What Cracked You Up Today?

[Medusa]

Ok, I looked and couldnt find this thread so if it exists already I apologize.


I just cracked up because Jack accidentally pushed the wrong #s on the tv remote and it asked her if she wanted to pay per view a show called "Filthy Suck Sluts 2".

She yelled at me "BAAAAABBBEEEE, you need to get this porno shit OFF OF MY FUCKING TV"

so she proceeds to flail her arms and push multiple buttons and another show pops up. This time its "Big Horny Wet Asses 7"

She yelled again, "BAAABBBEEEEEEE, there's some WET ASSES and shit on the tv and I WANT IT OFF OF THERE" and by this time, I was laughing so hard that I could barely see the tv anyway.

So she whips her head around at me while I was bent over laughing behind her and she says, "BAAABBBEEEEEE, isnt there a way to block this shit? I dont want the family coming over here at Christmas and being embarrassed by Filthy Fisting Whores or Slutty Gooch Suckers...I mean, THIS SHIT IS NOT IN THE FUCKING HOLIDAY SPIRIT"

ROTFLMAOOOO

[Diva]

Ok, I looked and couldnt find this thread so if it exists already I apologize.


I just cracked up because Jack accidentally pushed the wrong #s on the tv remote and it asked her if she wanted to pay per view a show called "Filthy Suck Sluts 2".

She yelled at me "BAAAAABBBEEEE, you need to get this porno shit OFF OF MY FUCKING TV"

so she proceeds to flail her arms and push multiple buttons and another show pops up. This time its "Big Horny Wet Asses 7"

She yelled again, "BAAABBBEEEEEEE, there's some WET ASSES and shit on the tv and I WANT IT OFF OF THERE" and by this time, I was laughing so hard that I could barely see the tv anyway.

So she whips her head around at me while I was bent over laughing behind her and she says, "BAAABBBEEEEEE, isnt there a way to block this shit? I dont want the family coming over here at Christmas and being embarrassed by Filthy Fisting Whores or Slutty Gooch Suckers...I mean, THIS SHIT IS NOT IN THE FUCKING HOLIDAY SPIRIT"

ROTFLMAOOOO



Yeah.

You don't want the family to see "Big Horny Wet Asses 7" because it's really not as good as "Big Horny Wet Asses 3" and "Big Horny Wet Asses 4".

Damned sequels.


:threadneedspics:

[NJFemmie]

https://www.bordergatewayprotocol.net/jon/humor/web_animations/1.swf

Warning - explicit language.

Courtesy of an old school buddy of mine who at times, makes me "miss" home. LOL

[KayCee]

....when I saw this picture:

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/funny-pictures-cat-with-santa.jpg

[kassykit]

Ok Medusa that was great! Thank you!
:freak: ((this gal doens't look like she's freaking, just laughing real hard to me O_O))

i so needed that this morning

[Eddie]

Me (talking to a friend at work yesterday) - How are you gentlemen?
Him - All your beer are belong to us.
Me - Oh noes! Not my beer in a bucket!
Him - Watch it, or else ceiling cat will take all beer AND buckets away from you.
Me - So, I CAN'T has cheezeburger?
Him - No, however you can bake me more of those pumpkin cookies.
Me - THEN can I has cheezeburger?
Him - I thought you wanted beer?
Me - Not really, I have some PBR in my fridge still.

[Gemme]

I crack up constantly at the stuff NJFemmie finds to torment me with. Sure, she posts it "for everyone" but I secretly know it's just to make me :spit:

[Jet]

My friend Mel who got drunk and wasted and passed out at my place. Her husband's all pissed off. Asshole. Ha!

[Dean Thoreau]

ok so this morning i get this text message from daughter that says:

Text: Hey don't say anything but guess who is still together after all the shit between them.......
:hamactor: :hamactor: :hamactor:


and then nothing so i get nosey and start texting ' :deepthoughts: who.. who....... :confused:


her response: your buttcheeks :rofl:


i have been laffing all day

[Niceguy]

Lookin' out my back patio door tonight and seein' one of our friendly neighborhood raccoons chillin' on my patio eatin' a big 'ol grilled STEAK! :wtf: Where the hell did he get a STEAK? :rofl: And why did he bring it to MY back patio to eat it? :simplelaugh: I guess some of the other neighbors are feedin' him and his friends better than I am! :danglecarrot: Not sure if the neighborhood cats were happy that he wasn't eatin' their catfood I put out for them, or jealous that he had a steak! :giggle:

Wonderin' what his opossum friends might bring to the party? :D

[Gemme]

THIS (http://www.thatsfit.com/2010/04/01/biniki-butt-bra-gives-saggy-bums-a-boost/?icid=main|main|dl3|link7|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thatsfi t.com%2F2010%2F04%2F01%2Fbiniki-butt-bra-gives-saggy-bums-a-boost%2F)

A Butt Bra. Who woulda thunk it. :blink:

[Kenna]

THIS (http://www.thatsfit.com/2010/04/01/biniki-butt-bra-gives-saggy-bums-a-boost/?icid=main|main|dl3|link7|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thatsfi t.com%2F2010%2F04%2F01%2Fbiniki-butt-bra-gives-saggy-bums-a-boost%2F)

A Butt Bra. Who woulda thunk it. :blink:

:deepthoughts:
What happens if you don't have "saggy bums"? Jus' askin'.... cause I "ain't got NO bums at all!!" Flat as a pancake it is!! ... guess I'm SOL.... AGAIN! Bummer!! I'm just plain BUMMED OUT!!

[Gemme]

:deepthoughts:
What happens if you don't have "saggy bums"? Jus' askin'.... cause I "ain't got NO bums at all!!" Flat as a pancake it is!! ... guess I'm SOL.... AGAIN! Bummer!! I'm just plain BUMMED OUT!!


They make fake buttcheeks for folks like you. They look much like the chicken cutlet looking boob enhancers, BUTT (ha!) the butt enhancers just go in your undies (some may strap on) and WALA! you have a booty.

[JakeTulane]

Cyndi Lauper..

"Muggles are wizards.. Muggles are wizards"

[hippieflowergirl]

my never ending faith in humanity is now a source of hilarity to me. ripped off to the tune of $300, almost out of coffee, and definitely out of ideas...

all i can do is laugh

what else is there?

:cracked:

[Cowboi]

my never ending faith in humanity is now a source of hilarity to me. ripped off to the tune of $300, almost out of coffee, and definitely out of ideas...

all i can do is laugh

what else is there?

:cracked:




Damn! That sucks!

[bigbutchmistie]

So I have a new apt manager and she is HOT... Ive been by before and we talked for awhile and we both love dogs... She showed me hers well her dog LOL and asked me to bring Simon by. So today I decided on my day off to walk down with him to the office.

We walk in and she is cooing and loving on him complimenting on what a wonderful sweet cute dog he is... And then Simon does it he sticks his nose right in between her tits and buries his face there... I start pulling on the leash calling to him Simon stop son... She is giggling and saying its alright, and Im thinking in my head you cant blame the dog he is smart after all LOL

A few minutes go by we talk as Im paying rent, and she comes to love on him some more as we are sitting on the couch in the office... he puts his head right back between her tits... ( she has a low cut shirt on) this time without thinking I take my hand and go to move his head and grab her tit.

Embarassed as all get out I jump up and start heading for the door and trip ono Simons leash... Im ready to just dig a hole and bury myself... She is making sure Im ok and with a smile on her face she says, all this because you touched my tit ? LOL we both start laughing and I explain I wasnt trying to get fresh with her I was trying to correct my dogs inappropriateness... LOL

[Kenna]

They make fake buttcheeks for folks like you. They look much like the chicken cutlet looking boob enhancers, BUTT (ha!) the butt enhancers just go in your undies (some may strap on) and WALA! you have a booty.

Geeeeee thanks!!! But I can't see myself like my "little gramma", wearing falsies!!

You, Gemmie, CRACK ME UP!!!

[Medusa]

Waking up this morning to Jackhammer sucking on my back :|
:rofl:

[Soon]

Texts From Last Night (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/)

[Forgetmenotfemme]

people being controled by other lmao

[Kenna]

a very interesting day yesterday... so filled with stuff that I may need to sleep all day today to recover... and so many things CRACKED me up that I can't list them all right now... you'd get bored reading them all!

Mom drove me down to my sister's new Condo in Maryland for the first time... as she'd go around corners, she'd holler "HANG ON GIZZY!" (mom's dog in the back seat) Poor Gizzy would have to hang on for dear life and her long ears would go flopping around, one time she got tossed out of her little basket and I had to grab the "Oh Shit" bar!

I thought we were only going down for an Easter Lunch and to drop off a few things.... At lunch my sister very firmly said "Oh, after we go to Lowe's and get back to the condo, I'm going to PUT YOU TO WORK!" (she knows how to push my buttons...cuz she knows I LOVE LOVE LOVE home-improvement projects!)

She picked out the paint... "Apple Cider"... that she swears is a light tan with "a little spice"... When I started to "cut in" around the baseboards and door, the color CRACKED ME UP! I said "Annie, this is PEACH!" Of course she argued with me... "Annie, I swear this is PEACH!! Are you sure you want me to go on?"... she insisted it was okay and "when we get the whole wall done, it will look okay... it's just because it's next to the old gray stuff that makes it look that way." "BUT ANNIE, IT'S PEACH!!! then I mumble to myself... "good thing your nickname in school was Peachy!"

Mom and Annie were squabbling the WHOLE time... nit-picking and fussing... but this is SO NORMAL for them. They were like two cats fighting over tuna!! So I get out my MP3 and headset..crank it up...and get blissfully busy painting... about an hour into my fun with the PEACHY walls, when I was up the ladder (which is WAY better than being "up the creek..."), Momma tugged on the cuff to my jeans. I nearly jumped outa my skin cuz I was so blissfully involved... I take my headset off, and she says "we were YELLING at you to come help Annie hang the chandelier"... I chuckled and responded "I'm sorry Momma, I had you and Annie on IGNORE!"

On the way home, while hanging onto Gizzy and my OH SHIT bar through Baltimore highways, I get into a very intriguing, electrifying, LIGHT HEARTED, FUN text convo with a friend who LOVES to CRACK me up and go "toe to toe" with me joking around. I must admit, they gave me a running for my money yesterday! I think we have a silent running bet on which one can stumble up the other first? ... Momma kept askin "what are you two talking about, you're burning up that phone!" ... I promptly told her, while BLUSHING and grinning, "Momma, you remember the joke about my homemade Stuffed French Toast?..... "It's better than SEX!" ...the rest of the way home, she didn't ask again :cheesy: ;) ;) But the whole time, I was thinkin' "GOD I hope she didn't see that!"...and I kept picturing blueberries and stuffed french toast!! ;) ;) Just as we get near home, we killed the phone battery!! My message to that friend... THANKS for keeping me sane and BUSY on the way home!! Because of you, I survived Momma's driving!! (and learned how to hold a Dime again!! ;) ;) )

:freetoaster: :freetoaster: :freetoaster:

[Ms. Tabitha]

Hearing Theo this morning say "OH Myron .. what are you doing"?
What's Myron doing?
Myron is hanging with his butt over the ledge, his body making odd moves and then he......... :crap: .........
Theos face :blah:..........:seconddoh:
ME :pointing:

[Kenna]

Hearing Theo this morning say "OH Myron .. what are you doing"?
What's Myron doing?
Myron is hanging with his butt over the ledge, his body making odd moves and then he......... :crap: .........
Theos face :blah:..........:seconddoh:
ME :pointing:

He was just thanking you for all those yummy crickets!!!

[Kenna]

after being in Logistics/Warehouse Management for MANY years (and being a prude about organized materials).... My new boss's warehouse filing system cracked me up so bad I just had to take pictures and share...

http://i815.photobucket.com/albums/zz72/kjs11/ggs.jpg?t=1270580367
http://i815.photobucket.com/albums/zz72/kjs11/GG.jpg?t=1270580432

[Blade]

Looks at above post and thinks your new boss needs some direction in lean manufacturing and 5S.

[Kenna]

Looks at above post and thinks your new boss needs some direction in lean manufacturing and 5S.

LMAO!!!
I am accustomed to a "shop" being messy...like my step-dad's old garage.
But it looks like Blade and I would have our hands FULL trying to wade through their shop and clean things up!!! He's in need of Lean Manufacturing, indeed!! The other thing that CRACKED me up... I asked where his MSDS books were? He said "MSDS...MSDS...(squeezing his eyes shut and thinking...) I know that term... What does MSDS mean?"

OMG!! All I did was smile and say "Material Safety Data Sheets...I take it you don't have a MSDS Book? Has OSHA paid you a visit?

[Kenna]

So, I'm a new "office assistant" for someone in the home repair business. I was just cleaning off my desk and looking for scotch tape because he handed me a BUNCH of estimate papers all crumbled and torn.

I've worked in and LOVE construction trades... "High Power Priss with Power Tools"... and I cracked up when I reached for my office tape and all I could find was black electrical tape!! That is SOOOOO me!! Don't ask me for a nail file or pretty polish to touch up your nails at work (I go to Joanne in the next cubical if I break a nail!)... but I've got black electrical tape, zip ties of every size, and power tools!! LMAO!!

Time to make a trip to Staples for the see through kind of tape and paper clips... cause zip ties just won't do!!

[NJFemmie]

This morning, Mare calls me to the kitchen window to witness a showdown between two neighborhood cats. One I know belongs to the neighbor across the street, and the other is a stray Mare has seen many times before.

Well, I turn to Mare and tell Her that if they start having at it, I'm going out there. (I really have issues seeing animals fight). Well, they started, and I bolted out of the door barefoot (I am not a go outside barefoot in the middle of the street too often person) with my mismatched pajama boxers and tee shirt ensemble - not to mention my divine morning hair. I run toward them, flailing my arms while trying not to yell 'too' loud (it was still pretty early in the morning). One cat bolts one way, the other, the other way - and afterwards - the neighbor's cat sits in front of his house staring straight at our house probably thinking "WTF was that with the crazy hair and is it coming back out?"

Mare cracks up, I crack up, and I am hoping a few neighbors aren't cracking up because of it ... :| (But it was pretty funny in a "had to be there" moment.)

[Ldyluck88]

Looking for my glasses and they were on top of my head!! :huhlaugh:

[Kenna]

How funny my dog looks when I shave him!!!
Anybody need some Willy Wool for their birdies to make their nests? (see gallery)

[Legendryder]

Bob barking at the thunder and rain. I swear the dog would kick that storm's ass if he could catch it!!

[Write14u]

Watching my roomie and his girlfriend do the "you stay on your side of the couch" we're actually 10 play slap fighting. *grin*

[Random]

All the kitties are outside sun bathing..

except our lil basement cat...

He is sitting in the cool shadow of the house watching the others outside..

grin...

[Gemme]

The image of Moby Dick being stuffed and mounted above Sweet's bed. :fishswim:

[AtLast]

My internal... PHOOEY when I click on someone's pic gallery button and there are none!! I'm sooooo transparent, sometimes!!!
:thud:

[Soon]

Punished For Being Awesome? The Most Ridiculous Detention Slips Of All Time (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/15/punished-for-being-awesom_n_538107.html)

[Mister Bent]

Punished For Being Awesome? The Most Ridiculous Detention Slips Of All Time (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/15/punished-for-being-awesom_n_538107.html)

http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a293/mrbent/bfd/awesome.jpg
"Receiving oral sex in the middle of a practice field, then ignoring orders to go to the office and going to class instead?"

[Andrew, Jr.]

In Mass today, a somewhat bald guy tried to cover up his bald spot with 1 strand of hair. Please. :huhlaugh::superfunny::pointing:

[Sachita]

my little psycho kitty attacking a big ass dog. He jump, leaps in the air and grabs his leg, attempts to drag him across the floor but he's too big! So the dog reaches around the bite the kitty and the kitty clamps onto his nose hanging there as the dog yelps and tosses his head.

I wish i had a video of this

[Soon]

"The folks at the Portland Mercury asked their readers what they'd like to see on the cover, and this slightly insane, slightly amazing pop-culture mindfuck is what they came up with."

http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/39/2010/04/500x_white41710.jpg

[Gemme]

"The folks at the Portland Mercury asked their readers what they'd like to see on the cover, and this slightly insane, slightly amazing pop-culture mindfuck is what they came up with."

http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/39/2010/04/500x_white41710.jpg

Please take a moment and consider how many of our industrious members live in or around Portland.......yeah, this isn't a surprise to me at all. :blink:

[Lady Pamela]

This lil blooper:

LOL

http://static.pyzam.com/img/funnypics/2/pyzamfuturecast.jpg

[Lady Pamela]

http://stuff.pyzam.com/funnypics/3/hitchhiking.jpg

[KayCee]

http://www.seekcodes.com/images/Funny-Comments/Myspace-Graphics-Funny-038.jpg

[Soon]

The Office!

[Lady Pamela]

I was speaking just today on
COMPUTER ADDICTION!

Then ran acrossed this!

Lol

http://www.funfluster.com/images/images-funny-pictures-computer-1.jpg

[Kenna]

After being lost out in the boonies, in the beautiful south for a couple weeks...

My best friend treats me to breakfast this morning at Cracker Barrel and comments "you look like you've lost weight".... (that felt nice, while I was sitting there stuffing my face with blueberry pecan pancakes)

Later I see my landlady, she greets me with a hug and says "you lost weight while you were gone."

Shortly after that, I see my neighbor-couple (she's expecting a baby soon) and she comments "you look like you lost weight, your face is thinner"... I respond, "GEE, THANKS!! Maybe that's why I can finally get into these black jeans Mom got me for Christmas?"

Then.... unexpected and unannounced, and old co-worker shows up, gives me the riot act for going out of state and not consulting him.... then says "did your BOOBS get bigger?"

:blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink: :blink:

I swear, this is a TRUE story... but, NO, my boobs didn't get bigger and I'm happy with them small ;) ;)

[Billy]

http://www.seekcodes.com/images/Funny-Comments/Myspace-Graphics-Funny-038.jpg

Yep thats about the look on My face :) :sumo:

[bigbutchmistie]

On the phone talking to an "applicant" and simon just comes out of know where and jumps right on me while I am sitting on the couch. And starts licking my face LOL It was soooo cute :)

[Soon]

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/5793/slide_5793_81238_large.jpg?1273018769491

[Bad_boi]

That I had to explain to my mom what the recycle bin was on the computer- and shes been using windows for 7 years :|

[violaine]

a little black pug :)

[CrankyOldGuy]

Sunset Daze a viagra-fueled geriatric version of 'Jersey Shore'."

[WingsOnFire]

Daddy being french kissed by his "pup"

[Kenna]

I just sent a text to the boss that I'm having server issues with Google Calendar...
He's meeting with a client who's last name is "Knapp"...

His return text: "Opps its not me call you when Im done with Krapp's apt"


:| :shocking: :giggle: :blink:

I hope he didn't call the client by that name.... please be a typo only?

[Blade]

This actually happened Friday evening. On the way home from going out to eat Daddy told Moma to drive. It is his van and she has never driven it. About half way home
Him: turn the lights on

Her: why don't they come on automatically, mine do

Him: well this aint your's it's mine.

Her: where is the light switch

Him: on the dash

OK at this point she turns a knob on the left of the steering column. This gosh awful noise comes from the back of the van I think the transmission is falling out. Then the windshield wipers on the front glass come on. I start dying laughing.

Him: turn the wipers off and for God sake turn the back one off that is a $40 blade.

Her: I don't know how I turned it on, where's the lights?

mean while this terrible grinding is still going on in the back and it is the back windshield wiper dragging across a dry windshield. By now we are all cracked up and dying laughing. Moma is making hen sounds like she is laying eggs, Daddy is laughing and cussing enough to give a preacher goose bumps and I am laughing so hard by now tears are running down my face.

Him: pull over down here, you don't know how to drive you gonna tear my van up. THE DASH THE DASH, the light switch is on the DASH.

Her: OK OK and finally pulls the light switch

Still the wipers are back and forth across that back windsheild. Finally she pulled over and I went around and turned them off. Yes there is never a dull moment with them.

[pajama]

What I can remember of last night. :beerbros:

[Queerasfck]

apretty watching Mildred Pierce. Oy.

[CrankyOldGuy]

Watching Betty White on SNL!

[UofMfan]

A story I just heard on the phone :)

[always2late]

A friend forwarded this to me:

This is brilliant! We need more Prof's with a sense of humor like this one.

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:


Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

[Enchantress]

While speaking with my grandmother she referred to me as "Butch" in a sentence. It's something that my grandpa used to say. As in:

You know it butch! It was funny on a couple of different levels (for obvious reasons). It also brought back memories of fun with my grandmpa Jim.

[AzDesertRunner]

Thanks for sharing this! I used to listen to Dr Laura years ago, not because I agreed with her but because you just never knew what kind of non sense she would come up with!
This brought back memories and once again made me laugh!

[Shadowboi2010]

Watching a YouTube video of people falling! Love it!

[Lillie]

watching one of my residents try to eat her bingo chips :twitch:as she always does on Tuesday Bingo day..but was SHOCKED :doh::doh::doh:when I secretly replaced them with ritz crackers!...:eek:

mwahahahahah:tease:


I love you stella and your face was priceless today! :gimmehug:


Lillie

[Kenna]

I was trying to set an appointment for a particular customer today...

in her really REALLY shrill voice (that I first thought was my boss playing a trick) she tells me - make that YELLS at me- that Tuesdays and Wednesdays wouldn't work for her because she's "over 90 years old and still goes golfing on Tuesday and Wednesday, but it is just too damn cold to go today... I'm 90 years old, I can't be out in this 40 degree weather, it's just too damn cold today!!!! But next Tuesday you bet I will be at the Country Club!!"

When I asked her what day would work for her other than Tuesday or Wednesday, she yelled in an ear piercing shrill voice "Honey, I TOLD you I was hard of hearing, are you too? I said Tuesday and Wednesdays wouldn't work for me! I just have to have someone clean those whirly gigs out of my gutters!! I can't have my grandson do it, he's worthless!! Can you come on another day OTHER than Tuesday or Wednesday? I might be 90 years old, but I still get out and golf EVERY week!!" by this time, I'm sitting at my desk with the phone in one hand OUT from my ear...and my forehead in my other hand wondering when she was gonna hush so I could approach this from a different angle. :phonegab: :doh: :doh:


What cracked me up even more....was when I told the entire, full story complete with animations and mimics of her shrill voice to Mom... watching Mom crack up so hard she had tears!! I had her reaching for the tissues and holding her ribs!!

"But I just got to get to the Country Club honey!! Come get those whirly giggs out of my gutters! I can't stand whirly giggs! Hey honey, have you ever gone golfing before? I tell ya, it's good for the blood and old knees!"

OMG!! I better NOT find out that was the boss playing a trick!!

[SuperFemme]

Just about everything, but high up on the list was my overuse of the word PieHole today.

I may have used it in therapy.

[UofMfan]

I stole this joke from a guy who posted it on TPM's FB page:


Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini." ... See More

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man,

"What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious... So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,

"What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.

He goes back into the bar. The robot says,

"What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 60."

The robot leans in real close and says,

"So, you people still happy you voted for Palin?"

[SuperFemme]

UofMans post just made me spit water. Thanks for that.

[UofMfan]

UofMans post just made me spit water. Thanks for that.

I aim to please. :)

BTW, just like June you are missing an F in my nick. Can you just call me "U"? I mean, we are tight right? ;)

[SuperFemme]

I aim to please. :)

BTW, just like June you are missing an F in my nick. Can you just call me "U"? I mean, we are tight right? ;)


Oh. My. Gay. Now I just died a thousand deaths. Somebody hold me.

[UofMfan]

Oh. My. Gay. Now I just died a thousand deaths. Somebody hold me.

I have that effect on women ;)

[adorable]

:horseriding:

Istambabwe

Peanut butter

15 minute windows

Being sick in bed

A meanie pirate

[KayCee]

http://www.jokeorb.com/jokepics/105.jpg

[Soon]

eMUVFctJ2Xw&feature=player_embedded#!

[Diva]

My daughter ~ who hasn't quite learned how to cook/bake yet (having a step-mother who calls "good ol' home cookin' " STOUFFER'S) is learning now.....I'm enabling her to fail if she has to do that....

But right now, she's decided she wants to try her hand at chocolate chip cookies and has never used a mixer. I have a big ol' KitchenAide and she's afraid of it....

She can't hear me laughing....she is SOOOOOOO cute!

[Gemme]

My daughter ~ who hasn't quite learned how to cook/bake yet (having a step-mother who calls "good ol' home cookin' " STOUFFER'S) is learning now.....I'm enabling her to fail if she has to do that....

But right now, she's decided she wants to try her hand at chocolate chip cookies and has never used a mixer. I have a big ol' KitchenAide and she's afraid of it....

She can't hear me laughing....she is SOOOOOOO cute!





Well, it's a big hunka burnin' food love machiney thingy you got there, missy miss. :blink:

Nobody makes cc cookies like you do, but I won't tell her that.

[PinkieLee]

Talking with my honey about the Reunion and what she wants to do while she is in Little Rock. Her answer.... go see the Duggars (from 19 kids and counting). :huhlaugh:

OH MY GAY ~ too much reality tv.

[Medusa]

Talking with my honey about the Reunion and what she wants to do while she is in Little Rock. Her answer.... go see the Duggars (from 19 kids and counting). :huhlaugh:

OH MY GAY ~ too much reality tv.

They are actually renting a house that is about 4 miles from the hotel :)

Wanna go on a widdle field trip?! :happyjump:

[JustBeingMe]

Reading some of the posts in the TMI Thread that was started today. :superfunny::huhlaugh::cracked::rofl:

[Lady Pamela]

My two 3 year old grandsons were playing a game,

WHO COULD STUFF THE MOST POPCORN KERNELS IN EACH NOSTRAL!!!

This of course resulted in an er trip to make sure they were all out.

But they were trying to originally put em in..hold the one side of the nose,
Then blow em out...the game was who could do it further.....sheeesh!

Never a dull moment!...lol

[evolveme]

SsWrY77o77o

[Blade]

:flasher:ICE in the hot tub:shocking::cracked::rofl:

[SuperFemme]

mzMzcIsQhjQ

[Niceguy]

Talking with my honey about the Reunion and what she wants to do while she is in Little Rock. Her answer.... go see the Duggars (from 19 kids and counting). :huhlaugh:

OH MY GAY ~ too much reality tv.

They are actually renting a house that is about 4 miles from the hotel :)

Wanna go on a widdle field trip?! :happyjump:



Sorry for the disappointing news, but the Duggars are no longer in Little Rock. Their new baby was recently released from Children's Hospital and they moved back home to Springdale (NW Arkansas) this week! :(

I did have a couple of brief encounters with them while they were in town though. The first one was during the Little Rock Marathon. The house they were renting just happened to be at mile 10, and the whole family was volunteering at the drink/snack table set up in front of their house. I stopped for some water/gatorade, and also grabbed a few of their Jolly Ranchers candy! :thumbsup:

A couple of weeks after that, I was house/dog sitting for some friends who live two houses down from where they were staying in the historic district. As I was walking the dog that Saturday morning, all of the little kids were out playing in the yard. They all said a big "Hi" and admired the dog as I walked by! I felt compelled to walk by their house every evening, hoping the family would be out in the yard... like they were big celebrities or something! :cheesy:

[Mitmo01]

jZkdcYlOn5M

[Gemme]

SsWrY77o77o

This has been one of my favorite bits EVER for a while now. Love it!

[Soon]

gskOx7PVkBs

[Mitmo01]

-Y6dGwfNVZg


hahaha "little kids are runnin away from it" lololol

"either you or a gorilla" lolol

[Corkey]

Mowing.....ohh look a chipmunk, a rabbit, and a person on a riding mower...rabbit stops, I stop, chipmunk takes off.....riding mower misses the whole scene.

[Kenna]

How Funny Is This?
I was cleaning out ANOTHER box..this one had red letters on the outside that said "My Dresser"... I found some "girly girl" stuff from years ago, a PART of my dresser (wood that needs glued back on), a couple candles.... AND.... :superfunny: A "New & Improved TruGrip Oil Filter Wrench". :blink: :blink: :cheesy:

Typical me... what can I say?

[Kenna]

:greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar:

Yesterday...
Up to my ears cleaning out several HUGE boxes of very old paperwork...filling one bag for the shredder and Lawn/Leaf bags for trash... I found a crisp dollar bill... I was tickled that I found money, but I even checked to see if it was real, or a color copy... it WAS real, so I chuckled and said "gee, that's nice, coffee money!! I wonder if I'll find a HUNDRED dollar bill on the bottom?"

Today...
I cleaned out more junk with the hopes of finding that Hundred bucks!

I got A LOT done!!!!

I didn't find it.... but found my forgotten stash of REALLY old Wheat Back Pennies and favorite old coins.

I think I'll mount that 1$ in a frame as a reminder why I shouldn't hoard OLD paperwork... even if it is about medical stuff like insurance EOBs and YEARS of school IEP plans.

:greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar: :greendollar:

[Soon]

The Funniest Kids Test Answers Of All Time (PHOTOS) (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/25/the-funniest-kids-test-an_n_587753.html)

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/6997/slide_6997_93112_large.jpg?1274927446023

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/6997/slide_6997_93108_large.jpg?1274927481014

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/6997/slide_6997_92962_large.jpg?1274927496378

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/6997/slide_6997_93027_large.jpg?1274927571355

[Kenna]

I was trying to set an appointment for a particular customer today...

in her really REALLY shrill voice (that I first thought was my boss playing a trick) she tells me - make that YELLS at me- that Tuesdays and Wednesdays wouldn't work for her because she's "over 90 years old and still goes golfing on Tuesday and Wednesday, but it is just too damn cold to go today... I'm 90 years old, I can't be out in this 40 degree weather, it's just too damn cold today!!!! But next Tuesday you bet I will be at the Country Club!!"

When I asked her what day would work for her other than Tuesday or Wednesday, she yelled in an ear piercing shrill voice "Honey, I TOLD you I was hard of hearing, are you too? I said Tuesday and Wednesdays wouldn't work for me! I just have to have someone clean those whirly gigs out of my gutters!! I can't have my grandson do it, he's worthless!! Can you come on another day OTHER than Tuesday or Wednesday? I might be 90 years old, but I still get out and golf EVERY week!!" by this time, I'm sitting at my desk with the phone in one hand OUT from my ear...and my forehead in my other hand wondering when she was gonna hush so I could approach this from a different angle. :phonegab: :doh: :doh:


What cracked me up even more....was when I told the entire, full story complete with animations and mimics of her shrill voice to Mom... watching Mom crack up so hard she had tears!! I had her reaching for the tissues and holding her ribs!!

"But I just got to get to the Country Club honey!! Come get those whirly giggs out of my gutters! I can't stand whirly giggs! Hey honey, have you ever gone golfing before? I tell ya, it's good for the blood and old knees!"

OMG!! I better NOT find out that was the boss playing a trick!!

I wish all customers were this fun!!
So, I had to call this little, sweet old lady back today and tell her that my boss would be a little late... she said "that's okay, I'm over 90 years old but I'm still here and my gutters are still here! He can visit anytime, I'm not going anywhere."

She just tickled me silly!! I adore her spirit!! LOL

[diamondrose]

Reading some of the posts in the caption avatar thread

[Queerasfck]

The Funniest Kids Test Answers Of All Time (PHOTOS) (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/25/the-funniest-kids-test-an_n_587753.html)

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/6997/slide_6997_93112_large.jpg?1274927446023

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/6997/slide_6997_93108_large.jpg?1274927481014

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/6997/slide_6997_92962_large.jpg?1274927496378

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/6997/slide_6997_93027_large.jpg?1274927571355

We loved this! I was cracking up over it this morning. So great.

[Kenna]

He knew it! :pointing: :cheesy:

[GoofyLuvr]

I received a check in the mail the other day. I had been expecting it, but it was much larger than I thought it would be. I was just about doing back flips, I was so excited! So, my friend and I went to try to get it cashed. After many tries, I found out the only way to get it cashed was with a hold placed on the funds. My good mood suddenly went south. I had PLANS for that money!!! My friend looked at me, and said "Now, I know all the red has been licked off your candy, but it will be ok."
I looked at her for a second, digesting what she had just said, then busted out laughing. How could I stay bummed after a comment like that?

[Blade]

THAT DAMN SNAKE IS BACK, he thinks he actually lives here. Maybe I should put him a mailbox up outside.

[Ms. Tabitha]

Conversation over morning coffee .. there is never a dull moment!

:love1:

[Kätzchen]

Not much has "cracked me up" today :shocking:

but my day began just a bit ago, so there's no telling what I will find funny today or what will cause me to laugh or giggle!

:blueheels:

[Pretty Woman]

Nothing! So far I've had a super stressful, client crazy-making, chaotic day. Maybe that will change.

[GoofyLuvr]

:duck: 1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "GUESS" on it. So I asked "Implants?". She hit me.

:duck: 2) Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

:duck: 3) How come we choose from just 2 people to run for President and over 50 for Miss America?

:duck: 4) Now that food has replaced sex in my life I can't even get into my own pants.

:duck: 5) I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up for the class in the first place!

:duck: 6) When I was young, we used to go skinny dipping. Now we just chunky dunk.

:duck: 7) Don't argue with an idiot. People watching may not be able to tell the difference.

:duck: 8) Wouldn't it be nice if, whenever we messed up in our lives, we could just hit "Control, Alt, Delete" and start all over again?

:duck: 9) Wouldn't you know it.... brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

[Gemme]

I received a check in the mail the other day. I had been expecting it, but it was much larger than I thought it would be. I was just about doing back flips, I was so excited! So, my friend and I went to try to get it cashed. After many tries, I found out the only way to get it cashed was with a hold placed on the funds. My good mood suddenly went south. I had PLANS for that money!!! My friend looked at me, and said "Now, I know all the red has been licked off your candy, but it will be ok."
I looked at her for a second, digesting what she had just said, then busted out laughing. How could I stay bummed after a comment like that?

After all, we ALL know red is the best flavor! :blink:

[Blade]

2 days ago I put a little box in the cage with a small towel in it for Itty Bitty to sleep in. He shit in it and slept on the floor of the cage. So I took it out and put litter in it.:|

Today I put a box of litter in the cage with Grumpy and he is shitting in the floor of the cage and sleeping in the litter.:wtf:
ROFLMSAO!!!:rofl:

[MrSunshine]

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/E2eo3f-_2V4&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/E2eo3f-_2V4&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

[Random]

A conversation..


Mitmo: What cha doing?

Me: Preaching my normal spill in a thread..

Mitmo: What thread?

Me: :| hahahahahahahahahah Let me go look...

Shoot.. I was totally off thread topic..

So what's new?

[Soon]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_1xQeOPE9ePU/TBL09j2JJjI/AAAAAAAAE-8/EOvEk9Gg9dE/s400/500x_0611_schocking.jpg


(on the right)

[UofMfan]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_1xQeOPE9ePU/TBL09j2JJjI/AAAAAAAAE-8/EOvEk9Gg9dE/s400/500x_0611_schocking.jpg


(on the right)

Ha! too funny!

[waxnrope]

just loooove the turquoise belt! :rofl:

[Kenna]

Doggy Bubble Baths at 6:15am...with two silly muttlies who gladly rolled over in the tub to have their bellies scrubbed and rinsed. As if to say "ya missed a spot, Mom!"

[Mitmo01]

The fact that i dont need an alarm clock when i have 4 felines busting into our room to wake me up right on time to feed them...who knew that kitties work better than the alarm clock lol

[Mitmo01]

I forgot to add one of my coworkers had the funniest t-shirt on yesterday....it said " I have a blackbelt in crazy" lmfao and there was a 70's karate dude on it and it was the funniest shirt ive seen in a long time lololol

[Soon]

UE6iAjEv9dQ&feature=player_embedded#!

[Scota_Parisi]

This has been cracking me up for a few days..... amazing kid!! Makes all of us Rock Band geeks look like amateurs, that is for sure!


9GKsUiq9HZc

[Blade]

An email from a friend, oh my goodness I'm still chuckling....

[Scorp]

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l3up4hCjSG1qankvno1_500.jpg

[Toofrufru]

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist
later in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's
office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I
had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already
around 8:45 AM...
The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time
to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little
extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I
wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the
washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash
in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw
the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I undressed, hopped up on the
table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I
was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an
extra effort this morning, haven't we?'I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out
from the bathroom, 'Mommy, where's my washcloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'

Never going back to that doctor. Ever.

[Soon]

...."He's so deep in the closet he's finding Christmas presents."

[Ebon]

Seeing my puppy nephew trapped in one of my t-shirts rolling around on the floor trying to get out of it. lol

[MissItalianDiva]

Passive aggressive behavior from people who know better....really is comical. Makes me wonder sometimes. Perhaps I am just to outspoken but if I have an opinion or something to say I just say it. Anyways it makes me laugh

[Scorp]

Attention is being drawn to our house, since we are putting an addition on and updating the kitchen. I was outside getting the mail and these 2 nice folks were going for their daily evening walk (I've never met them before until then). I waved to them so they stopped and were chit chatting and were asking about the house and how they had work done to theirs, etc. etc. The husband then says to me, we're going to be having a 4th of July party so there will be a lot of commotion and cars down the street, if you and your "HUSBAND" would like to come over, you are more than welcome. Now of course I laugh to myself, but I was very gracious and said thank you, if we're around we may just do that.

They continue on their walk, so 5 minutes later my honey comes outside and I say to her "Yeah, those 2 nice folks on their walk just invited me and my HUSBAND to their party this weekend". Of course we laughed about it. I tell ya one just never knows what will come out someone's mouth.

I chalk that one up as if saying to a voluptuous woman, gee when is your due date???

What a surprise it will be when they see me and my "husband"...SURRRRRRRRPRISE.....

LMFAO.....

[Ms. Tabitha]

Forwarded conversations.. coffee over Yahoo messenger and the fact somethings NEVER change

[Soon]

http://open.salon.com/files/whyteach131277679694.jpg


http://open.salon.com/files/whyteach191277679877.jpg

http://open.salon.com/files/whyteach31277499648.jpg


http://open.salon.com/files/whyteach61277678771.jpg

http://open.salon.com/files/whyteach201277679900.jpg

http://open.salon.com/files/whyteach241277680002.jpg

[Kenna]

I posted this earlier today in the Smile thread...

Taking treats from the farmer's market - home made ice cream and a HUGE seedless watermelon - to a friend's parents and seeing how delighted "Pap" was to receive his treats.

After I posted that, I was told "Pap" ate ALL the ice cream before Momma got home!! I could just picture the "naughty little boy" look on his face when he said "I told Mom about the watermelon, but I didn't tell her about the ice cream because I ate both of them." Shame on him!! LMAO!!!

Momma is gonna squeeze his ears together when she finds out!! LOL

I wonder if he hid the containers deep down in the trash?

[moxie]

I haven't watched Dress to Kill in years. Watched it tonight. One of my favorite parts.


x1sQkEfAdfY

[JustBeingMe]

I have found Simon's Cat on Youtube to be quite funny and laughing my arse off watching them. Hope you enjoy!!

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/w0ffwDYo00Q&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/w0ffwDYo00Q&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

[Jess]

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/MQ7QmLd2eVg&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/MQ7QmLd2eVg&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

[Soon]

5lvU-DislkI&feature=player_embedded#!

[JustBeingMe]

You have to watch this guy, he's amazing and funny to watch, don't miss the thing he does with his nipple!!! LMAO

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/aBmZidJevFg&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/aBmZidJevFg&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

[Soon]

Sarah Palin 'Refudiate' Twitter Remark Causes FLOOD Of #ShakesPalin Tweets (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/20/sarah-palin-refudiate-twi_n_653100.html#s116621)


Examples:

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/8795/slide_8795_116620_large.jpg?1279664367082


http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/8795/slide_8795_116616_large.jpg?1279664387331

http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/8795/slide_8795_116727_large.jpg?1279664412275

[Passionaria]

There is no "I" in team. But there are three "u"s in shut the fu*k up.

:vigil:

[Soon]

HRENP2D55LQ&feature=player_embedded

[theoddz]

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/MQ7QmLd2eVg&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/MQ7QmLd2eVg&amp;hl=en_US&amp;fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

I see you and raise you this!!!! :pointing:

JZdiRYDPBIY

:rofl:

~Theo~ :bouquet:

[Cyclopea]

This shit-smear of a ditty and the comments posted below it had me almost falling off my chair with laughter.
http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2010/07/today-in-crazy-teabaggers_29.html
:fart:

[Cyclopea]

A brief verbal exchange with a physically aggressive male:

Me: So, you like to threaten and push women around...
He: Not ugly fat ones like you!

:giggle:

Maybe someday I will be pretty and thin enough! Oh the tears! LMAO

[Kenna]

as we drove by a little country house with someone out front on a mower... my dinner escort says "my dad's best friend that died lives there..."

I couldn't resist razzing him... the poor guy died but he still lives there?

[ruthie14]

One of my 15 month old boys who ALWAYS calls me Mommy as I am changing his poopy diaper no less says to me:
Child: Where's Roofy
Me: I'm here
Child: No Roofy's home
me: No I'm here (yes I know at this point I am arguing with a baby)
Child Laughs: No Roofy's home sleepin Mommy
Me: I wish I were home sleepin

lol made my day... well, at least he DOES know my name... little joker!

[UofMfan]

Posted by Lizz Winstead on FB: "I'm for a 28th amendment that gives undocumented gays the right to marry and open an abortion clinic in a mosque at ground zero"

[Mister Bent]

Boss Lady: I need to get you a blackberry and business cards and to set your email up. What name do you want to go by?

Me: Speed Racer.

[JustBeingMe]

http://us.mc1104.mail.yahoo.com/mc/showMessage?filterBy=&.rand=1626090630&midIndex=1&mid=1_17434_AOUIw0MAADygTFg4%2FgCILSLRpWA&fromId=linda_hammond%40hotmail.com&m=1_20448_AOcIw0MAAVW2TFlgOQXFUT08Kgo%2C1_17434_AO UIw0MAADygTFg4%2FgCILSLRpWA%2C1_2137_AOkIw0MAAG94T EU2FQqV%2BhfhgF4%2C1_2641_AOsIw0MAAGrwTEUx5Q7s8XQY 99s%2C1_3168_AOQIw0MAAOCrTDYvyA7w%2BhIOAC8%2C1_398 4_AOYIw0MAAWMtTDIIlwaT221zWRY%2C1_4501_AOMIw0MAAUf %2BTBvZ%2BQa1bQp%2BR7g%2C&sort=date&order=down&startMid=0&hash=e737d616c9ba4f74b0e1f204a19a25e3&.jsrand=3615467&acrumb=Z%2FOcQo5yIM9&enc=auto&cmd=msg.scan&pid=2&tnef=&fn=funny-pictures-cat-plays-dead.jpg

[Soon]

oUWbrI9wQMc&feature=player_embedded

[Blade]

Went to breakfast with my parents. They didn't know about the tatoo. As we walk in, Mom says what's wrong with your neck? I said nothing and turned around and grinned. She smiled and said you got a tatoo didn't you. I said yes, and took my phone out and showed her the pic of it. Daddy saw it and said what's that? Mom said, it's the tatoo. He says have you lost your mind?

We got to the front of the line and the lady says, "3"? I said no me and 2 old people. Daddy said you mean 2 old people and 1 idiot, right? ROFLMAO!!!!! We got a good laugh out of that. Daddy has a tatoo, he hates it. He got it while in the navy and drunk, said he wished he could have cut it off the next day. LOL Gotta love Pops!

[Stearns]

Went to breakfast with my parents. They didn't know about the tatoo. As we walk in, Mom says what's wrong with your neck? I said nothing and turned around and grinned. She smiled and said you got a tatoo didn't you. I said yes, and took my phone out and showed her the pic of it. Daddy saw it and said what's that? Mom said, it's the tatoo. He says have you lost your mind?

We got to the front of the line and the lady says, "3"? I said no me and 2 old people. Daddy said you mean 2 old people and 1 idiot, right? ROFLMAO!!!!! We got a good laugh out of that. Daddy has a tatoo, he hates it. He got it while in the navy and drunk, said he wished he could have cut it off the next day. LOL Gotta love Pops!

This. This cracked me up. In addition to the 15 second video Soon posted. Oh, and my dog sneaking up to the coffee table and snagging a scrambled egg off my plate when she thought I wasn't looking.

[LeftWriteFemme]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_hnINji-9jZ0/TA9yx4tVc-I/AAAAAAAAD_s/HlwF-wdNoMQ/s1600/Halkett_Boat_Cloak_in_use_cropped.jpg

[Soon]

nb0s1AePP2g&feature=player_embedded#!

[deeperstill]

WAHHHHHHHHA! That is MESSED.UP. :giggle:
ok, that is going to last me all week

nb0s1AePP2g&feature=player_embedded#!

[Laerkin]

Laerkin and SB were chillin' on the couch. Suddenly, SB gestured wildly for me to look outside.

I turned around and in the middle of our cul de sac was a teenage boy in full Matrix gear with a mask and a fake sword and he was GOING TO TOWN.

He was doing horrific spin kicks and charging in circles with his ninja sword and then posing dramatically as if waiting for the next throng of enemies.

He was pointing at invisible enemies and throwing his ankle-length coat around like a shield.

We were DYING.

Unfortunately, just as I got the video camera out, the neighbors pulled up and interrupted his show so he sulked home.

I hope he comes back. YouTube!

[Passionaria]

http://lh5.ggpht.com/_YepnTrx-v5c/TAQKTmlWaBI/AAAAAAAAE90/4YP-5ujReUQ/take%20my%20advice.jpg

[ravfem]

8F_G2zp-opg

JhlWddAXSRA

:cracked::rofl:
:byebye:

[NJFemmie]

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ft3wGg6WbPQ&color1=0x9ca3a4&color2=0xbdc6c7&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ft3wGg6WbPQ&color1=0x9ca3a4&color2=0xbdc6c7&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

[Kenna]

Finding three frogs taking a swim in the dog's water bowl!!
It was too funny and they were neat! (but I feel sorry for them since it's been so hot and dry)

and

Someone's "mission"

[Kenna]

Ohhh forgot...

I must have moved to the land of BIG AZZ BUGS!! Today in my kitchen I found something that is a cross between a cricket, spider and stink bug!! UGLY FUGLY BIG AZZ BUGS do not belong in my kitchen! Then my housemate tells me that sometimes those creepy things get onto the shower wall!! OHHHH NO WAY!! I will NOT share my shower with something that has more legs than I do!!

THEN... I have a smack-down-crunch-them-up-squish-and-squash-them contest with a HUGE hairy spider just outside the front door.

[Jess]

oUWbrI9wQMc&feature=player_embedded


OK, this had me literally laughing out loud at 6 am AFTER waking up to a pressie from one of the big dogs.... so you know it's funny!!!

[chefhmboyrd]

http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/cute-puppy-pictures-play-dead.jpg

[JustBeingMe]

ok now someone tell me how to post those darn pics like the one above ^^^^my post????? I wanna post some that are funny too. I don't know how with this new site. it's mind boggling I tell ya :blink:. LOL

OK, now my you tube video won't post but a white block??? WTF is going on now?

[Soon]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/05/jon-stewart-rick-sanchez-daily-show-video_n_750396.html

[Jess]

YouTube - Bad Romance (acapella version)

[Mitmo01]

http://www.hulu.com/watch/180974/saturday-night-live-bronx-beat

[Gemme]

YouTube - Bad Romance (acapella version) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuISQJtJDeQ)

Ha! They were fantastic.

In other news, my honey pretty consistently cracks me up. We're funny people, I have to admit.

[Scorp]

Gotta love good ole Maxine....

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs263.snc3/27802_1196696736634_1804974815_376833_7237309_n.jp g

[~Bo]

Gotta love good ole Maxine....

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs263.snc3/27802_1196696736634_1804974815_376833_7237309_n.jp g





Daayum......that'd be a great bumper sticker.

[jenny]

"Does it count as recycling if you collect old batteries to throw at clowns?" ~ Santana, "Glee" (a Glee commercial for environmental awareness... not the Glee show...)

[rlin]

the damned TMI thread....
i laughed my ass off...
my dog gave me that head-cocked-to-the-side-look trying to figure out if i had lost it for real this time...

[MaggieBluIze]

PaCPlKlFqXg

[BullDog]

iROgD3JRJFY

[Gemme]

iROgD3JRJFY

I just love his chunky lil dimple!

[tiggs]

http://i3.squidoocdn.com/resize/squidoo_images/-1/draft_lens5663282module49081062photo_1248946805hal loween.jpg

[Soon]

ubp4DT7lQoI&feature=player_embedded

[Dude]

me: yes ,there is an enema position. Your supposed to lay down.

...: how do you know?

me: I've been constipated my whole life.

....: well, that's obvious.

[~Bo]

Mike and Molly is my new favorite show. It cracks me up. :rofl:

[WingsOnFire]

Pussy vs printer (I didnt make up the name lol) ..... cracked my ass up after a hard day at work REQRHdMRimw

[ravfem]

WnR did. A good laugh after a long day. i needed it!

:slapfight::slapfight::slapfight:

[dixie]

The fact that my dad was raving ONCE AGAIN (he's been doing it all week) about how useless my cat is because it won't catch a frisbee or play fetch... :| LOL

[pajama]

The fact that my dad was raving ONCE AGAIN (he's been doing it all week) about how useless my cat is because it won't catch a frisbee or play fetch... :| LOL

Mmmm hmmm...I concur. Pretty useless. Bet he won't bring him the paper or his slippers either. hmph cats

[dixie]

Mmmm hmmm...I concur. Pretty useless. Bet he won't bring him the paper or his slippers either. hmph cats

Hey now! My kitty is not useless!! She...um...um...damn...maybe she is... :(

[Gemme]

My neighbor once had a blind cat with a gimpy leg. She found him on the side of the road, after being run over and possibly beaten. After about 6 months, he was up and running and learning to get around. Sweet cat.

Well, sweet to his owner, to me and most every female. He didn't especially care for males, especially those who broke into his home.

3 grown men vs. 1 blind, gimpy cat

Who won?

Well, the cat's not the one(s) who spent time in jail. :|

Oh, and all the guys had lovely parting gifts all over their faces from their little B&E adventure.

Cats do not = useless. Some of them make fine burglar alarms and home defense systems. :cat:

[SimpleAlaskanBoy]

We have a cat that plays fetch, so cats are not useless!
Another one brings daisy "gifts" like a stray hair tie...which is where the first one learned "fetch" from.
We also have a feral that never leaves our yard. So he's kinda like a watch cat.
Cats are awesome! (I still hate cleaning litter boxes though)
~SAB (& the cats)

[Butterbean]

There are about 5 ferals who hang out around the block, including my yard. My favorite is "Fluffy." Yeah, I know..I gave him a sad ass name but it came from the fleas he had that made him scratch patches of his long fur out. He looked like the feline version of Einstein.

He has allowed me to put drops on him so he isn't all crazy looking anymore. The other day, he stepped up on the chair next to me outside so I plopped a kiss on his nose to see what he'd do. He blinked, like, "what was that" so I did it again. lol

[Jess]

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qxOTtVkFk2E?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qxOTtVkFk2E?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

YouTube - Old Spice Grover

[Cyclopea]

Gz9mAtNo5O0

[Isadora]

"If you removed all of the homosexuals & homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as American culture, you'd pretty much be left with "Let's Make a Deal." - Fran Lebowitz

[JustBeingMe]

Watching the youtube post that Snowy made about UncleTerri in the Fuckery thread talk. LMAO ROFL OMG that was too fucking funny.

[Corkey]

YouTube - Pachelbel Rant

This did.

[Gemme]

YouTube - Pachelbel Rant (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM&feature=share)

This did.

Loved this! I found this next link when I looked at yours.

K2Yi_y7Y4w

YouTube - American Idol Loser Song


I love American Idol and this is so true....well, until they sue one of the judges. :blink:

[JustBeingMe]

Watching this guy's comedy did. He's hilarious.

d8NM8cuqL4Q

YouTube - Gabriel Iglesias (surfer king, drive thru's)

[Gemme]

I love, love, LOVE Gabriel Iglesias!!!

[SnackTime]

Being told about a conversation that took place today between a daughter and her mother. The topic was ummmm....lets just say I would NOT educate my mother about transgender that way

:superfunny:

[Soft*Silver]

having someone's ex take me on........

[Gemme]

Watching Gabriel Iglesias clips with my honey.

[JustBeingMe]

http://www.omgfunnypictures.com/category/plotting


SCROLL DOWN TO THE I IZ DED KITTEH, DED KITTEHS DON'T GO TO DA VET....... PICTURE. IT'S FUNNY AS HECK.

[JustBeingMe]

I finally got how to do this pic of this kitteh. It's funny. Hope you enjoy this site.

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/funny-pictures-cat-plays-dead.jpg
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/funny-pictures-cat-plays-dead.jpg

[JustBeingMe]

OMG too cute..................


http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/39578138-798c-4371-aa54-ab22b3cb17b7.jpg

[katsarecool]

While trick or treating with my grandkids; the youngest granddaughter who is eight pronounced that when Halloween falls on a Sunday night all kids should have a holiday from school on Monday. Guess who woke up sick this morning? Yup! Funny by noon she was well enough to play with the Wii!

[SnackTime]

Someone claiming to go "rambo" on others

and reading "over and out"

<chuckling>

[Gemme]

Organic's client talking to him about her hammer toes and surgery and her glaucoma and then he puts her on mute to whisper to me, "What she needs is a joint!"

[Mtn]

The pup could not go to sleep tonight until she stuffed her new toys in the toes of my slippers.....silly dog...

[UofMfan]

Bebe Jesus, socks, and the greatest laugh ever :)

[JustJo]

Nothing....and not for some time...which is disturbing. I normally find much humor in life, and haven't had a really good laugh in too long. (w)

[Diva]

My kittens! OMG! They are so hysterical!!!

[Kobi]

I havent worn a watch in years and time, per se, doesnt phase me much.

But I got up this morning to a reminder to push my clocks back an hour. In my sleepy-haventhadenoughcoffeeyet daze, I put them ahead an hour.

When my brain awoke, I realize the mistake and was back to changing the clocks again with a few choice *&^% along the way.

Now, I come here. My computer clock says 12:14pm. The site postings are an hour ahead.

I just want to know WTF TIME IS IT??????

[justkim]

Lingering thoughts of yesterday...
Picture if you will...
When I found out that I was going to become a Nana I started working wth my two chihuahua's by pulling on various body parts...
Yesterday it paid off...
The Grand Duchess Myranda was laying on the floor and my little chocolate chihuahua got a little close...
Close enough to have her tail grabbed and held firmly in my grand daughters little fist...
When she tried to walk away she realized that she was *stuck*... she looked at me, looked at my daughter, then looked at Myranda... She then promptly sat down on Myranda's head until she let go... Then turned around and licked her face and walked away...
Priceless...

[justkim]

You may need to go into settings and adjust the time zone accordingly... I haven't changed my time zone yet but I am going to do it now...


I havent worn a watch in years and time, per se, doesnt phase me much.

But I got up this morning to a reminder to push my clocks back an hour. In my sleepy-haventhadenoughcoffeeyet daze, I put them ahead an hour.

When my brain awoke, I realize the mistake and was back to changing the clocks again with a few choice *&^% along the way.

Now, I come here. My computer clock says 12:14pm. The site postings are an hour ahead.

I just want to know WTF TIME IS IT??????

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Thoughts of last night! Went to a bar type place to celebrate a friend's birthday. We are a group of 8. 6 lesbians and 2 gay men. This straightlaced couple comes up next to us. They so happen to get a drunk because it is their anniversary. You can tell they are looking extra hard at our group. Anyhow, we start making up bizarre crap to tell them just to mess with them. One of which was that we are Lesbian Mormons and all sister wives. The look on their faces was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By the end of the night we had this woman convinced she needed to join. (my apologies if this post offends anyone. but really that is what continues to crack me up today!!!!)

[SnackTime]

interpreting typos

Thank goodness I am fluent in "typonese"


:spank:

:rofl:

[dixie]

Waking up to this text:

"I haz big dick. It iz bootyfull!"

:sunglass::giggle:

[Queerasfck]

Texts from Snow. I am seeing double.

[Gemme]

Janeane Garofalo. Organic had one of her stand up routines on during his lunch and I listened to it as I bustled about.

[Kelt]

Watching people scramble in the parking lot, jockeying so that they won't have to walk an extra 10 feet............




At the gym :|

[JAGG]

This kid about 8 wanted to get a soda pop and his mom said no, no soda. He said but I'm thirsty. His mom said fine get some juice or something. So he comes back with a red bull. His mom said , no way, I said juice. He said no you said juice or something, this would be or something. hahahah

[pajama]

Waking up to this text:

"I haz big dick. It iz bootyfull!"

:sunglass::giggle:



Seeing she had posted this had me chuckling.

[Gemme]

Watching people scramble in the parking lot, jockeying so that they won't have to walk an extra 10 feet............




At the gym :|

I see you've met my partner, Organic.

:blink:

[AtLast]

Myself, trying to upload some new photos to FB. I am just not good at this stuff! Will try again... cute ones of my two cats and another of Frog Dog.. oh, and a couple of me actually that are OK. LOL, at that "OK" stage of life....

[Blade]

While reading the what did you have for dinner thread, I read meat stuffed pee's. I'm going meat stuffed pee's? What the heck is that? What the hell kind of pee is big enough to stuff meat into? After rereading it it was meat stuffed pie's. Chuckling then I did have a good laugh at myself.

[Kenna]

While standing in the busy cashier line yesterday; someone was trying to describe how I could chop up the ham:

Me: "...should I use the food processor this time?"
Someone, with a deep thoughtful look on their face: "Oh, you can use that thang"...('talking with their hand' in a chopping motion)
Me: laughing hard, "What thang?"
Someone: "You know, that cleavage.

I CRACKED up, watched a silly "oh shit!" look appear on their face...
Me: "You mean CLEAVER! silly goof! We know what you are thinking about now!"

The look on their face was priceless!
When we walked out, they said "there was a lot of people standing there?"
"Yeah, you shoulda seen the lady behind you!"

[Blade]

Chuckling...cleavage....cleaver whatever, it's all the same they can both get you in trouble

While standing in the busy cashier line yesterday; someone was trying to describe how I could chop up the ham:

Me: "...should I use the food processor this time?"
Someone, with a deep thoughtful look on their face: "Oh, you can use that thang"...('talking with their hand' in a chopping motion)
Me: laughing hard, "What thang?"
Someone: "You know, that cleavage.

I CRACKED up, watched a silly "oh shit!" look appear on their face...
Me: "You mean CLEAVER! silly goof! We know what you are thinking about now!"

The look on their face was priceless!
When we walked out, they said "there was a lot of people standing there?"
"Yeah, you shoulda seen the lady behind you!"

[Leigh]

Connecting with a new friend who asked Me what kind of food I liked so I said anything ukrainian ~ her response was "perogies!"

LOL ~ this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship :)

[Abigail Crabby]

nTegy6sBQVA

[Jesse]

Near the end check out the guy that was kicked! LMAO!

WkdzGLWIdOA

[Kobi]

Near the end check out the guy that was kicked! LMAO!

WkdzGLWIdOA

The staggering is a symptom of a concussion. And this is funny how?

[lipstixgal]

The dogs and the respiratory therapist!!

[Jesse]

FYI- the staggering is also a symptom of getting knocked on one's ass and trying to get up too fast. The guy was there voluntarily and I happen to like the sport and YES I thought it was funny.

"Judge me all you like, just keep the verdict to yourself!" - one fed up queer

The staggering is a symptom of a concussion. And this is funny how?

[Blade]

while spraying air freshener this evening......I was holding the can backwards and sprayed the air freshener in my hand instead of in the direction it was intended

[Soft*Silver]

shaking my head and laughing at how some vacations never end....or end up...

[Glenn]

Craig's List has been down and no one can sell, rent, etc. It's like a national emergency on their helpline everywhere. I swear, if you want to learn about how it may go down in real time, you should check out all the drama there!

[Gemme]

while spraying air freshener this evening......I was holding the can backwards and sprayed the air freshener in my hand instead of in the direction it was intended

But I bet your hand smells lovely. :blink:

[SnackTime]

Jeff Dunham's Spark of Insanity and Arguing with Myself

I have seen these videos MANY times and crack up EVERY TIME!

[SnackTime]

Imagine this...It is starting to get dark on the mountain...Someone hears the rustling of leaves on the front deck. I start walking toward the front door to check it out. Someone in the background said, "be careful because bears do come up on the deck" My heart began to race and I shut the front door FAST! Picture me trying to peak around the door as I open it slowly. Thank goodness there was nothing out there.

:rofl:

[lipstixgal]

The staggering is a symptom of a concussion. And this is funny how?

I just watched this and the staggering is definitely a symptom of a concussion that kid got knocked in the head bad, not too funny to me..

[asphaltcowboi]

http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll218/bikerbaby_2008/motorrad0026.gif

[lipstixgal]

http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll218/bikerbaby_2008/motorrad0026.gif

Ha that's funny!!

[Kenna]

listening to my roomie say "a-kurns" instead of acorns! :cheesy:

And getting CRACKED in the head by falling a-kurns!!
No Freckin' Wonder the dog jumped when he got hit!!!

*ducks - n - runs as my roomie reads this!* :runforhills:

:cheesy:

[Kenna]

A mental picture of my roomie being "treed"!!
http://pet.health.officelive.com/images/hound%20dog%20in%20tree.jpg

[Miss Scarlett]

A mental picture of my roomie being "treed"!!
http://pet.health.officelive.com/images/hound%20dog%20in%20tree.jpg

OMG! I must say the resemblance is uncanny!

[Kenna]

OMG! I must say the resemblance is uncanny!

YEP!! I think so! I've seen that very same expression!!

[Blade]

OMG! I must say the resemblance is uncanny!

YEP!! I think so! I've seen that very same expression!!

CUTE AINT HE!

[Kenna]

CUTE AINT HE!

Sure! but it's only 'cause the puppy dawg ears and wet nose!! :cheesy:

[The_Lady_Snow]

Pink's Hammer Time pants


:|

[Blade]

Willie just snotted in Sweets face....she says sneezed, it looked like snot to me and besides she said ewwwwwwwwwww so I know he got her good

[Miss Scarlett]

Willie just snotted in Sweets face....she says sneezed, it looked like snot to me and besides she said ewwwwwwwwwww so I know he got her good

No fair enlisting the aid of animals...

[Kenna]

Willie just snotted in Sweets face....she says sneezed, it looked like snot to me and besides she said ewwwwwwwwwww so I know he got her good

Two words for Blade:
Dunk Tank
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR4LRVi6D1jBQP66sURtSTSPr0F0wmOp QNHKBh8n_UXarwJPqGI
Better get your rubber suit on!! It's COLD out tonight!!

No fair enlisting the aid of animals...

No worry.... it can go both ways!! With all the critters we have here "on da'farm".... I think I can find a few non-furry animals/critters to give Blade a mid-night surprise! But it sure would be fun to have a partner in crime...especially since he picked on you about your spider fiasco!

[JustLovelyJenn]

Movies on LOGO

[Ebon]

Got a call from a friend saying that they are stuck on the roof. lmao

[Gemme]

Got a call from a friend saying that they are stuck on the roof. lmao

You ain't right. :blink:

[Soon]

http://www.youtube.com/user/simonscat?ob=0

[Soon]

http://us.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f78183%5fAKcPw0MAAHJJTRJdkw0Hr3aQ9 qk&pid=10&fid=Inbox&inline=1

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Whoopin my little brother's behind in a race :) Ok so I may have cheated...he doesnt need to know that :) lol

[dixie]

http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/demotivational-posters-succulent-ass.jpg

[dixie]

My 12 year old is systematically shaking all the presents under the tree. He got to an odd, somewhat cylindrical shaped one. He asked "what the heck is this??" He now literally believes that he has a summer sausage wrapped up, and is totally bummed out. Oh, I love the gullible minds of the young! LOL (It's actually the weird packaging for his requested lava lamp...lol) :D