"Butch" and "Femme" - Truly Antiquated Terms or More Marginalization?

[NotAnAverageGuy]

What if we didn't analyze each others ID's?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

What if we didn't analyze each others ID's?

I don't think the attempt is to analyze (as in break down) anyone's ID, but to understand and learn from one another's IDs. If we can't learn from one another, then how in heck can we try to help those outside of our community understand or accept us?

[BullDog]

I am a Stone Butch. Feminizing touch does not factor in at all for me. I am a masculine female (butch). The way someone touches me is not going to make me feel more or less masculine or feminine. I am a Stone Butch Lesbian because that is how I am wired and what feels good to me and what gives me pleasure. I have my own boundaries, likes and dislikes when it comes to sex just like everyone else. There aren't any particular sex acts that qualify or disqualify me to be a lesbian. Being a Stone Butch doesn't disqualify me to be a lesbian either.

I am quite confused about the female on female sex. Unless you are transitioned or consider yourself to have a male body, don't you have a female body? Don't most of us female bodied people have sex with other female bodied people? This is a Lesbian/Queer website and community, right?

[Cyclopea]

Originally Posted by BullDog

I am a Stone Butch. Feminizing touch does not factor in at all for me. I am a masculine female (butch). The way someone touches me is not going to make me feel more or less masculine or feminine. I am a Stone Butch Lesbian because that is how I am wired and what feels good to me and what gives me pleasure. I have my own boundaries, likes and dislikes when it comes to sex just like everyone else. There aren't any particular sex acts that qualify or disqualify me to be a lesbian. Being a Stone Butch doesn't disqualify me to be a lesbian either.

I am quite confused about the female on female sex. Unless you are transitioned or consider yourself to have a male body, don't you have a female body? Don't most of us female bodied people have sex with other female bodied people? This is a Lesbian/Queer website and community, right?

I don't know what "feminizing touch" is either.

Are there forms of touch that magically confer masculinity or femininity on the recipient?
What would be a form of masculinizing touch or feminizing touch?
Inquiring minds want to know!

[Dragonfly]

Feminizing Touch
Does that mean "in a way that reminds you that you are female born"? I mean does that describe the way your "bits" are stimulated? To use Selenay's term for them I once saw and stole from her recently cause its cute.

I do see a difference in technique... and have made love differently to a man than to a woman. See what I mean by terms that would be less confusing? If you mean "in a way that would make ANYONE feel like the female parts are being stimulated and not like a males parts are being stimulated" THAT would be too stereotyping for me....

Someone once said when I make love to a male IDed person I may touch their parts... but I dont touch them in the same way as I would or have touched females. I thought that was easy to understand without graphic details.

*** For graphic details see my next post under my erotica lol

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Cyclopea

I don't know what "feminizing touch" is either.

Are there forms of touch that magically confer masculinity or femininity on the recipient?
What would be a form of masculinizing touch or feminizing touch?
Inquiring minds want to know!

For someone that does not identify with their female anatomy, touching their chest as one would touch the breasts of a female-identified person is an example of feminizing touch.

Yes, some touches are magical...both good and bad...for the recipient.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Cyclopea

I don't know what "feminizing touch" is either.

Are there forms of touch that magically confer masculinity or femininity on the recipient?
What would be a form of masculinizing touch or feminizing touch?
Inquiring minds want to know!

Part 1

(warning: below are some outrageous examples used in attempt to discuss what it is to sexually 'feminize'. cringe-worthy, read with caution)

i asked my ever-insightful partner if he feels as though there are touches that are *feminizing* and if so what they might be. he couldn't really come up with one, so i offered, 'what if i said i was going to 'finger bang' you?' which got an eyeroll and a, 'you know i don't like that' so i asked, 'why? is it feminizing?' and he said, 'no, i'm just not into it' so, i continued, 'what if i went over and did a 'motorboat' on your chest-area?' and he laughed, 'i'd laugh' i persisted, 'would you get mad? would you think it was feminizing?' he explained, 'if you did that i know you'd be joking' (i wouldn't do that, btw) again i asked, 'is it feminizing?' and he's patient so he said, 'no, not feminizing, we just have been together long enough for me to know what you like and for you to know what i like...' so, of course i persisted, 'what if i said i wanted to suck your hot wet pussy?' again, he didn't find *any* of my examples as much 'feminizing' as absurd. i think i'm concluding that i can't 'feminize' what isn't feminine and attempting to wouldn't be what either of us is about. (additionally, i did try to discover WHY it is that he doesn't like a certain, 'sensation' (ones that i do) but was without success beyond, 'i just don't')

Part 2

also, i don't believe in stone femme (unless you define stone femme as someone with boundaries regarding touch, of their personal person.) otherwise 'stone femme' just means that someone isn't attracted to who their sleeping with--which is cool, i don't judge--but lets get on the same page, already.

Part 3

i'm reading, 'nickel and dimed' and i'm pretty sure it has me interested in conducting covert social research.

[Cyclopea]

Originally Posted by apretty

Part 1

(warning: below are some outrageous examples used in attempt to discuss what it is to sexually 'feminize'. cringe-worthy, read with caution)

i asked my ever-insightful partner if he feels as though there are touches that are *feminizing* and if so what they might be. he couldn't really come up with one, so i offered, 'what if i said i was going to 'finger bang' you?' which got an eyeroll and a, 'you know i don't like that' so i asked, 'why? is it feminizing?' and he said, 'no, i'm just not into it' so, i continued, 'what if i went over and did a 'motorboat' on your chest-area?' and he laughed, 'i'd laugh' i persisted, 'would you get mad? would you think it was feminizing?' he explained, 'if you did that i know you'd be joking' (i wouldn't do that, btw) again i asked, 'is it feminizing?' and he's patient so he said, 'no, not feminizing, we just have been together long enough for me to know what you like and for you to know what i like...' so, of course i persisted, 'what if i said i wanted to suck your hot wet pussy?' again, he didn't find *any* of my examples as much 'feminizing' as absurd. i think i'm concluding that i can't 'feminize' what isn't feminine and attempting to wouldn't be what either of us is about. (additionally, i did try to discover WHY it is that he doesn't like a certain, 'sensation' (ones that i do) but was without success beyond, 'i just don't')

Part 2

also, i don't believe in stone femme (unless you define stone femme as someone with boundaries regarding touch, of their personal person.) otherwise 'stone femme' just means that someone isn't attracted to who their sleeping with--which is cool, i don't judge--but lets get on the same page, already.

Part 3

i'm reading, 'nickel and dimed' and i'm pretty sure it has me interested in conducting covert social research.

OK I just gotta ask- what is "motorboating"?
Concerned I may be missing out on something here! Help a butch sista out!

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Cyclopea

OK I just gotta ask- what is "motorboating"?
Concerned I may be missing out on something here! Help a butch sista out!

Uh... place face between partners breasts, move face from side to side while either yelling or making "motorboat" sounds..

[Gemme]

apretty, I really enjoy your pov most of the time, but I have to admit I find it a bit dismissive to an entire group of femmes (myself included) to say you don't believe in Stone Femmes, with the exception of one kind.

Well, Hell...I can't tell anyone what to believe in or not, so I'm kind of stumped as to how to approach you on this. Everyone's free to their opinon, of course, and that's yours but as someone who was effectively tossed aside into the "make believe" pile, I have to say that I do, indeed, exist and I do not fall into the definition that you carry for Stone Femmes.

I am respectful of my partner's boundaries without personally having the 'no fly' zones that one may typically associate with Stones and I am actually VERY attracted to who I sleep with....when I can get him close enough to do so.

[Bob]

Originally Posted by apretty

Part 1

('what if i said i was going to 'finger bang' you?'

Maybe E'd like it better coming from Eric Cartman:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O37DFSa7fs"]YouTube- SOUTH PARK-FINGERBANG[/ame]

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Bob

Maybe E'd like it better coming from Eric Cartman:

YouTube- SOUTH PARK-FINGERBANG

dear chef period-casserole,

shouldn't you be working instead of causing dissent?

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I don't think the attempt is to analyze (as in break down) anyone's ID, but to understand and learn from one another's IDs. If we can't learn from one another, then how in heck can we try to help those outside of our community understand or accept us?

I agree about learning but the bickering is what I see as a problem. I see bickering over words that define each and everyone of us, to me that is disturbing.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

I agree about learning but the bickering is what I see as a problem. I see bickering over words that define each and everyone of us, to me that is disturbing.

*nods*

It is difficult to see past the clashing of terms, I admit. I do feel it's necessary to do so, so that there won't be friction between the members of our community.

It is oftentimes a slow, bumpy road though.

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Originally Posted by Gemme

*nods*

It is difficult to see past the clashing of terms, I admit. I do feel it's necessary to do so, so that there won't be friction between the members of our community.

It is oftentimes a slow, bumpy road though.

Agreed

and as far as feminizing touch goes, for me personally, touching my chest is feminizing. To me it is bad enough that I have them but it irks me to think of my partner touching me there.

[Dragonfly]

Notanaverageguy:

Just wanted to ask since you are here and answering... would a set of nails digging into your chest area during a passionate moment be the same to you as a partner touching them...?

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Originally Posted by Amelia

Notanaverageguy:

Just wanted to ask since you are here and answering... would a set of nails digging into your chest area during a passionate moment be the same to you as a partner touching them...?

yes, I don't like hands near that area at all, I prefer nails on the back