PTSD and Trauma recovery

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

I have found EMDR very helpful, but yes, it does take everything out of me. I have to schedule it at the end of the day. Over time though, when I look back at the traumas I have had EMDR around, I can really tell that my memories are more smoothed out and blurred at the edges. Brain spotting is also very helpful. Have you had that? Its more for if you don't know what exactly is activating your PTSD. EMDR seems more event specific. I have found them both really useful.

I am glad that you went and I hope this gives you the relief you need. I am so thankful for these therapies that can help us function in the world.

Therapist has something new to try next time I go. I used to have this anger inside I could call on when I needed it. and its just gone now. Then dud groped me, I froze and my throat closed up. What the Hell? I used to be tough as nails and now I freaking freeze. Where is that girl? Where is Helga the Prison Guard? (my former nickname at work by my employees) I don't know where she is. We are going to try to find her.

From what I have been told, groper man is not longer at church and they are supposed to have a meeting after church this Sunday to discuss changes in personnel. So I plan to go and see what happens. I have good support I can sit with. I really hope I can get back to it being a safe place for me.

OK, and on the subject of safe places...it just seems daunting and impossible to remove PTSD trigger occurrences. As well as I try to be.

Anyways, love to all of you!

Yeah, I'm still feeling beat from the EMDR. I was supposed to go to the dungeon tonight but I cancelled because I need to be in my own environment. Just quiet. I still feel like I need rest. The nights have been difficult with not a lot of sleep but my mood is generally ok. A little anxiety and the exhaustion but otherwise good.

Last time I did EMDR I did find it ultimately helpful.

I've never heard of brain spotting. I'm glad your therapist has something new that should help you get through this tough incident. I hate losing my anger and fire because of a trigger. I hope you get it back!!

And yes, thank Goddess for these therapist's that help us navigate the world. I really like and trust mine.

I'm so glad that asshole is leaving your church. And that there will be a meeting and that you have good support for it. Sounds like your church is taking this whole thing seriously which gives me heart.

Hope the meeting goes well. Love back to you!!!!

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

Tonight, I had my first session of EMDR with my transgendered therapist. It was so intense that I was yelling and experiencing a wide range of emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, rage - in some cases). I feel safe with my new therapist, but that is largely due to working on lots of other issues with my previous therapist, over the past year.

I had a very rough day today at work, so my therapy session was timely.

I don't really have any expectations for the end result of utilizing EMDR. I just know if the few sessions we have scheduled will bring about some sort of desired result, then I will count it as success. The good news, is that we only do EMDR once a month, because it's very exhausting work.

I feel wiped out, tonight.

Thanks for holding space for me, as I continue the process of achieving some level of healing in my life.

Appreciatively, ~ K.

Yes, I found my session of EMDR very intense as well. Lots of feelings came up for me and I'm still drained, like I said.

I'm glad you have a therapist you can trust to do this work with. I probably will not be doing EMDR every week either because it really is that intense.

Big sisterly femme hugs!

Oh! I wanted to mention I got a lot of emotions kind of "stuck," that I couldn't get out. Like, I really wanted a good crying jag but nothing would come out. So I'm working on a painting of my adult self with my child self in my safe space. It's going really well.

[Apocalipstic]

This morning I was going to church, I was happy groper man would not be there. I was getting ready and something said....don't. I don't know if I can go back. UGH. I thought I had found a supportive home. I'm sad. And while I know I had nothing to do with groper's behavior, I feel ashamed and guilty. Well, Groper is back there. I am so glad I did not go today, that I listened to my gut.
Church has always failed me, but I thought maybe this one would be good for me. I may look for another, IDK. Maybe Unitarian.
I am exhausted from being so hyper alert.
Rambling.
Kinda lost. Vaca starts Weds for long weekend. Yay.

[Apocalipstic]

Just for today, I will breathe calmly and steadily.
Just for today, I will get up and get a glass of water, when I start to feel anxious.
Just for today, I will do everything I can to make tomorrow a calm day too.

Love and

Jenny

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

This morning I was going to church, I was happy groper man would not be there. I was getting ready and something said....don't. I don't know if I can go back. UGH. I thought I had found a supportive home. I'm sad. And while I know I had nothing to do with groper's behavior, I feel ashamed and guilty. Well, Groper is back there. I am so glad I did not go today, that I listened to my gut.
Church has always failed me, but I thought maybe this one would be good for me. I may look for another, IDK. Maybe Unitarian.
I am exhausted from being so hyper alert.
Rambling.
Kinda lost. Vaca starts Weds for long weekend. Yay.

I'm soooo glad you listened to your instincts and didn't go. Sometimes we really do know what's best for us. If the Groper Man is back at your church it is not the church for you. I'm sorry church has always failed you. That's sad.

And NO you did nothing wrong. But I understand how those feelings of guilt and shame crop up. I'm so sorry you're exhausted and feeling lost, too. Glad you have a vacation coming up!!! May you have some good times to take your mind off.

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Just for today, I will breathe calmly and steadily.
Just for today, I will get up and get a glass of water, when I start to feel anxious.
Just for today, I will do everything I can to make tomorrow a calm day too.

Love and

Jenny

I will do this too. I have been out of my anxiety meds over the weekend so I'm kinda losing my shit here. Deep breaths. I have the means to get them this afternoon. Other than that, I will do for myself what I can. Breathing and water are so basic yet we often forget them. <3

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

I will do this too. I have been out of my anxiety meds over the weekend so I'm kinda losing my shit here. Deep breaths. I have the means to get them this afternoon. Other than that, I will do for myself what I can. Breathing and water are so basic yet we often forget them. <3

I hope you get your meds this afternoon. Its so difficult to be out. I know that feeling!

I often forget to breathe too when I am upset or triggered and to drink water...

The other night I was so anxious and a friend suggested I take a bubble bath. I only have a shower, so I showered and scrubbed with salt and lavender. I felt so much better after. I think I am going to make this a part of my routine at least once a week.

May today be peaceful CCB! xoxoxo

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

I hope you get your meds this afternoon. Its so difficult to be out. I know that feeling!

I often forget to breathe too when I am upset or triggered and to drink water...

The other night I was so anxious and a friend suggested I take a bubble bath. I only have a shower, so I showered and scrubbed with salt and lavender. I felt so much better after. I think I am going to make this a part of my routine at least once a week.

May today be peaceful CCB! xoxoxo

I finally am home after errands and have my anxiety meds in me. I'm doing a lot better. I am remember to breathe and have some sage incense going.

I had a similar shower experience yesterday. I usually rush through them only when I need to because I find them incredibly triggering. But I recently decided to take back that space and redecorated and got some nice shower products. I took a shower for the first time I can remember in forever because I wanted the nice experience and not because I had to. I put music on and took my time with a nice exfoliating apricot soap and fancy shampoo and conditioner I treated myself to at the salon. I took my time and resisted the urge to just rush through the experience. It felt really good to take care of my body. I am definitely making a point of doing that more.

I hope you are having a peaceful day, too, ((((Apoc))))

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

I finally am home after errands and have my anxiety meds in me. I'm doing a lot better. I am remember to breathe and have some sage incense going.

I had a similar shower experience yesterday. I usually rush through them only when I need to because I find them incredibly triggering. But I recently decided to take back that space and redecorated and got some nice shower products. I took a shower for the first time I can remember in forever because I wanted the nice experience and not because I had to. I put music on and took my time with a nice exfoliating apricot soap and fancy shampoo and conditioner I treated myself to at the salon. I took my time and resisted the urge to just rush through the experience. It felt really good to take care of my body. I am definitely making a point of doing that more.

I hope you are having a peaceful day, too, ((((Apoc))))

What a great plan for taking back the shower! I think I will add music next time too

Maybe that's the key, to sometimes take back some of the things we fear. Maybe we even take them back with cute stuff we love. Hmmmmmm. something to think on.

Glad you got anxiety meds. I get anxious if I am low on them sometimes.

[Esme nha Maire]

I know that everyone has problems. I knew that at least some of my friends here have had particularly bad ones. I hadn't realised, until looking to see what someone I know had posted here had said, that so many of you had had such intense personal traumas that affected you so badly. Such personal attacks on the self, I mean, as against the still bad and upsetting but more "diffuse" stuff that some of us have to cope with, like having the wrong mindset to fully comprehend the bureaucracy of the world, which can still be damned upsetting, but isn't aimed at the individual nor is it done by an individual.

I am so sorry to learn this of you, my adorable sisters, known to me or not! May deity grant you the strength to get through your bad times and reach a happier state!

Much love and hugs to you all,

Esme xxx

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

I know that everyone has problems. I knew that at least some of my friends here have had particularly bad ones. I hadn't realised, until looking to see what someone I know had posted here had said, that so many of you had had such intense personal traumas that affected you so badly. Such personal attacks on the self, I mean, as against the still bad and upsetting but more "diffuse" stuff that some of us have to cope with, like having the wrong mindset to fully comprehend the bureaucracy of the world, which can still be damned upsetting, but isn't aimed at the individual nor is it done by an individual.

I am so sorry to learn this of you, my adorable sisters, known to me or not! May deity grant you the strength to get through your bad times and reach a happier state!

Much love and hugs to you all,

Esme xxx

Esme, you are a sweet darlink! Thank you so much for your support! xoxoxoxo