicone could help fill in some of the missing pieces of me, but it did. As time has progressed, what, how, and if I pack ebbs and flows. It was hard for some other people to get that, even femmes. I think I needed to do it so badly all the time at first because it was an identity of me that had been missing for years. Now 5 years later there are times I just dont' need to. Most of the time I still do but I'm okay if I don't.

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

I'm just learning what this in me is exactly...definitions and such...But more importantly how alot of this applies to me.How I relate to it.
I've just recently admitted for the first time my first fantisies.Which were of girls.And as myself in the male role.
What I thought of as a child. Could I maybe wake one morn and be a boy? Would I finally be "right" then?
When I first realized I was a girl I was made to use a public womens restroom for the first time by myself. I was horrified and thought there was a very serious mistake on the adult's part in making me go in there. I kept thinking just why the HELL they would force me go in THERE with the GIRLS?
Before I was old enough to understand the difference between the boys and girls, I ran with my bio male cousins on the farm...I ran about shirtless with them, hunted and went fishing with them, climbed trees and explored the woods and farmlands.I was one of them.
I remember trying to explain to my ma just why I shouldn't go to the girls bathroom or wear dresses and even the time I told her I was goin to marry a girl one day....the words she used to describe MY thoughts and MY f****** feelings (when I was once told my thoughts and feelings were just THAT...MINE!)...I was told I was unnatural...god would call me an abonmination...I better NEVER tell anyone else lest I embarressed the family at church...Guys, I was sent to a M*****F****** christian therapy camp to help "cure" me of these evil thoughts for surely the devil was tempting me to go against god's will.

A couple of years ago when I was going through the whole which bathroom to use dilema and not feeling like I had a bathroom to go in ... I flashed back to the first grade. I had to go to the dr. because almost every day during reading class I had to go to the bathroom. They wondered if something was wrong physically with me. The whole bathroom dilema made me remember it and what was really happening. I could see myself standing outside the bathroom doors wanting to go into the boys and knowing I had to go in the girls but feeling it wasn't right to go in there either. I may have even used the boys once or twice i can't remember that but I do remember finally just making myself go into the girls when no one was looking. After I went to the drs and nothing was wrong ... I was forced to go in with the girls at bathroom time. I also remember going passed the boys lockeroom thinking that was the room I should be going in.

All my friends prior to going to school were boys. Girls seem to be the pretty little things that looked like they would break if they played with me.

I also remember the first time I was told I had to keep my shirt on because I was a girl .. i tore it off and ran around the yard yelling no I'm a boy, I'm a boy.

Family is hard, I'm sorry yours has been so condemning.

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

When I was older and with my ex-wife I saw a news report back in '99 about a successfull operation to make a female into a male. My first thought was "OMG MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
Stupid me tried to open up about it to my ex and once again the words that were lashed at me shut me up all over.(What if she told my parents?!They had me committed once for this.)
So untill these past 4 months my thoughts on this subject were as limited as my knowledge and understanding.
I feel like I'm rambling again so I'm goin to end this with a final thought and thanks.
My thanks is to my wonderful ya'fa girlfriend who brought me not only to this site but took the time and patience to help me understand what myself and others had sought to destroy and hide.(And of course she ever so discretely guided me to FTM threads and friends of hers...lol)
My final thought is for you guys.The bravery it must have took to forge this path!! I will never be able to express my gratitude too be able to finally speak freely and ask the questions I was never given the chance too.

I think a lot of us have been fortunate to have someone placed in our lives that could see us when we couldn't see ourselves.

I was fortnuate also to find a site like this one within the first year of realizing my attraction to women. That is why I will always remain a part of this community. If other transgendered men had not been on that site I may still not have gotten to the truth of who I really am. Yes there are ftm sites but if I hadn't had interaction with them I would never have been able to realize that when I'm looking at them I'm seeing me. I wouldn't have know to even look that way. An arena like this allowed me to have the bridge to move towards the destination of me.

[tuffboi29]

Hello again gentlemen...


Just a quick update on how things are goin for me.
I have come out to 5 different people in my life and was absolutely amazed att the responses I got...even the answers "Tuff...I could have told you that along time ago but I figured it was best for you to find out for yourself."

Once again...am i ALWAYS the last to know everything?GAH!!

Other than that, I had a long talk with me therapist and she has been wonderful as can be.She is in the process of setting me up with all the information I need and another therapist to begin my transitioning.

I feel more free and myself than I even have in my entire life and am looking forward to not only beginning this process, but just enjoying meself for a change.

For those of you that know me from the PTSD thread I would like to tell you that coming out with this has made the process of dealing with it so much easier as it was deffinitally intertwined with it.

Once again thank you all so much for the encouraging words.I will never be able to express just how much they mean to me.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

Hello again gentlemen...


Just a quick update on how things are goin for me.
I have come out to 5 different people in my life and was absolutely amazed att the responses I got...even the answers "Tuff...I could have told you that along time ago but I figured it was best for you to find out for yourself."

Once again...am i ALWAYS the last to know everything?GAH!!

Other than that, I had a long talk with me therapist and she has been wonderful as can be.She is in the process of setting me up with all the information I need and another therapist to begin my transitioning.

I feel more free and myself than I even have in my entire life and am looking forward to not only beginning this process, but just enjoying meself for a change.

For those of you that know me from the PTSD thread I would like to tell you that coming out with this has made the process of dealing with it so much easier as it was deffinitally intertwined with it.

Once again thank you all so much for the encouraging words.I will never be able to express just how much they mean to me.

Right on Tuff. Glad to hear your coming out has been such a positive experience.

[tuffboi29]

I'm finding it amazing how I have barely come out to myself about who I am and find myself getting called out on it by people I hardly know.
Tonight I got a ride home from a guy I've only met a few times and he was asking some very direct questions.By chance he figure me out rather quickly.Alot more quickly than I was comfortable with.
Is it that I am more comfortable with myself now that others are figuring this out?Was he just that good?Or was it always obvious to those around me and I was just so hidden in myself I refused to see it?
I don't know guys...I think I'm just a wee bit lost in my thoughts tonight.
Any comments on these thought would be greatly appreciated.Have any of you been lost in similar thoughts?

[Linus]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

I'm finding it amazing how I have barely come out to myself about who I am and find myself getting called out on it by people I hardly know.
Tonight I got a ride home from a guy I've only met a few times and he was asking some very direct questions.By chance he figure me out rather quickly.Alot more quickly than I was comfortable with.
Is it that I am more comfortable with myself now that others are figuring this out?Was he just that good?Or was it always obvious to those around me and I was just so hidden in myself I refused to see it?
I don't know guys...I think I'm just a wee bit lost in my thoughts tonight.
Any comments on these thought would be greatly appreciated.Have any of you been lost in similar thoughts?

What do you mean by "getting called out"? Do you mean that he figured out that you were trans? Or that you were a guy?

Sometimes we are oblivous to the obvious. For example, my aunt knew I was more attracted to women than guys well before I did. So it can happen.

[tuffboi29]

Originally Posted by Linus

What do you mean by "getting called out"? Do you mean that he figured out that you were trans? Or that you were a guy?

Sometimes we are oblivous to the obvious. For example, my aunt knew I was more attracted to women than guys well before I did. So it can happen.

Aye, he very much so figured out I am trans. And what amazed me more, was able to do it in just a few short questions, too.
He meant no harm or rudeness. In fact he was quite tactfull in his approach in asking.
I think I was just a wee bit unnervered he was able to pinpoint it so quickly.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Rufusboi

The word INVADE means to intrude upon or encroach upon.

If you enter the womens bathroom and you are identifying as male then you are invading.

Rufus

Originally Posted by Jet

who says i would invade

Originally Posted by Billy

That's what I'm saying ....Why after everything we go through to be seen as MALE , want to go into the womans room .....You can't have it both ways ..

Originally Posted by Rufusboi

Beard or not you should respect women enough not to invade their private space.

Rufus

Hey I just want to set this straight for the record...
I would never invade women's space. I don't get where that comes off. Secondly, I won't wear a beard...it was just my comment on my preference regarding facial hair. I never said i would "invade" anyone's space let alone the women's rest room. My comments had nothing to restrooms. jus' sayin'

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

When I was older and with my ex-wife I saw a news report back in '99 about a successfull operation to make a female into a male. My first thought was "OMG MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
Stupid me tried to open up about it to my ex and once again the words that were lashed at me shut me up all over.(What if she told my parents?!They had me committed once for this.)

Yeah that is fubar. Luckily I didn't come out as trans until after my marriage ended. But my ex-wife calls me by my birth name (not my legal name) and uses female pronouns when talking about me just to be a fucking bitch. She knows I changed my name, that I go by male pronouns, that I am trans. She actually said to my face a few months ago, when I asked her to please use my legal name, that I don't have the right equipment to be Drew. *shakes head*

Anyhow, it's awesome that you have a girlfriend who understands and supports you! Hang in there buddy!

[theoddz]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Yeah that is fubar. Luckily I didn't come out as trans until after my marriage ended. But my ex-wife calls me by my birth name (not my legal name) and uses female pronouns when talking about me just to be a fucking bitch. She knows I changed my name, that I go by male pronouns, that I am trans. She actually said to my face a few months ago, when I asked her to please use my legal name, that I don't have the right equipment to be Drew. *shakes head*

Anyhow, it's awesome that you have a girlfriend who understands and supports you! Hang in there buddy!

I think some people do that when they get angry, just to be vicious and try to strip you of your identity. It's like any other kind of weapon....they reach for what's "handy" and most likely to hurt you the most. It really says more about her than it does about you.

That's a low blow, and I think the most effective way to answer something like that is just to have nothing more to do with them. Complete, utter silence and a total refusal to acknowledge them in any way is the ultimate and most effective weapon you have against that sort of thing. You don't need someone like that in your life, do you??

~Theo~

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by theoddz

I think some people do that when they get angry, just to be vicious and try to strip you of your identity. It's like any other kind of weapon....they reach for what's "handy" and most likely to hurt you the most. It really says more about her than it does about you.

That's a low blow, and I think the most effective way to answer something like that is just to have nothing more to do with them. Complete, utter silence and a total refusal to acknowledge them in any way is the ultimate and most effective weapon you have against that sort of thing. You don't need someone like that in your life, do you??

~Theo~

Heh. Wish it were that easy. We have a daughter together so I occasionally have to bump into this woman, like I did tonight. Jess (my daughter) sang at a recital and my folks and I went, and of course my nasty ex-wife was there. She was all super sweet with my folks which really made me mad cause she barely acknowledged my presence (not that I really want to have anything to do with her.) She just did that to dig her heel into me more. I really don't give a shit what she thinks of me but damn to have someone be so vile to me, it's not something with which I am comfortable.

[Linus]

So a question for trans folks, particularly those who do not have their gender letters changed.

I lost a filling the other day. It's an annoying filling on a back molar that I regularly get a temp filling (my temp fillings for this last about 3-4 years). Anyways, as I was frantically looking for a dentist, I tried to get one at the LGBTQ Community Health Center (Callen-Lorde) because, well, they are LGBTQ. But it's near impossible to get an appointment there because of the number of existing patients.

I eventually found one nearby but I couldn't help worrying whether I'd end up having to face an issue with the dentist because I'm an FTM. In the end, she was wonderful and quick. What was nice was that on her forms she had listed "What name would you like to be called by", which I found interesting.

So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones).

[CamBAMF]

Originally Posted by tuffboi29

First of all...Thanks guys...Seriously...Thank you.
So right now I'm quietly and discreetly packing...umm...My boxerbriefs.
Besides this and one other post I haven't spoken about this with anyone but my girlfriend.
I have to say it feels...idk...right?
I'm just learning what this in me is exactly...definitions and such...But more importantly how alot of this applies to me.How I relate to it.
I've just recently admitted for the first time my first fantisies.Which were of girls.And as myself in the male role.
What I thought of as a child. Could I maybe wake one morn and be a boy? Would I finally be "right" then?
When I first realized I was a girl I was made to use a public womens restroom for the first time by myself. I was horrified and thought there was a very serious mistake on the adult's part in making me go in there. I kept thinking just why the HELL they would force me go in THERE with the GIRLS?
Before I was old enough to understand the difference between the boys and girls, I ran with my bio male cousins on the farm...I ran about shirtless with them, hunted and went fishing with them, climbed trees and explored the woods and farmlands.I was one of them.
I remember trying to explain to my ma just why I shouldn't go to the girls bathroom or wear dresses and even the time I told her I was goin to marry a girl one day....the words she used to describe MY thoughts and MY f****** feelings (when I was once told my thoughts and feelings were just THAT...MINE!)...I was told I was unnatural...god would call me an abonmination...I better NEVER tell anyone else lest I embarressed the family at church...Guys, I was sent to a M*****F****** christian therapy camp to help "cure" me of these evil thoughts for surely the devil was tempting me to go against god's will.
When I was older and with my ex-wife I saw a news report back in '99 about a successfull operation to make a female into a male. My first thought was "OMG MY WHOLE LIFE COULD BE THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"
Stupid me tried to open up about it to my ex and once again the words that were lashed at me shut me up all over.(What if she told my parents?!They had me committed once for this.)
So untill these past 4 months my thoughts on this subject were as limited as my knowledge and understanding.
I feel like I'm rambling again so I'm goin to end this with a final thought and thanks.
My thanks is to my wonderful ya'fa girlfriend who brought me not only to this site but took the time and patience to help me understand what myself and others had sought to destroy and hide.(And of course she ever so discretely guided me to FTM threads and friends of hers...lol)
My final thought is for you guys.The bravery it must have took to forge this path!! I will never be able to express my gratitude too be able to finally speak freely and ask the questions I was never given the chance too.

I remember being three and telling my mom that god had made a mistake, that I was suppose to be a boy. I remember pray that god would fix it, that I would wake up as a boy. I think to this day it's really what held be back from believeing in "god" (my spirituality/ beliefs are always changing, but I just can't believe in one god kinda deal.) Luckily my family (particularly my mom's side) isn't really religious, so it went unnoticed and through my various coming out stories they never brought it up. (and on a side note: whole I'm sure my dad would have loved to say something along the line about me going to hell, my mom would have castrated him- so even he didn't say anything. He's only now kinda coming around. Its a slow process with him)

I remember starting to pack, like just trying it out. I was still kinda new to the whole thing. I tried socks and another time a strap on (which just turned out to be extremely funny walking around with a boner all day. lol) But besides uncomfortable (neither really felt correct in my pants. lol.) but I wore one or the other anyway till I could afford a packy. I felt like something belonged there, I just wasn't sure what or where to get it till a while later. lol. Just as previously mentioned in another post, it seemed to fill up some kind of missing piece within me at the time. Now I don't normally go out without my pack-n-pee on, but if I'm not wearing it its no big deal.

I didn't 'know' what I was. I knew I wasn't right though. I didn't have a word for how I felt till college when I met a MTF. At the time I was dating a girl who basically bluntly told me if that was the way I was I wasn't worth her time. The next two girlfriend's knew before hand and still tried to 'fix' me. It was only my most recent ex who really saw who I was. She walked me through each part (the doctors/therapist, the T, tellling friends and family, changing bathrooms, etc.) standing next to me the whole time. I gotta tell you, I was scared sh**less! She literally walked me by the hand through each of my steps so far. Hell, she even bragged about me (which I thought was amazing!) on a local radio station (w/o saying my name of course). It's pretty amazing when you meet someone who really loves you for you. While we are not together anymore for other reasons- I still thank her to this day for the support she gave me.

It can be a complicated path, but you know when it's the right one. Some ways it gets easier, other aspects can be... more difficult... but at the end of the day you have to be who you are, no matter who or what that is. Stay true to yourself bro. We're all here for you.

-Cameron