The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

You know how straight girls different from us (Femmes)?

Soon as you have a conversation with us, our feminism, politics, acceptance of the diversity that surrounds us is spilled like paint on canvas through our words.

Straight gals not so much most of the time

I could not have said it better myself Lady Snow! I am visable as a Femme only on two occasions...when I am with Kasey, and when I tell them like it is! LOL I have gotten much bolder in my old age, having been too shy for most of my life.

[Toughy]

I found this on Huff Po Lesbian section today. This seemed to be the best thread to put it in. It is about a year old.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-...hp_ref=lesbian

Femme Invisibility
Posted: 01/28/2012 12:17 pm

If asked to think of a lesbian, most people's thoughts drift to the stereotypical image of a butch lesbian. It may come as a surprise to some that this is not the only type of lesbian that exists, oh no -- there are some who are "femmes." <snip>

[stepfordfemme]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I found this on Huff Po Lesbian section today. This seemed to be the best thread to put it in. It is about a year old.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-...hp_ref=lesbian

Femme Invisibility
Posted: 01/28/2012 12:17 pm

If asked to think of a lesbian, most people's thoughts drift to the stereotypical image of a butch lesbian. It may come as a surprise to some that this is not the only type of lesbian that exists, oh no -- there are some who are "femmes." <snip>

Thanks for posting.

I enjoyed this article, except for one line.

The author used femme "AKA" sometimes known as lipstick lesbians. I struggle with this term too often being equivocated with femme. I understand why she wrote it and what she meant, it just was unnecessary IMHO.

Femmes preferences for mates should not be connected at all to the femme label/identification.

Anyone else have thoughts on it?

[Words]

Hated the article, not least of all because of the stereotyping inherent in the author's take on what constitutes femme.

For example...did she bother to ask the ten women whose photos were shown in the gallery if they consider themselves femme or did she simply assume that because they're pretty and wear dresses and make up that they couldn't possibly be anything but?

If anything, the article left me feeling even more invisible than I felt before.

Words

[stepfordfemme]

Originally Posted by Words

Hated the article, not least of all because of the stereotyping inherent in the author's take on what constitutes femme.

For example...did she bother to ask the ten women whose photos were shown in the gallery if they consider themselves femme or did she simply assume that because they're pretty and wear dresses and make up that they couldn't possibly be anything but?

If anything, the article left me feeling even more invisible than I felt before.

Words

Point well taken on the gallery (I hadn't even looked at the pictures)
Thank you for pointing that out.

Ironically in fact about half of them were tv characters that are played by straight (or not known to be out women). For example Santana from Glee, the girl from PLL, the two Grey's characters -Calizona

Blog style articles tend to be from an author's POV. And she also has started a submission project of pictures from self defined femmes on her blog.

Ladies, what experiences would you relay to the world if you were to write a Huff Post article on femme invisibility ?

[Ginger]

I guess I don't care if I'm invisible as a femme. I don't care what people I don't know, don't know about me.

And if people make assumptions about who I want to sleep with, I don't care about that, either. If they matter to me, I'll give them more information so they know me better. If they don't matter to me, I don't care if their assessment of me is inaccurate.

I can't relate to the pain of invisible femme-ness. And the way I feel about this, doesn't make me less of a femme, or a lesser femme. I'm just a femme who doesn't care if I'm the only one who knows it.

[starryeyes]

I could give 2 hoots if I am invisible in the straight world...though the reactions are interesting. It's in the gay world, I feel hurt. Our own community stereotypes us and can't recognize us. I hate being the "straight girl" with a butch partner, or an outsider of the community because "I'm not really gay". Bah!

But, when you do get recognized... It makes it so worth it!

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I guess I don't care if I'm invisible as a femme. I don't care what people I don't know, don't know about me.

And if people make assumptions about who I want to sleep with, I don't care about that, either. If they matter to me, I'll give them more information so they know me better. If they don't matter to me, I don't care if their assessment of me is inaccurate.

I can't relate to the pain of invisible femme-ness. And the way I feel about this, doesn't make me less of a femme, or a lesser femme. I'm just a femme who doesn't care if I'm the only one who knows it.

i read this and i hear you. A while back i would have agreed 100%.

i don't agree. i want to be visible but more as a whole. We are a huge part of the gay population and the gay rights movement, i don't see myself as much of an individual as i do as a community among sisters in a big gay world. Our presence shows people that gays aren't so bad and we live and breathe among the rest of the world. The shock effect, i love the shock effect.

i feel the more visible we are, the more knowledge we bring to people, like at my current job which i just spoke of. My job as a gay woman is not to convert people but i feel when we educate people about assumptions and hatred, and how we are not all deviants trying to convert their children, the easier it will become for those coming up behind us to live in this world. i know it's getting better but i am reminded daily that we have a long way to go.

i used to feel like *fuck em*.. it's not my job to educate the world. Now i feel like it is, i wish someone had gotten thru to my father, maybe my life would be a lot different. Being gay was not an option. i feel like if by using my invisibility helps change the mind of a couple people, like the ones i work with, maybe life will be better for their children.


i guarantee you if i had walked in for my interview being visible, i would not have gotten this job. Privilege at its finest. A month later and we have all had a great time and bonded a bit, being gay isn't such a big deal.