Ask a trans person!

[theoddz]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Yeah that is fubar. Luckily I didn't come out as trans until after my marriage ended. But my ex-wife calls me by my birth name (not my legal name) and uses female pronouns when talking about me just to be a fucking bitch. She knows I changed my name, that I go by male pronouns, that I am trans. She actually said to my face a few months ago, when I asked her to please use my legal name, that I don't have the right equipment to be Drew. *shakes head*

Anyhow, it's awesome that you have a girlfriend who understands and supports you! Hang in there buddy!

I think some people do that when they get angry, just to be vicious and try to strip you of your identity. It's like any other kind of weapon....they reach for what's "handy" and most likely to hurt you the most. It really says more about her than it does about you.

That's a low blow, and I think the most effective way to answer something like that is just to have nothing more to do with them. Complete, utter silence and a total refusal to acknowledge them in any way is the ultimate and most effective weapon you have against that sort of thing. You don't need someone like that in your life, do you??

~Theo~

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by theoddz

I think some people do that when they get angry, just to be vicious and try to strip you of your identity. It's like any other kind of weapon....they reach for what's "handy" and most likely to hurt you the most. It really says more about her than it does about you.

That's a low blow, and I think the most effective way to answer something like that is just to have nothing more to do with them. Complete, utter silence and a total refusal to acknowledge them in any way is the ultimate and most effective weapon you have against that sort of thing. You don't need someone like that in your life, do you??

~Theo~

Heh. Wish it were that easy. We have a daughter together so I occasionally have to bump into this woman, like I did tonight. Jess (my daughter) sang at a recital and my folks and I went, and of course my nasty ex-wife was there. She was all super sweet with my folks which really made me mad cause she barely acknowledged my presence (not that I really want to have anything to do with her.) She just did that to dig her heel into me more. I really don't give a shit what she thinks of me but damn to have someone be so vile to me, it's not something with which I am comfortable.

[Linus]

So a question for trans folks, particularly those who do not have their gender letters changed.

I lost a filling the other day. It's an annoying filling on a back molar that I regularly get a temp filling (my temp fillings for this last about 3-4 years). Anyways, as I was frantically looking for a dentist, I tried to get one at the LGBTQ Community Health Center (Callen-Lorde) because, well, they are LGBTQ. But it's near impossible to get an appointment there because of the number of existing patients.

I eventually found one nearby but I couldn't help worrying whether I'd end up having to face an issue with the dentist because I'm an FTM. In the end, she was wonderful and quick. What was nice was that on her forms she had listed "What name would you like to be called by", which I found interesting.

So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones).

[CamBAMF]

Originally Posted by Linus

So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones).

No. I don't think I ever really did.

I told my regular doctor before starting T, and while she was totally shocked she seemed fine with it. But I felt it was medically necessary for her to know for my health, in the event the some drug she was perscribing may not interact well for whatever reason or whatever. I never told my dentist or optomitrist as I feel that it doesn't really matter to them what I do in my spare time and my transistion doesn't effect my teeth or eyes (to my knowledge) so thier jobs aren't affected by it.

My only issue stems from temporary doctors. While I'm at college it's extremely hard to see my regualr doctor so I visit a walking in place near my school. I have never seen the same doctor there twice. However there has been akward issue with explaining my legal name/ and my perferred name (as they also ask for a person perferred name) and my list of medications. I just tell them. Get it out of the way. If they seem uncomfortable (which hasn't yet happened) I have no real fear since the chances of seeing them again are slim to none.

But maybe I've never really feared doctors because I haven't heard the stories. Im born in 88 so the stories I hear are from the late 90s to today. The worse story that I've ever heard was rudeness from a nurse or staff member. Maybe that's why I have no fear of doctors. So perhaps I am not a good example.

[The Oopster]

Originally Posted by Linus

So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones).

I personally believe a lot of how we are received is the energy we put out ..

I've known people in the community really hesitant that have had bad experiences even with LGBTQ doctors.

I have had no problems within the medical community. I still have my birth name on all my id including health insurance ... sometimes I address the preferred name other times I don't. A lot of times the office it self catches on if they call me on the phone enough.

My regular dr knows and my chart still has my birth name but the head nurse I think is a gay guy and caught on and started calling me "he" and koop and then the other people in the office have picked it up.

At the hematology unit i've thought about addressing it mainly cause there are a lot of people that work there and i'm always getting new people and they are confused when I walk up and I just smile and say yes it's me.

Some people despite the name still assume i'm male and go boy your parents were cruel.

At the same place one of the nurses came up to draw my blood ... looked at me ... looked at the chart .... puts on this face like i'm not going to call you that and asks do you have a preferred name.

so far i have never had a bad experience ... most of my doctors are intriqued and ask some questions which i don't mind ... my biggest frustration is the moment something is wrong ... every medical professional and even people in my life that don't know much about T will go ... do you think it's the T?

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by Linus

So a question for trans folks, particularly those who do not have their gender letters changed.

So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones).

i have a fabulous accepting story.

i have been very fortunate. I don't worry about discrimination when i go places. i walk in like i own the place. smile nod speak to people. i think my attitude has a lot to do with whether or not i face any discrimination or fend off any unwanted comment.

i could pass before the T mostly, but people so rarely even look at you closely. i am an avid people watcher, and i don't notice things sometimes.

i guess if i wanted to look for discrimination, or take everything said out of context, or act like i am hiding something, it would be different. but i spent the better part of 40 years living someone else's life. I be Damned if someone is gonna piss in my wheaties now.....

i am andy
i am a man
maybe i am not like some other guys,
but what is normal? something i don't care to be....
@