"Butch" and "Femme" - Truly Antiquated Terms or More Marginalization?

[T D]

* Bingo * I believe respect, or lack of it, is mostly at the bottom these signals of "silencing". I have had things said to me in threads at that "other" site which I found very disheartening, rude, and silencing. Because someone says something that someone else doesn't think is relevant doesn't mean that it's not of value to others.

In reality everyone who has something to say has a right to say whatever it is. It seems that saying it, hearing it, responding to it with "mutual respect" seems to be the culprit for the most part. For the life of me I cannot figure out why this is such a difficult thing to grasp and do.

Going back to enjoying my Christmas day now

Originally Posted by June

Hey! As a community member, June likes your voice, even the sassy one! I am not going to go back through all the posts, but I sincerely hope no one intimated to you that "Your opinion wasn't asked for" in thread, because, that would piss me off just as much as if someone said it to me, or anyone else.

*I* don't think it's about holding back on opinions, *I* think it's about being willing to not just type, but listen as well. Some folks aren't able to do that. But, leaving the conversation isn't ALWAYS the answer. You seem to be willing to not just listen, but also be reflective -- What a gift!

It is worriesome to me as a community member that we (general we) appear to be fighting not only for space, but to be heard. For *me* this is not, nor should it ever be a pissing contest about "less than" or "more than". It seems like it should be more about mutual respect.

"I don't consider myself to be a Lesbian, and this is why"
"I am a masculine female who prefers female pronouns"
"I don't relate to any part of my female being, and this is why"
"I am a Lesbian, and this is what it means to me"

Or even, as the Thread topic indicates:

"I used to ID as Butch, but now I ID as this, and this is why"
"I am a Femme, but lately, I have been thinking about this..."
"I don't use any labels at all, I am just me and think they are unecessary and this is why"

I think, for me, my AHA! moment in this thread, or at least two significant ones came from dreadgeek and QueenofQueens posts using the example of:

"Ewwwwww, I am not a Lesbian and will never ID that way!" and then converting it to "OMG! I can't believe someone thought I was (whatever), I am so offended"

If you just look at that, even if no post actually SAID that, several of them inferred it, and I can totally see how it could be hurtful.

But YOU, HFG, DO NOT need to take the blame for the conversation going to Hell in a handbasket, because sometimes that happens, and then usually, it corrects itself, which I think is what is happening here now.

SO! Re-subscribe to this thread! Let your voice be heard! Be prepared to defend yourself if need be, or clarify.